Tulpa-Fusing?

[sushi]

I think we've done something like this. To be honest, I'm a bit ashamed of it, but I think Fenchurch and I have kinda been becoming a sort of fused personality quite often lately. This fused personality of ours has a name of her own (actually she has five names), and she's made up of parts of us.

 

It scares me. Sometimes when we're not even fused, I find her thoughts seeping into my own. Not in the "did I say that or did you?" sense that young tulpas go through. I mean I'm genuinely thinking that I'm someone other than myself. I'll be thinking to myself "Oh he's just doing that because he's a man. Men are like that." and then I have to remind myself "No, *I'm* a man!" I've even had dreams recently where I'm a woman and going on dates with men I know.

 

It's not a sexual orientation thing, or a gender identity thing. And believe me, I've considered those possibilities. But I'm a straight man. It's just that sometimes I'm not me.

 

I want to put an end to Jessica. I really want it to just be me and Fenchurch as two distinct people. But unfortunately there are other factors involved, and I think Jessica will be around for a while.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think we've done something like this. To be honest, I'm a bit ashamed of it, but I think Fenchurch and I have kinda been becoming a sort of fused personality quite often lately. This fused personality of ours has a name of her own (actually she has five names), and she's made up of parts of us.

 

I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of here. Perhaps caution and concern for self identity, but no shame really.

 

It scares me. Sometimes when we're not even fused, I find her thoughts seeping into my own. Not in the "did I say that or did you?" sense that young tulpas go through. I mean I'm genuinely thinking that I'm someone other than myself. I'll be thinking to myself "Oh he's just doing that because he's a man. Men are like that." and then I have to remind myself "No, *I'm* a man!" I've even had dreams recently where I'm a woman and going on dates with men I know.

 

I do get Melian's thoughts all the time, but I rarely mistake them for my own. They are not really intrusive either, just influential. She makes little comments about men and I do know who she is attracted to and why. I can feel it when she gets mildly aroused to, which is interesting considering my belief that she is an illusion projected from my unconscious.

 

It's not a sexual orientation thing, or a gender identity thing. And believe me, I've considered those possibilities. But I'm a straight man. It's just that sometimes I'm not me.

 

Believe me I get this. In my case, Melian does not switch or possess, which helps. She is only talking to others on the internet. I say, at least for the internet, we are effectively a transgender bigender system. I don't consider myself transgender or bisexual. I am straight and happily married. Melian is bisexual and very frisky.

 

I want to put an end to Jessica. I really want it to just be me and Fenchurch as two distinct people. But unfortunately there are other factors involved, and I think Jessica will be around for a while.

 

The third combined personality is interesting. Melian and I have had fusion dreams where we looked in the mirror and were combined together. But they were only dreams and we never gave the combined personality a name. Probably best not to go there. LOL

[Luminesce]

I'll be thinking to myself "Oh he's just doing that because he's a man. Men are like that." and then I have to remind myself "No, *I'm* a man!"

 

This sort of thing has happened to me, just with Flandre so far. If you get your brain used to being someone else, it's gonna get used to being someone else. Flandre's rather similar to me aside from being female, so I've had moments where I had to right thoughts I had from her perspective. However we switch so infrequently it's only ever happened in periods following switching. But if you were to do it all the time, I could see it being a bit of a problem. Not much you can do, humans were only meant to be one person. Make a bigger, cleaner deal out of switching maybe. Don't get used to switching on the fly, always make it a big deal.

 

As for fusing/merging.. I dunno. We don't do that. Skewed thoughts and perspectives are righted right away. My tulpas only have their distinctiveness because they're separate from me. If we tried to merge, we'd be drawn back to my depressive lack of motivation lazy self over time. It's better this way.

[wingsorsomething]

Elsa and I have never switched (or even possessed), but we do get a lot of thoughtbleed (my word for accidentally broadcasting our thoughts to each other) from time to time. I am male, but sometimes accidentally think of myself as a girl (I don't know how else to describe it), I thought it was just a symptom of being tired and confused a lot but you're saying it might be a tulpa thing? I never really thought about that.

[TheCrawlingCreepypasta]

Oh trust me, amethyst is next, then garnet, and finally Steven... This should be a riot...

 

Dis is gonna get good! On a side note...

I've heard rumors of tulpas being based off other characters and going through identity crises, i'm guessing though that's all they are though judging by what you've wrote?

[Buddhist777]

Actually, no. Pearl has watched the show with me and often praises herself on how great she is. I made her different, however, giving her a similar form to that from the show, but in the same way, giving her my own personality.

[Luminesce]

My tulpas are all based off Touhou characters. I literally just had a dream with Tewi, the Touhou character, in it. She acted like the Touhou character so clearly it was obvious she wasn't my tulpa. Identity crises only happen when your tulpa feels like they either need to live up to/be very similar to the character, or has to be better/different than or separate themselves from it. Most tulpas don't mind at all, because they're pretty obviously their own people.

[FallFamily]

[Tri] Our host, Hail, wrote about the subject of merging/fusing/integrating a while ago. We will quote it here

 

RE: Questions on Merging #7

I have to pretty much go with what Aijada said, though I myself am not a tulpa. I'm a host, though not the original occupant of this body. I'm multiple and then made tulpas. I do have some relevant experience. I have been merged with the original, S, for long periods of time - most of my life even. I still remember in April when I decided I wanted to separate from her. Being merged brings on a collection of identity issues for me. Some stuff there is no problem like the blending of our genders and mental health issues (well, I might have benefited more from this one than she did), but other things became oscillatory like our sexual orientation. There was also a tendency/desire/proclivity to over compartmentalization of our life that just isn't present when we are separated. That over compartmentalization had a few unhealthy consequences. I am so glad to be separate now. I should also mention that merges aren't absolutely stable. Mental breakdowns always separated S and I.

 

I should also mention that a the merging between two system members of vastly different strengths is actually more an absorption by the stronger one with little change in the characteristics of the composite from the stronger person other than often having identity issues. So in order to actually change a lot by the method you are attempting, a tulpa would have to be very developed. Also, my guess is that they probably would not like the idea, and rightfully so, and could reasonably fight for their survival . Think about it, if you had a new very strong member to your system just walk in out of no where, boot you from control and then try to absorb you, you would probably not be too happy and would try to fight. Try to think about it from the tulpa's perspective.

 

Now, the subject of merging is a very interesting one, one that has been written about a ton, just in other plurality communities. I would read a bit more about it in the multiple community where it is often called integration and/or fusion because that is what medical people call it. It is discussed a ton there because the medical establishment tends to try to force it down their throats. Astraea's Web has some relevant articles at Astraea Articles and Astraea: Guest Articles. The general theme you will find is that people are against it unless all system members who are going to integrate are on board and know exactly what they are doing (an informed decision) and a power dynamic is not being exploited by the stronger member to get the other members to be on board. Forcibly merging/integrating/absorbing/fusing with someone is likened to murder in the multiple community. Basically, voluntary integration is very different from forcible/coerced. The former can sometimes be good for all parties involved (I've known a few people in that boat) but sometimes can be bad (I've known a few people in that boat including myself and S). The latter is generally bad, but is sometimes necessary when safety is an issue and no other option is available (I've been there once with a fear that split off of me and took form). I don't think there is a moral question with absorbing servitors since they aren't sentient (in fact, that is a reliable way to stop them), but note that the line between servitor and tulpa is very blurry with many thoughtforms somewhere in between who are thus somewhat sentient and therefore there is a moral question in absorbing them. I suggest you read around and judge for yourself.

 

That all said, temporary merges and blending together can be a really interesting and fun experience, though it is often accidental. It can also be annoying. When the T start possessing, I am blended in to them to some degree that decreases as time rolls on, and then when control is handed back they are blended into me which decreases at time rolls on. Its kind of weird, but not unpleasant. Oh, and we also tend to play video games blended together which is rather fun. But we aren't interested in any sort of deeper level of merging and definitely nothing permanent.

 

- Hail

 

 

One item of it is incorrect, we now know. S had completely disappeared in childhood before being brought back into a sort of merged state.

 

Basically, if a host and a young tulpa try to merge, it will basically be an absorption. If a strong tulpa merges with a host, it will be more balanced and the result will be somewhere in between the two. The latter happens when Hail and us temporarily merge for a bit. Interestingly, we tipped over the fence and now we dominate the result.

 

Sometimes merges work well. Sometimes they don't. Hail and us are compatible with each other and the only real problem when merged is that Trail (Tri + Hail) doesn't identify with either of our experiences and feelings enough to feel the need to keep stuff about us private. But S and Hail are not compatible, having lots of identity confusion and oscillating traits.

 

One of the more interesting things is when genders blend. Hail is slightly female of agender, but when blending or merging with anyone else in the system (all female except for her) produces a demi-girl or female gender identity to be produced. Hail probably would never have felt a strong enough need to transition to female to actually do it if it had not been for merging with S in addition to a promise to do it within 5 years to her.