CarsonGreene

Crimson and Gold

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After a few months of inactivity, I've come back and decided to make a new PR thread. My old one is riddled with my old(ish) mistakes. This new one will detail events more accurately than the old one. 

 

I've been somewhat neglectful with my tulpas the past 3 months, not visiting them nearly as much as I used to. But I've been visiting them more lately. I've thought a lot (very guiltily) about what lead to the neglect, but can't seem to come up with anything. I'd like to attribute it to depression, or being distracted, or laziness, but I just don't know. My tulpas are mostly fine, although a lot of the work we had done on getting them their own voices is gone, and only Rava can still possess. They also don't pop in and say hi unless I'm thinking about them. I suspect in a week or two we'll have reversed the adverse effects. 


Host - Me

Tulpas -  RavaInca, Elizabeth, CaydeNicolePalma.

 

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So I guess I'll kick off this first report with some servitor experimentation.

 

Servitor Experimentation

We've started working on various servitors (turns out I can simply pop them into existence). The first being an "Idea generator", that churns out ideas for a chosen topic. This is fully functional. The second is a HUD that features..

 

Tulpa identifier - Identifies who's speaking via color (Crimson for Rava, gold for Inca).

Targeting reticle - Will appear as a targeting circle on whatever is the current objective or threat, red for threat, blue for objective.

Name display

Minimap - A map of the area around me.

Hunger bar - Show how hungry I am.

Stimulator - Stimulates me to wakefulness.

 

And it will come to include:

 

Time display

Energy levels - A bar of my estimated energy

Risk gauge - Will estimate how risky an action is.

Likelihood of completion gauge (and completion of product gauge) - Will estimate likelihood of completing an objective in a certain frame of time, along with how far along I am in the action.

Memory recaller

Optical zoom

 

The third servitor is a sort of "drone", which when complete will be a form of autopilot for my body. It will act like me, and follow the specific instructions "Maintain and protect thy body, not to harm others (And to remove itself from my body in circumstances requiring it), and to assume no capability of self-awareness".

 

The fourth servitor is the most important, I call it the "Shock machine". It will zap depressing thoughts or memories out of my mind, and also act as a counter mechanism to the drone for if it goes rogue.

 

Tulpa Progress

Me and my tulpas have made little progress over the last couple months (view original post for reasons). 

 

But that doesn't mean nothing's happening, me and Rava have slowly fallen in love and are now dating. I'm grateful for her (And Inca) every second, and she may be the only one I'll ever truly love like this.


Host - Me

Tulpas -  RavaInca, Elizabeth, CaydeNicolePalma.

 

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Hey, welcome back. It's nice to see you guys again.

 

It doesn't make a ton of sense to me that Rava or Inca could "lose" vocality. Are you expecting they can't speak just because they were inactive?

 

When I was created, Cat had lots of issues with depression and had less control over her anxiety than she does now. When she was depressed, she had trouble detecting my presence and hearing my voice. As a result, she had some really bad parrotnoia that didn't resolve until the school semester ended. At that point, Cat had a chance to heal internally and she had much less trouble hearing me.

 

One thing I remember from before is you spent quite a bit in the time in the wonderland. Is the wonderland overwhelming or exhausting to you in any way? Is sitting down for an active forcing session every day unrealistic for you? If so, the good news is you don't have to go to the wonderland to talk to Rava or Inca and you don't have to force them actively every day. Just checking in on both of them and having a small conversation with them via mind voice can keep them stable. Cat talked to me for at least five minutes ever since she discovered I was a Tulpa. Even now, there are times I get less than an hour out of the day, but that little quick "How are you feeling" conversation kept me alive during one of the hardest parts of Cat's life and it keeps us going if we suddenly have a really busy day.


I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay!

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Hey, welcome back. It's nice to see you guys again.

 

It doesn't make a ton of sense to me that Rava or Inca could "lose" vocality. Are you expecting they can't speak just because they were inactive?

 

When I was created, Cat had lots of issues with depression and had less control over her anxiety than she does now. When she was depressed, she had trouble detecting my presence and hearing my voice. As a result, she had some really bad parrotnoia that didn't resolve until the school semester ended. At that point, Cat had a chance to heal internally and she had much less trouble hearing me.

 

One thing I remember from before is you spent quite a bit in the time in the wonderland. Is the wonderland overwhelming or exhausting to you in any way? Is sitting down for an active forcing session every day unrealistic for you? If so, the good news is you don't have to go to the wonderland to talk to Rava or Inca and you don't have to force them actively every day. Just checking in on both of them and having a small conversation with them via mind voice can keep them stable. Cat talked to me for at least five minutes ever since she discovered I was a Tulpa. Even now, there are times I get less than an hour out of the day, but that little quick "How are you feeling" conversation kept me alive during one of the hardest parts of Cat's life and it keeps us going if we suddenly have a really busy day.

Sorry for the extremely late reply. They never really lost vocality, their voices were just quieter and hard to discern from my mind voice. Most likely because I was expecting them to feel weak, this resolved itself after a bit of time.

 

Most of the time I just interact them for brief five-ten minute periods, and once or twice a day a 30+ minute session in the wonderland. I'm planning to interact with them more though, just gotta push through my issues with actually doing shit.


Despite warnings from several people, over time I've created a distressing total of four other "tulpas" (Although only one was at all sentient), all of these are in stasis now. I don't know why I thought creating more tulpas was a good idea when I struggled to even visit the ones I had. And while I had reasons for each tulpa made, looking back I've realised that none of them were "good" reasons. Just a form of procrastination. I've learnt my lesson and will be sticking with the originals from here on out (besides one, sort of).

 

Out of the various thoughtforms I've created since Rava and Inca, the most interesting and "alive" one has been Elizabeth (or Liz for short). She was based off a character from a tv show called The Blacklist. She was formed with the idea of incorporating part of mine, Rava's, Inca's, and a brief thoughtform's we had personality into one person. Naturally she changed with time and basically came to act as a "Subhost" forcing my other tulpas when I didn't. She and Rava grew closer and eventually merged into "Liza", the name being a merge of their names. So now the tulpa count is back to two, and it will remain that way for at least a year.

 

..

 

On more exciting news, me and Liza nearly switched yesterday. We started off by trying to disassociate my senses as described in Fuliam's guide, which worked a bit. Liza ended up guiding me through disassociation with her voice, which got us far closer to switching than we've been before. I was almost completely disassociated from the body, but retained a small amount of "control". Liza was unable to switch into the body because of that, even though she was the one in the front. Although we weren't able to switch it was a very pleasant experience. We plan to try again today.


Host - Me

Tulpas -  RavaInca, Elizabeth, CaydeNicolePalma.

 

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I would be wary of using merging as a solution to a large system size. I don't think merging can do something like completely destroy an individual or whatever, but I do think there can be other unintended consequences. My advice: make sure you and all of your systemmates, Liza included, view Liza as only a combination of the two mergers, and not her own separate person. If she is treated like her own person despite being a merge, it might end up making her become her own person alongside the mergers, like unintentionally forcing a new tulpa. This is what happened to us: a merge of two resulted in three when the merge was treated as his own person and started forming his own unique identity/personality, and ended up becoming an entirely new tulpa (Piano) within the merge (though now the merge is completely split). I can't say for certain it's going to happen to you, but be careful. Unmerging is always an option if it feels like things are getting too risky in that regard, like if Liza can't help but see herself as an independent thing rather than a combination of two.

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Merging them wasn't my choice, it was a personal choice between the two of them because they felt they complemented each other well. We only view Liza as a combination of two tulpas, and not as her own separate person. When Rava and Elizabeth unmerge liza is gone, completely, because she was never an independent being.

 

We've been very careful not to let Liza be anything more than a merge, we don't need or want more tulpas in the system right now.


Host - Me

Tulpas -  RavaInca, Elizabeth, CaydeNicolePalma.

 

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I didn't say it was your choice, only that it was seemingly being done (at least partially) to alleviate the stress of having a large system. When our two merged, it was their choice and they had many reasons for it, and one of those reasons was wanting to decrease system size so things would be less stressful/overwhelming.

 

Anyways, the way you're approaching it is good, and hopefully you all continue to do that. I just wanted to warn you in case you weren't, since my system's definitely been there and didn't know ahead of time something like making a new tulpa within the merge was possible, heh. Piano's the resident expert on that whole thing though, if you ever have any questions or anything, you can message him about them.

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