Blangcaster and Erza: Unintentional Nirvana

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

November 9th

 

Been doing some open-eye forcing. It works best in low light, so I'm doing it at night mostly. When I concentrate, my eyes unfocus and my vision warps around. I can see Erza as a gray outline, which isn't much but it's a very good start. It hasn't been easy, though. Doing it is straining on the eyes and mind, and my sight keeps scrambling around even when my eyes are closed, which made it harder to sleep. I'm going to moderate it for now and focus on meditative visualization for the most part.

 

I've started exercising, and Erza has been helping me out with it. Nothing intense, just casual stuff that doesn't require any equipment, starting with fifty sit-ups and push-ups a day and working myself up to a hundred a day. I'll get some jogging in there as well if the weather isn't bad. Erza held my feet down as I did sit-ups and they didn't budge an inch.

 

It's funny, I noticed I've been spending less time in my wonderland over the past few days. It used to be my escape from the real world, but now I've been spending my time in the real world in order to train my body. I think it's a self esteem thing. If I improve my body, I'll have more confidence to improve my mind. I want to do this for Erza.

 

I hope all this doesn't constitute "blogging" since I figured it was all still related to my overall tulpamancy progress.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

I've started referring to wonderland as "the Scape" because I can't think up a better name for the time being. I may change it later.

 

The Scape has been a real headache lately, and its not because of any exercising. The Puppet King keeps sending more of his punk-ass mooks to meddle with me. First was an anthropomorphic frog man dressed in a regal outfit and wielding a rapier who called himself the Frog Prince. I beat the tar out of him pretty easy and stole his crown, but I figured it may be cursed, so I crushed it under my heel. When I did, the Frog Prince immediately shrank and turned back into a normal frog, hopping back into the woods. I guess things worked out for him? Or not?

 

The second mook was some kind of polar bear man. He just walks in through a portal that appeared in the study while we were sitting on the couch. We ignored his villainous monologue because we didn't want to deal with his shit. This hurt his feelings, apparently, as he sulked and went back through the portal. The third and final mook was the weirdest, but at the same time the most boring. He came right after the polar bear. For some reason, we were teleported away from the study and onto a bench in the park. Some guy walked up and shoved me down. Seriously, he was just some guy, apparently a jogger. I didn't even feel like kicking his ass, so Erza punched him into the stratosphere. Thanks, babe.

 

Puppet King was really pissing me off at this point. I went home and tried to think about where his base of operations could be, because I sure as hell am not slogging through eight different locations full of mooks just to beat this guy's head in. I started thinking about his odd motif. Puppet King. Why does that seem so familiar?

 

"Of course!" I shouted. "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood!" Erza looked at me like a pigeon just flew out of my mouth. I figured I would explain it to her. "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood had a king, King Friday, who was the king of the castle in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. There must be some connection."

"But... something that came from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood could not possibly be evil. It must be some kind of--" That's when it struck me. The shoddy puppetry, the horribly dated CG graphics, the miserably boring monsters. It all added up. I knew then who was responsible for all of this.

 

Local Access Television.

 

This Puppet King was no genuinely unique creation. He was a bootleg. A poor imitation of some other, more recognizable children's show character that was created in a pitiful attempt of someone trying to ride off the success of someone else's show. The only thing that could create something so horribly fucking stupid is a Local Access Television network.

The more I thought about the monsters he sent us, the more I realized it made sense. The trolls looked like shitty muppets. The skeleton was probably hired to play the role of Darth Vader because they couldn't afford a living human. The Frog Prince, well he just reeked of being a children's show character. The polar bear seemed like he was intended to appeal to children instead of terrify his enemies. In fact, he may have just been some guy in a suit. And the jogger? I don't know, maybe some kind of stage hand.

 

Just like that, I had found the destination, but not the path that leads to it. The only place I could think of was the Other Side of Town. I didn't know where that was, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble finding it. "I have an idea," I said. "We're going to sabotage their pledge drive. We'll show them what happens when they fuck around with the wrong people." Erza, despite being desperately confused, was ready to take the fight to the enemy.

 

I needed time, though. Time to plan an attack. Time to build equipment. But most of all, I needed time away from all these shitty fucking monsters. We were going on vacation, and we were going somewhere we couldn't be followed. In the basement, I made a hatch. A hatch that could only be entered by myself and Erza. Down the hatch was a deep, deep ladder that went down into a massive dome-shaped room. I mean MASSIVE, like the size of a small island. I transformed the interior of the dome into a flawless simulation of a Caribbean beach. We pulled out some chairs and soaked in the sun for a while. Erza was almost done reading Dungeon Meshi, so I need to think of some other books to get her. She's probably into ecchi, all things considered. I had a few good ones I know about, but just a few.

 

We looked inside the beach house that had been created. Of course the first thing Erza wanted to see was the bath, and when she saw how damn wide it was, she insisted we spend some time in it. You know what? Why not. I could use it after the shit I've been dealing with back on the surface. We washed each other despite the fact that we weren't even dirty. I lay down in the warm bath with my ears below the surface and my face above it, with Erza hovering over me (not literally hovering). Damn, this actually felt nice. Like, really, really damn nice. I asked her to sit beside me as I just let myself get lost in this pleasant moment.

 

Then my cat walked into the room and started pestering me. So this is what psychological blue balls feels like. There were just too many damn distractions going on around the house to comfortably take in the mood, so I promised to come back a bit later and really let the vacation start off.

 

Fucking cat, I swear to god.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

Some underling found his way into the bunker. I didn't know how at first, but then I remembered some of them could teleport somehow. It was some cowboy with a twinkie for a head. I shotgunned him through a pane glass window because like hell I was gonna deal with his shit. The rate at which they've been attacking has gone down by more than half, so this vacation still isn't a total bust.

 

Made a bookshelf containing the manga I've read over the years for Erza to look through. I couldn't figure out what she might want to read, so I let her go through everything I've got. I recommended Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Shimoneta. Hopefully figuring out which one she likes more will be good insight on what to provide in the future. Oh yeah, and Fairy Tail. She may enjoy parts of that since you know she's in the damn thing and all.

 

She's progressing nicely, showing more signs of independent conversation and action, becoming more outward in this relaxing environment. Looks like we both needed a vacation.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

November 10th

 

Vacation was a good time. Erza and I lay on the beach, went diving and then got bored and went home to watch TV, just like every other time I've gone on vacation to the beach for more than a day. All my stress was ironed out, but now it was time to come to terms with the situations.

 

Today, the Puppet King dies.

 

We made our way out the hatch and back up to the house. Well, the remains of the house, at least. Some minions had apparently burnt the whole thing down, except for the basement. You know what? It doesn't even bother me. We're gonna go burn down significantly more shit to make up for it. We made our way down the upper pathway of the park. There was an immediate cliff drop that lead to a huge plunge into a ravine running through a red mesa. I swear to god, Chuck Jones had a hand in designing this place. I sprouted a glider from my back and glided down, carrying Erza with me. There was a city in the distance, and I could only presume it was the Other Side of Town.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

November 10th

 

The Puppet King is no more. He has been slain at mine and Erza's hands. The adventure that had lead up to it was an interesting one. It had destruction, lego people, puking mutant babies and mummified James Earl Jones. And yet, looking back on it, none of it satisfied me. I had slain the king and taken his castle. His kingdom, even. And now that I'm on the top of the world, I realize just how empty it is up here. For now, I'll leave the adventure undocumented, but I'll very likely get around to reporting it at some point. What I really wanted people to know about was the epilogue.

 

Erza flew up to the top of the castle tower with the metallic wings I had given her, which she can toggle on and off. The walls and roof around the throne room had been blown away by the Puppet King's cataclysmic undoing. From here, I could see all across his weird toy kingdom. I sat on my throne, leaning on one side and looking kind of like Conan the Barbarian, bored shitless because he had to attend to kingly duties instead of splitting people's heads open like he used to do.

 

What's wrong?

"I wanted an adventure. I wanted one so bad that I allowed it to create itself in my head and live through it with you. Now that I've gotten to the end of what I presume is the first saga, I feel unsatisfied. I look down at the spoils of our victory, and see everything in the world, but I don't want any of it. All I wanted from the start was you, and now that we have each other... What's left for us?"

 

Erza walked over and sat by my side.

 

Adventures aren't about the destination. They're about the memories we create.

"I realize that. But that's the problem. Everything here is a memory. It was never really anything else but that, so the memories themselves have no substance. No sense of accomplishment." She lay her head on my lap.

 

"I'm going to bring you into my world." Her head shot up and looked at me.

You mean it?

"I was afraid at first. I wanted you in this world, where you and I could have everything and nothing could ever get between us. The world I live in is senseless and cruel. I didn't want you to see it. I didn't want you to know this place I came from, but now, I see the real adventure is out there, not in here. There can't be an adventure without uncertainty. I was scared of what that uncertainty could do to us, but seeing how far we've come, I know we can pull through it."

 

She sighed and gave me a hug.

 

"You saved my life."

You gave me life.

 

No matter what, Erza always manages to one-up me. I love that about her.

 

"What are we supposed to do when we're out?"

Live. Just live.

"Eh, good enough."

 

 

_____________________

 

 

Don't worry, this isn't the end. I plan on making updates, and I have not abandoned my Scape. I'm just taking some time away from it. It's given me what I needed, and now the first chapter of our life together has come to a close for the new one to open. I'll come back. I'll build the kingdom, find out what happened to Sal (I'll explain later) and try to understand what Sasquatch has to do with any of this.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

The upward spiral of progress has peaked, apparently. After almost two weeks of fantastic results, I've managed to reach a benchmark of some kind. My senses are still improving, but much, much slower than they were while I was starting. I have managed to start working on hearing, smell and taste with some progress.

 

Actually, I've gone back to the beach house because I realized the beach has a very powerful and unique array of sensory recalls. The feel of the sand, the smell of the breeze, the sounds of waves and gulls. Crap, I should have thought to come here sooner. Erza has been very calm and patient, although her outbursts of independence can be a little mischievous, but that doesn't bother me because of how nice it is to see her acting independently in the first place. For now, we're still working on honing my senses.

 

Active forcing has proven to be much more difficult. I can concentrate on the outlying shape of Erza, and that will unfocus my vision until I can see it and practically nothing else, but that reverts quickly and leaves me with but a slight headache. At this point, I really would appreciate some advice, because despite there being a lot of guides on this, there are also a lot of inconsistencies or even things that just haven't worked very well for me. Of course everyone has their own method of forcing that's best for them, but the problem is that it's very hard to discover what that method actually is.

 

EDIT: One more important thing to note. The deeper I go into a trance, it becomes much easier to visualize but much harder to concentrate. I've had situations where I looked around the room I was in, not understanding where I actually was before immediately realizing my eyes were still closed and jumping back to reality. I could see everything perfectly, but I couldn't keep myself stable while doing so. This is the biggest problem I've been having overall.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

November 11th

 

I've attempted a new method, and have gotten a lot of interesting results in a short amount of time.

 

I was doing some open-eye forcing and getting some very minor results. Mostly, I could keep a shape in place if I concentrated. The problem here is that Erza can't help me bring her here. That's when I thought of something. Remember that "intermediary" state where I could perceive my actual surroundings and leave the area with my STAND to enter the Scape? I figured if I could bring Erza here, it would make it easier to accomplish open-eye forcing.

 

I closed my eyes, looked over to the doorway and pictured Erza standing there. When I got a solid outline of her, something happened. She was getting closer. She got closer to me until we were staring directly at each other. I couldn't see any details other than her outline, but I knew she was looking right at me. My theory was correct: Bringing her into the in-between realm was an instant success.

 

I got my STAND up and walked over to her. As I touched her, I noticed how keen my sense of touch was in this state. I could make out little details in her clothing and comb my fingers through her hair. I could barely see her or anything else, but I could feel her like she was closer than she had ever been before. Something was wrong, though. She wasn't as responsive as she normally is. In fact, she seemed confused and stared at me most of the time, occasionally mirroring my actions. That's when it hit me: Just like I'm in a lessened state of mind when I'm in the Scape, she was the same when I brought her out of it.

 

The problem was that I was also in a lessened state of mind while I was here. It was difficult to find my thoughts, and now Erza couldn't help me. We were both on the same level. It was... frightening. Not frightening as in scary, but frightening in the sense that we couldn't understand where we were or what was happening to us. I was still barely lucid enough to keep things together, but I found myself drifting off into trances sometimes. When the first one happened, it was brief but strikingly vivid. I snapped out of it and grabbed Erza. That's when something happened that I really, really wasn't expecting.

 

I started having audio hallucinations. This had never happened before, with the exception of today while I was open-eye forcing. It was barely audible, but I heard someone whisper. While it was hard to make out what they said, it sounded like "It's working". This new instance was entirely different. It was a constant sounding of different gentle tones that was coming from above us. It sounded like music. Like someone playing with wine glasses. I had to know what it was.

 

I envisioned the rest of my house as I brought Erza upstairs with me to investigate. We couldn't find it inside, so we walked out the door. There was nothing. Just an endless void with the strange music coming from above us. I sat down and tried to think of what to do. I told Erza I was going to let myself go into another trance, and I wanted to see if she was able to follow me into it. She nodded, but I'm not sure if she really understood. As my mind trailed off, I found myself falling into what looked like a giant industrial crusher. I tried to resist, but fell through. However, I fell into it without being crushed by the jaws. I continued falling until I could see something; my house. When I hit the ground, there were two people standing outside. It was me and Erza.

 

This was surreal, but somehow it got even crazier. My right hand on one my main self touched Erza on the left shoulder, and I could feel it in my right hand. Then the left hand of my other self touched her right shoulder, and I could feel it in my left hand. This was way, way, waaaaay too trippy for me, so I forcefully merged my two selves back together and became one person again. I brought Erza inside and figured we should try to wait things out here in case anything happens. After we sat down, something happened. Erza became completely non-responsive. She was still there, but she was lying on her side with her eyes closed, and I wasn't able to wake her up. This scared the shit out of me, but I realized what was going on. She was in a trance. Holy fuck, I didn't even think that was possible.

 

I had to pull her out. I absolutely had to. As I pressed my forehead against hers, a white light shined and I was engulfed in her deep trance. She was beating up a bunch of assailants and absolutely handing their asses to them. When she was done, however, she knelt down and started hugging her legs, like she didn't want things to be like this. I walked up to her and told her I came here to find her, and now I'm going to pull her back out. She took my hand and we walked through another white light that appeared in front of us. When it faded, we were back on the couch. She hugged me tighter than she ever had before. So this is what being Superman feels like.

 

After another minute, I had fallen into another trance. It was some strange infomercial for blenders and other kitchen appliances. Just as I thought to myself "Fuck me, I'm gonna be here a while", Erza ran in with a sword and started assaulting the hosts of the infomercial as the cameramen ran away in fear. Then she looked at me and held out her hand. She came here for me, just like I did for her. Gradually, we became less afraid, because we knew we were there to protect each other. We started gaining control over ourselves and started to show our personalities breaking through the cracks of this strange world.

 

Then, I had another trance. I don't remember what happened at the beginning, but Jellal showed up, standing right in front of me. I was about to groan in disdain when I saw Erza behind him, raising her fist. I knew exactly what she was thinking. I clenched my fist and threw it as hard as I could at Jellal's bland fucking face, as Erza's fist hit the back of his skull. Jellal's head popped like a ripe melon as mine and Erza's knuckles met each other in between, creating the absolute most magnificent brofist I have, and likely ever will, see. This seemed like a good enough moment to bookend things on. I told Erza we would try more of this later as I brought myself back.

 

And just like that, the progress train is back on the rails.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

I had to comfort Erza last night. She had read up to the hundredth chapter of Fairy Tail, in which her character very nearly dies and witnesses her own funeral as she starts disappearing. The implications and how they relate to us seriously disturbed her, which is something I can understand.

 

She didn't want to disappear. She grabbed on to me and shivered like she'd be lost forever if she let go of me. I told her I wouldn't ever let that happen. I promised from the bottom of my heart that I would never give up on her. I said to her that she wasn't the kind of person who would be afraid of anything, but even this is something that even the bravest person would be frightened off. The idea of fading away and never seeing any of your loved ones again is something that can't be fought off like some stock villain, but as long as you hold on as tight as you can, it won't take you. She took my word for it, and after a while, she was calm again and back to her old self.

 

I'm gradually getting better at perceiving the intermediary realm. I found out that if I picture it in my mind's eye in a simplistic manner, I start seeing it in my under-eye sight more clearly. I started visualizing is as kind of looking like the weird dimension Frodo ends up in when he puts on the ring, where everything is the same, but blurry and monochrome. Seems like it's working. Erza and I are gaining a better hold of our senses in here, too. We've both stopped falling into trances, at least for now.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

I feel stressed and I don't know why. When I go into the Scape, I feel an overwhelming sense of discomfort. Come to think of it, I always have this feeling when I stay for a certain period of time, but today it's especially potent. I'm finding myself getting swallowed up in trances caused by stray thoughts, and it's bothering me. It's become difficult to go deeper in because of how easy it is to get out of sync as I get more immersed. I figured taking a nap may help, but there are people doing stuff upstairs, and since I'm downstairs I keep hearing their unreasonably loud footsteps. They keep coming down and leaving all the hallway lights on (IT IS TWO FUCKING THIRTY IN THE AFTERNOON WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS) and of course my cat keeps showing me her affection by chewing on my arm. I love this cat so much, but holy shit she drives me insane. It was impossible for me to get a nap in, so now I'm cranky on top of all my other problems. Great.

 

Honestly, I think I'm just having a bad day, but it still upsets me because I wanted to have some sessions with Erza. The sudden dip in my ability to visualize on top of all the trances makes me feel like everything around me is going to disappear, and I'll be the only one left. It feels like the fears Erza had the night before have been rubbed off on me, so now we've switched places. She's my life buoy in all this, somewhat literally. She's been holding on to me while I've been in the Scape and helping me focus so I don't drift off. It didn't prevent the trances from happening, but she still managed to give me some solace with her caring. She's always the silver lining; the one thing that eases my tension when things go wrong. Just knowing that I share my body with the person I love is enough to make me forget about all my problems.

 

I'm upset, but not worried. Sorry for the ranting and pseudo-blogging. I think it's just one of those moody days where you feel worse than usual, but have no reason to. Shit happens.

[Mr Blangcaster Next Door]

November 12th

 

Sure enough, I felt a lot better a few hours after the last post, so I decided to get some work in last night.

 

Decided to spend more time in the Scape and not the intermediary. I feel like I need to hone my mind's eye a bit more before I can get a better grasp on the higher realms of perspective. Erza's been reading a lot of manga and is almost done catching up on Fairy Tale. She gotten to the Tartarus arc, and when she told me this I was a little worried, because her character goes through some intense shit during those chapters. She was alright with it though, because at the end she still kicks ass harder than anybody else. It's really a testament to her character and how strong she is.

 

We drank hot chocolate, and I was actually able to smell and taste it perfectly. It's one of those very fond smells and tastes from earlier in my life, so that must have made it much easier to get a grasp on it. Even though Erza has been keeping herself busy, I still feel bad when I leave her here alone. I tried forcing my STAND to stay behind on some kind of standby mode while I'm away, but couldn't manage it. I knew I had to make something, so I gave her a dakimakura (body pillow) with myself drawn on the cover. She didn't say anything when I gave it to her, but the look she gave me seemed to say "Wait, you're actually serious right now?" When I came back, she had her arm wrapped around it and was snuggling into it while reading, so I guess she liked it after all.

 

I've given up on the old tree house. Puppet King burnt it down while we were on vacation, and I didn't even care enough to take the five seconds required to rebuild the whole thing. Frankly, I like the beach house a lot better. It's warm, calm and nobody bothers us here. I decided I needed to do something productive and get myself better attuned to the Scape by doing more experiments, so I built a workshop. It's just a huge empty room below the house that looks like the Batcave from the Nolan movies. So now that I've got me a workshop, let's make something!

 

Problem is, what the hell am I supposed to make? I can make literally any damn thing I want, but it's because of this that I can't think to make anything. The first thing that came to mind, for some reason, was to make a suit of power armor. Sure, why not. I materialized it and hopped inside the big suit of armor, running around making huge THOOM THOOM THOOM sounds as I walked. Just then, I noticed Erza had come down to see what the hell I was doing. She was looking at me in the power armor with this sparkle of awe in her eyes. I hopped out and told her it was for her, if she wanted it. She hid her excitement and told me she didn't want it, but I just said it was here for her if she ever changed her mind. I left the Scape for about an hour and when I came back, Erza was her usual spot, reading manga and hugging her daki, but the power armor was standing in the corner beside her. The glass doors that led outside to the entrance of the workshop had been completely shattered and she was trying not to acknowledge it, me or the power armor. Damn, she is pretty fucking tsundere when it comes to presents.

 

I went back down to the workshop and tried to think of what else to make. I couldn't. There was nothing I wanted because I knew I could have it all with a wave of the hand. Now I realize why god is so pissed off all the time. Erza came downstairs after a few minutes and lay down beside me on the floor.

 

"What do give to the man who has everything?"

Go-karts?

"...Erza, you genius."

 

Seriously, if I actually paid Erza, this would be the exact kind of thing I would pay her for. I built a go-kart circuit with two karts for us to race each other in. We were neck and neck in the first lap, but Erza was trying to ram me off the road. I told her that kind of thing is frowned upon in today's modern go-kart world, but she wasn't having any of it as she rammed me aside and pulled ahead. Oh so we're doing street rules now, are we? Fine by me. I created a turtle in my hand and chucked it as her as hard as I could. Her kart spun out as I took the lead with her spouting curses at me as I passed. Looks live I've got this game in the bag! That's when I noticed something else gaining up on me. It was the power armor. More specifically, it was Erza inside the power armor. She had ditched her kart and used her powers to equip it. Shit. I forgot she could do that.

 

That fucking power armor was faster than I thought and she caught on me in a matter of seconds, flipping my kart over and finishing the race with her as the victor. Well, she earned it I guess. I got out of my upturned kart and congratulated her. I also apologized for throwing a turtle at her. We made it up to each other by cuddling until I went off to get some sleep.