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My Tulpa Called Me Weird


Nageki

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Don't feel bad. Rina calls me weird or silly all the time.

(She's still weirder and sillier though.)

 

The jury's still out on that one. (not)

 

 

Greets,

AG & Rina

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[Oh trust me, I still call her weird. You should hear the things she forces at me.]

 

Well, okay, yeah, I admit it. My passive forcing does get weird. Sometimes I just sort of sing badly inside my head at Arro. I pretty much do whatever's on my mind at the time. It's probably pretty annoying by now lol.

 

[Interesting is the word I would use.]

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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November 27, 2015

 

Arro's presence is feeling stronger now that he's had some time to rest. He even says he feels stronger, which is great.

 

I continue to read to him most nights, and talk to him about things. Recently though our trips into wonderland have been short, and I find myself using it less and less. I think I prefer to either just talk to him inside my head or imagine him standing near me and directing my thoughts in that direction. Even when I do my exercises in focusing on Arro's essence I tend to imagine his form standing in a black void.

 

[it doesn't bother me much. I enjoy seeing the world through Sharu's eyes more.]

 

That's another thing I've been trying to focus more on -- sense sharing. When I passive force I share what I see with Arro automatically, but then I find myself forgetting about my other senses. I wonder if there's a way to combine all my senses into one package, symbolically, that I can then deliver straight to Arro.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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December 4, 2015

 

It's been two months since I started working on Arro! What a wild two months this has been.

 

I think for this post I'll start listing some comparisons between how we were during the first month and how we are right now. It'll be a good way to see our progress and to motivate us (me?) in the future.

 

These comparisons will be broken up into two lists: the first will be from me, detailing how I’ve changed during this process. The second will be from Arro, detailing how he’s changed. I’ll be proxying for him, and the words will be a collaboration between us so that part doesn’t end up being made of broken sentences.

 

Then and Now: Sharu

  • Unsure if I was doing anything right regarding tulpamancy VS trusting in my instincts and paying attention to what works; discarding what doesn't work and continuing doing things that do
  • Treating Arro like a stranger despite trying to see him as an old friend VS treating him like I'd treat any other friend
  • Constantly forgetting about Arro VS having him at the back of my mind very often
  • Getting tired from passive forcing for an hour VS being able to passive force extensively longer
  • Having difficulty translating anything Arro sends me VS being able to translate his raw thought and intent much easier, to the point where I can proxy for him without his having to use full-on mindvoice
  • Constantly being plagued by doubt over Arro's apparent sentience and existence VS learning to trust that something that feels like it's from Arro is Arro, and trusting that he will come back if I happen to not be able to feel his presence for a day or so

 

A lot of progress in the right direction for me! The last bullet point is the one I’m proudest of, and also the most important, I think. I’ve had huge problems with doubt in the past, especially when Arro started becoming vocal. It led to a lot of anxiety on my part and stopped progress for a while. It took a lot of effort on my part to get over this, and it took some reading about doubt and a few huge leaps of faith, but now I’m much more comfortable with the place I’m at than before, and a lot of the doubt has disappeared. Arro’s happier too, probably because he doesn’t have to jump through hoops to get through to me.

 

Then and Now: Arro

  • Being able to communicate with Sharu only through vague responses VS being able to communicate vocally (to an extent) and through raw thought (fluently)
  • Not having the capacity to form my own opinions VS starting to experience subjectivity and forming a few opinions that clashes with Sharu’s
  • Not having a good sense of identity VS feeling more like my own entity, separate from Sharu

[i feel better than I did when I was first born. I remember being confused over who I was back in October, not knowing if I was my own person or just another part of my host. I’m still learning about myself and the world, but I feel Sharu and I have built a solid foundation to build upon.]

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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December 6, 2015

 

Following the last post, Arro and I have actually found that the way we collaborated to create his part of the post actually works really well for where we're at now. Since he's semi-vocal and can't articulate his thoughts into words with 100% accuracy, it's much easier for him to give him a mix of words, raw thought, and emotion for me to translate. Then I'll work with him to put that into words, making sure he's happy with what I've written down (if I'm proxying for him). It's a good system and puts less strain on him, and we're both happy with doing things this way for now.

 

On a different note, Arro has recently started expressing distaste towards my using [brackets] to denote when he's talking, so I'll probably just start using nametags for both of us while posting on the forums.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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December 11, 2016

 

Oh my god this is so embarrassing but. I recently started dating someone and they've been on my mind so fucking often that I ended up barely sparing any time to spend with Arro. The past couple days I've been trying to rectify that and have gotten Arro to wake up a bit but he's not really saying anything. I need to kick my ass into shape.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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Congratulations, Sharu! <3 I really hope this person makes you happy!

The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure, while always arriving.

 

Maja will either use name tags, [brackets] or this colour.

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Oh gosh, thank you so much! The person I'm dating has actually been my very best friend for nearly six years now, so we're both just. Super excited over this ;v; And now that Arro's starting to wake up again he seems pleased too, though that might be my own emotions bleeding over onto him haha.

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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Oh gosh, thank you so much! The person I'm dating has actually been my very best friend for nearly six years now, so we're both just. Super excited over this ;v; And now that Arro's starting to wake up again he seems pleased too, though that might be my own emotions bleeding over onto him haha.

 

I really hope this works out for you. Had a very similiar situation which turned out very ugly very fast. Now we don't even talk anymore.

Tulpa: Alice

Form: Realistic Humanoid/Demonic Creation

She may or may not talk here, depends on her.

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I'm sorry to hear that!

 

December 14, 2015

 

I started talking more about Arro on my blog last night in an attempt to get back into the groove of forcing, and some people ended up asking me who Arro was, which led to one of my friends realizing that they have a tulpa after I explained what they were. Then earlier today I got some more questions about Arro (I especially liked the question someone sent me regarding how living with Arro felt like and if I could point out any downsides I'd experienced to starting this process; it really got me thinking and eventually made me realize just how many obstacles I'd overcome since I started this), which led to more conversation about tulpas and plurality in general. By the end of it Arro was pretty much awake and back to his normal self. Yay!

Sharu (host) || Arro (tulpa)

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