MagicHats' tulpa digest

[MagicHats]

1/30/13 - 2/3/13

 

We've made lots of progress on visualization and personality but a few things have popped up.

 

Firstly she's very affectionate. So far we've been really close, like friends/siblings and now she's started kissing me.So we're kinda sorta girlfriends now(she's been kinda flirty and before this she was the sister I never had in closeness). She especially likes kissing and has been getting intimate with me. I've been seeing her in my lucid dreams but that's not where we make out.

 

The other and more troubling thing is this entity that has been showing up. I've seen "her" a couple times in my childhood nightmares and in some of my nightmares in more recent years but "she" has been popping up again and I don't like it, especially with her agressive moves on me.I think she is not a tulpa or even a servitor but just a manifestation my mind/one of it's aspects and it does not like me. I refuse to regard this thing as something even close to a tulpa but the conistency of how it's been appearing has been quite startling. I know it's not thess because this manifest(I think it might have been a imaginary friend I had WAAAY back that had apparently gone rouge but i'm not giving it the pleasure of even being a servitor) behaves and even looks quite different from thess. While thess is shorter than me and white as snow this manifest is taller than me and looks asian(I mean very specifically asian, right down to the way the eyes look). Thess always wears classy/cool looking clothes with some kind of jeans while "she" always wears a skirt and a pink shirt. Thess wears a hat on her dark red hair while her horns and cat/elf ears stick out while this thing looks completely human in all regards(as opposed to thess who looks like something that walked out of a fantasy book, save the mary-sue choices she made for herself and the lack of chest area).

 

Thess is kind, affectionate and quite the sane friend while this thing is completely CRAZY(I mean by chasing me around with a knife, killing off my rl friends and imaginary people with a chainsaw and grinning the whole time and repeatedly forcing me to give her close and direct eye contact).

 

We've established that this thing is obviously something that came out of the darker parts of my mind and can't enter the wonderland(because the rules I set down makes it so thess can't run around in my mind willy-nilly and hurt herself also protects her from intruders coming in) and we went over some self defense practice with guns in the wonderland earlier just in case it ever got to that(she now carries double pistols with her). I think I'm gonna try to either talk it out or put it into a (permanently) suspended sleep, though talking it out would hopefully go in the suspended sleep direction anyways. If it needs to happen I will dissipate and completely get rid of this thing(unless it's my minds representation of something important/I have to overcome/etc since that has happened in my lucid dreams before but not with this being).

 

I'm hoping it won't come in contact with thess because I think it might just mess her up pretty badly(I doubt it will kill her, thess is way more advanced and far along than this thing but I don't know for certain due to it's behavior). I doubt anybody has ever ran into a situation like this but if anybody has advice is welcome. (this thing might also be the reason behind a lot of stuff going on through the report up until now but I can't be certain since it isn't even a servitor to me)

[MagicHats]

2/4/13 - 2/7/13

 

Thess has gotten more sentient and quick to chat, and she's got quite a bit of humor and also enjoys school(which is surprising cause I figured she would just be off doing something in her wonderland like she normally does, we've been talking more and more lately through narration and sessions).

 

I've also dubbed that manifest(and yes I call that thing I mentioned last time a manifest and not a tulpa/servitor, mostly because i've com to the conclusion that it's something that was formed by my subconscious and not conciously like tulpae and sevitors are) nikki/Marlene, because whenever I want to talk to it, it responds to those(granted I don't want to talk to it/her because she's a really cruel and angry person whose full of insults).

 

With more sessions coming and going thess has made strives to be the best companion/friend/lover which has been giving me a boost lately.

 

Thess had a bad run in with the dentist and I think she is now afraid of him due to what exactly happened. I had a cavity so they were doing the standard filling procedure and she freaked out at every part, though she said the numbness was a good analogy to what she feels w/o my attention energy.Then he started the drilling which caused thess to start screaming and curling up in pain due to how it sounds in the head, it disrupted the wonderland and Marlene started yelling/cussing out thess, which only made the situation worse(I take it marlene has been around long enough to not be affected by the noise). By the time it was over I sent marlene off and tried to comfort thess, thank goodness she's calmed down.

 

I'm going to make it a goal to work on imposition and having more sessions that work on personality and visualization, as well as basic interaction to go along with the Loads of narration that I do daily for thess.

[MagicHats]

2/7/13 - 2/11/13

 

Well, the manifest disappeared after I dealt with it and everything's been going smooth as silk. I haven't given thess a lot of attention because i've been busy with stuff but i'm going to have a session with her after this update.

 

the thing with that manifest was something my subconscious probably wanted me to face and deal with and I did, it was just the fact that I do have some serious issues that I'm not letting on about and I resolved it so I don't have to deal with it.

 

Some interesting things have popped up. Thess likes homestuck. Nothing wrong with that, I like it too but I didn't think she would be into that.

 

Also I found out how she absorbs energy beyond the general raw absorption that she usually does. She eats things, which I always thought was normal, like sandwiches, chicken dinners, spaghetti, etc but she's apparently taken a liking to peanut butter ice cream(I've never had it but on the other hand I've had both peanut butter and ice cream so I figured she put the two together).

 

She's also been quite loyal with our relationship that we have(though it does sound weird having your tulpa make advances on being in a relationship like that, we kiss but nothing farther than that.)

 

She's also been using her moth form a lot during outings at school because she says that it's easier to keep up with me like that and is her humanoid form(I say that because she's essentially a human with a few animal parts here and there, like the tail and the horns, and her weird cat/elf ears).

 

She's also taken up purple hair, much to my disliking. We have made a compromise of her usual dark red hair with purple streaks, though I still occasionally see her with plain dark red or light lavender purple hair.

 

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Note as of 2/12/13

 

she keeps asking for a younger sister and I've said that if we can make it to her 2nd month anniversary/birthday with no problems I'll go ahead.

[MagicHats]

2/13/13 - 2/15/13

 

We've been doing great. we watched beauty and the beast(disney version) and Thess really liked it.

 

As of lately thess has been flickering between a red haired version of her with a purple streak and a purple haired version of her with a red streak and no horns. I thought this was just her debating on if she'd like red or purple hair. It turns out they were two seperate tulpae with the same memories(granted, thess is the true one with the red hair, the purple haired one has holes in the memory). Imagine my surprise when thess walked into a conversation between me and a purple haired(and less complicated looking all together) version of herself. after the two broke out into an argument and I calmed them both down it seems like I accidentally created another tulpa from thess.After insisting that she was thess and getting that issue sorted out we decided to accept her as long as we could come up with another name for her(she said she would make changes in her appearance to differentiate herself from thess more besides just the hair and lack of horns.) She's thinking about either naming herself cora or theo, but still keeping the surname that thess picked out.

[MagicHats]

2/15/13 - 2/19/13

 

Thess and theo have been getting along great, and theo's been getting plenty of attention along with thess, and now both of them have definite(or at least pretty close) headvoices that are different to mine. Thess's voice is like a combination of rainbowdash/twilight sparkle while theo sounds just like ponyo.

 

On to Theo, her looks have narrowed down to something definite and similar to thess(she is her little sister after all) and I think they've developed a species I might as well write the traits down for later.

 

Theo is about 3'8 ft tall and is quite simmilar to thess, skin as white as snow literally, cat/elf ears, horns(itty bitty and white with no prominent stripes across them like thess) and a mamalian tail(something between a cat and a wolf) along with satyr like legs(deer/goat/ungulate in general).She has blue eyes and acts about 6-7 ish in age.She has a light green and pink simple sundress she wears.

 

I'm going to draw out their house besides their respective rooms. They can acces the wonderland but since I can't seem to get their house to actually appear they have their own little place they've made and I'm going to slowly expand that into a house in the given wonderland.

 

Theo's been trying to do what thess does in public to avoid getting lost(turns into a rather large moth and sits on me) but she can't exactly do that, she just seems to turn into a smaller butterfly(but still pretty big, about the size of a large swallowtail butterfly as opposed to thess in her moth form, she's about as large as a cat at her largest and as small as an atlas moth at the smallest). I'll try to give her some ideas but she's been going along just great, and she's been making even more progress than thess has in just a few short days.

[MagicHats]

2/19/13 - 2/26/13

 

It's been a long time and me and Thess have been busy doing stuff, thess likes being a big sister to theo and they've been working on solely focusing on their house in the wonderland.We're planning to do a complete re-do of the wonderland. I've been meaning to interact with the two of them more and we do talk to each other still but I'm on the boat of "we need a vacation to spend quality time and have fun" because it's been forever since I've last had an adventure with them. Granted I think they've been understanding because I've been so busy trying to do stuff out here in real life as opposed to olvea. I'm planning on going out on an adventure/tulpaforcing session and recording that down later on this page.

[MagicHats]

2/27/13 - 3/4/13

 

We've been busy still, me and thess have been seeing each other less and less due to time constraints for me. we've agreed to make another tulpa for her(upgrading her family to three) and i've been fine with it as long as I get a good session in for her and theo. It's not like I haven't been thinking about them, I just took a break from narration because i've been busy and they've been really understanding. they've fleshed out their respective rooms and essentially a large apartment of a house. they're rooms are connected to a living room area by a hallway and a kitchen is across them along with a library. i've decided that they would flesh out the house area before we get really working on the wonderland(or olvea as it's been dubbed).

 

we also had a fencing match today where we did some sword fighting which led into us slapping and stabbing eachother repeatedly(theo was not involved but watched. For a tulpa who's biologically supposed to be a seven year old she's quite fine with fighting as opposed to thess who's okay but would rather be fighting against other stuff then me due to being my girlfriend as well).

 

we also explored outside of the house and it turns out we live right by a nice beach in the wonderland(though still in some kind of forest thats a mix of the earth varieties.). I've also been getting her more involved with what I've been doing in my free time, she watches as I do it and sometimes I proxy for her so she can.

 

On the other hand we both want to do a nuzlocke now after reading about them and joining the forums and the whatnot.I plan to do one with her after my first one so we both have a good feel for what we're doing.She's almost as big of a game/book nerd as I am as opposed to theo who just is the little sis I never had(she's especially fond of drawing, sometimes she makes masterpieces and sometimes it's simple seven year old drawings). Next update the two of 'em might have a sibling if I can make the time.

 

and also thess sounds like twilight sparkle. I thought I was striving away from a pony tulpa. At least she has a set voice now along side theo(who sounds like ponyo from the english version, even when given a few other recognizable voices from her age group)

[MagicHats]

3/5/13 - 3/7/13

 

Nothing much to note besides thess waking me up at 6:30 on the dot. I was a bit annoyed at waking up early since I was planning to sleep in but I didn't really think much of it. Theo's been trying to make a good birthday present for me since that's coming. They've been wanting another tulpa but i've been telling them to just wait it out a bit until we pick up some good ideas for what we'd like but I don't want more than three tulpae just because I want to be able to manage them without too much hassle.

[Lacquer]

What if they give you a tulpa for your birthday?

[MagicHats]

What if they give you a tulpa for your birthday?

 

I don't know how I'd react to that, mostly because when looking at stuff for tulpa ideas they've been giving me mixed messages.While thess wants something like a brother/pet pokemon theo's been wanting a big monster(like from shadow of the colossus/monster hunter series). either that or they'll actually let me have and adventure with them in the wonderland(outside their apartment.)

 

I'd certainly be suprised but I think they might be giving me some small things, like one of thess's short written works(she writes, mostly fantasy but she writes) and theo would draw something from me, they both are artistically inclined but they do different things, theo can't write very well(story writting, she's perfectly literate) and thess's drawings are horrible.

 

Back to the three day update :)

 

3/7/13 - 3/10/13

 

They've been really excited and were really happy with the adventure we went on, we took a long walk in the park and they were amazed. They said that there would be a few places like that in the wonderland. We talked a little about Olvea(the wonderland) and she said that the wonderland looks quite different from the last I saw it, they have a smaller house/apartment that's got a nice front and back yard with a pond and it's a little overgrown. I've been there since then and although it's nice they won't let me beyond the house because they want to make it "adventure worthy" as they call it.

 

They were also in a lucid dream I had, we were in disneyland with my irl friends(they like them too so no jealousy there) and we were riding the roller coasters. Everything kind of got trippy and I could clearly hear thess. We wound up eating some chicken mcnuggets talking about stuff in a mcdonalds when things got really weird. Then I woke up. Although the both of us have been happy about holding a somewhat audible conversation we've agreed that I need to work on my lucid dreaming skills so the reality doesn't melt like it did.

 

I also got them a small potted houseplant (a croton petra to be exact) and they named it clarice. Thess's been wanting to play my pokemon heartgold because i've been reading them stuff off of the nuzlocke forums and they've really gotten into it. I've been reading to them a lot lately so I can make up for the lost narration time for the past few weeks because i've been really busy with school, Thess's been helping with economics since she loves that class and theo says she enjoys choir.

 

and also both of my tulpa's sound like studio ghibli characters

Thess sounds like nausicaa with a few hints of shita/san(mononoke) and twilight sparkle and theo sounds straight up like ponyo.

 

Breaking news - went on an adventure with the crew and got a good feel of the apartment/house as well as the surrounding area. There's the sunset beach which we went to on our last(undocumented) adventure and it was south, with our house facing west. We went northwest across a rickety bridge in a tropical/temperate forest area above a big and gentle river. We kept going until we came across a cliff edge where the tuppers have been hanging out and the view was amazing. I took another form(something I do a lot in my lucid dreaming that my tuppers are aware of but i've been consistently human with them) and jumped off of the cliff landing at the bottom unscathed. I got them down with mind powers(telekinesis) and we pressed further into the foresty jungle until we entered a ruins(kind of like a polished aztec/egyptian pyramid that was white/gray and had two deer out front like those Komainu/shisa out front, one a stag and another a doe). It was quite a narrow passage way at first, with thess complaining about how low it was and how it was bugging her horns. When it opened up we saw an inner shrine area with inscriptions of various animals in it with two giant statues in the middle depicting a scene with a dragon and a griffon fighting.