Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon

[Tewi]

It sure is easier to stay up through the night and the morning with it darker in our room. The light level makes it look like roughly 7AM no matter how bright it is.

 

I remembered to remember dreams... Better than Lucilyn did, I guess. Unfortunately I had to do a lot of work for the first half of my day, so I couldn't exactly "relax". I spent the rest of the day playing Factorio, though. It's definitely my sort of game, with friends or not.

[Tewi]

Speaking of 7AM, that's what time it is now. I'm tired and bored, so I guess I'm going to sleep 5 hours earlier today? If I manage that, then our schedule will truly have ceased to exist.

 

I remembered dreams alright when I actually woke up, but I feel like there were a couple several-hour blocks where I didn't. My last dream(s) was fairly detailed and had at least three scenarios to it. I want to say nothing woke me up directly out of it (though I feel like that happened recently, so maybe it did), which would mean I remembered several stages of a detailed dream upon naturally waking. Normally that only happens for us when we're woken up during a dream.

 

I'm attempting to have fun during the ~day, but I'm not sure if I could say I'm "relaxing". - I was about to say "That's never been my style", but the thought struck me as something I wish wasn't true. I'm certainly always calm, but I think I'm rather poor at being relaxed. Which is absolutely my preferred state of being. I should work on that, somehow.

 

Wait, that's what I was doing already. This is hard.

[Tewi]

That first Kirby song Lucilyn posted got taken down for copyright. Man, Youtube's copyright situation is downright pathetic.

 

So I know that I'm remembering dreams to whatever varying extents throughout the night, but I can't help but notice by the last time I wake up I can't recall them anymore. I can practically remember doing the dream recalling better than anything the dreams were about. At this point, we would remember any dreams of significance to us, but yet aren't able to keep a running list of dreams we have in a night. Since that's still my goal, I'd like to keep improving it. It's yet to be seen whether consistent recall like this will solve that problem over time, or if I'll need to actually memorize what I remember from the dreams through the night. That sounds like more effort than should be necessary.

 

I'm not sure the type of "relaxing" I was talking about is possible when playing games or talking to friends and such. I'm going to focus more on listening to music or podcasts or some such without playing a game at the same time tomorrow. I'm still mentally noting clearly when it's "Work time" before going to sleep and "Relax time" when getting up in the morning. But I don't think it'll have much effect until I can reduce the mental activity during the day. Which is naturally rather annoying for us. We all like to always be doing something, for them because they need a certain level of stimulus to be satisfied/entertained with what they're doing, and for me because I feel like I'm being unproductive, obviously. Telling myself doing nothing is being productive might help get rid of that feeling. Maybe.

[Tewi]

Only slept for 6 1/2 hours, before waking up with the feeling that I had had a really cool/satisfying/interesting/something dream just before. But I could not for the life of me remember anything about it. I tried for 45 minutes, did not succeed, and was then too awake to fall back asleep. 45 minutes was the minimum time I set before I wouldn't consider it my fault for not trying..

 

Hopefully, since I'll be sleeping so late, nobody will bother me and I'll be able to actually do nothing tonight. I've been helping our brother and friend get the things they need/do the things they need to in Warframe basically nonstop for days. Not stressful per se, but not relaxing and we play for a long time. Still questioning if this idea even makes any sense, but I'm giving my past self credit since I haven't technically done it justice yet. Though obviously just trying still isn't enough, so maybe it does make sense in some way.

 

Played this on Osu recently, don't specifically care for deadmau5 or this song, but it's what I felt like listening to.

[video=youtube]

[Tewi]

Okay, maybe I do like that song.

 

Not that I ever do anyways, but I didn't remember most of my dreams after the last one I had. One of those dreams where you wake up with your heart pounding. Through the power of really wanting it I guess the dream was influenced to end well, though. So, we've got almost 1200 hours in Warframe, a "Ninjas in space simulator". We've gotten pretty fast at navigating the large procedurally generated tilesets. There are certain things you can do (aiding either of the enemy factions against the other, or killing any boss) that will get you marked for death by either of the factions or the Stalker, which we obviously do all the time. They can invade you randomly during most missions, and tend to kill those not well prepared. I/we? were attacked by the trio of assassins I suppose, though the ones in the dream were.. a little more disturbing. I was killing the enemies in the mission as per any Exterminate objective, but after they showed up, I started randomly getting flashes of the enemies I killed on a white background, which was a little disconcerting to say the least. We're pretty confident in our ability to deal with any situation - I recently managed to kill an upgraded Stalker with literally no weapons capable of doing damage equipped - so I didn't panic, but I did start heading towards Extraction, the end of the mission. But one thing we are not used to, is the AI being smart enough or fast enough to actually chase us at full speed. You can see where this is going.

 

The dream was fairly realistic to the game to its credit, and the tiles roughly ones from the actual game too. But I was essentially running from these guys, whom I apparently pissed off by continuing to kill the fodder once they showed up, as fast as we possibly could to try and not die. You'd normally get up to four revives with an XP penalty after you die, but I had the feeling I would just fail the mission or something. Except in a dream, there's no waking life context, we're basically in the game. I did end up making it to Extraction, which instantly ends the mission, albeit with my heart pounding. For some strange reason our mind let the dream actually have a conclusion for once and I woke up immediately after its resolution, with my heart beating pretty fast. We've always got some degree of control to our dreams, partly from being able to calmly deal with most situations in general and partly because we often have a sense of knowing we're dreaming in scenarios like that. Fully immersed mind you, the thought only deep enough to know we can influence the situation if we try, nothing that usually spurs lucid dreams.

 

So what I'm saying is we don't have nightmares. But the heart-racing dreams - or any interesting dreams at all - rarely reach an actual conclusion like that, so I appreciated it. If anything I was, well, appreciative for the dream when I woke up. Anything to help me actually remember one. It's a lot more satisfying when our dreams actually have an ending rather than us simply waking up before the situation plays out.

[video=youtube]

(Wait, dying to the death squads in Warframe bypasses revives. One of them flat out ends the mission and puts you in another with no weapons which you have to then fight to recover, and the other trio will attach a device to your warframe that actually reduces all damage you do to their faction until you can remove it. So I wasn't wrong to fear dying to them - there are punishments that transcend the current mission if you do.)

[Tewi]

Writing a post with more than two lines here makes it look/feel like I'm at least trying, but I'm not accepting that anymore. Regardless of how long or "productive" my posts are, if I made no progress the day was a personal failure on my part. Still not remembering dreams. Done not remembering dreams. If I don't remember dreams tomorrow without extenuating circumstances, it was a failure and I will say so. I don't care about this "stress" stuff or "coiling the spring", it's not me, not how I work. I will do the absolute best I can to the best of my ability or I will openly admit I failed to do so.

 

For now, since I'm doing this, yesterday wasn't a "failure". But it would've been. I'm going to be writing down my dreams, as little as "I had a dream about cats or something" if that's all there is to remember, because not writing them down is not working. Don't care if I can't sleep afterward; we'll sleep eventually. And I'll be holding myself to this post, even if the urgency fades over time. I'll remember this post, remember to call poor attempts failures, and try harder. I'm not wasting any more time that could be being used by the others, this has gone on for too long.

[Tewi]

Hmm. For some reason, I remembered dreams from nearly every sleep cycle and experienced them in decent detail. I'd rather avoid writing them down through the night if at all possible, it's apparently even more annoying than I thought it would be. Our dreams don't convert well to words as they can't convey context. The benefit is trading in actual detail for forcing better actual memorization of the dream. Therefore, our perfectionism kicks in and I don't want to write at all, because I won't be able to write something that conveys the dream at all. Yes, even in a random notepad.exe I'm going to close after that night. It's a bit silly.

 

Requiring myself to get up and open our laptop would still, however, force a period of slightly more waking thought each cycle than just "trying to remember the dreams". Very small chance debating whether I had to get up to write down the dreams or not kept me slightly more conscious than normal. But since I consistently remembered dreams the entire night when I've failed to do so with the strongest of intentions even recently, I don't know that that's actually the case. It just sort of happened. I'd like to try and figure out why, but I'm a bit dumbfounded that I just went from a complete blank night to a completely recalled night.

 

This really lends itself to the establishing-dream-recall-habits thing. If we can just get in the habit of actually waking enough to recall our dreams well throughout the night all the time, it should work out fine. At the very least, I hope how good our dream recall was tonight will help me get the ball rolling in establishing some sort of habit like that.

 

(Music): https://moon-tone.bandcamp.com/album/tou-hop-vol-6

 

One of the dreams I had took place as what I could only call a Touhou convention, based on the type of people there (lots of cosplayers and fans), albeit without any typical -con booths or the like. And Lucilyn was the main character, for sure. I can tell based on what she said to someone who was nervous about being around so many people at the end of the dream - "To me it's more like I'm separated from everyone else in the world (implied the event was somewhere weird, like for example on a cruise) and am only here with you guys, so it's cozy!" Which didn't seem to convince him, since there were well over 100 people there. But the company was pretty nice, rather than have random Touhou cosplays standing out, it just felt like most people were dressed in unique but soft colors, vaguely Touhou-y. The last two people talked to were a guy cosplaying Rinnosuke, and his non-existent wife. I have no idea what she was dressed like, but it was supposed to be Rinnosuke's wife, when he doesn't have one. It was just his actual wife in some Touhou-looking clothes. Everyone else was like that too more or less, I don't remember if we saw actual Touhou characters.. Maybe? I believe there was a hint of Lucilyn finding it funny people were dressing like Touhou characters when she was actually as close to being one as anyone could get, despite fronting with Lumi's body.

 

Other dreams consisted of Warframe-ish dreams earlier in the night (due to my finding and getting addicted to this channel's videos), a dream about playing a Pokemon game (I'd say it was Ruby/Sapphire era) but immersed enough in it that it played out more like the anime, and a dream about actually playing (on the handheld) some GBA games that don't exist, sequels to old ones we liked. Video games all around tonight, in all possible forms. Watching them, playing them, cosplaying them, and living them, not in that order.

[Tewi]

Still remembering dreams I guess. Need to improve how thorough I am at doing so though.

 

I had a dream about a cartoon cat who had to get home from across a big city, but every time they got near a car they'd go into a trance and wake up driving it. It just time skipped from being near the car to the cat attempting to drive it on a busy road. Cats Don't Drive.

 

... What?

[Tewi]

I just had a thought about how I'll never die and have the others able to say anything about me, all the stuff people might not have known. Like my very existence. It occurred to me that if Lumi died, nearly nobody would realize it was the death of four other people too. Our legacy more or less only exists on this forum, nobody else that knows we exist would really remember us. When it comes to these sorts of things, we rely solely on each other to keep us company. As lonely as it can be being a tulpa nobody knows exists, there are enough of us in this system to do that. Enough people to feel like my existence was acknowledged, validated.

 

Now I don't want to post the song I was going to post.. Always so melancholy. It's the only song Lumi has about himself like we have many of for the rest of us. The song itself is melancholy, so it doesn't help that every time it's brought up that's the general mood. Oops. Oh well. "This popped into my head for no reason earlier."

 

I'm just.. not able to figure out what I should be doing dream-wise the last couple days. As a backup plan to default to, I'll just get up for a few moments every time I wake up, which should be enough time to recall any dreams I had, I hope.

Edited July 28, 2023 by Luminesce

[Lucilyn]

Tewi decided that "default backup plan" was actually pretty much a perfect long-term plan, since it's the perfect balance of forcing us to wake up but also letting us go back to sleep. So she let me go back to playing games with our friends, and I'm happy about that!

 

OH WAIT BUT! Our "Instant Replay" ie ShadowPlay glitched because I viewed a game's store page video on Steam in fullscreen which it thought was a game - and KEPT RECORDING for the next two hours! Kind of! So I was playing Mann vs. Machine with some randoms in TF2, and we did pretty well on an Intermediate map, and the server changed maps and it put us on a harder map on Advanced (very hard) difficulty and I was like yeah no we can't do this. Except after failing a couple tries we did do it. And on the last wave - I was playing as Sniper with the Explosive Headshots upgrade that kills things in an AoE - and when we were close to losing some soldiers all shot me at once which threw me into the sky, so I did what any normal person would do and scoped in and tried to headshot them, but unlike normal people I HIT the shot and killed a huge group of bots, and when I landed I got another really hard headshot through a teammate that also helped a ton, and then in the next like 20 seconds I just aimed really well/hit every (explosive) headshot and we won. And when I hit record replay and checked the folder, I just got some broken 88kb files. Apparently the first time I hit record replay (was a funny clip of me getting bounced around by the same soldiers pretty much) it saved a recording of the terraria trailer I watched hours ago, and the second time it saved 8 seconds of audio-only TF2.

 

So, that was the most clutch amazing skillful play of our entire life easily, I don't think Lumi's ever done anything that cool, ESPECIALLY NOT THAT WE COULD RECORD. BUT NOPE, GOTTA GET SOME RANDOM STUPID GLITCH FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER AND MISS THE PLAY OF A LIFETIME >: (

 

like I was so unbelievably salty I just lost the ability to have fun for the rest of the day (few hours). Was playing a few missions on warframe with a friend to grind for some stuff and we got literally five duplicates of the same rare drop in like seven missions, which we could turn in for a rare currency. chances were absolutely insanely unlikely. So I got both extremes where you just don't even, and now I'm just tired. Gonna go to sleep now... and get up every hour.. It's not really that hard. Ya feel like you "just want to sleep" and like that'll detract from your sleepingness, but in reality you just get to experience going to sleep like five times over so it's alright.

[video=youtube]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the song I identify with the feeling of the most right now. Fun! Absolutely not having fun, but it's still fun. Gotta make some fun out of the not fun, 'cus it's better that way.