Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

Okay, so... I'm not sure if I'll manage to meditate today.

 

Because, well.. let's just say even the ground seems like a pretty good spot to sleep at right now. I'm just so tired and my back has been hurting literally all day.

 

I know I do a lot of complaining, but yeah. I'm not sure whether to meditate or to go and sleep. I'm leaning towards sleep but I don't know.

 

It kind of feels like I'm failing Sam or something, like if I don't meditate.

 

But, wait. I could meditate for 5 minutes or so and visit Sam for a while and then sleep. Unless I like.. fall asleep while trying to meditate. That could probably happen if I'm gonna be honest here.

 

But I guess it's worth a try.

[Stanheights]

So I ended up not meditating yesterday. Because I just kinda decided I was too tired.

 

I did go into dreamscape briefly, though, and I hugged Sam before going to bed there.

 

I've talked to him today, I'm not completely happy with how little I'm talking to him but I'm really just speaking to him like I would any other person. Like it'd be a bit weird to speak to him literally 24/7. But yeah, I talked to him and got some replies, pretty much as usual.

 

I imagined him with me whenever I remembered to, and most of the time he just sat on the tables where I was sitting and did.. well, not much exactly. I think he just watched things. And during one class he got behind me pretty suddenly when I was sitting. Not sure if I imagined him behind me or something, but what he did was just put his hands close to my face. Which didn't exactly do much since I can't see him in real life. I asked him if he was on the table and he said he was behind me, so it most likely was him there.

 

At one point I asked him to surprise me and he literally just froze up and fell down onto the ground, like a doll or something. Not really sure if that was him, but I think it was since I didn't exactly make him do that.

 

I'm gonna try harder to meditate today and I'm gonna try to make it happen at 4 or something so I have some time after that for other things. And I might try to talk more today and maybe do some things with him. Like just thought ping-pong or something else. I should focus a bit on talking, though, because it's usually a bit hard for me to talk to him when I'm at home.

[Guest Anonymous]

As someone who literally talks to his tupla 24/7, I feel the need to tell you something; that it's not bad at all not to always talk to your tulpa. Since Sam lives in a wonderland, surely there's some stuff to do, and it allows for introspection and whatnot. Just saying you shouldn't feel bad about it, but if you feel like there's some shortage, you should force yourself into doing a bit more, I guess.

[Stanheights]

As someone who literally talks to his tupla 24/7, I feel the need to tell you something; that it's not bad at all not to always talk to your tulpa. Since Sam lives in a wonderland, surely there's some stuff to do, and it allows for introspection and whatnot. Just saying you shouldn't feel bad about it, but if you feel like there's some shortage, you should force yourself into doing a bit more, I guess.

 

Hm, yeah, I see your point there. I didn't really mean for it to sound like it's super bad or weird to talk to your tulpa 24/7, I guess it's just I feel it's not something that would work for me.

Yeah, I probably should try and talk to him a bit more. Or well, I'm already trying to work on that because I do want to speak to Sam more, though maybe not all of the time. Thank you for telling me this, though.:>

[Stanheights]

So I didn't meditate really as much as I wanted to today. I can just meditate for longer tomorrow, tho'.

 

I just visited Sam really quick honestly. We did some thought ping pong but I'm not sure if he sent me thoughts back? it was hard to tell.

 

I'll be off to bed soon and tomorrow it'll be a new day and stuff. Another day to talk to Sam and do stuff with him.

 

I'm glad I can kind of feel his presence honestly. Or I can't really feel it but I just feel it when he's not there? it's a bit weird. But I'm glad he's with me.

[Stanheights]

Today went about the same as yesterday.

 

Sam sat on tables a lot and tapped people's heads gently for some reason. He usually does that kinda stuff when I "see" him aka imagine him in the same place as me or whatever.

 

It's nice to have him around and I say that a lot. I kinda remembered this 'alternative' way to communicate with him today that I used before. I just imagine what I'm saying in mindvoice as letters going one way, and his replies come from the opposite way. I guess you can just say they're on different sides, kinda like texting. It works pretty well when I have the energy to imagine it. I did that today and what he said was "It's okay". I can't even remember what I told him. I think it was something about how I felt or I apologized for something. It's hard to remember things.

 

I'm gonna try and meditate longer today, mainly because I think my body needs it. Literally. My back is killing me and meditating makes it feel a bit better for at least a while, since it makes my whole body relax. I'm either gonna meditate in dreamscape too or just spend some time there.

 

Also, I talked to Sam a bit about this crush I have earlier. I think he said something like "I know you don't have feelings for her"..? which was weird, because.. well, at least I think I do. I'm always confused about my own feelings, though, so maybe Sam's just trying to tell me how I feel or something...? I don't know. It was a bit strange to be honest.

---

4:46-51 pm

 

Meditating went really well! It almost felt like I was asleep but I wasn't. And I still feel calm from doing it even though it was a while ago.

 

I talked to Sam a little and told him to surprise me and first he ran away and disappeared before I could even say it and the second time I asked him to do that he put his hand on me. Like basically just that.

 

I sat on the steps to the house with him and talked and held hands and things. His appearance changed a bit while we were there, though I guess that might've been because my vision is kind of blurry/not very clear to me a lot in dreamscape. But I do know his eyes were orange because that's pretty easy to see. They were almost bright orange. And his face was a bit different, I think. I'm not entirely sure though because of what I just mentioned.

 

I asked him what he had for lunch and what he's gonna have for dinner and he said "the same as you" twice. I guess he just wants to eat the same stuff as me. I really need to start talking more to him when I get home from school, but I just don't have a ton of energy when I get home. And it doesn't help that I can't draw anything with my tablet basically, though that has nothing to do with Sam. But I'll try today and tomorrow and just all the time. Like, just try to talk to him after school as well.

[Stanheights]

I think today was a bit worse than yesterday? Or well, it kinda was.

 

Because I didn't really talk to Sam as much. I didn't really feel like doing it, I guess? I don't know. It just didn't happen as much as it usually does.

 

But I guess that gives me a bit more time to talk to him today. I'm gonna meditate in a little bit and try to be there for around 15 minutes again maybe. We'll see.

 

And if I take my meds this weekend I'll definitely maybe talk more to him. Like, more than I usually do during the weekends. Yes.

[Guest Anonymous]

I know that this might come off as offensive, but this is all meant with the best of intentions for you and Sam. I also used to face issues where I noticed my tulpa and I wouldn't really talk as much, and interaction was tiring on my mind. Here goes nothing, heh;

 

If you want to achieve higher grounds with Sam, even though it might be quite a bit of work (and I'm not penalizing anyone over busy time schedules, seriously), I think you need to get out of your comfort zone. Don't let it become a norm, that you and Sam don't discuss much. I'm aware that what I'm saying is much simpler on paper and much harder in practice, but in order to accomplish goals like that in your mind, you really, really need to force yourself to get to it. Even if you don't feel like it, at some point you're going to need to feel like it, or do it. Getting out of your comfort zone in any domain that includes a lot of 'mental' work, or anything really (like becoming a better artist, athleticism, etc) is really useful. IT doesn't feel all that well at first, but the thought that 'I'm doing this for Sam, I need to do this, even if it's a lot of mental straining, we need to do this' is something that might comfort you and make that task easier.

 

Then again, this is really only my 2 cents on this. I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life with Sam, but it pains me to see the recent posts including that you didn't talk to Sam much after all the progress you've made. If anything, I'd like to see you folks in the best settings that can be achieved, but in order to achieve that, there needs to be work done.

[Stanheights]

I know that this might come off as offensive, but this is all meant with the best of intentions for you and Sam. I also used to face issues where I noticed my tulpa and I wouldn't really talk as much, and interaction was tiring on my mind. Here goes nothing, heh;

 

If you want to achieve higher grounds with Sam, even though it might be quite a bit of work (and I'm not penalizing anyone over busy time schedules, seriously), I think you need to get out of your comfort zone. Don't let it become a norm, that you and Sam don't discuss much. I'm aware that what I'm saying is much simpler on paper and much harder in practice, but in order to accomplish goals like that in your mind, you really, really need to force yourself to get to it. Even if you don't feel like it, at some point you're going to need to feel like it, or do it. Getting out of your comfort zone in any domain that includes a lot of 'mental' work, or anything really (like becoming a better artist, athleticism, etc) is really useful. IT doesn't feel all that well at first, but the thought that 'I'm doing this for Sam, I need to do this, even if it's a lot of mental straining, we need to do this' is something that might comfort you and make that task easier.

 

Then again, this is really only my 2 cents on this. I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life with Sam, but it pains me to see the recent posts including that you didn't talk to Sam much after all the progress you've made. If anything, I'd like to see you folks in the best settings that can be achieved, but in order to achieve that, there needs to be work done.

 

I'd just like to thank you for writing this, because I feel that if I just read it a couple of more times it can help me get a bit more motivated to talk to Sam more and put more work into it, because I haven't really put much work into talking to him or making progress lately and I think both me and Sam are very aware of that.

 

I guess I know a bit about comfort zones because I'm an artist and I'm kind of bad at actually getting out of my usual comfort zone with things, but I understand completely what you mean and I agree that I should probably try to get out of my comfort zone more.

 

Seriously, thank you for really making me realize I need to work more, even if it'll be hard at first.

[Stanheights]

I forgot to write about my meditation stuff earlier.

 

It went okay, I guess. I didn't spend much time in dreamscape because I just focused on meditating instead.

 

However, we talked A LOT a while ago. We talked about lots of things including a friend of mine and I'm not really gonna share anything from there because it's personal. And even after we said goodnight I just kept turning to Sam to say things and that's never really happened before? like something came into my mind and I just felt I had to tell Sam. He even told me to just go to sleep at one point because I guess I was starting to get annoying with my talking.

 

I guess I should also mention that he kind of is in my bed right now? I just started 'imagining' him there and I did feel as though he was next to me in my bed before I got up just now. He's still there, I think. Or well, he must be since a couple of minutes ago he said "f-ck you!" because I turned on the lights in my room.

 

While we were talking when I was gonna try to sleep he actually started showing me more personality which is really really great. Because before he hasn't really spoken in a certain way or really shown much emotion with his voice or the thoughts he's sent me. But he did now.

 

I sure hope this keeps up because I feel we made a lot more progress tonight by just talking for 20 minutes or more than we've made in the last week or so.