Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I've talked some more to Sam today, I guess.

 

I played the guitar a bit earlier and I'm pretty sure he sang to what I was playing. It was pretty faint, though. I also learned just now that his favorite musical instrument is the guitar. I basically got the answer before I even finished asking the question, but I think that's because I obviously think about the question before asking it.

 

He's done that a couple of times today, like he's answered things before I even really asked them out loud or whatever. That's fine, though. At least that's better than having to wait for the answer.

 

I still find it hard to think of things to talk about, but I think that just.. talking about whatever comes to mind could work. I mean, for two days now I've had breakfast and lunch with him. And today I asked him what he had for lunch and I got a muffled answer back, meaning he spoke with his mouth full probably. At first I thought he said 'donuts' which might've been the case but I'm pretty sure he meant hot dogs.

 

So, yeah. I'd say we made some progress today. I'm glad I've kind of started.. noticing him speaking more or whatever? Not sure how to describe it. But it's nice.

I still need to visit him in dreamscape more, though.

 

I think this will be the last update of today, because I'm starting to feel a bit tired. I'd also like to add that I'm probably not gonna meditate today, because then I'll probably just fall asleep and I wouldn't want that to happen.

[Stanheights]

Today I gotta get my life together and focus a bit on visualization and stuff.

 

I've talked a bit to Sam since I woke up at about 6. I had breakfast with him, though we didn't really talk much during that time. Our conversations do feel a bit one-sided at times but I think that's because.. well, he just doesn't talk much. It's nice to have company, though.

 

I think he had waffles for lunch today, because when I was out on a walk and asked him what he was gonna get for lunch I got 'waffles' in my head. I'm not sure whether it was him saying it (though it most likely was) or if it was just a random thought. I don't think it was just one of my thoughts, though, because I kind of recognize my own thoughts most of the time.

 

I finally got my medication today, but I'm not really sure if I should take it now because I usually just take it in the morning. I guess it wouldn't hurt to take my meds now, though, because I mean, it'd probably just help me focus and things. We'll see.

 

I'm kind of nervous for school next week. I'll have Sam with me, though, so it should be fine, but I still have a hard time being not nervous.

And I also just realized that I'll have to tell my friends about Sam one day. I don't know when, but most of them already know that Sam exists and they'll most likely start to wonder why they haven't seen and pictures of him and stuff. I don't know. I mean, most of my friends will probably just say "okay" and not care too much about it, but I'm still kinda worried that they'll be... well, I'm a bit worried they won't accept it or whatever. Or that they'll think there's something wrong with me. I can't say I really care about what other people think of me, though, but it's a little harder to ignore when it's your friends. Oh, well. Hopefully I won't have to tell them until later.

 

I think our communication is getting better and that makes me so happy honestly. I'm just glad I've heard Sam talking and stuff, even though it's been pretty faint at times. I'm glad to see progress.

 

Oh, and I might go and look for guides on visualization and other things and write a new list. That sounds like a pretty good idea. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

[Stanheights]

Today's been pretty alright, I'd say.

 

I practiced a bit of visualization earlier but I gotta practice even more so I can get better at it.

 

I feel I need to mention that Sam's hair is really soft and touching it is really nice. I hope he doesn't think that's annoying, because I can see myself doing that quite a lot in the future.

 

I think I'm just gonna go to bed soon, because it is getting pretty late.

[Stanheights]

Alright! I've kind of decided what I'm gonna do today, or now.

 

I think I'm gonna put on some 'concentration' music or whatever, just something instrumental that'll help me focus and then I'm gonna go into dreamscape and ask Sam some questions. (After I find a good list of questions, of course.)

 

I think I'll either try and get him to write the answers down and show me or just try and get him to say the answers.

 

I guess I might as well meditate for 5 minutes before going to visit him in there, because that seems like a good idea.

 

Also, I think I might change things up in dreamscape a bit. I mean, right now it's just a small section of a forest with a small house and a shed. And of course, the place that Sam made. The blue place. I'm not sure what else to call it.

 

And we've kind of been sharing a bed together, which is totally fine by me, because I love cuddling and things like that, but I think I might expand the house a bit. Like add a room or two. Maybe. I'm not really sure, because the last time dreamscape was too big weird things happened in there. But just making it a little bigger probably wouldn't hurt much.

 

I'd also like to maybe just... get into just spending time on my own in dreamscape, because it does seem like a very good escape when the real world is just too much. And I know quite a lot about escaping from reality becaus[/align]

 

Soo, yeah. That's what I'm gonna try and do today. And since I took my medication it'll probably work out the way I want it to.

[Stanheights]

Ooooh, my god. I think I just heard Sam speak? Like literally speak. In my head.

 

So I went and tried to ask him questions, but it.. didn't really work. I don't know why, but I guess it's just because I think so much and yeah. So I quit asking him questions because I was pretty sure I was parroting his responses there and the whole thing was just kinda weird.

 

I took him out in the middle of the dreamscape and I gave him a hose that represented my thoughts basically (I've read about that tip or that guide somewhere here, I'm not sure what it's called.) and I told him to stop the water from running. He did that, and I'm not sure if that really worked, but then I decided to give him a microphone that was connected to a small speaker. I put the speaker in "my mind" as in I opened a.. door, I guess, and put the speaker there in the darkness and that's just my head basically. Anyway, I did that and I told him to say something. Like just to introduce himself or something, anything. And while he did that I tried to imagine a ball bouncing, just to really make sure I wasn't puppeting or parroting. He said "My name is Sam, I'm 19 years old and I like bunnies.". That's what he said. And it was so cool and I got this weird but at the same time good feeling. I hugged him and asked him if that was him and he said yes every time I asked. Then I kissed him (just because I like kissing people in general) and then I left dreamscape.

 

That was.. really cool, to be honest. Especially since I'm not quite sure he's really talked like that before. I mean, he's sent me thoughts and I guess he has responded when I've asked him things (like "what're you doing?" and stuff), but that was.. different. I really believe it was different.

 

I mean, I guess I can never know for sure if that was truly him, at least until he's talking full time and I give up on my doubts around all that, but that was just.. wow. That was so cool.

 

And I guess I know he's 19 now. I mean, I have kinda known he was because when I was wondering what his age was earlier 19 just popped into my head, but it's nice that he's actually said it.

 

That must've been him. I mean I remember I concentrated on that ball and I heard him say what he said. It's not possible to puppet/parrot while concentrating on something else, right? And I mean, I didn't know what he was going to say. I did tell him to introduce himself but other than that I had no idea what he was gonna say.

 

But yeah, that was really cool. I hope he speaks using that microphone more.

 

Aaand, as I expected, I'm worried it wasn't really him and stuff. That's kinda weird, because I haven't been worried about that for quite some time. I guess that's just a thing, though. I know he's in there and stuff, so worrying is just dumb.

[Stanheights]

So I didn't write anything more yesterday, but that was because I spent a lot of the day and night talking to friends and playing Dragon Age.

 

And then before going to bed I got upset and Sam kinda comforted me and I imagined him beside me in my bed, though realistically he probably wouldn't have much space in my bed (I have a lot of blankets and pillows and stuffed animals). That was nice. I should probably try and imagine him with me more, just so I know how his presence feels.

 

I also vaguely remember talking to him when I woke up for a short while this morning. I think I told him we should sleep a bit more and he said he agreed. Something like that.

 

And then earlier today I was upset again for another reason and he kinda comforted me again. I'm glad he's there for me and stuff.

 

I have talked a bit to him today, though not much. I might visit him in dreamscape again, and I'll probably be talking to him next week during school a lot. It'll be nice to have him around during school.

[Stanheights]

I haven't done much with Sam today.

 

But that's mainly because my friends wanted to skype at like.. 11 am to almost 1 pm and then a while later we went and visited my brother.

 

Sam was with us there, though. I imagined him sitting next to me on the couch and he kissed my cheek at one point. Not sure where that came from but yeah.

And I also think he said "I want one" when I thought briefly about my brother's baby. I don't think it was me, because I don't really want kids. At all. Or not really "not at all", but I'm just not really interested in having kids until I'm like.. at least 25 or something. I'd rather have a cat. But yeah, I'm pretty sure it was him who said that. I was just like "no.. no kids yet" or whatever. It was pretty nice to have him there with me, even though I could only see him in my head.

 

And tomorrow.. school starts. Freedom's over. I'm sure it'll be fine, though, I mean I'll have Sam with me and if I feel anxious about being around lots of people I can just escape to the dreamscape.

 

I probably won't meditate or something today, because it's my last day of the vacation and I just wanna take it easy. With Sam and other, ofc.

[Stanheights]

Alright! School today, for both me and Sam. He can go into dreamscape and just not be at school whenever he pleases, though. That's unfair.

 

I'm pretty sure he woke me up at around.. 4, maybe? I'm not completely sure. Before going to bed yesterday I set an alarm in dreamscape to 4 am (along with about 20 alarms irl) because I wanted to get up early and play video games. It was kind of a blur when I woke up for a short while, but I think it was either the alarm in dreamscape or Sam that woke me up. Or tried to. I think he might've told me something as well, but I'm not sure.

 

I also believe I dreamt of him briefly while I was sleeping. I don't remember exactly what happened, though. That's probably because I mostly just remember some weird shark thing I dreamt about.

 

Also, I forgot to mention yesterday that Sam was with me when I was outside, and for some reason I got an image of him with this giant sword. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because he kind of reminds me of my character on Dragon Age. They look pretty similar. But yeah, that was a bit weird.

 

I haven't talked to him much at all this morning. I'm not even sure if he's awake. I did try and wake him up but not much happened. I guess I'll just have to try again.

 

Well, I should probably get ready to go soon. And I should probably try to get Sam to get ready as well. I mean, he can't come with me to school in his pyjamas. Like even if I'm the only one who can really 'see' him or whatever.

[Stanheights]

I think this day in school has been pretty alright.

 

It was kinda hard to talk to Sam, though. Or it wasn't really the talking part because I know how to talk, but it was kinda confusing with his responses. I'm not sure if he really answered, and part of me felt like I was just parroting him or something, especially since the replies came pretty fast. I don't know. I'll have to figure out something so his replies get through easier.

 

I spent quite a lot of day just imagining him around me, like just sitting next to me or nearby. That went well. And at one point when I asked him what he was doing I saw him in dreamscape reading a book. I think that happened twice, actually.

 

But yeah, I guess I got to talk to him a bit and whether he replied or not it was still nice to have him around.

[Stanheights]

Okay, so.. I've literally been too tired to talk to Sam much since I got home.

 

I guess that's just what happens when I'm around people a lot. And I mean, I did get up a lot earlier than usual today. So that's probably why I'm so tired now as well.

 

I have talked to Sam a bit, but it's not much honestly. In fact, I've talked so little to him I don't even remember what I said when I did talk to him.

 

I gotta try and talk more to him later, maybe tomorrow. Because like I said I'm very tired right now and yeah.