[Subselves] The Shadow

[Ginyu]

I've never encountered my shadow in my mindscapes or whilst forcing, but it has appeared during lucid dreams. It has a tendency to appear when I look into mirrors, one dream I recall having involved me looking into a mirror and seeing a reflection of some eldritch horror that let out a soul-piercing scream (usually when I look into a mirror I see whatever I want to see at the time, which more often than not is my reflection). Other times it manifests as a group of shadow beings that stalks me and undoes any changes I make to the dream.

 

Also, I'm not sure as to how valid this is, but after I got my wisdom teeth out Luna got kidnapped by some black guy in dark platemail that may or may not have been my shadow, and I had to go rescue her. Though I was doped up on painkillers at the time, so I'd imagine the boundary between dreams and wakefulness was blurred. At any rate, the shadow sticks to my dreams for the most part and doesn't interfere with my tulpae much.

 

Geez, that sounds horrible! Eldritch Abominations are probably the reason I don't have dreams that often...

Anyway, it's good to be prepared and know about these shadow things before anyone has an unpleasant experience with them. Awkwardly, I'm feeling some Persona-esque vibes coming from this thread; All this talk about your inner shadow and what not.

[Purlox]

One thing I should have mentioned before is Sock's Black. She looked like black/dark kind of bird, that attacked Midory and other Sock's mindfolk at the start. One could easily mistake her for a malevolent tulpa or what you think is a shadow, but she was just another mindfolk that wanted Sock's attention, because she couldn't survive without it. She was jealous of Sock giving attention to Midory and later to others, so she attacked them, but she wasn't really malevolent, because she just wanted his attention to survive. She looked like dark/black bird because her form was never very well defined (from what Sock and Black told me) and what you encountered could have similarly not very defined form.

 

I see no reason to think she or others have to be some kind of symbolic of our shadow. I'm not saying it can't be, but I think there are other possible explanation for what happened to you and others, one of them being the one mentioned above, another being that it's some "glitch" in visualisation or in mindscape etc.

 

The fear was likely not mine, but my tulpa's as it was present at the time.

In the opening post you say "I felt a slight twinge of fear," so can you make it clearer whose fear it actually was?

 

All experiences I've seen seem remarkably similar, both in behavior and appearance of it. I can't really argue with this, but it seems like something that people should be warned about.

 

All told, I've spoken to about 10 people with similar experiences.

Can you tell me where I can find those people, so I can read about their experiences?

 

This was also more intended to be a 'What the heck did I just see; Has anyone else seen anything like this?' to be read after the fact, rather than before.

 

Though I admit that some of my base assumptions may be inaccurate, I feel that this topic bares further investigation, and have provided my thoughts on the matter.

Posting about something in the guide section, making a lot of assumptions and acting like you know what exactly happened is not exactly very good way to find out what happened to you, because you will just affect others to have similar experience to you or at least similar to what you think you experienced.

[Fuliam]

I have had an experience with "Shadows" myself. One day I was just sitting where I am now, reading some creepypasta because I was bored and wondered what I really "knew" about myself. A few minutes later I looked to my side and there was just a pair of pure black eyes staring me down. Keep in mind the lights were off and it was night, but I could still feel and see that thing. It began to scream and say it was going to kill me. When I asked it what it was it said, "The grim reaper" and then began to laugh.

 

I decided it would be a good idea to get some help from the IRC so I went on there and after a bit of convincing I finally calmed down and it stopped screaming. But it was still there for the rest of the night, needless to say I didn't sleep too well.

 

Periodically afterwards the "Shadow" or "Grim reaper" began the same routine again, and eventually I just got sick of it. So I finally decided it was time for me to get rid of it. So despite protests on the IRC against this course of action. I merged with it essentially by admitting all of what it was into me. Admitting that I have that side of me and swearing not to try to censor it anymore. Earlier in life I was sent to a psychologist, who told me none of those thoughts were normal, so whenever I have a thought like that I must immediately think of something else. My belief is that created this subself.

 

The good news is since I took this action my life has improved dramatically. So absorbing it is not always a bad thing. However I also find I do act more rashly, and am more... let's say sadistic/ masochistic now.

[Purlox]

I have had an experience with "Shadows" myself. One day I was just sitting where I am now, reading some creepypasta because I was bored and wondered what I really "knew" about myself. A few minutes later I looked to my side and there was just a pair of pure black eyes staring me down. Keep in mind the lights were off and it was night, but I could still feel and see that thing. It began to scream and say it was going to kill me. When I asked it what it was it said, "The grim reaper" and then began to laugh.

 

I decided it would be a good idea to get some help from the IRC so I went on there and after a bit of convincing I finally calmed down and it stopped screaming. But it was still there for the rest of the night, needless to say I didn't sleep too well.

 

Periodically afterwards the "Shadow" or "Grim reaper" began the same routine again, and eventually I just got sick of it. So I finally decided it was time for me to get rid of it. So despite protests on the IRC against this course of action. I merged with it essentially by admitting all of what it was into me. Admitting that I have that side of me and swearing not to try to censor it anymore. Earlier in life I was sent to a psychologist, who told me none of those thoughts were normal, so whenever I have a thought like that I must immediately think of something else. My belief is that created this subself.

 

The good news is since I took this action my life has improved dramatically. So absorbing it is not always a bad thing. However I also find I do act more rashly, and am more... let's say sadistic/ masochistic now.

 

I think it that most probably it was the combination of what the psychologist told you and what you read in the creepypasta (and probably your introspection after reading it helped as well) that created it.

 

If it really was shadow then at least we have more reason to believe merging with it or absorbing it is a good thing (if the word of Carl Jung wasn't good enough for you).

[Fuliam]

 

I think it that most probably it was the combination of what the psychologist told you and what you read in the creepypasta (and probably your introspection after reading it helped as well) that created it.

 

If it really was shadow then at least we have more reason to believe merging with it or absorbing it is a good thing (if the word of Carl Jung wasn't good enough for you).

 

I think that being whole will always benefit you more than not.

[Guest Anonymous]

Didn't you mess up when you fused with serena?

[Fuliam]

Didn't you mess up when you fused with serena?

Nah, we just created another consciousness.

[Guest Anonymous]

I would avoid that, sounds too close to merging consciousnesses together. So far merging host and tulpa consciousnesses (Fuliam), or two tulpa-like entities (Teryakywind) have resulted in bad outcomes.

[Fuliam]

 

 

Yes it was bad at first, but everything turned out fine.

[Guest Anonymous]

So why did fuse with the shadow rather than just admitting yoursel part of yourself, then destroying it and taking action to improve yourself? What if it takes over somehow?