Jasper Struggling To Think and/or Exist, What Do We Do?

[Ranger]

I can't think of a better way to phrase the question, Jasper literally had a hard time talking to us tonight to the point of exhaustion. At the very least, we had a minor headache from it and Jasper decided he wanted to talk to us tomorrow.

 

Jasper used to be one of the more dominant headmates of our bunch- he was very vocal, played forum games, talked to others, etc. Since the summer though, Jasper has felt really uncertain about himself and has had a foggy sense of self. He complained of getting mixed up with Evergreen and Fish due to his child-like energy before, but he struggled with feeling unstable since the summer. We had a couple moments where Jasper either broke down or dropped out of something because he couldn't stand on his own.

 

After Evergreen's integration, Jasper has continued to struggle and his situation hasn't improved. He spent a lot of time thinking about if he should join in, but between him and Evergreen they decided against it. Tonight, Jasper told me he wants a better sense of self regardless, especially since having a stronger sense of self or at least an idea of what was him would be in his mind necessary for integration anyway.

 

Jasper brought up Evergreen's integration again tonight because he wonders if some of his "personality data" overlapped with Fish/Evergreen. He said this in the cBox when trying to focus:

 

Quote

I'm thinking about the past, when I was a football player dude.
...Me being in my kid form, I feel like a part of me was messed with or something

 

I don't think rest will help, I feel like if I'm a program there's a huge error message screaming at me. Like something broke and I gotta fix it

 

The other thing I wonder is if a lack of forcing or being in stasis for too long hurt him in some way. While I believe helping Jasper sort himself out by talking to him and general forcing is going to be important moving forward, I wonder if there's anything else we can do.

 

Right now, Jasper is resistant to talking to me. I told him I wanted to write a thread and I asked for his consent for the quote, but mostly he wanted me to leave him alone. I'm hoping he will feel better enough to respond tomorrow, but I'm not sure if he will feel better tomorrow or not. I want to assume a night's rest will reset everything and benifit from that thinking, but it's hard for me to believe Jasper will be 100% okay tomorrow given his record for not feeling well.

[Luminesce]

I just accidentally went like one, maybe two days without talking to any of my tulpas, and today Lucilyn was hard to hear for a good while. First of all that's annoying considering I spent every day of the last three weeks talking to them, but anyways - activity is important to keeping up vocality. Per system mate, though especially in general too. I imagine it's especially important in a system so big to keep being active or it'd become hard to separate yourselves when not as active.

 

Otherwise, I mean, of course sense of self is one of the most important things for a tulpa - it makes up most of what they even are. But I can't exactly just tell someone how to develop their sense of self, so my advice is really just activity, as I said above

[System Corporation]

[Jasper] I'm feeling a little better, but I don't want to talk tons. I think Ranger's stress didn't help last night, but the problem runs deeper than that.

I think it's been like... forever since I possessed for more than 5 seconds. I'm probably out of shape. I think some pieces got sorted out last night and I was able to grab a couple more this morning. Some of the pieces are kinda stupid like comparing myself to my headmates, but doing that helps me figure out how I'm different from my headmates too.

 

I think thinking about the past probably was a big ole knock to the head. I did like... nothing then? I spent most of my life being not sure who I am, the only thing I have to go off of was I was aloof and I tried pretending to be Ranger for a little bit... long story...

Having an account makes me happy, I want to try getting up and practicing talking. Right now I want another break.

Edited May 13, 2025 by Jasper Shadow
Adding tag for account merge -Ranger