Lost Between Reality and My Tulpa's Wonderland

[The_Unnamed]

Hey. I've been thinking for a while now. Thinking about my tulpa Celeste's wonderland. It's not just hers. It's ours. That may be the case for others, but in my case--it's more than just us sharing it. Her wonderland is basically my imagination, the very universes I created. The one with these 'witnesses' and the ones with the 'pale skinned black-eyed figures'.

In the wonderland are several, even countless characters. From a simple sniperette to unholy transdimensional beings. As you're reading this, you're thinking,

"Hey, that's not so bad. They're just wonderland NPCs."

It's bad. ..ish.

Malevolent characters have taken on a life on their own. Vincent was my first soulbond, but he wasn't evil despite his rude and depressing aura. My second soulbond was mesmerizing. He spoke to me. Exos. My fictional tormentor. Spoke to me. As an avid writer of horror and science fiction snippets/novelletes, it nearly sent chills down my spine. I couldn't tell if my mind was messing with me or if Celeste assumed form of Exos. Either way, it made the situation worse. After Exos it was Crowley, the blind. Crowley was a character. In my head. And now he's a voice. In my head.

All of this started just because of an ARG. I dare not say that Celeste/tulpamancy was the cause of my situation, as, along the way, I made some of it up, but this--this is all real. Crowley and Exos may not speak to me as much, but it feels as if they're making my ARG slowly better. When I go to sleep at night I at least thank the universe I have Celeste to hold me tight when I'm afraid.

The thing is, I'm almost afraid of my imagination. I'm afraid of what will come to life. My imagination is too friggin' twisted.

 

God, I got to take a break from all this soon.

[Luminesce]

You're the guy that was talking about creating tulpas for an ARG, yeah? I could tell back then you were going to let your imagination get carried away. Excuse me if this seems rude, but I can tell when people subconsciously (practically consciously, although they'd deny it, even to themselves) want their mind to do stuff like this, for it to become real. And it was pretty obvious last time you were here you were going that route.

 

The question is, are you having fun?

 

The same sort of subconscious-desire thing happened to me when I was much younger, I wanted my fantasy to be reality even though consciously I would say otherwise. It was a kind of escapism, and it wasn't really healthy for me, but luckily the good won out over the bad. The good in my case being Reisen, and the bad being the concept of "unsanity", denial of reality and immersion in fantasy as a method of avoiding what was going on (or I guess not, I was just depressed with life in general) in my life. But while I had that negative influence (it wasn't her fault as she only wanted to be with me and to see me happy, which I was not), old pre-being-split-in-two Flandre (who current day Flan claims no relation to), I also had the positive influence that was Reisen, who saw only good in the world and offered me unconditional love. Escapism or not, I turned out much, much better for it in the end. I struggled with the escapism every long once in a while for a night at a time, but my tulpas were always supportive and I'd say everything is great now.

 

If you're having fun, if it seems like something you unconsciously want even though you shouldn't, well... it certainly won't go away on its own, to say the least. If you're going to entertain the fantasy, you need to make sure of two things. First, know somewhere deep down that it's all in your mind and if you wanted to you could make it stop. Not in a cessation of activity as much as no longer believing in its autonomy, ie taking responsibility for what's going on in your mind. And second, make sure you've got a positive force too. A strong one, one you know would never be overcome by anything negative. Love will do that, but not if you're liable to go "but den she turnded evil !!1". No one likes a story where the bad guys win, the point is to see the good guys overcome a struggle and come out on top.

 

So yeah, that sort of thing. And yes you more or less caused this in the same way you create a tulpa, by giving autonomy to your thoughts. You have to keep control over them, at least until they seem safe enough to leave on their own, but never forget you still have control. But it can easily happen with or without knowledge of tulpamancy as it did for me. If anything tulpamancy is grounding and good knowledge to have when your imagination gets the better of you.

 

 

Edit: Found a post by Tewi summing that up pretty well while looking for something for another thread, might as well put it here https://community.tulpa.info/thread-can-a-tulpa-be-willing-to-negatively-impact-their-system?pid=174762#pid174762

[The_Unnamed]

Here's the problem though: I'm starting to see a bleedthrough of what the soulbonds would tell me/what they want me to say.

 

https://twitter.com/iDerpyPanda/status/812756532567756800

 

This is a type of an example. In this, the fictional (or not fictional, I really can't tell) version of Exos says that Numen, as a character, is the creator of all characters in the universe(s) of my head, (at least that's what I call it now) and that Numen is a version of me because I, as the writer myself, created them all.

Either this was a subconscious or unconscious event, or if Exos had used possession on me (as I can't correctly recall how the typing went down), I really can't tell. It's odd. I suppose I intended the words chosen, I'm not even sure.

Like I have been, I'm probably just exaggerating my situation because it's 7 AM in the morning and I haven't slept. I'm probably just overreacting over what shouldn't be taken as a big deal.

[tulpa001]

You do know that there is a middle point between character and soulbond. IIA characters talk to their authors. But they are still characters and not people. If you believe them to be people as soon as they talk to you, it is on you, whatever the fallout is.

 

When you make a tulpa, you are not making a hero or a villain. When a soulbond becomes more tulpa like, they become more human and less character. They lose their crazy ideas that helped drive their plots forward and whatnot, and begin wondering about what they should eat for supper today.

 

Your characters are tools you created to tell your stories. Sometimes they know that the scene you are constructing for them does not work. So they turn to the author and tell them. But it is you speaking through them as it is *you* analysing the dynamics of the scene. This is how you tell the difference between IIA characters and soulbonds. Soulbonds don't come from you. They have become separate agents.

[suhail Al ketbi]

You should work on your soul level .

For example the truth of your deep heart a bout morality between personal life and harm other .

That give you balance and healing your thought .

Because some they say it called "shadow effect "

My tulpa and my wonderland are supported me in my path. .

You must stop make them limited in there love and wise, I like to tell don't make bad direction in your imagination about tulpa and wonderland.

[The_Unnamed]

I've figured it out now. I just got freaked out and lost in character from working on the ARG. It does that to me alot. My young yet mature mind can do a number on me yet I'm not affected by horror or creepy videos on YouTube. Despite this, I came to the conclusion that maybe I'm scaring myself--and with myself came Celeste and I know I'm affecting her that way.

 

I've been using Vincent as a supporting character for the ARG as his (pre-comic, pre-tulpa) character outline stated that he was an Umbrian spirit that manifested within Ander's mind. I figured I use that as something for the ARG but it didn't work out and he got really defensive one day while I was recording.

Thank you guys for giving me these solutions, I believe they might help me with my in-character episodes.