Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

I just realized I've written things on here almost every single day since me and Sam started our little adventure. That's pretty cool.

 

Today was a pretty neutral-ish day, I'd say. I asked Sam things and we talked, but not terribly much. At one point when my friend was 'hiding' his computer from me I asked Sam what he was hiding and he answered facebook. Which was true. But that was pretty obvious and I was aware of it. But it was still nice to get a longer answer from Sam. Or well, it wasn't that long. But it's something.

 

And when I was gonna work on an assignment during one class I asked Sam to tell me about a building we've read about, like some facts or something, and he said "It's a building.". That was probably the best answer. Ever. Not really, but it was kinda funny.

 

Tomorrow is gonna be an exhausting day for us. We're gonna go home from school early and then right after drive into town with my dad and shop for looots of things. And then we're gonna pick my best friend up and when we get home we have to basically clean the whole apartment and make it kitten safe because after that we're bringing home our kittens. Sam kind of chose one of them. I mean, I kind of had the last say on what kittens we're getting, but he seems pretty happy that we're getting the one he liked the most (and the one I liked the most).

 

So the weekend in general will probably be pretty weird for us. I'm really not too happy when things change, so I feel a bit nervous about it. Not so sure Sam really worries too much, though. I can't seem to get a clear answer, so maybe he is nervous. Or not. I don't know.

 

Anyway, I'll try and update whenever I can this weekend. Or when something happens. Yeah, if something happens. Not sure if anything will happen, but if it does I'll write about it.

[Stanheights]

This weekend sucked for me and Sam. Or well, it wasn't as bad as usual because my best friend was there and he was aware that Sam was there which made things feel easier. He was mostly there while Sam was sleeping, though.

 

Sam does this thing where he literally answers me while he's asleep. Like, I can ask him if he's asleep and if he answers no he's awake (pretty obviously) and if he says yes he's asleep and I try to leave him alone. I actually let him possess my arm while asleep or half-asleep which literally just made my arm fall asleep basically. I guess I couldn't have expected much else.

 

He was there for me when I felt anxious during the weekend, mostly just telling me it would be okay and things like that. I know he says stuff like that and I appreciate it a lot, but it gets kinda hard to really hear and make out if it's me or him when I'm upset. But yeah, he's great.

 

We talked about normal things today. I asked him what he was eating at around lunch time and he just answered "lunch". Jerk. Nah, but he usually replies like that. It's kinda funny at times.

 

We have some things to do, like an assignment for enligsh class and some more stuff. I'm not sure I'll be able to really make it since I'm not the best at concentrating at home, but I'll try. We'll try, I guess.

[Stanheights]

Today was good. No anxiety, not too many bad feelings.

 

I talked to Sam and during one class I wrote a lot and read a lot and Sam just kind of randomly said he was helping me, so I guess he was. At least I know that writing usually takes some time for me to do. It was nice of him to help me.

 

I think I forgot to say that he drew an octopus in my sketchbook yesterday? yeah, he did that. It's really cute. And today he drew a little bunny.

 

We just kind of talked about random things today, and I realized just now that he replies basically all the time now. That's really great.

 

And also, today in cooking class someone drags a chair in towards the table, the chair Sam was sitting on. So he plopped out of it and said he couldn't sit there anymore. Then he pointed his middle finger at the person who moved the chair. It was really funny honestly.

 

Today I'm gonna do some homework, or at least try to. And I'm thinking that we're gonna do something this weekend together if I don't have other plans.

[Stanheights]

Today was a bit slower than usual, I think.

 

I didn't talk to Sam as much as usual and I didn't have much time to either. And during the last class my head started hurting so I didn't talk to him too much. I also have some things I've got to do, so I don't know if we'll be able to talk too much today. We'll see.

[Stanheights]

Thursdays really are bad days. Like really, they suck.

 

It's just every single thursday I do a lot of things and even when I don't do things I don't talk to Sam or I forget to. There's something about thursdays.

 

I said good morning to him today at least and I could almost feel him helping me concentrate during some classes, and I also got the thought of him reading and me listening to music while I was doing both those things, so that might've been what happened there. It was kind of confusing, so I don't know. I asked him what he's been doing today and he said reading, so I guess that must've been what happened. He was reading and I listened to music.

 

I'm going to try and exercise this weekend and I'll probably ask Sam to help me with that, because I suck at actually getting things done on my own. And I mean, he's helped me before, so if he wants to I'd love it if he helped me again. I think we're gonna watch a movie this weekend, or a series or something. I just want us to do something together for once, because that doesn't happen too much unfortunately.

 

We'll keep going & moving forward, as always. Even if it gets slow sometimes.

[Stanheights]

Today was also a quiet day.

 

But I think that could be because yesterday when I was lying in bed, ready to go into dreamscape, I told Sam I was sorry for not talking to him. And at first I heard/saw "it's okay", but then something happened and I got "no it's not" and then he said I hate you. I'm guessing that's just intrusive thoughts or something, or I don't know.

I'm easily confused sometimes so that was strange.

 

I asked him if I could go and sleep next to him as I usually do, but I couldn't get a clear answer, so instead I went into dreamscape, where it's snowing now by the way, and I went into the shed a bit away from the house and I just created a "secret" room under there. I put a bed in there and lots of stuffed animals because that makes me feel safe, and I also put in normal "home" things. Like a bathrrom and kind of a kitchen and other things. I decided I was gonna sleep there since I didn't know if Sam wanted me there or not, so that's what I did. But first I wrote a note saying "Goodnight, Sam. I love you" and put it in the mailbox by the house. Then I just went back to the little room and lied down in the bed and fell asleep.

 

I think that must've been one of the first times I haven't fantasized about different scenarios with fictional characters or whatever. I just lied down and fell asleep a while later.

 

I'm not sure what happened there yesterday. I don't know if it was Sam because he seems to act fairly normal now, but.. I got a weird feeling when I heard those things yesterday. I don't know.

 

I'm gonna try and spend some time with Sam today. We're probably gonna play some Zelda or watch a movie or something together. Just him and me.

[Stanheights]

Things haven't gone the way I want them to.

 

I don't know, it's just... I don't really feel a connection right now and I also kind of don't feel like talking just in general, because I'm kinda scared I'll get those intrusive thoughts or whatever they were again.

 

I might try to talk to Sam later tonight, and if I don't I'll do it tomorrow because we do need to fix this.

[Stanheights]

Small steps today. Baby steps.

 

I think either yesterday or today I was going to sleep and went into dreamscape. I asked Sam if I could sleep in the house with him but since I didn't know what answer I really got out of confusion I at least went and was gonna give him a goodnight hug.

 

But when I got there and hugged him he literally lifted me off the ground and brought me to bed with him. So I slept next to Sam last night. Which was really nice.

 

And today we talked a little, though not a whole lot.

 

It's gonna work out I think.

[Stanheights]

Today was pretty bad.

 

Our journey here is kind of like a rollercoaster, I think. Like, there are highs and lows. I guess in terms of everything, but especially communicating. But the highs are really high and the lows are really low. It's a bit strange, but I understand it.

 

I was gonna sleep alone in my little home in dreamscape last night, but Sam asked me if he could sleep there, too, so I just let him. We met up in dreamscape and I showed him around when we got down to the little room there. Then we lied down and he wrapped his arms around me and I kind of just fell asleep.

 

I also remember he said something more there, but I can't remember what he said.

 

We didn't talk an awful lot today, so I'm hope there'll be more talking tomorrow or later today. I'm exhausted right now, though, so we'll see.

 

But yeah, today was kinda bad, but we just gotta keep going and hope for the best, y'know? Hoping is kind of my special talent, so that'll be easy.

[Stanheights]

Today was maybe a bit better.

 

I took a nap yesterday and before that I talked to Sam in dreamscape and we sat on my bed in my own little room and talked a little. That was nice.

 

We didn't talk much more yesterday, though, and not a whole lot today either.

 

I'm just really tired nd my head's been hurting for a majority of the day. Like, I guess we talked a little because we always do, but not a lot.