I think she already exists

[Guest Anonymous]

Interesting. I think going into the "[character] mode" might play a big role in it. Just speculating, of course, but it seems theirs a correlation between writers and how fast someone makes a tulpa, based on what I've seen here.

Well, that could be it then... that would explain why I was able to at least force some hard-to-understand replies out of her even though it was day one; it simply wasn't day one, like she told me, and the reason for that is that I unintentionally started making her longer ago than just yesterday.

 

For wonderlands, I would say it doesn't matter if you do first- or third-person. You can still work on the essentials from either viewpoint. Some people don't even have wonderlands, so it's not mandatory, if the idea doesn't interest you. Personally, first person is the most intimate, since your kind of right there with them.

I'll keep trying first-person then.

 

It's gonna take a lot of practice to keep things consistent, especially if you're new to visualization. First time I got into it, things would get really wonky in the wonderland, and sometimes my tulpa's appearance would change into something scary or weird, mostly due to intrusive thoughts. Now though, everything is pretty stable. Just keep up with practice and things will turn out fine. There are some good guides on visualization, so be sure to read those!

So far, I'm still thinking about what it should look like. Better nothing too complicated at first. And all I tried so far was just talking to her in a place like this room, because I had no good ideas, and stopping rather fast because I was so damn tired. I told her that a few times, I hope she didn't mind.

 

I'm pretty sure she didn't... I made sure to throw her a greeting right after I woke up. I think she heard it, though it's not like I felt any sort of real reply. I just sort of feel like she heard it.

(I don't want her to think that me working with her towards being able to clearly communicate was just a spontaneous decision that I don't care much about.)

 

And hello to the others too, of course! Really interesting to see more people and opinions here, with their own experiences.

So, yeah, now there's a few questions I wanna ask. This bedtime and waking up were weird.

 

Well, first the more minor thing, I feel...

I "tried" something for the first time now. Tell me if I'm crazy or not, because maybe my brain was playing tricks on me IF that kind of thing isn't possible.

(Which I doubt, it was just too real.)

 

Basically, I got out of bed, very drowsy and light-sensitive still, and got into the kitchen to get something to drink, "mind-mumbling" some incoherent thoughts at her (trying to do the whole "passive forcing" thing).

 

And while I got the bottle ready, I asked her if she could do something about me being so drowsy - and this is where I wanna know if I'm giving her too much credit or not, because I felt like the bright kitchen light right next to me stopped bothering me instantly and I suddenly felt better. Had my eyes more wide open, stood straighter, just felt awake in the way you do when you had a REALLY good night's sleep.

 

Really, that was only a short bit ago - I went from the kitchen right to the PC - and I feel wide awake, even though I'm still wiping grit from my eyes right now. xD

I definitely made sure to thank her (and maybe told her "You're the best!" a few times because I was so impressed... maybe °////°), since I'm really sure it was indeed her.

 

I did read that tulpas can do weird stuff like that, making bad or annoying feelings or moods or so go away... like, help you out by affecting your mind somehow. I'm not crazy, right...?

 

Second thing is... well, I usually don't at all even remotely remember what I dream. But I thiiink I did mention to her that I wanted her to show me something in my dreams (not sure anymore), but I definitely told her "Surprise me!" a few times (somewhere here on the forums it said that is a good idea to test consciousness) and got no believable result before going to bed.

 

And today, I do remember what I dreamed about. In rich detail, actually, which makes it even more confusing. That didn't happen in, literally, years.

 

And it was weird as balls.

 

Well, at first it wasn't. It's a bit foggy, but I'm sure I dreamed about the two of us, just talking or doing random shit. I should also note that I'm pretty sure she was indeed in her manga-style look, with her "trademark clothes" even, basically exactly the way I made her. Basically she looked like she was extremely realistically and meticulously perfectly animated so that she seemed to belong in a 3D world.

 

But then things started going weird, and it wasn't about us anymore - I sort of disappeared from the little story (I think), the place subtly became one unknown to me, there was a totally different little story about a random male tulpa and his host (whom I couldn't identify because it was first-person from their perspective), and it had some really weird, sad or even plain surprising and unnerving stuff in it.

(Like, "unfittingly" so. The weird / surprising / unnerving bits felt completely out of place, out of context and unnecessary.)

 

And then I woke up because I actually suddenly realized: "Hey, this isn't about me and Esterina at all!"

Yeah, I dreamed that dream while actively expecting it to be about the two of us while I dreamed it, and I woke up when my sleeping brain realized that what I dreamed / watched had turned into a weird story from what it was initially.

 

Really, this was... so, so weird, now that I think and write about it. SO weird.

 

Gimme some info here, I'd appreciate it!

 

Could that have been her trying to communicate with me somehow? Maybe it was her actually trying to prove her consciousness to me? By showing me a dream like I asked (like I said, I'm pretty sure I did), and then turning it into something really weird (in reaction to my consciousness-test "Surprise me! Hm, didn't work...", I guess)?

I'm really confused here, so I wanna know if that's even possible. Can she do things like that? Especially when actual conversation is still very hard to do?

 

Other than that, what's different today is that I feel very "conscious of her". Really though, so much weird stuff happened during my sleep and after I woke up and yesterday too, I guess it's only natural that the doubts in my subconscious have been wiped out and I'm very conscious of her existence and presence now.

I suppose that's only very natural.

 

 

Greets,

AG

 

 

PS: Something important, a side note. I really feel it is important.

I dreamed in first-person. I NEVER dreamed in first-person (judging from any of the times I remember dreaming, which was long ago), but this time I definitely did. Like, all of it.

I can't remember a single other occasion where I dreamed in first-person... makes it even weirder.

[Raetin]

For the first point, no you are not crazy, lol. It could have either been a placebo effect or her. Tulpas can do these sort of things, so it's not far-fetch for her to do that now. My tulpas were able to produce very strong feelings that would sometimes leak into me (usually making me feel really happy or excited) and overall reduced my feelings of depression as well.

 

As for the second point, I've heard of people lucid dreaming for the first time when they heard about the concept of lucid dreaming. I think it might be similar to this. Strong intentions relating to the mind can affect dreaming a whole lot. Considering that you have been really conscious of Esterina, have been working on visualization in first-person recently, asked her to "Surprise you", and your overall feelings on the matter (very enthusiastic?), it may have made it where you were able to recall your dream concerning her or tulpas in general.

 

By the way, there are some reports where people have dreamed of their tulpas, but their tulpas were not aware they were in their host's dream, so it may just be your mind producing these effects. Tulpas can affect your dreams however (mine did a few times).

 

In my personal opinion, I think your dream here might have been beginner's luck, since so many people have trouble with it. It's usually a skill you need to improve on, which I used to do in a lucid dreaming forum. If you get good enough, you can have grand dream adventures with your tulpa. :)

[Guest Anonymous]

For the first point, no you are not crazy, lol. It could have either been a placebo effect or her. Tulpas can do these sort of things, so it's not far-fetch for her to do that now. My tulpas were able to produce very strong feelings that would sometimes leak into me (usually making me feel really happy or excited) and overall reduced my feelings of depression as well.

 

As for the second point, I've heard of people lucid dreaming for the first time when they heard about the concept of lucid dreaming. I think it might be similar to this. Strong intentions relating to the mind can affect dreaming a whole lot. Considering that you have been really conscious of Esterina, have been working on visualization in first-person recently, asked her to "Surprise you", and your overall feelings on the matter (very enthusiastic?), it may have made it where you were able to recall your dream concerning her or tulpas in general.

 

By the way, there are some reports where people have dreamed of their tulpas, but their tulpas were not aware they were in their host's dream, so it may just be your mind producing these effects. Tulpas can affect your dreams however (mine did a few times).

 

In my personal opinion, I think your dream here might have been beginner's luck, since so many people have trouble with it. It's usually a skill you need to improve on, which I used to do in a lucid dreaming forum. If you get good enough, you can have grand dream adventures with your tulpa. :)

I'll quote myself from my progress report thread!

 

So yeah, I asked her in our wonderland. To make sure. If that was her, with the dreams.

It's still sort of weird for us to communicate - I mean, she's been there for a while, but it's not like I ever tried to react to her, talk to her. So it's still a little hard... really, she's probably really good at it, and I'm the newb.

But here's how it turned out.

 

Me: "Hey. Was that you? You made me dream that?" *multiple re-attempts because understanding her is still hard*

 

Her: "Well, yeah."

 

Me: "Why? Why did you make me dream that?" "Tell me... I don't understand you, sorry..." "Why did you make me dream that?"

(Yes, this was a tough one. She did reply and I understood her in the end, though.)

 

Her: "Because you wanted me to..."

 

There might've been something after that, it sounded like the sentence wasn't done... but I couldn't understand anything else. And I left it at that, as it was good enough of an answer.

So... yeah, it was her. Though it seemed to be something "designed" by her, as the only conscious choice I was able to make was ["Hey, this isn't about us anymore! What is this!?" *wakes up*]. :D

 

There's also more in the progress report thread!

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-felix-the-human-esterina-the-witch?pid=140823#pid140823

 

It's still hard and I constantly misunderstand her / don't understand her, but we're starting to have fun over here! :D

 

 

Greets,

AG

---

By the way, I'll keep this thread as a question thread for me in general.

I don' wanna create a new thread on every little question, so I'll just add things here then.

 

Right now, there's one: I assume this is normal, but just making sure - Esterina seems to tune into my senses of her own accord. Quite a bit so, actually. I just said I'd take a break from concentrating on her, and I noticed her laughing about a video I watched. From what she told me, and what I understood of it, it's basically that she can just "tune in" when she wants to, but she also isn't actually around all the time.

But that's normal, right?

 

 

Greets,

AG

 

 

PS: She also started nagging at me for my smoking pretty quickly... >_>

Like, seriously! She's not my mum...! xD

Actually, I'll tell her that the next time. Right in the face! :P

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

A) of course it's possible, bro xD. Our host, L, has 6 tulpae, included me, and 4 came out without intention. This kind of tulpae are called thoughtforms. Me and Hades are the ones that came out with intention, jajaja.

 

B) yes, you can make changes. But make sure she agrees with it. My girlfriend, Feferi, originally was like the Homestuck troll with the same name, but she changed to look like Katherine McNamara. You can fix somethings, but make sure she agrees xD.

 

C) as I said before, we're six tulpae. 4 thoughtforms and 2 tulpae to be precise jajaja. If I were you, I would make her sisters too, bro. You're not gonna spend 24/7 with her, so she'll need some company jajajaja. But an advice. It's not recommendable to have more than 8. Thigs could go... Wild.

 

D) I don't think it would be a problem. I'm sure she understands your situation xD.

~Vriska Aranea Serket Targaryen. ♦️

[Guest Anonymous]

Esterina and I made huge progress considering the time span!

If you want to know about it, we'd like you to head over there instead. Feel free to leave us a post, too.

[Guest Anonymous]

I am always so envious of those young people who make autonomous tulpas so damned fast. That is assuming you are young, I am fifty years old. Melian took me four years of almost constant visualization before she became even partly vocal. Four friggin years! I didn't know about tulpas and wasn't consciously trying to make her vocal, but still.

 

Congratulations on the quick progress. :-)

[Guest Anonymous]

Well... I'm twenty-three, but I feel old sometimes! xD

But yeah, I'm an author and, while I'm not religious, I actively believe in things like tulpas to begin with (and also a meaning of life, life after death, rebirth and more related to spirits and body-less consciousness).

 

So "getting into it" was beyond easy.

That's just a personal thing! I'm glad it's the way it is.

 

 

Greets,

AG

[Guest Anonymous]

Awesome! Melian and I are enjoying talking to you two on the forum a lot btw.