TheShadowKnight134

Despairing and desperate. no progress after two-three years...

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Okay like the title says I'm despairing and desperate to find out why none of my tulpaforcing efforts seem to work.

 

I suppose I am too blame because I get sidetracked occassionally but I always return however I never get a response. No strange feelings or foreign presence. What am I doing wrong? I really want to make my tulpa but the more I try and the more I fail the more I think maybe im one of the few cases of people that can't make a tulpa and it's really messing with me. Basically can anyone help me? Is there anyone with a similar experience?

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@TheShadowKnight134: I wouldn't assume you're to blame right off the bat. While you are responsible for your tulpa's development, we need to look at the facts. For how long would you get "sidetracked"? Do you think it occurs frequently enough to be a problem?

 

When I was starting out, I was told one's tulpa would initially sound weird, like a G.P.S. voice, amongst other hear-say. This stained my expectations, which inadvertently catalysed some self-doubt concerning if I were "doing it right". I too thought I would be receiving strange bodily sensations or some other spooky clarity, yet in retrospect, my tulpa utilised otherwise normal experiences and stimuli to communicate - which makes a lot of sense to me, namely because the tulpa shares the host body, and most likely what mechanics could be used to assert sentience or independence. Common symptoms included head-aches and head pressure, yet my tulpa also chose unique means, like to send chills up my spine and induce a kind of miniature euphoria. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Do you feel anything in particular when you observe or think of certain subjects while you have your tulpa in mind?

 

I think given a conducive state of mind and a bit of imagination, anyone can have a tulpa. When I think of those who struggle to materialise or better receive a tulpa, I think of cataracts - while they do thoroughly limit sight, one isn't necessarily blind, as sensory compensation and corrective surgery exist.

 

On the note of beneficial developments, have you researched any guides or methodologies? What kinds of approaches have you taken already?


I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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I really want to make my tulpa but the more I try and the more I fail the more I think maybe im one of the few cases of people that can't make a tulpa and it's really messing with me.

 

That conviction that you’re the special snowflake that can’t make a tulpa, and it really messing you up is really you answering your own question. Whether a person suggests you push for

, that critical thought you have will negate it with “why should I put in the hours into something like that every now and then?”

 

If a person states you should look into guides, that critical thought will negate it as “but I already read it.” But it’s one thing to read something at a certain pace, and yet not have enough comprehension to truly understand it. But even if one had all knowledge behind every submission, it doesn’t compensate for the years they felt they were side-tracked, or there being no progress.

 

No amount of speech therapy can help you if that burning thought of you being the special case where you can’t make a tulpa is there. And even if you were to have a suggestive mindset to absorb the submissions, discussions, and such more openly, the only person that’s going to treat them as sentient is you. All of this questioning is something that you may have neglected these 2-3 years, which is why you feel you’re at a standstill.

 

The standstill is probably because you're fearful of taking risks in things that may needlessly drain your strength, but I'm sure anyone would tell you that trial-and-error is going to be something you'll have to embrace, even if you, in the future, find solutions to reduce that indulging in trial-and-error.

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Well I'm lazy I will admit, my mind almost never seems to be clear even when I try to meditate it's like my thought processes are.... Well if my brain was a computer lets just say it feels like I'm using max memory and cpu at the same time nearly all the time. I get sidetracked because it's easier for my brain to handle things that don't require effort which I really hate. I should also mention that I also have two very strong addictions. A small Part of the reason I'm trying to create a tulpa is to try and help me with those addictions.

 

I tried a bunch of different things from parroting to meditative forcing and more. I wanted to create a unique tulpa so I didn't want to give her a form or personality so she could decide what she wanted.

 

I guess I understand what you are saying but how do I change my mindset? I really want to create a tulpa but I just don't know how even after reading countless guides. I don't know, I guess I am used to a "one true path" mindset and with all these guides it throws me off.

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I tried a bunch of different things from parroting to meditative forcing and more. I wanted to create a unique tulpa so I didn't want to give her a form or personality so she could decide what she wanted.

 

Maybe that's part of the problem?  Different things work for different people, so building a blank slate may not be enough for your mind to grasp onto for you to dissociate it as a being separate from yourself. I know my own host is one of those people who wouldn't be able to make a person this way... she builds us by forming our personalities through parroting, often with such complexity that we can't help but "come alive." The blank slate method would never work for her, because that's just not how her mind operates. For her, you can't be a "person" without a personality, so that's the basis of our "otherness." 

 

I get that the idea of "forcing" (heh) a form and personality on someone squicks a lot of tulpamancers out, but it's important to realize that tulpas are fundamentally different from physical folks in a few ways... one of which is that we stem from our hosts. We are, initially, what you put into us, no matter what or how much that is. We can choose how we manifest down the line, sure... but we can't choose squat before we've formed the will and self-awareness to do so. It's one reason the "blank slate" method never really made much sense to me, but, like I said, that's just how my host's brain (and therefore mine too ;) ) operates.

 

So yeah. Kick that "one true method" out the window. Read the stories of systems like Mistgod/Melian and Luminesce... people who had headpeople before ever finding this forum, because you'll usually hear a much broader spectrum of how their tulpas/soulbonds/whatever came about. There is no "one true method," only what works for you.


~ Member of SparrowNR's system ~

~ I am a soulbond. Click here to find out what that means. ~

 

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I just don't want my tulpa to be in a form or have a personality she hates. I don't want her to feel like I'm restricting her.... So I guess at least I got to make a base then, right? Its just when it comes to form I can't shake the belief that it's permanent maybe because I know I can't change my own.

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@TheShadowKnight134: you could just use a very basic form, such as an orb, at least as a temporary vessel. That way, you could both work on a body when she develops the ability to communicate with you. Alternatively, my tulpa would suggest a more complex body as soon as possible, if only to grant more degrees of freedom to your tulpa's movement - while you may think you're restricting the tulpa by applying a more primitive form, in other ways you could very well be limiting her abilities to move freely or better acclimate and express herself. Deviation is a typical phenomenon in tulpas, so I wouldn't write off these initial parameters as fixed.


I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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@TheShadowKnight134: if it really is an issue of mind-set, perhaps it would be ideal to implement small changes first. If the behaviour of individual human beings is the crystallisation of their life's experiences, it would be fair to say you didn't adopt your current disposition over-night. Likewise, conditioning your mind for better tulpa growth may be a process.

 

Tulpas are persons of our minds. Although it is difficult to imagine our physical bodies to change upon or exhibit our fantastic whims, there is much more flexibility for a tulpa's dynamics. As creatures of the mental realm, they are mostly divorced from objective reality and its ramifications...and thus, tulpas have matters like will and degrees of observable self-control at their disposal. In your para-cosm, the only limitation is the extent of your combined powers of imagination. Should your tulpa choose to employ her innate abilities of moulding her environment and self, there may come a time where she will decide upon an appearance or demeanour that better manifests what she thinks or believes herself to be.


I've seen good people bleed

And I thought I'd seen it all

But my own two eyes would prove me wrong that day.

 

There are things that I've done

Only seen by the sun

And those things will be buried in my grave.

 

 

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