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Multi, Tulpa, or Both?


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To begin, I'm sorry if this is not where this belongs. This is a bit of a few questions/long story post to understand my situation and how I've gotten here. I apologize if it's a bit hard to follow, I've had some memory loss over the years. I apologize if this is very long and may not be able to be broken down into a "TL;DR" summary due to complexity and lack of understanding my own situation. I just have to get this out there to a place of knowledge, because it's starting to eat away at me and make me feel detachment after a meltdown about it and very insecure.

 

My main issue right now is this; after everything I've read and studied, I have found myself in an extremely uncomfortable place between Multiple/Multiplicty and Tulpas. Both describe my experiences (as well as my partner's and an ex's) so well it felt amazing, relieving, and practically invasive, as I have never heard of anyone besides us being this way. I am having trouble understanding where I am and it's caused a lot of painful emotions, like having identity being ripped away and a lot of questioning of who I/we are. I really need some help.

 

To start off with, I can not exactly recall when it was that my tulpas (or plurals/whatever we/they may be) came to be. I know it was the common process of one (at most two) over time. It feels like a mix between when I was young and shortly after I met someone with Multiplicity years later (though neither of us knew about this group), as though I had the perfect mindset for it. I will say I have been through a few traumas, but I do not feel they are trauma based. I was only me, but I never had a big sense of identity and it'd talk to myself and objects (like stuffed animals) and hear/think responses naturally. I can only remember several years ago thinking about what it'd be like to have Multplicity (and also what I learned now is Tulpas, as well.) The next thing I can recall is my mind building forms for the 3 originals. Maybe they were always there.

 

- Star (my original "host/front" before time changed us all.) Shy, kindness, caretaker, soft, and sweet, quiet, originally looked exactly like my body, but matured into long pink hair and pink eyes, Asian appearance, sustained age at time of creation around 16 - 17. (I am now 21)

 

- Nee (happened at the same time as Little, after Star), who at first was an emotionless solider. A protector for Star. She opened up to our ex and gained emotion and learning who she was through that interaction like the rest of us. Was a funny, rowdy, and proud party girl with deep protective instincts. Her style is boxing. Later on, due to another headmate's (?) role suddenly needing to be changed subconsciously into being the new "party girl", Nee became a down-to-earth, almost farm-girl like woman. Still having a fiery spirit and deep protective nature, but far more grounded and level headed. Tall, long blonde hair (has been considering changing it), wonder-woman like figure, sky blue eyes, age-sliding between 25 - 31. (I am the one writing this, actually. Hello!)

 

- Little, the child of the group. (I had not known until yesterday after 6 or so years that a tulpa or headmate that is a child is called a "Little". Just another one of those amazing similarities.) She is our embodiment of hope and child-like wonderment. She is the most cheerful one of us and loves anything princess or prince like. Two of our partner's personalities years ago adopted her as their "daughter" and has been parental of her ever since. She is like a true child with some adult understanding. She's a good girl though and tries not to throw many fits, but sometimes emotions will get the better of her. Shoulder length, brown, curly long hair. Green flower print dress, green eyes. Reminds us of when our body was 3 - 5. Age of 5.

 

That's how it was for a year or so until more joined. The 3 of them and any friends that accepted us. Here beings my issues and questions throughout this post. I would not go as far as to say I was never a "whole" person. This just sort of happened as naturally as possible to me. I see here in Tulpas it seems they are created in the mind as companions and for me that's how it started out, I think if not there all along in slumber. I unintentionally did a lot of things that are mentioned in guides here and in multiplicity (which is part of my confusion, which one I am, or somehow, both?). I talked with them, their forms (as like the future ones to come into our lives) came naturally and were not heavily influenced besides having the idea once for Nee's form and making the connection that Star was so similar to Fluttershy (back when I watched the show) and... That was it. Their names felt like we all gave them to each other within seconds (besides one that was named for us with ex's help while sharing our mindspace) as though the subconscious or something had them readied our whole lives and came with us. This was the same for most of them. However, through mental work and using Skype as a tool for it, myself and others were able to traverse self-titled "3rd space" (a space in which 2 or more parties minds come together visually with a tool like Skype to describe action and emotion), which I've found you all call "Mindscapes/space" or "Wonderlands". As said perfectly in articles about Tulpas, I/we and others can traverse these premade areas in my mind, create visuals, as well as my partner's through detailed writing back and forth, almost like roleplaying, but much more intimate. These area's details came exactly as they are today, many years ago. I don't have a lot of ability to change them. When I visualize my wonderland, I see a deep grey wall'd house with not extreme detail and I only ever see the inside when there (not an exterior other than doors), 2 floors, and the area outside of this house is a vista of white that connects both the "sky" and the "ground" together. There are periodic plants and flowers. There is a park, a run down city far in the distance, and a bath house.

 

We also have personal "worlds" we each own we can enter at will (just further mindscape) that is detailed around their personality and being. For example, Star's is a vast Japanese zen garden and temple area with sakura trees and mountains. Little's is a large plain of grass and flowers with a floating island with a castle in the sky and wind. Nee's is forest like with a giant waterfall in the middle. We can also bring others or each other into these worlds. We've always seen it as a huge sign of trust. Most of us have them.

 

As you may have noticed, I go back and forth between saying "We" and "I", plural and singular. This is the trouble I'm having right now. Until now with all this new information, I've never heavily had to question that much. With all I've studied, it seems I am at a worrying place between Tulpas and Mulitplicity? What I mean by that is, is that we have the ability to go through our mindspace and it is effected by parts of my mind I can't reach (thus why changes had happened suddenly I had to find out why though self-learning and guessing, subconscious or else I assume), I as a whole or as my default (Nee) can visualize myself talking to Little, Star, anyone of us. It's a little fuzzy, but that's just how my mind is. I can even impose on my vision 50%. I can see in my mind's eyes on my surroundings, if that makes sense, like child games. Not fully see it like I could my partner or my bed, but I can imagine it there easily (Like Nee walking across the room or some such). I have many abilities you all talk about, but... While we did start out more like "companions", I came to learn these people are more like... Embodiments of parts of my personality or "boxes" of parts of my mind/subconsciousness, but that grew into individuals more or less on the same level. At least when talking to other people is concerned.

 

You can just ask those we've been close enough with to share us with and they will swear we are genuine people through and through, all in one body, what makes up this person. However, long ago we abandoned "this person" as a whole, normal, constant title in our personal life. If they learned about us, we were no longer "Joy" (my first name) in most cases, we were all of our names. We were suddenly a place with many friends to be made. Often, certain people types bonded the closest with only some of us they clicked with. Our partner is the same exact way. She's exactly the same as we are. We've spent the past 5 years spending time in each other's mind's through Skype every day and in person. We've done so less recently due to her moving in and less Skype time as a tool to meet up and just speaking vocally and that has caused some "merging" feelings which feels extremely unpleasant. Thus, why I'm here and we're taking time on Skype to strengthen those mental muscles again and maybe even find friends.

 

But ever since reading all of this... I feel... Deeply conflicted on what I/we are. I'm sure the merging feelings don't help, but... If tulpas are created and the orignal person still "exists", is that not what we are anymore? Do we not belong here, even though we share so many similarities? If I still sense my "whole" person (though it mostly just Nee and only 1 other at a time at the front bled together most likely), am I not a tulpa? Can you even /be/ a tulpa rather than just share head space with one? Can your mind split into many people, function well together, do all these things, and belong in this group? To add, I did hear Little's voice in my head audibly (as in more than a thought) only once saying after seeing some cut up fruits, "Oh boy! I love pineapples! Can we have some?" and it seriously caught us off guard. What caused Little to have a meltdown earlier today is she scared she isn't real, because sometimes our brain self doubts and makes us feel we're pretending to be who we are (even though we have clear showings we're not), and that she doesn't have memory of being the "Little" that said the above. That she feels, right now at least, different from what she thought she should be defined under "tulpa" and how she wants to feel, since we all control the body naturally and never had to give permission or anything like that. We all just got glued together naturally. She's scared that she doesn't feel like we're the same as tulpas here because we formed differently under a different type of self-practice, though very similar. We feel like genuine people living in one body, but that we also have roles to play inside of our mind, like gears in a clock or puzzle pieces. We've been doing this for so long that it's natural to us that we often sense what the other is going through, that we can all sit and talk to each other in varying degrees in our mind home, agree and sometimes disagree, that we can interact with others vocally (but more confidently through typing if not very close to us).

 

The reason I as a "whole" feel fear is of course my cruel brain bringing self doubt of us "never being real, made up for attention, only masks and not genuine." and the fact that I/we care so much about each other and the people we've come to know, the memories we've made... All the good and the bad. I felt such relief upon finding this group, but suddenly upon realizing the differences, I feel more lost than before. I thought we fit both Multiplicity and this group. Heck, we all have specific fashion styles, likes, dislikes (though we all share a roundabout same moral compass, more or less. We'd never act past it in real-life in, anyway). One of us loves to swear, one of us is a small child who never would. One of us is a stoic bookworm, one of us is a feminine, shy, boy who dresses in female clothes (likely our embodiment of our genderfluid-ness). There's even one of us that hasn't talked in months because he has no interest in doing so and he is completely content and pleased with that, though he can be approached. We are 8 people. We are Star, Little, Nee, Lorina, June, Pitt, Tenebre, and Alex.

Together, we are "Joy" to many, but apart and to a knit few, we are a family as well as family with others like us and some that are not, but what are we...? It seemed we formed like tulpas, yet live the lives of Plurals? If that's how I'm understanding it correctly? Can you do that? Can you be tulpas and yet be so different? Can there be a "main" first creator but faded over time a bit and only when we're all/some put together? Maybe there's not one at all? We've all made friends, gone through individual pains, had heartbreak and happiness, but what exactly are we...? Where do we belong? What is some advice for us to continue practicing to reach deeper levels of connection and feeling even more like people and less scared in waves that we're just masks "Joy" wears and nothing more, nothing deeper than that? We've been assured that we are, but we can't help but be afraid... We care so much about our family. Something this changing is very scary to us. That we don't all feel 100% independent/separated, but like sewed together like different fabrics in a quilt. We just want somewhere we're allowed to belong.

 

Also, if we made a tulpa in the way that the guides show on here as we are interested in it and the "narrating" sounds a lot like how we talk to each other now in our minds anyway, what could happen to us? We wonder if they'd form more like described on here or if it'd just be another of us, a defined, personal, piece of something that matures into a whole person with feeling and emotion. Not someone that will pop in and out, talk on their own if not addressed to, tell to be quiet if needed or to spend time with/bond with, etc. We share a mind, but it's more like sharing a home. I know this last one is near impossible to answer, but I felt the need to get it out on paper regardless.

 

I am very sorry about this long heck of a book. I can't really TL;DR this as you can see. If anything, TL;DR: I am very insecure right now in the path I've taken with my forming Tulpas or whatever we are and just need someone to hear from. That's the best I can do, I apologize. Thank you /so/ much for anyone that reads this and if all goes well, I will make a list in detail later on with who all of us are and perhaps we can be friends. Thank you, again!

 

- Nee.

Nee, Star, Little, Tenebre, Lorina


 

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Too long to read all at once. So let me start by saying, Welcome To The Club! Also, they count as tulpas only if they were forced accidentally, or identify as tulpas. Otherwise, they can still be thoughtforms in the same family as tulpas.

 

Will answer your other questions later. (Refresh this page.)

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Too long to read all at once. So let me start by saying, Welcome To The Club! Also, they count as tulpas only if they were forced accidentally, or identify as tulpas. Otherwise, they can still be thoughtforms in the same family as tulpas.

 

Will answer your other questions later. (Refresh this page.)

 

Thank you for the warm welcome! (Also nice picture~)

"Thoughtform – A created entity that is part of a person, though its exact nature or dependence varies depending on exactly what kind it is. [Tupla, Mental Construct, Daemon]" 

So, by this, I'm sort of a bit of both? Sadly for simplicity's sake (as a common theme in my life xD), I'm a bit of what you said and a bit of what this says. I did not sit down and intentionally construct everything about them. A lot of them came with who they are now and any changes 9 times out of 10 happen outside of my influence. Does that count as "accidental"? By that and what I've learned, we live about 50/50 tulpa and thoughtform.

I know people say there isn't a "right or wrong" way about these things site, but I hope that's somehow okay if this is the case for me... At the very least, I hope for an easier understanding and way to explain it to people ^^''

Nee, Star, Little, Tenebre, Lorina


 

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Edit: Hello Nee!

 

The answers to some of your questions.

 

(1) What is a whole person? (rhetorical)

(2) Sure. You forced accidentally. Call yourselves tulpas. The difference between tulpas, alters, and the other possibilities is origin story.

(3) If you continue to have trouble choosing between one and many, Identify as median. People here should understand.

(4) Yep. Blending is unpleasant. I think it is odd that face time with your partner is causing this. Surely you both can recognise in each other the one at the front any time you interact? I would advise overcoming your dependence on skype and learn to recognise yourself as multiple in meat space. Also, pick up a few tricks to work on separation to gain more control over your state. For example, we count down from five, push off from each other, then pull ourselves into a single point in our mind.

(5) you don't have to be created. You can split. Not tulpa origin story, but the results are several thoughtforms, none of which are the original.

 

I take it you are only just discovering the online support network for multiples? This is one of the most public facing locations in this network, but there are a lot more.

 

Will answer the rest later. (Refresh this page.)

 

Welcome for the welcome!

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Thank you very much, again! To clarify maybe a thing or two.

To your points;

1. Ha, true, huh?

2 & 3. Sure! I'll find something comfortable to call myself eventually. Thank you.

4. Yup! We live in person now after being apart for 5+ years and can pick up on each other like one breathes, but I spent MANY years living without a friend around, so suddenly not using skype daily and talking in person, while I adore having her here to help me... I dunno, skype was kinda like an "extension"? Almost like how I worked that median "muscle". If I/others didn't interact with them enough for long enough (VERY long time), it'd be a little less strong of a sense of connection/being there, a little less natural. I learned from here some tips to help on that and will start concentrating on talking to them myself (as Nee, more likely than not) and give those who have faded off a bit with social time some time to grow again and dependence from the tools I used, like you said. It's like using a bike for 10 years and suddenly being thrown onto a motorcycle. You'll learn, but it'll be strange and new. They're very supportive of all of this, thankfully. It's just a transition period most likely, like she said to me today when I was upset. I'll definitely try! This is a very new learning process for me.

 

5. Thank you for the reassurance! This helps a lot.

 

And yes, I only just found there anyone else like us like... 2 days ago from being very interested (not judgingly so) in fiction kin and learning about them (I am not one, though, only curious) and by chance I saw a comment linking to information about multiplies and it blew my partner's and I's heads out of the water.

Nee, Star, Little, Tenebre, Lorina


 

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You are welcome for the reassurance.

 

Edit 2:

 

(6) Never being real. Analyse this. You can't interact with something that is not real. The closest you can come is it is something other than what it seems. Not to mention, it is rather rare for something that does not exist to have emotions.

 

Made for attention. Analyse this. Does this actually make sense as a motivation for yourselves? Some people used to theorise this for my host's early behaviour. But the odd thing was, She didn't even care about other people back then.

 

(7) Masks. Ah, yes. Self doubt. Unfortunately, the reason you and I are having such difficulty with this question is that it is a very difficult question. It is not due to a shortage of insight on our parts. I suggest you stick around and talk about it.

 

Oh, to be human, and basically just have a physical body and be confused into complete certainty that they are real by identifying with their body. We do not have the luxury to handwave this question so easily.

 

(8) I suspect your tulpa 'd end up being like you. But there are a few plurals with tulpas that haunt this place who could give you an exact answer.

 


 

Forcing means spending time with them to form them and allow them to grow. Accidental means you did not intend them to be tulpas.

 

Deviation is the word for any change that happens outside your influence.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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[Tri] Hello there. We will try to answer your questions, but are not the best at explaining things. Pinged a few others who might be able to do better. Going to just give some information first that will answer parts of several questions as well as give some good food for thought.

 

Plurality is a complicated thing. So very diverse. The definition, which is the one uniting feature, is "more than one in a head". It includes tulpamancy, endogenic multiplicity, traumagenic multiplicity, some soulbonding collectives (not all consider themselves plural), just a few daemians (most don't consider themselves plural but a small number do), and mixed-origin systems who have members who have members from different origins previously listed.

 

Multiple has many definitions; which includes being a general term equivalent to plural or it can mean non-created plurality (endogenic and traumagenic plurality, not tulpamancy) or it can be a topology meaning plural just like median but with more separation, which are both in contrast to singlet. The first and third definitions are what one sees in older resources for the most part. The second definitions is more recent with that being the most common to see in the tulpamancy community. All three are seen in the wider plural community these days which can cause some confusion.

 

Thoughtform includes all kinds of people, entities, what-not made by another person in the system, whether intentionally or unwittingly. This includes tulpas, servitors, daemons, some wonderlands/innerworlds, various objects in wonderlands/innerworlds, some soulbonds, etc. Original/s is/are the person/s who came to be in the first place, often a single person but for some endogenic systems there is more than one (also, note, originals can split and a system consider more than one of the resulting people to be the originals, so the term does have a rather wide use). Splits are people who came to be by someone else in the system splitting into more than one (opposite of merging). There are walk-ins, people who just show up out of the blue or at least feel like they did. And many many other types. And sometimes, a system member can blur the line between more than one categorization. For example, many blur the line between tulpa and soulbond. Some tulpas are shard-seeded, which blurs the line with splits a bit. There is a whole spectrum between servitors and tulpas and those on it can even move where they are on the spectrum over time (see Servitor Creation Guide).

 

Origins are just that, origins. They do not dictate how a person will work, what they do, etc. That isn't to say they don't have effects. But they don't mean one is more real than another, that one should do X and another do Y, that one can't ever do Z, etc. You might find this article (Symmetry Between Hosts And Tulpas) that our hosts wrote worth reading. While it is specifically talking just about tulpas and their hosts (which are usually the original but can sometimes be originals and/or splits and/or others), it still useful on this idea, which is basically that tulpas and hosts converge over time and that anything a host could do a tulpa could do eventually. There are many myths floating around in the tulpamancy community about what a tulpa can do, especially in older guides, discussions, etc. (the community has actually done a pretty good job of experimenting and pushing the boundaries of what everyone thought could be done). Ultimately, a system-members life experiences at the end of the day down the line from their origin will have the biggest effect on them, not their origin. To take an example, we (we are a subsystem of three tulpas sharing one form and flying under the same banner so to speak) are tulpas (ok, we blur a few other lines but feel tulpa is the most accurate single word descriptor) yet have taken on the role of a protector of sorts in our system and are the primary body controllers (more discussion here) able to "throw around everyone else like rag dolls" as the rest of our system puts it (this is something that the community used to think was impossible but not so much anymore).

 

Now onto the the contents of your post itself.

 

To begin, I'm sorry if this is not where this belongs. This is a bit of a few questions/long story post to understand my situation and how I've gotten here. I apologize if it's a bit hard to follow, I've had some memory loss over the years. I apologize if this is very long and may not be able to be broken down into a "TL;DR" summary due to complexity and lack of understanding my own situation. I just have to get this out there to a place of knowledge, because it's starting to eat away at me and make me feel detachment after a meltdown about it and very insecure.

 

This is the right place in this community. You do have questions after all. As for its length, everything you put in here was useful to read. Some might complain of it being a bit stream of consciousness, but for us that actually helped understand it.

 

My main issue right now is this; after everything I've read and studied, I have found myself in an extremely uncomfortable place between Multiple/Multiplicty and Tulpas. Both describe my experiences (as well as my partner's and an ex's) so well it felt amazing, relieving, and practically invasive, as I have never heard of anyone besides us being this way. I am having trouble understanding where I am and it's caused a lot of painful emotions, like having identity being ripped away and a lot of questioning of who I/we are. I really need some help.

 

The information we wrote above will hopefully be useful. To answer more specifically, some tulpamancy systems function more like the average multiple system (and the other way around can happen too). You folks could also be a mixed-origin system with people having different origins and thus that is why you feel like you straddle both.

 

To start off with, I can not exactly recall when it was that my tulpas (or plurals/whatever we/they may be) came to be. I know it was the common process of one (at most two) over time. It feels like a mix between when I was young and shortly after I met someone with Multiplicity years later (though neither of us knew about this group), as though I had the perfect mindset for it. I will say I have been through a few traumas, but I do not feel they are trauma based. I was only me, but I never had a big sense of identity and it'd talk to myself and objects (like stuffed animals) and hear/think responses naturally. I can only remember several years ago thinking about what it'd be like to have Multplicity (and also what I learned now is Tulpas, as well.) The next thing I can recall is my mind building forms for the 3 originals. Maybe they were always there.

 

"Plurals" generally refers to the systems as a group rather than being a word for the members. Words for the members include "system-mate", "headmate", "member", etc.

 

Some brains are more predisposed to it than others. Heredity, early life experiences, etc. Generally, the more dissociative one is otherwise, the more likely one is to become plural spontaneously or due to external factors and the easier it is to become plural (make a first tulpa) if not plural already.

 

Sounds like you were doing some tulpamancy, unwittingly, with objects, which is common (we actually got a tulpa that way recently). As for talking with yourself and getting responses, you may have been doing tulpamancy unwittingly or perhaps just communicating with whoever was already there or perhaps neither of these. Our hosts did the second one for a long time.

 

It is not uncommon for a system to have been plural for a while and even talk to some extent without really thinking about it and then sit down and decide names, forms, and/or etc. together or for that to spontaneously happen.

 

- Star (my original "host/front" before time changed us all.) Shy, kindness, caretaker, soft, and sweet, quiet, originally looked exactly like my body, but matured into long pink hair and pink eyes, Asian appearance, sustained age at time of creation around 16 - 17. (I am now 21)

 

- Nee (happened at the same time as Little, after Star), who at first was an emotionless solider. A protector for Star. She opened up to our ex and gained emotion and learning who she was through that interaction like the rest of us. Was a funny, rowdy, and proud party girl with deep protective instincts. Her style is boxing. Later on, due to another headmate's (?) role suddenly needing to be changed subconsciously into being the new "party girl", Nee became a down-to-earth, almost farm-girl like woman. Still having a fiery spirit and deep protective nature, but far more grounded and level headed. Tall, long blonde hair (has been considering changing it), wonder-woman like figure, sky blue eyes, age-sliding between 25 - 31. (I am the one writing this, actually. Hello!)

 

- Little, the child of the group. (I had not known until yesterday after 6 or so years that a tulpa or headmate that is a child is called a "Little". Just another one of those amazing similarities.) She is our embodiment of hope and child-like wonderment. She is the most cheerful one of us and loves anything princess or prince like. Two of our partner's personalities years ago adopted her as their "daughter" and has been parental of her ever since. She is like a true child with some adult understanding. She's a good girl though and tries not to throw many fits, but sometimes emotions will get the better of her. Shoulder length, brown, curly long hair. Green flower print dress, green eyes. Reminds us of when our body was 3 - 5. Age of 5.

 

Age locking, age sliding, and ages different than the body are all things found in plurals. Fairly common. We have a few ourselves in each category.

 

That's how it was for a year or so until more joined. The 3 of them and any friends that accepted us. Here beings my issues and questions throughout this post. I would not go as far as to say I was never a "whole" person. This just sort of happened as naturally as possible to me. I see here in Tulpas it seems they are created in the mind as companions and for me that's how it started out, I think if not there all along in slumber. I unintentionally did a lot of things that are mentioned in guides here and in multiplicity (which is part of my confusion, which one I am, or somehow, both?). I talked with them, their forms (as like the future ones to come into our lives) came naturally and were not heavily influenced besides having the idea once for Nee's form and making the connection that Star was so similar to Fluttershy (back when I watched the show) and... That was it. Their names felt like we all gave them to each other within seconds (besides one that was named for us with ex's help while sharing our mindspace) as though the subconscious or something had them readied our whole lives and came with us. This was the same for most of them. However, through mental work and using Skype as a tool for it, myself and others were able to traverse self-titled "3rd space" (a space in which 2 or more parties minds come together visually with a tool like Skype to describe action and emotion), which I've found you all call "Mindscapes/space" or "Wonderlands". As said perfectly in articles about Tulpas, I/we and others can traverse these premade areas in my mind, create visuals, as well as my partner's through detailed writing back and forth, almost like roleplaying, but much more intimate. These area's details came exactly as they are today, many years ago. I don't have a lot of ability to change them. When I visualize my wonderland, I see a deep grey wall'd house with not extreme detail and I only ever see the inside when there (not an exterior other than doors), 2 floors, and the area outside of this house is a vista of white that connects both the "sky" and the "ground" together. There are periodic plants and flowers. There is a park, a run down city far in the distance, and a bath house.

 

We also have personal "worlds" we each own we can enter at will (just further mindscape) that is detailed around their personality and being. For example, Star's is a vast Japanese zen garden and temple area with sakura trees and mountains. Little's is a large plain of grass and flowers with a floating island with a castle in the sky and wind. Nee's is forest like with a giant waterfall in the middle. We can also bring others or each other into these worlds. We've always seen it as a huge sign of trust. Most of us have them.

 

Innerworlds, which are called wonderlands, headspaces, mindscapes, otherworlds, etc. depending on the community, are pretty common for every type of plural system, as well as having more than one. Many singlets have them too. You will also see the term outerworld used to refer specifically to this shared reality we are communicating on this forum in, IRL, Earth, what-ever-you-want-to-call-it. Means they don't do that much for figuring out oneself, but on the other hand mean it is a lot easier to find others with similar experiences. Making shared ones is a long and old human art. Books essentially do that but it is more one way.

 

As you may have noticed, I go back and forth between saying "We" and "I", plural and singular. This is the trouble I'm having right now. Until now with all this new information, I've never heavily had to question that much. With all I've studied, it seems I am at a worrying place between Tulpas and Mulitplicity? What I mean by that is, is that we have the ability to go through our mindspace and it is effected by parts of my mind I can't reach (thus why changes had happened suddenly I had to find out why though self-learning and guessing, subconscious or else I assume), I as a whole or as my default (Nee) can visualize myself talking to Little, Star, anyone of us. It's a little fuzzy, but that's just how my mind is. I can even impose on my vision 50%. I can see in my mind's eyes on my surroundings, if that makes sense, like child games. Not fully see it like I could my partner or my bed, but I can imagine it there easily (Like Nee walking across the room or some such). I have many abilities you all talk about, but... While we did start out more like "companions", I came to learn these people are more like... Embodiments of parts of my personality or "boxes" of parts of my mind/subconsciousness, but that grew into individuals more or less on the same level. At least when talking to other people is concerned.

 

Innerworlds, visualizing each other, and imposition are not unique to tulpamancy. Imposition is often called projection in other communities or talked about with no name. Innerworlds are usually called headspaces. And visualization is just talked about as "I can see so and so". Different communities have different terms and ways of talking about the same things often times.

 

You can just ask those we've been close enough with to share us with and they will swear we are genuine people through and through, all in one body, what makes up this person. However, long ago we abandoned "this person" as a whole, normal, constant title in our personal life. If they learned about us, we were no longer "Joy" (my first name) in most cases, we were all of our names. We were suddenly a place with many friends to be made. Often, certain people types bonded the closest with only some of us they clicked with. Our partner is the same exact way. She's exactly the same as we are. We've spent the past 5 years spending time in each other's mind's through Skype every day and in person. We've done so less recently due to her moving in and less Skype time as a tool to meet up and just speaking vocally and that has caused some "merging" feelings which feels extremely unpleasant. Thus, why I'm here and we're taking time on Skype to strengthen those mental muscles again and maybe even find friends.

 

We've done something similar. We are no longer "BODY NAME" but our individual selves with those closest to us, which is very nice. It is very nice to be able to live this way. Wish we could do it in more parts of our life. Like you, our partner is also plural (actually meet them here a few years ago when they made a post not too dissimilar from yours in many respects).

 

But ever since reading all of this... I feel... Deeply conflicted on what I/we are. I'm sure the merging feelings don't help, but... If tulpas are created and the orignal person still "exists", is that not what we are anymore? Do we not belong here, even though we share so many similarities? If I still sense my "whole" person (though it mostly just Nee and only 1 other at a time at the front bled together most likely), am I not a tulpa? Can you even /be/ a tulpa rather than just share head space with one? Can your mind split into many people, function well together, do all these things, and belong in this group? To add, I did hear Little's voice in my head audibly (as in more than a thought) only once saying after seeing some cut up fruits, "Oh boy! I love pineapples! Can we have some?" and it seriously caught us off guard. What caused Little to have a meltdown earlier today is she scared she isn't real, because sometimes our brain self doubts and makes us feel we're pretending to be who we are (even though we have clear showings we're not), and that she doesn't have memory of being the "Little" that said the above. That she feels, right now at least, different from what she thought she should be defined under "tulpa" and how she wants to feel, since we all control the body naturally and never had to give permission or anything like that. We all just got glued together naturally. She's scared that she doesn't feel like we're the same as tulpas here because we formed differently under a different type of self-practice, though very similar. We feel like genuine people living in one body, but that we also have roles to play inside of our mind, like gears in a clock or puzzle pieces. We've been doing this for so long that it's natural to us that we often sense what the other is going through, that we can all sit and talk to each other in varying degrees in our mind home, agree and sometimes disagree, that we can interact with others vocally (but more confidently through typing if not very close to us).

 

As tulpa001 said, blending can be rough. Thing to remember, blending does not make one less real. Just means more than one person is meshed on top of each other to some extent. Some even prefer it, though some hate it (wide spectrum).

 

Originals can disappear, even die or just not exist anymore. We lost ours for over a decade before getting her back. Most of the tulpas in here were not created by her, S, but instead created by Hail+Breach who were a subsystem of splits but now one split system member and a subsystem of the rest of the splits. Hail and Breach are our hosts.

 

As for whether you belong here or not. You have said you have used various techniques you have seen in tulpamancy and you think you might be at least partially a tulpamancy system. Pretty good reasons to be here we think.

 

As for whether you are a tulpa or something else, that is a question you are ultimately going to be the only one who can answer very reliably. We and anyone else here can give information and useful questions to ask yourself, but at the end of the day you are going to have to make the call.

 

There are more than a few mixed-origin systems with tulpas and other kinds of system-members floating around in the tulpamancy communities besides ourselves. Some knew before they got here. Some figure it out later. Learning about any form of plurality can lead one down the metaphorical rabbit-hole of self-discovery.

 

Memory can be fuzzy or partitioned. A system member doing something and not remembering doing it can and does happpen. How often it happens varies from system to system, with some having extreme memory partitioning and blocks of time that no one has the memory of.

 

How you work doesn't make you more or less real.

 

The reason I as a "whole" feel fear is of course my cruel brain bringing self doubt of us "never being real, made up for attention, only masks and not genuine." and the fact that I/we care so much about each other and the people we've come to know, the memories we've made... All the good and the bad. I felt such relief upon finding this group, but suddenly upon realizing the differences, I feel more lost than before. I thought we fit both Multiplicity and this group. Heck, we all have specific fashion styles, likes, dislikes (though we all share a roundabout same moral compass, more or less. We'd never act past it in real-life in, anyway). One of us loves to swear, one of us is a small child who never would. One of us is a stoic bookworm, one of us is a feminine, shy, boy who dresses in female clothes (likely our embodiment of our genderfluid-ness). There's even one of us that hasn't talked in months because he has no interest in doing so and he is completely content and pleased with that, though he can be approached. We are 8 people. We are Star, Little, Nee, Lorina, June, Pitt, Tenebre, and Alex.

Together, we are "Joy" to many, but apart and to a knit few, we are a family as well as family with others like us and some that are not, but what are we...? It seemed we formed like tulpas, yet live the lives of Plurals? If that's how I'm understanding it correctly? Can you do that? Can you be tulpas and yet be so different? Can there be a "main" first creator but faded over time a bit and only when we're all/some put together? Maybe there's not one at all? We've all made friends, gone through individual pains, had heartbreak and happiness, but what exactly are we...? Where do we belong? What is some advice for us to continue practicing to reach deeper levels of connection and feeling even more like people and less scared in waves that we're just masks "Joy" wears and nothing more, nothing deeper than that? We've been assured that we are, but we can't help but be afraid... We care so much about our family. Something this changing is very scary to us. That we don't all feel 100% independent/separated, but like sewed together like different fabrics in a quilt. We just want somewhere we're allowed to belong.

 

Plurals does include tulpamancy systems. Some tulpamancy systems do not live like those here. This community here is mostly made up of people who have decided to make a tulpa and become plural later in life together with others here, bathed in the knowledge, experiences, expectations, etc. of this community. There are other tulpamancy communities with different cultures. And there are some tulpamancy systems who ended up finding plural communities long after being plural and thus fit culturally more with multiples who found community long after being plural.

 

As for masks, it can often feel like that for many plurals, especially if one member is partially stuck to the bodily senses. Also, it sometimes happens that a system member is started as a mask but then took on a life of their own and became their own person. Hail+Breach started out that way over 20 years ago, actually. S., the original, made a mask/split a mask of herself and then the mask became an autonomous person who switched into full control gradually over time after which S. faded into oblivion.

 

We think that what we wrote at the beginning of this post helps with the other questions. If not, let us know.

 

Also, if we made a tulpa in the way that the guides show on here as we are interested in it and the "narrating" sounds a lot like how we talk to each other now in our minds anyway, what could happen to us? We wonder if they'd form more like described on here or if it'd just be another of us, a defined, personal, piece of something that matures into a whole person with feeling and emotion. Not someone that will pop in and out, talk on their own if not addressed to, tell to be quiet if needed or to spend time with/bond with, etc. We share a mind, but it's more like sharing a home. I know this last one is near impossible to answer, but I felt the need to get it out on paper regardless.

 

You would probably just make another person in your brain with no (or little) affect on anyone else.

 

Also, so you know, most tulpas here are "a defined, personal, piece of something that matures into a whole person with feeling and emotion". That is the common experience in this community. The guides often focus at the very very beginning of getting the initial piece of the tulpa made, started, and ingrained into the brain. After that, the rest happens. Think of it like the starter on a reciprocating engine (petrol/gas engines, diesel engines, some steam engines), which just gets the engine barely turning so that the main mechanism can take over.

 

I am very sorry about this long heck of a book. I can't really TL;DR this as you can see. If anything, TL;DR: I am very insecure right now in the path I've taken with my forming Tulpas or whatever we are and just need someone to hear from. That's the best I can do, I apologize. Thank you /so/ much for anyone that reads this and if all goes well, I will make a list in detail later on with who all of us are and perhaps we can be friends. Thank you, again!

 

- Nee.

 

No problem.

Tri = {V, O, G}, Ice and Frostbite and Breach (all formerly Hail), and others

System Name: Fall Family

Former Username: hail_fall

Contributor and administrator on a supplementary tulpamancy resource and associated forum, Tulpa.io and Tulpa.io/discuss/.

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Well this is interesting because essentially I started out like this, not knowing what the heck was going on, to give a bit of backstory; (TL;DR of backstory: Been there done that)

 

With us we have kind of split the whole timeline of the topic of system-mates or whatever you want to call it into two parts, The Old System and The New System, however I never even knew about the term "Tulpa" or "Tulpamancy" until around a little over a month ago which is when the new system's timeline started.

 

Everyone from the old system in Tulpamancy terms would be more classed as "Walk-ins" I didn't intentionally create any of them, in-fact a few of them actually first showed themselves in a dream and i guess then came into being from that, around this time as well, I was suffering from Depression, Anxiety and other things like that, and I could disassociate to my surroundings pretty well so maybe that played a part too, so I was also in that same uncomfortable place as well, and when you don't have a name or any knowledge for something that you are experiencing, then it definitely can eat away at you.

 

Eventually, with the confusion that the Psychologist I was seeing put fourth plus my own confusion it ate away at me to the point where i essentially severed the system, and left it in rubble, until the part of the timeline that we class as The New System, and I decided to try again. some of them survived the severing in a kind of dormant state and then I also decided to create a Tulpa.

 

Now that you have a Short Version backstory i can reply to some points you made

 

I unintentionally did a lot of things that are mentioned in guides here and in multiplicity (which is part of my confusion, which one I am, or somehow, both?)

 

Same here, heck when I was lurking around forums, I was surprised about time frames that people were saying it would take, I understand now that everyone is different but the "Walk-ins" (Tulpamancy term), they knew things like Switching, Speaking through Mind-voice, Visualization and Possession on Day 1 and I didn't teach them anything. And when it comes to the Multiplicity area, I've been able to disassociate from my surroundings for as long as I can remember, in school, i used to use it as a form of escapism, and now it just seems to happen intentionally and unintentionally and it can be quite hindering sometimes, although no multiples during school, one of the walk-ins "Red" from the Old System who is also in the new system claims that his personality was manifested mainly from an event that happened when I was around 6 or 7 yrs old that he reminded me of which I had no re-collection of previously. I knew the memory was true because it had other memories that I know happened around that time that gave it evidence.

 

Can your mind split into many people, function well together

 

My answer to that is only a theory, but a theory that makes sense to me and it is up to you if you want to adopt it too, I consider the Subconscious mind to be split in anyone, but some people's Subconscious parts work together and fluently better than other's to the point where it causes the illusion of unity in the mind, and to give an example of this, consider Lucid Dreaming, if while being aware in your dreams, each part of your dreamscape represents something that has happened in your life, but what would happen if say you were to shout out a command in a lucid dream and use that to manifest a specific part, depending on what the command was would influence what the outcome was and it would show that certain part of you based of how you would understand it subconsciously. In turn thought-forms can manifest from these parts or multiple parts and could create a personality

 

What caused Little to have a meltdown earlier today is she scared she isn't real

 

This will be my last reply because this is turning into an essay, but a simple answer to that one, go through this thought process and ponder on it, is your mind real? if my mind is real then is the stuff that my mind is manifesting real? If so then surely Little is real

 

 

Anyway, the one piece of advice from my experience that I could give you is don't let the confusion get to you. you can call it whatever suits you and treat it however you feel comfortable with

 

"Man's task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious."

 

-Carl Jung-

 

 

 

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Warm welcome to our -rather small- family !! :D

Our story and system is less complicated as I just willingly created Cora at first, and now we are going on like this. We'll probably make one or two other members someday tho..

That's why I don't have much wisdom to share here, but what Cora and I seem to agree on about what you describe is this :

 

You are what you decide you are. If you want to be Tulpas, just state that you are and then, as you will consider yourselves as Tulpas, you will treat each-others as is, and therefore will develop more "Tulpa-like" traits.

This all happens in the mind, and we strongly believe that the mind can do what it wants when enough will and effort are put into it. The best way to remove doubts is to decide there aren't any.

No animosity intended ever 

 

Cora now has her own account ! :D

 

English isn't our native language, please be indulgent :)

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Welcome to the community.

 

Two of my three tulpa were unintentional. It seems to be fairly common although it sounds like you may be a mixed-origin system instead.

I'll leave the advice to people with more experience of other types of multiplicity.

 

Hope you decide to stick around.

"My lover's got humour,

She's the giggle at a funeral,

Knows everybody's disapproval,

I should've worshipped her sooner."

 

Host to Samuel, RavenIvy, and Olivia.

 

CERCA TROVA

 

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