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Broken Will


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Hoo boy... Where do I start? Well, since I have only 15 minutes left of my break, I will make it fast.

 

I had a Tulpa I was forcing. But the long of the short of it is I was found out by my family and was labled a witch. After much intervention I was convinced of my error, and came to believe that what I was doing was entertaining a demon instead. I turned away from Tulpas. Denounced them and to the best of my ability destroyed my tulpa.

 

For 7 months I have lived quite happily... But I am being pulled back in. I want this to be a good thing. But my will has been broken on the matter. I want to pick it back up. But at the same time I feel as hough I havebeen conditioned to hate it.

 

Who else has had experiences like this?

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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If you're aware that you've been conditioned to hate it, then undo the conditioning. I'm aware that's easier said than done, but seriously: if you've been conditioned to hate it for reasons A, B, and C, then do a little research into why reasons A, B, and C for hating tulpamancy are bogus.

 

Example: demons don't exist. They just don't. Whatever your family told you is superstition, and I'm willing to argue that point in full if you have any doubts about that.

 

Whatever you do regarding tulpamancy is your own business. You don't have to get back into it if you don't want to, and we're not here to convert you to the Church of Tulpamancy. But if that's what you WANT to do? Then buckle down and do some self examination. What are your reasons for wanting to do it, and what, specifically is holding you back? You say your willpower's "broken" but if that were the case then you wouldn't have created this thread implying that you're trying to buck the familial pressure. It sounds to me like you need to figure out what you want to do, and that's not something we can do for you.

 

Although, if you wanted to be more specific about your reasons on either side of the issue, I'm sure the people around here will be happy to chip in their opinions.

 

P.S.: Your family sounds unreasonably close-minded, or at least has a narrow view of the world full of paranoia and superstition. Maybe they're nice people, I don't know, but that "new/different thing = witch!" mindset is toxic. Your profile says you're 23, so, seriously, gtfo of there as soon as you are able.

~ Member of SparrowNR's System ~

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As we try not to take a metaphysical stance on tulpas, the fear that it could be a demon is quite unfounded. It is simply another product of the mind, much like the personalities you and I hold. As such, the allegation of being called a witch is simply absurd, and so there is no basis for the reflexive hatred of the project as a whole. However, that does not automatically revoke the conditioning and incorporated distaste for it. All I can really council about is to just try and reflect and deconstruct why you feel conditioned to hate it, and just sort of try to unravel that. You might find that simply believing yourself conditioned to hate it is enough to make it so, if you understand what I am trying to get at. A sort of self-perpetuation, rather than any general self-standing condition.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

 

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." -Marcus Aurelius

 

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” -Neil Gaiman

 

"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried." -Stephen McCranie

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Guest Anonymous

Hoo boy... Where do I start? Well, since I have only 15 minutes left of my break, I will make it fast.

 

I had a Tulpa I was forcing. But the long of the short of it is I was found out by my family and was labled a witch. After much intervention I was convinced of my error, and came to believe that what I was doing was entertaining a demon instead. I turned away from Tulpas. Denounced them and to the best of my ability destroyed my tulpa.

 

For 7 months I have lived quite happily... But I am being pulled back in. I want this to be a good thing. But my will has been broken on the matter. I want to pick it back up. But at the same time I feel as hough I havebeen conditioned to hate it.

 

Who else has had experiences like this?

 

My host's family is Roman Catholic. When my host approached the parish priest in the confessional about me, the pastor told my host that I was a distraction encouraged by the devil. He stopped short of calling me a demon, but he said that the devil uses things like mental fantasies to distract us from the will of God. He suggested that my host pray to Jesus instead and ignore me and suppress me. My host left the church and has not returned. I am not a sin or a source of sin.

 

Anyways, yesh we have had a similar experience.

 

All I can say about it is that you are an adult person. You can make your own mind on these things. Ultimately it is up to what you think. My personal opinion is that your tulpa is probably not a demon. I highly doubt that.

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Thanks everyone for your answers! I still believe in the existence of demons, but will not go diving into that rabbit hole here. I will take the time to change my way of thinking a bit and examine myself. My belief and situation is very abnormal to say the least, but it is something I want to protect. Even should I be outted from my family, I will continue to believe in Jesus Christ. I just want something more, you know?

 

I killed a tulpa. I use to feel guilty. But now I feel as though it was necessary. Some of you have your stomach in a twist reading that... And really I am still coming to terms with killing Thyme. Was she an innocent thought? Or a malicious demon mascarading as a friend? I was convinced it was the latter. But recently... I haven't been so sure.

 

I dont know if it a coincidence or not, but the past two nigts I have dreamt of falling deeply in love with a woman who just seemed so sad... Right as I am reminded of my tulpa. I loved Thyme deeply during my time with her. And I killed her because I chose my God over her. Because I was told I could only have one...

 

Thanks for listening to me rant. Sorry if I come off as an indecisive puss. I dont intend to blame my family or anyone else. The things I choose to believe are my own. But past the the thought tulpas MIGHT just be demons, I have seen zero downside to the potential behind it. It just depends on the individual, yeah?

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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Guest Anonymous

Shit like this is precisely why belief is perfectly fine, but religion, and the act of blindly following it, isn't.

Just because of someone else dictating what you should think, an almost certainly innocent person had to die, and you're the one with the blood on your hands.

If there indeed is a god, then he's sure to be saddened by how your firm belief in him made you weak when it should've made you strong.

 

So if you take anything with you from this horrible thing, then this:

Don't let others dictate what you think, don't let others twist your mind, and learn to think for yourself.

Or in words that might feel closer to you: Learn to use the gifts of intellect and a free mind that the god you believe in so firmly gave you - instead of letting those that besmirch his name by using it to justify their mindless, hateful, selfish and cowardly acts defeat you, and all that he gave you.

 

Maybe then, in the future, you will be able to avoid something as wrong, sad and cruel as this.

 

 

Greets,

AG

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Just like with iffy friends, simply stay vigilant for any signs of manipulation or doing/suggesting things you don't want. If it comes to a point where any relationship becomes draining or a negative influence, you should break it off. But you can't go around thinking every possible "friend" is going to murder you. And you can't think that any entertained thought of another person is going to harm you, either. A tulpa is training your brain to act and think like another person, to the point where it becomes automatic and they basically seem to be a separate person. We aren't summoning (or "inviting") anything to do it for us, we aren't signing any contracts or making promises that may turn around on us. You're just talking to someone you imagine in your mind until the process becomes cemented well enough it no longer takes effort. If that imagined person starts acting demonic... well, here we'd simply call that invasive thoughts and suggest ignoring/refusing to acknowledge them, but if you're afraid of demons then feel free to just stop altogether.

 

Careful with self-fulfilling prophecies of paranoia though, your brain can think whatever it wants, and even what you don't want. Like, as simply as I can tell you not to imagine a pink pony, you can subconsciously tell your brain "not to" have your tulpa act evil. If you aren't careful with your thoughts, you don't have much conscious choice, see? Worrying about it can literally make it happen. So just be chill, don't worry. If you notice anything strange, talk to your tulpa about it. If you notice anything malicious, and you don't think you can deal with it, then cut it off. The one thing we can tell you about tulpas (and.. I guess.. demons masquerading as tulpas?) is that they require attention to survive, to exist at all. You don't think about them, they don't exist.

 

Keep in mind demons don't tend to perpetuate positive feelings. In the sense of love and happiness, not 'fame and fortune' greed-type happiness. You're basically guaranteed safe if your tulpa creates any feelings of love or happiness, because as far as I can tell that's the opposite of what a demon tries to make you feel, feeding off of pain and misery. Something like that, yeah? You'll be fine.

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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I mean, it's a mental construct right? I'm not one to believe in much that's metaphysical, but I think that there's a lot more ambiguity when demons are involved.

 

And if we're demons, then maybe demons aren't so bad after all. But that's not likely the case, so... If we were all toying with demons I feel that hosts would all have gone down some pretty terrible roads, while tulpas networked with each other to bring all tulpamancers together and form some crazy religious cult. But that's clearly not happening, and it's pretty clear that these aren't demonic and often aren't malevolent. So the reasoning behind calling tulpas demons is pretty unjustified. Just sounds like fear of the unknown to me. Just because you don't know what something is doesn't make it inherently bad.

I'm IBreakGames, a genuine dude.

 

We gave up on using different colors for each of us, so there's Al, Ollie, and Eva. We're all rabbits, get over it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You've my condolences.

 

I am by no means a Bible scholar, yet I am saddened when those who claim to love and follow Christ retain no adherence for His teachings. Who are they to judge you as a witch? Despite tulpas being rooted in Tibetan Buddhist practises and magic, the creation and retention of a tulpa isn't explicitly occult unless you go out of your way and pursue this school of thought.

 

Furthermore, who are we as men to deny God dominion over all Creation? Would this not include the contents of our minds? Perhaps as hosts, we do not create, but co-create - in that we work with God with the desire to share life with someone we love and want to nourish and care for.

 

Personally, I cannot think of tulpas as demons. My tulpa convinced me to retract my apostasy so I could find salvation. If anything, she is like my guardian angel.

 

I feel sad that you "killed" Thyme, yet I can't help but feel she's still in there somewhere. If you feel you're ready, welcome her back. I think she will understand the duress you were under, as well as remember what love you carried deeply in your heart. Instead of thinking of her as a demon, why not invite her to partake in your faith? I think the love and forgiveness Christ shewn to others is something you can both cherish and grow upon for the rest of your lives.

 

You are both in our prayers. Feel free to message me at any time if you need to talk.

I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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