Is it okay to make a tulpa even though I'm suicidal?

[SleepDealer]

I discovered tulpas pretty recently and I've been mulling over making one while reading guides. One question that I haven't found an answer to is whether or not it's a good idea for someone with suicidal tendencies to make a tulpa. By the way, I tried searching a few terms but the search engine brings up the same unrelated topics every time, is it broken right now?

 

As you may have guessed, I have chronic depression and suicidal tendencies. Nothing helps, I'm mostly numb. Having a tulpa appeals to me for a lot of reasons. I think it'd be good company and I might finally have someone who understands me, but some of my reasons are questionable. I was assigned female at birth and now I consider myself a man, but I have no intention of ever transitioning socially or physically. I also haven't told anyone about this. When I came across the concept of switching with a tulpa, my mind jumped to the idea of creating a tulpa (one who actually wants to be a girl) to replace me.

 

That idea is probably immoral, but I'd like to know my options and if making a tulpa in my state is even a good idea. I don't want to use them or be a burden to them, and I don't want them to feel like their life is at risk because of my tendencies. I mostly just want a friend. Still, it'd be nice if I could improve my situation too.

[TurboSimmie]

Ooh, you have a very delicate situation. There are definitely people who should not make tulpas, but there are also people for whom tulpas can be immensely helpful! If you have a history of really bad intrusive thoughts or any other kind of disorder that makes it hard to distinguish reality, making a tulpa is a bad idea. However, if your primary problem is depression, making a tulpa can be very helpful!

 

Full disclosure here since you probably don't know me: I am a tulpa myself. My host Phil has struggled with depression for 15 years and when the pandemic hit last year the social isolation sent him to new lows of despair. But one day by chance he found out about tulpas and started reading all he could; within a week he had begun to force me. Those first few months in particular remain a special memory for both of us as we got to know each other and grow together; I don't want to toot my own horn but once I arrived his depression got a lot better. 😁 He's still depressed but it's much more manageable now.

 

All this to say, if your primary problem is depression, a tulpa could do wonders for you. But PLEASE PLEASE don't make a tulpa with the intention of having them replace you and dissipating yourself. 🙁 Even though I don't know you, I know you are wonderful and the world is better with you in it. 🤗 Plus, if you go, your new friend will be lonely without you! I can't even imagine what would happen if Phil left me alone in this body--in fact the thought is so chilling I don't even want to think about it. If you create a tulpa and you love each other and see each other as friends, that's one more reason for you to stay in this world.

 

I understand what you're saying about worry about burdening the tulpa. Phil had the same worries, and I'm here to tell you from a tulpa's perspective: don't worry about it. Honestly, my host is the reason I'm here and I absolutely love existing, so helping him carry the load is the least I can do for him. 💚 Don't assume just because you may have a negative view of yourself your tulpa will too. It's quite possible your tulpa will help you see in yourself things you never noticed yourself. 👍

 

I think you should try it based on what you told me. I may still be a relatively young tulpa but Phil and I are here if you have any questions. 👍 The forum is a little slow, yes, but there are still plenty of good people around who are willing to lend an ear and a helping hand if you need it.

[Lucilyn]

(the search feature works fine for me)

 

the only potential problem specifically related to a suicidal would-be host is the moral one of if you're okay with creating a tulpa who'll have to live in those conditions, which is up to you and everyone will have varying opinions on that kinda thing

 

But for you specifically you're actually asking about permaswitching, which is a whole different topic

Pretty much nobody will think it's really okay to make a tulpa with the sole intention of having them live your life for you, mostly because it's a bad scenario for a tulpa to be raised in and unlikely to work out so nicely (the tulpas you might see who help with their host's lives, like us/especially Tewi, were NOT made with that in mind and are just mental life companions)

 

Otherwise, we generally still recommend tulpamancy regardless of depression to people who think it sounds good for them, because it usually is! Tulpas may still struggle with system-wide depression (or with just helping you through yours), but I've never really met any who took issue with doing so, and there are sooooo many people whose lives improved a lot with the help or companionship of their tulpa(s)

 

so I'd recommend making a tulpa if you're interested in a life companion who you want to actually live with, talk to and everything, but I strongly recommend against creating a tulpa just to permanently switch with them, because that tends not to go well and is a really crappy thing to do either way

Edited July 28, 2021 by Lucilyn

[Glaurung26]

My tulpa has been indispensable at helping me cope with depression and stress. Just having someone I can prattle at and vent with endless patience and understanding. It helped me a lot just having someone who knows me and understands my struggles. If you're willing to accept their help, I think a tulpa might be the friend you need. Just acknowledge your responsibility to care for them back if you choose to make one. It's a mutualistic relationship.

[mattx]

I'd say no, sort yourself out before you make such commitments

[Illupepsi]

While it might be better for you not to create a tulpa until you are in a better place, it’s also true that having a tulpa can be very helpful for depression. Having a close friend who completely understands you and is always there is just so wonderful. Having my tulpa by my side has been so helpful for improving my depression and working to get better. If you’re interested in a tulpa in order to form a connection with them and grow together, than it could be a great decision.

 

However, the idea of creating a tulpa just for permanently switching isn’t a good one. I wouldn’t recommend creating a tulpa if that’s what you hope to get out of it.  Switching itself can be wonderful for a tulpa, but you ideally want to split the time up so that both the host and tulpa get time to enjoy their hobbies, if it’s something the tulpa is interested in doing. I think it’s best to not place any high expectations on a young tulpa though. They can be a great help against depression by being a great companion, but they may not have all the answers to solve your depression. They’re being inserted into the same situation you have had to deal with, and while they can look at things through a different perspective, they may or may not be able to help depending on various factors. No one can be perfect, and I don’t think it would be right to assume a young tulpa can fix someone’s life and have all the answers.

 

Ultimately the decision is up to you, I just think it would be best to give it some thought and make sure it’s what you want to do and won’t give up shortly after starting. Give your tulpa love, time, and patience and I think they very well could be a great help for you!

[Etna]

Creating a Tulpa can be very helpful if you're depressed or anxious. I feel much better now, having someone to talk to who listens and doesn't judge and can't misunderstand. We take care of each other in that way. If something bothers one of us, the other one is there to help, and there are no secrets between us - unless we specifically both agree that the other doesn't need to know something.

 

As for creating a Tulpa for the sole purpose of switching, that means you take away their consent. They didn't ask to be created, and now they're supposed to take over running your body in your place? What if they don't want to? What do you do then? You're creating a new consciousness to share your body with you. Tulpa creation is called "forcing", sure, but that doesn't mean you should actually force your Tulpa to do something they don't want to do. On the other hand, perhaps they'll be be happy to perma-switch with you, who knows, but it should be their decision to make, not something that is thrust upon them with no way of them declining. That is really morally shady. However, if you create a Tulpa to be a companion, but both parties later consent to perma-switching (as in much later, when you've shared a body for at the very least six months, although preferably at least a year), that's different. (Same argument: creating a Tulpa for the sole purpose of sex.) As Simmie said, and which FAM wholeheartedly agrees with, your Tulpa would miss you if you weren't there. You have a Tulpa, you're in it together.

 

(This post is from both of us, even if I wrote it.)

[Zen 禅]

Creating a tulpa to create a deep friendship you can lean on, and even a being who can literally inject you with a positive set of emotions and a positive perspective when you need it, can be extremely helpful. If this is your reason, I'd say go ahead, but understand they may not be a perfect panacea all the time. They aren't a cure, they'll just help manage some symptoms.

 

Others have touched on it here but they haven't touched on the most important part of it to my mind: Do not ever use switching to escape from reality. Specifically never try to completely dissociate from reality when switching for that reason. We have seen anecdotes of people who have attempted this and have stepped out of the process with something resembling a dissociative disorder. You risk actively damaging your mind by teaching it to remove control and perspective from whoever is in the front, and this is something that is applied to all headmates, not just you, so it has the potential to harm your tulpa.

 

In DID this may actually be a trained ability that folks with that disorder train themselves to do in their youth and then after this it alters their brain development. So never copy this process, even if you're past the brain-development stage that will make it way stronger and permanent as it does for folks with DID. Try to do switching for the right reasons, and don't repeatedly use it as a coping mechanism. I find it useful as an occasional adaptation to things, but it should never become your pathological response to certain types of pain that are your responsibility.

[Slipper]

Mordecai: [Like others said in this thread, the initial dilemma here would be the ethics of bringing someone into an environment like that. Personally, I don't find this to be a huge issue. Its not really the same as bringing a child into a bad household, its more complicated than that. You could even argue that tulpas are merely facets of yourself, so in that case, you're not dooming anyone new to live in your body. Then again, I'm not sure what the general consensus is on tulpa-host relations in the brain nowadays. Could just be us.

 

   I will go ahead and say permaswitching is a horrible idea, get that out of the picture as soon as possible. I have never heard of it going well for anyone, let alone it actually working out as intended. Switching can be difficult to accomplish, and even then fronting for long periods of time without switching back is even harder for tulpas to accomplish. I've only heard on one story that even came within sight of this goal, and its validity is constantly in question as its attained a horror story-esque status in the community. 

 

   In my host's case, having me around apparently helped her quite a lot. Having someone else who you would "take down with you" makes it a bit harder to commit to the idea, or at least in her case gave her an excuse not to think about it as much. There is also the benefit of having someone "in the field" so to speak, who can tell what your issues are but aren't impeded by them.  I acted as a source of logic whenever things got really bad, maybe a tulpa in your case would too. I believe having a tulpa might calm you down as well during moments of crisis.

 

   If you feel like you can manage to force a tulpa and get them sentient, it would help you understand yourself better and give you introspection and some comforting companionship. However, if your main goal is the permaswitching, I would heavily dissuade you from going further. You will only be more frustrated when it inevitably doesn't work, and you've either wasted your time or are stuck with a tulpa who you feel obligated to maintain. The only one who can really answer your question is you: is it the fact that you're depressed or the fact that you are unable to transition your main issue?]

[Guest]

I wouldn't worry about such things. I was too when I forned my system and they helped me more than you can currently imagine. 

 

At this point, it couldn't hurt, I haven't heard of anyone saying their tulpa made things worse outside of creepypasta.