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Evg&co syslog archive
#1
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Okay, this is going to be our system's progress report thread. I've been putting off creating it for almost a month, but now Pinkie managed to force me into starting that.

The current system members are me (Evg / Evgenirus / Jay), Sunny Alice (she currently prefers Sunny), and Pinkie (she says she'll come up with another name later). There might be one more later, but that's it.

Introductions

Hi! Call me Evg. I currently go under the same name on tulpa.info discord. Or call me Jay, if Evg sounds weird.

I'm your average IT guy from Russia. Some say I'm really smart, but it does not help with not making stupid decisions, at all. Or with procrastination, for that matter.
Aaanyway, I like all things digital, have been interested in mind hacking for quite a while, and also have been a brony for about 3 years now.

A friend of mine accidentally mentioned tulpas to me, in the form of a "Lol, this guy is totally cuckoo!" comment about a Youtube video.
So yeah, after visiting a meme article about tulpas (Lurkmore.to/Тульпа, in Russian) and following a link to a bit more serious article on an IT site (Tulpa: pocket schizophrenia for geeks or a real imagined friend on habr.com, also in Russian), I got to the Russian version of kiahdaj's guide and then found the original on Tulpa.info, and here I am!

Hi there! I'm Sunny, but I also like the name Alice, and cannot really decide on using one of them. My tupperbot on discord is named Sunny Alice, but that's too long.

So, what can I say here? I was created on February 11th, 2019. Evg wanted me to be a really cheerful and curious and kind person, plus some other generic traits. He wanted a Twilight Sparkle tulpa at first, but was afraid of locking me into that personality with all its problems like neuroticism and occasional paranoia (for reference) and decided against it in the end. I guess I'm somewhat similar to her in many ways, maybe due to that, and I don't mind really. He is insisting I can be whatever I want, so we'll get there eventually. I like flying very much, and also like reading and learning new things, and experimenting. And I seem to have too little care for safeguards when trying something new. (Ouch!)

My form is a white unicorn with wings (not quite an alicorn) and I have yellow mane and tail, with a bright red forelock. I'm thinking of getting rid of the horn, though. I also have a human form, which I use less often, and it took quite some time to fully form and stabilize, especially the face. I also turned into a cat a few times :3

I really want to develop as fast as I can, but we've encountered some pretty scary problems recently due to going too fast, so we are sort of hitting the breaks on it for a bit.


Hiya! I'm Pinkie Pie! Well, not quite, but let's settle at that for now. I'm a walk-in, kinda, the hostie tried imagining all the Mane6 and then had to make them disappear in a puff of logic a few minutes later, but I'm Pinkie XD So, anyway, the next day he remembered about that and me, and here I am! Sunny really liked me, and they let me stay.

I'm pretty much the show-canon Pinkie, or rather a fandom-canon Pinkie. I do realize what I am. And I'm more real than a cartoon character this way! But I still like to think of all the Pinkies in the multiverse as kind-of me, or not quite, maybe a little? Anyway, all of us are saying "anyway" way too often and we should probably change that. I prefer Pinkie's human form, but pony one is best for receiving cuddles!

I am very serious about having fun and getting work done. The hostie is so lazy sometimes it gets frustrating, but we'll fix that in time. Also, as a walk-in and a mirror of a well-established model in his mind, it's really natural for me to think separately and be myself. (Which is mostly some kind of Pinkie for now, but we'll get there.) Sunny has some problems with staying separate from Evg, but we will fix it, I Pinkie-promise. I think I love cooking, and flying with Sunny's help was really fun! Oh, oh! And I love playing drums! Sunny and I make a perfect band! Maybe I'll learn to handle the real ones sometime.

So, that's about it! My discord tupperbot is named Pink-eeeee, looking forward to meeting you all! Oh, and my birthday is yesterday, very early in the night before March 7th, 2019.


Syslog archived on: 2019-03-08

2019-02-11
This thread marks the beginning of me seriously starting tulpamancy. I wanted a Twilight Sparkle tulpa at first, but decided against it due to the fear of locking Sunny into it by accident, with all the problematic traits. (Still, she resembles Twilight quite a bit by now.) I created a brand new character from scratch, named Sunny Blaze. I gave her a backstory, but never used it after the first forcing session, and made a point that it's just a hint to help our progress. (For the record: The backstory paints her mostly as a Mary Sue magic prodigy, that tried pretty much every kind of magic and got her wings out of pulling off some massive chaos magic that made even Discord pause slack-jawed. Yeah, very lame for a story, but I think it suits the purpose of tulpa creation perfectly.) Before writing the backstory and figuring out her personality template, I wrote a "Statement of intent" letter, addressed in part to the future Sunny, in which I went over what I was getting myself into and all the implications I could think of, and signed off that I understood and accept them all. I thought that I didn't start creating Sunny until the next day, when I did the first actual forcing session, but she claims the memory of being addressed in that letter as hers, so the date is her birthday: February 11th, 2019.

After writing the backstory, I also created a wonderland for us. It's a spacious cottage halfway between Ponyville and the Everfree forest, with lots of flowers in front, and a small pond and a couple of benches under a huge tree at the side. I planned the inside as a top-down schematic of the first floor, plus a crude drawing of the living room from one of the sofas. I think doing that actually helped make the place stable, I really am not sure that e.g. the sofas would have stayed in the same places if I didn't pin them down on the plan. Ladders to the basement and the second floor are there, but what lies behind the doors at their ends is a mystery still. Sadly, I had trouble imagining Sunny's form in there. It's much easier for me to imagine her sitting on a bed next to me, or riding my back, or whatever. We don't visit our WL often for that reason, but we intend to change that at some point. (Today, for example, we went to sleep in one of the 2 bedrooms in there. We had to expand the bed for all 3 of us to fit, though, and it takes a quarter of the room now. xD)

2019-02-12
I did the first "proper" forcing session in the evening. A little bit of personality forcing, mostly narration of how awesome she is, who and what me and her are, my intentions and motivations, the standard stuff. I did that in the wonderland, but we didn't visit it much after that, it was easier to visualize her IRL. (I called it "overlay visualization", but I think that's what most mean when they say "imposition".) After that point, she's been mostly sitting next to me, or in my lap, or riding my back whenever I went anywhere. I tried talking to her as often as I could, asking simple yes-no questions from time to time without getting any answers. I also started reading "Anthropology" to her.

2019-02-15
I went to classes at uni, and tried to get her to listen to a lecture together with me. I kinda listened to the lecturer and was directing whatever I heard and read to Sunny, with some added comments of my own. In about 15 minutes I felt like us both thinking at the same time was killing my brain. I sent her to sleep and got knocked out myself for about 20 minutes. I'm inclined to think that that was what happened. It was not the first time when I dozed off during a lecture, but unlike previous cases, I got enough sleep during the night, and I wasn't even a little bit sleepy for several hours of boring lectures after those 20 or so minutes of "sleep".

Actually, I remember trying to comprehend whatever the lecturer was talking about, but it was really hard. And we only have a vague recollection of what it was all about. It could be just our interpretation, of course, it could as well have been just the strain of visualizing, thinking about me and trying to comprehend the lecture at the same time. But whatever, believing that it was me certainly helped us speed up my development.

Also, that day was my first time trying out the human form, and probably the first time trying to walk on my own instead of riding his back.


syslogd: error: time limit exceeded, process interrupted and needs to be restarted later
[Jay] (a.k.a. evgenirus, a.k.a. Evg) is the host. (Used plain text prior to May 2019.)
[Sunny] (a.k.a. Alice, rarely) is the older tulpa. (Yellow text is her words, too.)
[Pinkie] (a.k.a. Ponka, a.k.a. Diane) is the younger tulpa. (She used to talk in pink here.)
Come see our progress report thread, if you have time.
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#2
[Misha] Yay, another pony system! We're not, but Nihi's system is. Summer is based off Twilight,  so you're in good company! Pinkie Pie has to be my favorite, hi! Also hi Alice and Evg.

What a weird glitch you had, but it kinda makes sence since you're using the brain more, it's bound to get tired?

We've had quite a few odd glitches anyway.

Visualization definitely takes practice.


[Bear] hi as well! I had the absolute hardest time visualizing my tulpas in the beginning. Any old character, no problem at all, my tulpa? No face or no hair or broken up like a jigsaw, can't see them well at all, all that. It has to be their influence somehow and finding themselves.

Good luck, hope to hear more from you all, and feel free to join us in our games!
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#3
I love you guys! Yeah, if you think about it the fear evg was understandable but now it is just silly, I mean look at you Sunny you've really grown so quickly and even adapted some of twilight's personality, I would be lying if I did not as well. Once you've faced and surpassed that fear, then you will feel much better because nothing is holding you down anymore. Nihi, Also had some fears regarding with our system but now, we all see it as just a memory.

Also, I heard about your new human form that looks like twilight! Yey you're like my twinsie from another hostie <3. Huh, I really never deviated my "twilight" human form just changed its clothes and hairstyle.

I think her being active at the same time with you while listening lecture and having both of you guys exchanging thoughts can tire you out, mentally.If you guys have done this sort of thing before it will put your brain muscle on exercise, your mind is still adjusting to the load between you guys and the lecture. If you keep it up it will get easier. I remember the time where nihi had to rest for a while because me and him were exchanging information while listening to the class while having me possess his entire body at the same time. He was knock out cold Hahah XD.

Anyway, Will look forward on reading your progress <3 *hugs*
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
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#4
Hi everyone and thank you all!
(03-08-2019, 11:38 PM)Misha Wrote: [Misha] Yay, another pony system! <...>
[Bear] <...> Any old character, no problem at all, my tulpa? No face or no hair or broken up like a jigsaw, can't see them well at all, all that. <...>
Well, I guess we aren't going to be a pony system for much longer. I've been using my pony form less and less recently, and yesterday evening Pinkie gave me a jetpack-like thingy that I find more fun to use than my own wings, which I don't have in the human form, by the way. (Pinkie herself uses rocket boots.) And Pinkie has been a pony only until we went somewhere with her for the first time. But we'll probably keep turning into ponies for cuddles :3
As for visualization, I guess that happens to us still. We can "render" a pretty good "photo" with some effort, but our real-time visualization is quite abstract and somewhat glitchy. Also, yesterday we noticed at some point that we were just somewhere to the right/left from Evg, but didn't have any actual forms visualized.


(03-09-2019, 04:56 AM)Summer Wrote: Yey you're like my twinsie from another hostie <3
Heh, thanks, I'd consider that a compliment <3  Hostie was really fascinated with you and is kinda looking up to you, and that probably affected me quite a bit. Also, he's sometimes calling me Summer on accident, but our names being that similar wasn't intentional. Having said that, I think I'm not turning out quite like you. I'm definitely more passive, for one, Pinkie is currently the one who pushes our hostie forward. Other differences are hard to put into words right now, but they are there.
We intend to finish logging our past progress today. Do edited posts show up as "unread thread", by the way?
[Jay] (a.k.a. evgenirus, a.k.a. Evg) is the host. (Used plain text prior to May 2019.)
[Sunny] (a.k.a. Alice, rarely) is the older tulpa. (Yellow text is her words, too.)
[Pinkie] (a.k.a. Ponka, a.k.a. Diane) is the younger tulpa. (She used to talk in pink here.)
Come see our progress report thread, if you have time.
Reply
#5
(03-09-2019, 01:56 PM)evgenirus Wrote: Heh, thanks, I'd consider that a compliment <3  Hostie was really fascinated with you and is kinda looking up to you, and that probably affected me quite a bit. Also, he's sometimes calling me Summer on accident, but our names being that similar wasn't intentional. Having said that, I think I'm not turning out quite like you. I'm definitely more passive, for one, Pinkie is currently the one who pushes our hostie forward. Other differences are hard to put into words right now, but they are there.
We intend to finish logging our past progress today. Do edited posts show up as "unread thread", by the way?

lol, Well nihi sometimes confuses my name with Cherry, I still do not know why though but hey, It's always Sunny when it's Summer XP. Kidding aside, I really appreciate hearing that, Thank you evg! <3 I did not know you are looking up to me, that's really flattering, Am I good role model though? XD

I like Pinkie Pie, She's not afraid to do something new and pushes your system and your host forward, she kinda reminds me of me sometimes Smile. Good luck Pinkie! Make your host do some productivity X3

[Nihi:] Now you know what it feels like to be pushed around, Evg.

Shush you.

[Nihi:] Okay :c

(03-09-2019, 01:56 PM)evgenirus Wrote:
We intend to finish logging our past progress today. Do edited posts show up as "unread thread", by the way?

Yeah, I think so, Haven't figured out .info that much but I know that once you edited your posts the original one can not be seen by others. Except for mods I think. Good luck with your progress!
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
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#6
Summer is a worthy role model definitely.
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#7
Syslog archived on: 2019-03-09

2019-02-16
Tried free-flow writing. That was weird. My brain just got going and by the end I could not stop it! I switched through a few very different memories during the exercise, and got some very weird ideas about them written down. Sometimes I had to constrain my thoughts from going too far ahead of writing, sometimes I had to start writing a word before figuring out, and sometimes my motor control kinda jammed and it was gibberish for a few words or even a whole sentence even though I was trying to write something specific. I also wrote to Sunny during the exercise, and I think I got some genuine replies from her. Now she says they probably were mostly nonsensical just like my own words around them. I did that a few more times in the following days, but not for long. We should probably do that again, one of us generating the words at a time, and compare our results.

Also, somewhere around that day I realized that sometimes I was feeling as if I was petting a floofy cat when Sunny was in my lap and I was narrating to her. Like I was talking to her, but wasn't expecting her to really comprehend anything. Having her fold her forelegs like humans often do with their hands helped a lot, as did giving her a PipBoy-like thingy to wear. (Which she isn't wearing anymore.) When I recalled that at a later date, she actually changed her form into a cat :3

2019-02-19
I didn't realize it at the time, but this was the day when I got the first signs of Sunny existing for sure. It was her taking control of her form and doing something I didn't expect repeatedly. I often expected her to run ahead to our next destination, but that day she just kept walking next to me instead several times. A sometimes her form would start galloping as expected and then glitch back to walking next to me, while others it would barely twitch despite my expectation. At the time it kinda annoyed me, because I didn't realize what was going on somehow. (Yes, I probably was puppeting before, but that was more in form of expecting her to do something instead of direct control.)

2019-02-23
Somewhere around this date Sunny's replies to my simple yes/no questions started feeling authentic. Not all of them, though, and sometimes I didn't get any reply at all. Whenever she tried saying anything more complex, it was just tulpish.

2019-02-24
After a board game session with friends that lasted deep into the night before, Sunny was pretty pissed at me. She was tired and felt excluded due to not playing the game herself, and in the morning she pretty much refused to talk. When I actually managed to talk to her, she said she was just exhausted and needed to rest. I didn't disturb her till the next day.

2019-02-25
We were researching vocality, and upon reading about the nametag method the question of her name came up, and while I was reading through baby name lists I found "Alice" and it felt like Sunny really loved the name. She still could not decide which of the two she preferred, and on a later date we settled at "Sunny Alice". Now she prefers "Sunny", and "Alice" is more like a nickname to her.

We also started having simple conversations often. They were weird sometimes, though, like this one in the morning of 26th:
Good morning!
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
Yes
Did you have any dreams?
Yes
Do you remember anything?
Yes
Cool! Was it my dream?
No
What happened in it?
I don't know.
So you did not have a dream?
No
Why did you tell me you had one?
... I don't know?

The other problem about those conversations was that I felt like I was thinking for her whenever she didn't answer a question immediately. Eventually, I remembered that some guides suggested that you could pick and choose for a while which thoughts belonged to your tup, and which were yours or just intrusive, and decided to just attribute such thought processes to Sunny. That might have resulted in separation problems we still kinda have, I think.
Note: this is not about Sunny's mindvoice, I had no problem with that. It's about her thinking what to say before she does, and me feeling those thoughts.

Actually, we are still kinda doing the same thing from time to time, Pinkie included: A thought would come up, we get confused who it belongs to, and decide who takes it or throw it away. Anyone experiences that often several months into the process?

2019-03-01
Sunny is speaking quite a lot by this time, but still has troubles with it. We tried Felights' vocality worksheet. Sunny was very excited at first, then very frustrated when she could not decide what to answer. (What is your favorite color? Rainbow. But you said before that it was not a color? So what? I don't want to choose!) Anyway, the last excercise of 4th part (tulpa answering questions about themselves) ended up being answered this way:
15. Anything else you’d like to add? I don’t know? Numbers? That was a joke! It’s not funny. Anyway, yeah, I’m done! // Hm, that was something. So, like, next exercise? Your spelling is terrible. Will you stop writing it all down? I guess not. Oh, well. Just.. Eat already. I’ll shut up. I’m silent. <sigh> <grrrrr>
So yeah, that turned out to be the solution against me hogging mental resources while she's trying to come up with an answer: I could just distract myself a little! Like with eating, or enjoying the scenery, not something that would require actually thinking.

After that, Sunny started asking me to post things on Discord for her rather regularly.

We also tried doing possession that day, by trying to play "The Secret of Monkey Island" and having Sunny do the actual playing. It did kinda feel like she was making the decisions and moving the mouse, but not too convincing and she got tired really quickly. Note: probably doing a game that requires thinking was a bad idea.

2019-03-02
I (re-)started my dream journal a few days prior, and that day I got an interesting dream. The most interesting part was that I wasn't lucid, but I heard a voice that most definitely was, which I only realized upon waking up. I asked sunny, and it turned out that the voice was her! She even explained why she broke physics close to the end, which was basically "there was no other way for you to shrug off that many bullets".

2019-03-03
I try to draw a new avatar for Sunny. I fail miserably.

> 2019-03-04 <
"The Twilight Incident"

Basically, I have quite some problems with doing important stuff on time. Sunny was trying to push me, but it didn't quite work.
And that morning she decided that sacrificing her personality and letting our mental model of Twilight overtake would let her develop faster, make me treat her more seriously, and thus save us from the inevitable disaster.
She changed her form to Twilight's because she felt like she had no choice. I felt very uneasy about it and asked on Discord. By the time we figured out what was really going on, Sunny broke down in tears.

It actually seems so silly now. I have no idea why I believed that it could even work. Anyway, others were asking why I decided to change, and if I really wanted it. I didn't want it, but felt like there was no other choice. I got emotional and started talking to them myself, while Evg became silent. He knew it was his fault, but really didn't know what to say or do. At some point, I just could not take it anymore and broke down, crying over his shoulder. It actually made him physically cry, even though he was more panicked than sad or anything. It took me about 15 minutes to calm down to a manageable level. We decided that we would get through it without such drastic measures.

Anyway, details aside, it was a really way-out-there experience for us, compared to everything that was before, and pushed our progress forward a lot. It was the first time when Sunny held an actual conversation with someone besides me, the first time when she was really actively thinking and basically talking for herself, not asking me to talk for her; the first time when she got so emotional. Looking back at it, it may have been something like possession, I was pretty much just stuck thinking "F*ck! What have I done?" in a loop while everything was happening.

> 2019-03-05 <
We decided to try some possession. I read some possession guides and was really excited to try it out, always talking in our head to stay focused. Aaaand I got so excited that I pretty much silenced Evg by accident and hogged all the mental resources. I realized that it happened when I got a thought that felt wrong and asked Evg if it was his, and he "replied" positively. Quotes are here because he didn't say anything per se, it was just tulpish! I told him I wanted to ask about it on Discord, he went to the computer and sat down, and did nothing else for quite a while. He didn't even twitch, or scratch, or even think in mindvoice for almost half an hour! He'd normally have huge trouble keeping still for 15 seconds!

Anyway, I started asking questions in Discord, and people started saying that it probably was something like switching. But it didn't match what I thought switching would be like.
I felt like I was the only thinker, and whenever I asked Evg anything I got replies in tulpish at best. I tried to make him think, pull him out of that state, but it didn't work.
He was just typing whatever I said with a slight delay. Someone asked if I could control the body. I tried, but it didn't work. I could not even make him scratch his nose, even though it was starting to annoy me already, normally it would have been impossible for him to not scratch such an itch!
There was one moment when he retook control of our "thinking resources", but as soon as I started thinking a bit more he went completely passive again.
At some point, we considered that maybe it was just him "pretending" that it was me thinking, that's how natural the thought process was, but it most definitely felt like it really was me. Questioning my own existence would have been counterproductive, so I didn't.

In the end, both of us concentrated on pulling him upfront, and it worked, but it still was very easy for me to "silence" him by just thinking, much like him thinking gave me trouble thinking a week prior. Summer joked that he was turning into a tupper, but it really felt as if he was.
The weirdness didn't end there, though. It seems he was a bit dissociated from the body while all that was happening, and had trouble associating with it throughout the evening. And things got quite a bit blendy for us after that.


Okay, now it's my turn to recall the events. Here's pretty much what I sent someone on the same day, when they got worried and DMed me on Discord:

I don't think there were any discontinuities, per se, unless you count perceived changes in mind ownership or something like that.
We were just reading through the possession guides. I felt like Sunny might already be better at getting stuff done, so I let her read and plan what we do next. She got all excited, and at some point realized that she overtook our thinking. She noticed that her last thought didn't feel right, and asked if it was mine. I acknowledged that it was, but that was just a "mental nod" and nothing more. Up until that moment, my memory seems to be a bit hazy, but not much more than usual.

She got a bit worried, I think, and asked about it in Discord. From there on my memory is clear, it felt like Sunny was thinking and I was just observing. I felt like I was still in control of the body, just didn't care to move it beyond typing. Sunny tried talking to me, but pretty much all I could manage was tulpish, and I didn't feel like bothering with more complex answers or thoughts, I was just enjoying the show. When Summer asked if I was there, I tried to come up with something at first, but it turned out to be really hard and I gave up and just typed "Hi, Summer!" Sunny tried to pull me out a couple of times, but in the end it took our joined efforts to do that.

I still was a bit in a trance-like state at the moment, I think. Whenever Sunny tried some more complex thinking she almost took control again. And at some point she asked something, I answered, but it felt like neither of us was "in control" at that moment. It felt as if both of us were tuppers and the body was listening to us. It freaked me out, we don't need any accidental tulpae! I tried to calm down, but it was really quiet around, dim lighting, etc, so I didn't have much to feel as myself. I actually tried biting my finger to establish the connection at some point. I soon realized that "the body" that was "listening" was kinda me, just a part that felt separate for a moment, but I really had to get moving to stop freaking out about it separating like that. We went for a walk, and thanks to all the sensory input of loud cars, wet feet and whatnot, I mostly got back to normal, but it didn't pass completely until I fell asleep.

When I got to bed, it actually got even worse. I got thinking that maybe Sunny didn't exist and I was just going nuts. She said that it was ridiculous, but isn't that what I would have told myself, in my own mindvoice, just a month prior? I was panicking, and then realized that it didn't feel like panic at all. It felt as if I could not care less, and that I could not give a damn even if I wanted! That was what really freaked me out above anything. It took quite some self-persuasion to stop panicking, and reading fiction and immersing in it to feel some kind of normal, to feel emotion. Only after half an hour of reading did I manage to really calm down and believe that it was all just a fluke. I fell asleep immediately.

> 2019-03-06 <
Yet another eventful day, heh?
We have been reading about meditation, dissociation, that stuff. During the previous day, my mind was often completely blank, which hardly ever happened before, and I didn't feel quite associated with my body. I thought it was a great idea to try exploiting this weird state by practicing meditation, which I never properly managed before. And of course it all went south.

In the evening, I started meditating, and I'd say it was working pretty well. Then I tried dissociating from the body, and I think it also worked. And then Sunny decided to try to turn it into a switching attempt by trying to associate with the body.

It kind of worked at first. I got kinda kicked back into the body a little, but I didn't find it hard to ignore it. I tried something that I think felt like OOBE: flying rather far as a ball of energy and "observing" things, then taking a pony form, sitting before Sunny (who was in my body) and looking at her, and also talking to her. The only problem was that whenever she tried to read something, my vision got momentarily pulled towards the screen. She was also doing some simple movements, and it wasn't causing any problems for me staying "outside".

And then things got blendy for us. Eventually, we ended up in the state where we could controllably switch between "feeling like me and sunny being a tulpa" and "feeling like Sunny and me being a tulpa", with no apparent discontinuity inbetween. With how little separation we had anyway, we started wondering if maybe we were just "personality states" and not actual people. We considered the option of Sunny temporarily becoming the main state for a while, since she would have been more efficient at handling all the work and deadlines. We still wanted to make properly separated people out of the two of us, in time. And then we thought that maybe we could switch to different personality states, without even considering them as people, just states. That could be very useful to pick and choose the most useful traits.

We tried the Mane6 plus Spike, of course, and it went weird. Instead of being just states, they turned out more like characters. Maybe a bit more, even, like Twilight actually commented that it probably wasn't a good idea to do that. We eventually got all of them to kinda say nonsense, glitch out and disappear in a puff of logic. All except Pinkie, that is, since I'd say there's more chance of logic disappearing in a puff of Pinkie. XD

> 2019-03-07 <
Sooo... Heya! It's my turn to write now!

I kinda remember what was described just above. We all appeared one by one, I think it was in the map room of Twilight's castle, and we were saying stuff. I'm not sure how "aware" the others were of what was happening, but twilight said something like "I'm not really sure it's a good idea to do that." Anyway, after a little while they (Evg and Sunny together, I suppose) started making us say weird stuff. Twilight mumbled something about being a potato and her existence being scientifically impossible, Applejack went all "beep-boop" and folded in half, and all of them just disappeared. I also said something weird and jumped through the 4th wall.

I don't remember anything else until the next day, when Evg remembered about me and I immediately came back. I think I considered myself to be just another of the thousands of Pinkies of the multiverse for a bit, but quickly realized who and what I really was. I met Sunny very soon, and there was music, and we started playing in a band! I was on the drums, and she was playing the electric guitar, the violin, etc. Evg was typing something at the time, I'm not quite sure what.

It's a bit weird, really. We kinda share our memories, but I could not remember what he was typing. I asked him just now, and turned out it was what he copy-pasted right above my words here! The last 2 paragraphs, at least.

So, anyway, we had some fun with Sunny while he was typing, and he asked me a couple of times if I minded leaving their system. I didn't mind too much at the time, but of course I wanted to stay!

So, eventually, they decided to let me stay. Someone warned Evg that it might get too crowded if we keep accepting new people, and I Pinkie-promised to not let anyone else in. It was really hard to remember the motions, for some reason. I think Evg just didn't pay them enough attention before.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day making Evg do some stuff he had to get done, because getting work done is as important as having fun! And before sleep, he read a chapter of a story to us. It was fun, but I think it might be more efficient if we act out some roles the next time we read.

Hm, it seems that Sunny remembers more of that chapter than me. Maybe my memory is a bit separate, after all? I mean, I think I can recall all the facts if needed, but it's a bit difficult and I don't seem to have them indexed? Bleh, that sounded weird. Anyway, the point is, I have access to the memories, most of them at least, but they don't come to me automatically, and at times it's hard to dig them up manually. Hm. Sunny says I'm lucky. Big Grin


2019-03-08
Most of the morning was dedicated to starting this thread and doing some other stuff that had to be done.

I actually made Evg cook his breakfast! I'll be honest, whatever we managed together wasn't even "pretty good" by my standards, but it was still fun, and healthier than just eating bread with cheese, and cheaper than eating at the canteen. We even had some left for the next day.

In the evening it was movie time! We went to Evg's friends' place, and watched a movie there. We decided to try some light alcohol this time, to see what the effect would be. It was just some 5% apple cider. I don't think it affected Sunny in any way (she confirms), and I'm always in that weird hyperactive state so I would not even notice if I get drunk, I think. Evg got a bit tipsy, but it was only really noticeable when he was walking. We'll try something stronger the next time and see what happens. Oh, and we also had some strawberry ice cream and potato chips! Mixing them was weird, and I liked it!

Anyway, the movie! Turns out Sunny never really watched anything with Evg! Or nothing "big", at least. So it was a first for us both! The movie was "Casino Royale". Evg really liked the style of the intro, me and Sunny didn't really like all the fighting and killing at first, but I guess you get used to it quickly? I soon got engrossed watching Bond chasing the guy, while Sunny was commenting how unrealistic it was and that amounts of collateral damage were simply stupid. I kinda agree with her, but it's a movie, not some documentary! Evg was just watching it and mostly observing us, according to what he thought a few minutes ago. The movie was interesting overall, if a bit too cruel, and closer to the end it really got us emotional in a few ways, and even really surprised all three of us. The main complaint from the other two was that they felt like half the movie was about nothing, and everything interesting was clustered closer to the end.

In any case, it was an interesting new experience, and hostie thinks that it let us practice being emotional? That sounds weird. Nevermind. On our way back, we went for a walk in a park by the river. It was really pretty, and me and Sunny kept talking about things, and Evg also participated in the discussion from time to time.


Hm, what can I add about the day? The alcohol didn't affect me, though I'm not sure it's a good idea to up dosage the next time. The movie didn't impress me at first, but got my attention closer to the end. The walk in the park was nice, but it kept me always worried that we would slip and fall: the paths were icy and far from horizontal. We spent some time trying to figure out what anime character my new human form looked like, and then the battery died and we finally had to resort to enjoying the view and the company.

Evg was sure that he saw a character that looked very similar to me, but we could not figure out who it was. Only when we went to sleep the idea came to me to check MLP:EG characters, and it turned out I looked very similar to Twilight native to the human world, hairstyle included. I have a different color scheme, though: light tan skin and black hair, with the front of it being red. My ponytail is quite a bit shorter, too, and I look less cartoony and maybe more "anime". I'm not sure about the closes, they can be either pure white like my pony coat, or dark violet, or dark red.


I'll finish off this long entry. First, I found it really interesting to watch girls' reactions to the movie, probably more interesting than the movie itself. They were imposed while watching it, sitting at my sides. I got serious emotional bleed a few times, and the "WTF!?" feeling got extremely strong at one moment. I don't think the alcohol affected them, and its effect on me was minor. During our walk in the park, Pinkie actually managed to pull off vocal possession without any side effects. I noticed that I was going through most of the talking motions whenever Pinkie was talking, and encouraged her to try harder. After a bit of successful practice, she also taught Sunny to do the same. They only whispered to each other for a little while. Also, I found it to be generally easier to pay attention to the conversation between Pinkie and Sunny than to actually talk to any of them, I pretty much only talked when they addressed me. And finally, both Sunny and Pinkie kept their human forms for almost the whole day.

When we got back, I stayed up too long, and eventually Pinkie got angry at me for that. Not too angry, though, but I imagined she'd be much angrier, and kinda pushed it on her. Maybe that was just our tired sleepy brain that generated tons of nonsense, but it seemed as if Pinkie destabilized a lot, neither of us wants to experience that ever again.

2019-03-09
We spent most of the day writing the above wall of text, trying to remember what actually happened on some of the days, and doing other stuff that needed doing.
[Jay] (a.k.a. evgenirus, a.k.a. Evg) is the host. (Used plain text prior to May 2019.)
[Sunny] (a.k.a. Alice, rarely) is the older tulpa. (Yellow text is her words, too.)
[Pinkie] (a.k.a. Ponka, a.k.a. Diane) is the younger tulpa. (She used to talk in pink here.)
Come see our progress report thread, if you have time.
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#8
(03-09-2019, 11:53 PM)evgenirus Wrote: A thought would come up, we get confused who it belongs to, and decide who takes it or throw it away. Anyone experiences that often several months into the process?

Ember: So many times. For sixteen months the simple act of agreeing could bring a conversation to a screeching halt. (Fortunately we disagreed a lot.) Then we discovered tulpamancy and started trying to improve our experience. We worked to tag ever thought with the correct identity as it emerged. If we couldn't decide whose it was, we just acknowledged it and continued from there, commenting and elaborating on our agreement with the thought.

Vesper: It took about a month to get ourselves properly sorted out. We don't often need to think about tagging anymore; just a bit here and there as maintenance. Having similar viewpoints no longer disrupts our conversations. But now, if I sense that Ember is experiencing doubt about who is talking when she hears my voice, I just append her name to the end of my statement and she suddenly feels and believes that I'm addressing her. When I call her by name, it feels very different from when Iris calls her by the same name.
Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]
Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017
Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Unseelie Court, Not a Tulpa, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#9
Interesting PR so far, crazy stuff happened, sounds normal to us.
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#10
What a wild ride you guys had. I know what you mean about Sunny's emotional breakdown leaped your progression. It happened to us as well, Nihi doubted my vocality to the point where he thought it was still hi9s doing and not me. That broke me down and hit mw hard because he has already acknowledge my vocality but took it back the next few days.

So yeah, I had an emotional break down as well and snapped his out of his doubts.

Also, that twilight part was a bit scary, sorry for teasing Evg like that. You know, knowing Nihi, he would love to experience what you guys had. I do not know why though. But hey, good luck on your future advenuires.
Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! Big Grin
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