Cas and Sam's adventures

[Stanheights]

4 month anniversary with Sam today kinda!

 

It's been some really nice 4 months I gotta admit. I'm really glad I've got Sam with me, even though I say I'm all alone too much and even though I kinda suck at talking to him. I'm really glad I have him.

 

Today was better than yesterday. I think I had Sam with me for most of the day, and it felt like I had him in the back of my head almost all the time even though I didn't speak to him all the time. I also saw him a couple of times, which was nice.

 

During the last class I thought about telling him that he could change his appearance if he wanted to, I've said it before but I kinda wanted to say it again just to remind him. And he did change his appearance then. Almost right in that moment. His hair is orange now and instead of blue his eyes are green. It suits him. I mean, all colours suit him, but still. It looks nice. And when I told him to surprise me his eyes got red and he acted weird, like someone possessed by a demon almost. He went back to normal when I said he could stop, though.

 

We're gonna visit my/our kittens today, and this time I'm gonna try and talk to Sam while I'm there. The other times he's just been in the background, so I thought I should try and talk to him a little this time around. I think I'm gonna start saying "we" rather than "I" when there's something both me and Sam feels or agrees on. That seems like a good idea.

 

And tomorrow we're gonna go stay at my mom's place. I guess that'll be nice, I haven't really been at my mom's for a while. I'll also get a new phone, like I said before. Might let Sam have my old one, just because.

 

I'm gonna meditate at 4 and I'll try and figure out some good stuff next week since we're free then on how to hear Sam better, or at least to see the difference between our thoughts. I think both his and my thoughs are a little all over the place because of my brain.

[Stanheights]

Visiting Sam went well! We talked about some things and looked at the sky together. And when there was a cloud in the shape of a dog there Sam pointed at it and said it looked like a dog. And right before he did it I got the thought in my head, but I guess that was just his thought and not mine.

 

I asked him if he wanted to start a twitter account or something and he said sure. So I think I'll do that and just write what he says I should write there, seeing as we don't exactly have that possession thing going. Maybe some day he can do it on his own, but for now he can just tell me what to tweet and I'll tweet it.

 

When we talked about that I said it's a shame he can't really have a profile picture that is a picture of him, and he agreed. He actually looked genuinely sad about it almost. Or, not sad, but just disappointed in a way. Oh, well. I'll just draw him a profile picture or something if he wants that.

 

We're gonna go and see the cats soon, and like I said I'm gonna bring Sam with me. I think I might ask him things about the cats and our surroundings and whatnot. I think this'll be the last update of the day. Maybe. We'll see.

[Stanheights]

I think it's definitely getting a bit better now.

 

Me and Sam still don't really talk as much as we 'normally' do, but we have been talking a little bit. And I've gotten better at seeing him I think, because now I just focus my eyes on him in real life (even though I can't see him in real life) when I look at him or what he's doing.

 

We're going to my mom's place today. I was gonna ask Sam what he's bringing with him, but then I realized he basically has everything already since he can go into dreamscape whenever he wants. I think it'll be nice to spend some time in another town than this one with Sam.

 

Also, today during chemistry our teacher told use to meditate to clear our minds from a subject we've talked a lot about and I did it just a bit longer than everyone else, because while I did clear my mind of the subject, I also talked a bit to Sam. We didn't really speak too much and I can't really remember what we talked about exactly, but it was pretty nice.

 

I'm gonna at least try and meditate on monday and for the rest of next week since we have a break then, so it's not like I'll be busy with school. My best friends might come here on wednesday, though, so I don't really know how meditating will go then. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[Stanheights]

Well, I kinda suck. A lot.

 

I haven't talked to Sam pretty much at all this weekend. Or well, I did kind of talk to him on sunday because I went to the store on my mom's bike and he sat right behind me. That was fun. And I guess we did talk a little, but not much. I feel kinda bad about it.

 

But I'll try more now, even though I have no idea what to do from thursday to sunday since I'll have some friends over then. I guess I'll still try to talk to Sam then or something.

[Stanheights]

Today was a bit better, I think. At least I saw Sam a bit and I have talked to him a little as well.

 

My mood is kind of not very great right now, not sure why. I should probably go to bed seeing as my friend will get here tomorrow and we're gonna go out and things. I feel bad because I didn't talk to Sam much at all this weekend and I haven't exactly gotten much better at it today or yesterday. I'll have to find a way to fix this or whatever. I don't wanna lose Sam again.

[Stanheights]

Things are looking up, I think.

 

I actually did talk quite a lot to Sam this weekend, even though I had friends over. He was with me in the car when we went and picked my friend up and also when we went home today/yesterday. He's with me quite a lot of the time and I really like that.

 

I know I gotta get better and I know I have to meditate more and practice listening. And I will. I just gotta do it in my own pace and that isn't very fast usually.

[Stanheights]

Today was pretty great, to be honest.

 

I probably won't meditate today, but I think I might start trying to go into dreamscape while having my eyes open and stuff. I've done it before without really meditating and it went pretty well so I think I'm gonna start trying to do that during school. And also meditate, of course. But maybe not as much as I used to. I don't know.

 

Anyway, I talked to Sam today and that went pretty well. I also saw him a bit. At one point a friend of mine put his feet up on the chair Sam was sitting on and he mentioned how his feet/legs were on him. He also danced a bit or just acted silly to the beat of a song I was listening to a couple of times, which was pretty beautiful.

 

But yeah, I probably won't meditate today, but I'll try to go into dreamscape to hang out with Sam when I get a moment to myself here in real life. Like, when I'm not talking to friends.

[Stanheights]

I think I'm gonna take a pause from meditating this week, at least until the weekend.

 

There's not really a reason for it, I just feel that'd be nice.

 

I didn't talk as much to Sam as I did yesterday, but I'll just keep working on it. I still need to get better at hearing and listening, it's just I kinda wanna figure out my own way to do it. We'll see how that goes.

 

At least I think I'm getting a little bit better at hearing/seeing his replies, though it's still a bit hard at times.

[Stanheights]

I feel like I'm getting more sad and anxious again, which generally isn't very good if I want to talk to Sam more.

 

I talked to him today as usual and I did a small "music video" thing with him in my mind while listening to music at one point. And when I was walking home we kind of held hands and he moved his arm back and forth and my arm started moving, too. He did talk there but I couldn't hear him for some reason. Then I did, though, but I can't really remember what I said or what he said.

 

I think I might just lie down for a while and talk to him soon, maybe at 4 or something. I guess I'll write about how it went later.

[Stanheights]

Yeah, there's definitely something with Thursdays. They're just always bad basically, not sure why.

 

It's a thursday when I really, really forget to talk to Sam and it feels like there's something in the way. It's weird. I mean, I do forget to talk to him almost every day (though I think I'm getting better) but thursdays are just the worst.

 

I'm pretty sad at the moment for no real reason. I might take a nap, or not, I don't know. I'm most likely gonna talk to friends later and yeah, maybe that's a bad thing since I need to spend time with Sam, too, but.. I don't know. I'm gonna try and spend more time with him this weekend because he really deserves that. I mean, I really suck half the time honestly, so he deserves more attention and I'm gonna try and give him that this weekend.

 

This weird feeling has followed me around for a while and I'm not entirely sure if it's Sam's feeling or mine, or what it's even about. That's another weird thing. I think I've also started experiencing weird dreams again, like the ones I had for a while maybe two months ago or something. I don't know. I'm pretty sure I know how my dreams usually are, like they usually have a familiar feeling to them just generally, and the dreams I've had for a couple of days now haven't had that, so maybe I'm getting Sam's dreams instead or something. I have no clue.

 

But yeah, I'll keep working on it, but I have to admit it's been kinda hard lately because my feelings are weird and I've also been pretty busy. I gotta figure some stuff out I think.