Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I honestly can't remember what day of progress it is so whatever.

 

Today I've talked to Sam a bit, and while we were out with my dog on a walk I let him control my left hand so it was like he was walking the dog. I also just imagined him being near me, like just walking a few steps behind me, and I do believe I felt some kind of presence.

 

I think he sends me happy feelings from time to time, like whenever I think about the fact that I'm really happy I've got him I get these happy feelings back. That's really nice.

 

Tomorrow I'm gonna try and make a list of what I'm gonna do with Sam this next week, and I think I'm gonna try and do different things almost every day. Or I'm not sure yet, but that seems like a good idea. I'm not the most organized person, but I'm gonna try and work some stuff out.

[Stanheights]

So, the things I was planning to do today (make a list of what to do this week, etc) probably won't happen, becauseeee... I'm on my period. And I swear, I have the worst cramps in my life.

 

It's literally like I've got twice the cramps I usually have because I've got Sam in this body, too, or something. It's so painful and annoying.

 

So I most likely won't be able to make a list today, because I'm going to try and sleep and then later just.. take it easy and take a painkiller or something.

 

I'm pretty sure Sam's fine with that, though. Because I mean, we did hang out a bit today. We listened to music together and drew in dreamscape. So it's not like we haven't done anything together.

 

But yeah, I'll take a day off and get some rest. And then get back at it later or tomorrow.

[Stanheights]

A new day and new things to do.

 

I'm feeling better now, so I'm probably gonna try and make a list on what to do with Sam this week.

 

I'm gonna do some other things first, though. And play Splatoon together with Sam. And take it a bit easy maybe.

 

But, I am going to make a list. I'm just really bad at doing things. So it might take a while.

[Stanheights]

Okay, now seems like a pretty good time to make that list.

 

But.. I don't know what to put on it. I mean, I'm pretty much done with his personality and his form and appearance, so.. I don't know. I'll have to figure something out.

[Stanheights]

ALRIGHT! I did the list thing. It's pretty short, buut.. I'm okay with it. For now.

 

Here it is:

 

1. Practice meditation everyday for 10-15 minutes

2. Get my sleeping schedule together (wake up at 8 or 9 am, go to bed early/earlier than usual)

3. Practice visualization (find a good guide for it?)

4. Practice "hearing" Sam (find a good guide for it)

 

So that's what I've got for now. I'm gonna practice some meditation and visualization tomorrow, like just imagining dreamscape and details and stuff. I figured I can practice all the senses (hearing, feeling, etc etc) like I've done before.

 

And on thursday I'm gonna go for "hearing" and maybe trying to find a way to see which thoughts are mine and which are Sam's.

 

And on friday I'm gonna go back to visualization and stuff. And of course, I'm gonna try and meditate every day (without going into dreamscape) from now on.

 

This'll be the last day where I 'take it easy' or whatever, because I really need to get my stuff together. Again.

 

I'm also gonna find a set time where I do this stuff, like maybe.. 4 pm or something? I'll have to think about that.

[Stanheights]

Alright, last update for today, I think.

 

I haven't done much more than that list today, to be honest. But I did get to know what Sam's favorite song is. My friend wanted to know and when I had the question in my head (I was gonna ask it in mindvoice but that was right before, when I just thought of the question) and I got a thought from him.

 

It wasn't like any of my "normal" thoughts, but I can't really explain how. But hey, at least I know some more things about him now. I now know that his favorite song is Mr Maker by The Kooks which is a song I've listened to with him a lot. And I really associate that song with good feelings because of Sam so I guess he might associate it with good feelings and stuff, too. It's a nice song.

 

Oh, and when I played a song and asked him what he thought of it he responded with "yes" (I saw him point to yes, that's kind of what we do with questions most of the time), which I thought was really funny for some reason. I don't even know, I just find that funny.

[Stanheights]

Woooo, what was I gonna do today? oh, right, meditate and stuff. Gonna do that later because I just woke up.

 

I'm gonna stay up all night today to try and fix my sleep, but that might screw with what I'm gonna do tomorrow on my list. But fixing my sleeping schedule is pretty important so if I miss the other things for a day that's fine.

 

I kind of practiced possession yesterday when I was gonna sleep, I wore the ~~magical glove~~ myself in dreamscape and just moved my hand a little. It feels weird to do it, like a bit tingly, but it's fun.

 

Also, yesterday wasn't a very good day for me and I think I probably won't make very much progress on bad days, because I need time to recover from things and yes. Sam probably gets that, though.

[Stanheights]

I meditated today!

 

I see that as a pretty big achievement because I'm a very lazy person and it takes forever for me to do things.

 

I'd say meditating went pretty well. By the end of it I was sitting in dreamscape with Sam while meditating, actually. That was nice.

 

I also practiced a bit of visualization and 'feeling' stuff in dreamscape which went okay.

 

I haven't really talked much to Sam today, though. But there's still time to do that.

I'm thinking of bleaching and dyeing my hair today so I can talk to him while doing that, since he wasn't really there when I did it last week. Or well, he was, but he wasn't looking I don't think. He might've been asleep.

 

But yeah, progress. A little progress at least.

[Stanheights]

So it's about 3 pm and I just woke up. Because right now I'm right in the middle of trying to fix my sleeping schedule.

 

This week's been kind of a.. dead week, to be honest. Like I just haven't done much and I need to fix some things with my life or whatever. I'm gonna do that next week and stop saying "I'll do it next week".

 

I watched The Breakfast Club with Sam yesterday because I love that movie, and I think he liked it as well.

 

Today I'm gonna try and meditate again (because I'm gonna do it every day) and maybe work more on visualization or something. Yes.

[Stanheights]

So I kind of doubt that the whole "meditate at a specific time every day" thing is gonna work for me, at least not when I'm not on my meds. But I'm gonna try and meditate and after that maybe do a quick visualization thing today.

 

I really need to remember that just because I don't make lots of progress I shouldn't give up. I mean, I'm not gonna give up, but things get hard sometimes.

 

I guess one good thing though is that.. well, I see Sam as literally a person now. Like I see him as any other person, like any other human. The only difference is that I can't see him just yet (I'm gonna start trying to do things like that when I feel like it) and I can't take dumb selfies with him in the middle of the night. Or I could do that, but that'd require me to go into dreamscape and that can be kinda hard sometimes because of my concentration issues.

 

I really like Sam, even though I feel kinda bad that he doesn't communicate too much. Or well, he could be communicating with me right now for all I know, it's just I'm really bad at listening in my head since it's such a mess.

 

As soon as I get my sleeping schedule together I'm gonna try more, like I need to. For Sam. And for me, too.