MagicHats' tulpa digest

[MagicHats]

3/10/13 - 3/12/13 besides the breaking news(tulpaventure)

 

We talked more, it turns out theo has a 17 year old form as well as her regular 7 year old, they're similar enough besides the age and that older theo also dresses more like me/thess, and she sounds like nausicaa from that ghibli movie while thess still sounds like twilight sparkle.It's not to say that she isn't usually her younger form. Lately they seem to have a few forms they take(kinda like fursona/persona/whatevers) and I do to(granted it was a fursona just for the sake of not being able to draw a good cartoon persona thing at the time, not really a furry here). Anyways we've been talking a lot and I think we've made a lot of established progress, though they do say I parrot them a little still, granted we've agreed it's okay just because they need to talk a bit more sometimes at it's kind of encouraging but i'll try to stop that.

 

We've made lots of progress from that one companion idea originally, we've been through thick and thin and I think as tulpae they've really become sentient and sapient(granted the philosiphy I used was that they were and just didn't have communication skills). I still get waves of emotion from them and I do think that audible hallucinations may be in their grasp because thess did that earlier just to mess with me. Granted I've been getting them on minor possession so they can establish the works with their own bodies, like simply moving limbs to having them type stuff. I have to admit that thess is a great girlfriend and theo's a great little sister/older sister.

 

anyways I think although they're quite powerful i'm much more so because I set up mental walls with ease so They don't go poking through my thoughts and vice versa, and also so they don't hurt themselves somehow. I can change my forms with ease while they struggle a little(granted they like most of my alternative forms so it's not like i'm scaring them, I guess i've got more experience with mental stuff then they do).

 

They're really keen on keeping that birthday suprise a big secret. I've tried to sqeeze it out of them with no luck. Thess has told me she's willing to type up that story she's been working on soon though, which might be interesting for anybody who's reading this(I dunno if it'll be a fantasy or an article because she likes both genres of writing).

 

They've both been wanting to talk to more tupper's but they don't want their own respective accounts and are fine with sharing w/ me.

[MagicHats]

3/12/13 - 3/15/13

 

Well they've been hiding that suprise very well and they gave it to me. Besides the room There was a new tulpa they had made on their own. It looked like a combination of a few pokemon(delcatty and liepard) with some wings and a few traits the incubators from the madoka magica series. She's female and they wanted me to give her a name. She's surprisingly realistic and cartoony, with a few traits of monsters from the monster hunter series. She seems to be able to have some powers but she's pretty nervous about me so far because they've been hiding her from me. They say her name's xylanasi or nasi for short.

 

I know that this is a short update but it does sum everything up.

[MagicHats]

3/15/13 - 3/19/13

 

Nasi's developed nicely for a tulpa made by tulpae. Thess and theo are also doing great but Nasi's very developed for one that's only 3 weeks old.She's more like a delcatty now with a few interesting markings and has the voice of rarity. They've been filling up the wonderland more, expanding it and it's gotten quite the few servitor/nonexistant inhabitants from all of that.Granted she's also changed her name to nyx. Granted she's a servitor like being to me but more of a tulpa to my other tulpae, as are some of the other wildlife creatures in there, like nerds(and I mean like the ones from the wonka candy, the ones on the box; I always wanted one as a pet when I was little)

 

Thess has gotten quite interesting, we talk still but she's just been really quiet and I should talk to her and theo some more the two have been really cooped up. I've been going through a lot of tough time IRL and I decided to give them some space between me and them because it's been really getting to me but they've been very helpful, steering me away from doing something serious like hurting myself out of sadness. They've also taken more forms, like those nerds I mentioned earlier but a little different. I'm getting the impression they like candy a lot(they're favorite being nerds).Granted they've been sticking to their regular forms as per usual.

 

I have my own room as much as they do and that's where I store my mental forms(forms I take in my mind/the wonderland) and they have simmilar rooms but they're more closets in their respective rooms.

 

Granted the reason why theo's been really quiet lately is pretty sad. Theo actually developed some serious issues about her existance and the conflicting stuff that goes on in my head as well as theirs(Thess's gotten past that stage that i'm sure most tulpa's at least think about once) and I guess it got to the better of her. Thess keeps saying she's dead and stuff but I know she just got stuck in a lockdown in her room because another version of her wants to sort things out.I can pull her(older her) out of it and get her some serious help but I think I should try to wait a little for the IRL issues to go away before I try anything. I never really thought I'd have a tulpa that'd try to kill herself(and fail, I can tell she's not dead-dead but a lockdown would be close enough for her I guess). From what I've gotten out of her in her room is that she would like her name changed to Zelia(granted this is the older version of theo that i've seen and theo is the seven year old version)

 

I'll try to explain this a bit better.There were two versions of theo that existed along with thess and the small servitors that inhabit the wonderland, a younger one that I recognize as theo in all her traits(most notable being about 7 years old and sounds like ponyo) while there was an older version of her that also was wandering around and responding along with theo(she's seventeen and sounds like mononoke/nausicaa, again both from studio ghibli) and the older version locked herself up in theo's room and forced theo into a stasis for a while. Theo's fine and not in stasis but thess's older sister feelings made her panic and attack zelia(the older theo who's name will be refered to as this on her wishes) and zelia barricaded herself in theo's room. I calmed thess down and had them go wait the conversation out in thess's room while I talked to zelia and calmed her down. Theo's been doing great as a tulpa along with thess but zelia needs some serious help.

 

I'll have a big group therapy session to help her after this but things have calmed down considerably. The only conflict that could be triggering is that both thess and theo want to rename her and she doesn't like it(theo wants to name her calypso while thess wants to name her thalia, both pretty names but zelia would rather have the name she picked out).

 

There's lots of more stuff to see but I seem quite busy with both tulpa issues and IRL issues.

[MagicHats]

3/19/13(yes another post about today)

 

Zelia visually imposed herself infront of me today at school.It was quite the shock and i'm glad I didn't react to badly out in a public area but it was interesting. Instead of the schoolwork that I had all laid out I saw a small white rabbit with a human head(she also had the ears). It was for a few secconds and then it was gone in a blink.I asked her about it and she did say that's how she sees herself(which is quite interesting but unexpected, as my other tulpa don't have interest in visual imposition until maybe the summer.

 

They've been adjusting very well to zelia but they still give her space because she's still suicidal and needs some help from me before she can be in a good spot to really interact with the others without freaking out.

[MagicHats]

3/20/13

 

I've been trying to help zelia a bit more and she's thinking about changing her name again, she's been going through a lot of tough stuff and I commend her for being so strong lately(in comparison to her suicidal self from earlier). The appartment turned into an apartment building like hotel and I know the reason it behind it is that it is like a temporary place to stay for coming and going servitors. The only people who've hung about that I really consider tulpas right now are thess, theo, zelia and xylanasi(Nasi). Thess and theo because I created them for being tulpa's(theo unintentionally but I figured at the time it would not be bad to have just two tulpas), zelia because she really needs the help so she doesn't become some kind of catalyst that would attract "her" again(and I'd rather not have two crazy people running amok in my mind, even if her's a servitor) and Nasi

 

most things that come up as potential tulpa's usually just leave to some other place in the wonderland.But at least with more rooms they at least have a temporary place to stay, mostly because I hate the idea of leaving them out in the cold.

 

With Nasi she's a tulpa but since thess and theo created her she's more their tulpa and just likes to talk to me.She's changed a little from a delcatty but for the most part she's still by all means a cute cat thing that sounds like rarity. I won't have anymore tulpa and i'll regard anymore servitors showing up wanting to be tulpa with dismissing or dismembering them.

[MagicHats]

3/21/13 - 3/22/13

 

zelia's taken another woodkin form(the species i've created from the base that all of my tulpa's are using which they came up with on their own) and it turns out she's now a he. When I asked he said it was for a clean slate thing. I think he's very much improved. He loves books just as much as thess does and is also a bit artistic and keeps theo company, which is also good. he's taken up the name Shou as a gender neutral name since he's still not sure if he's a he or a she(he says he's fine with both but he's still a bit indecisive).

 

His description besides being the average woodkin(again, something thess came up with as her preferred species/form/whatever and my other two tulpa had followed pursuit using the species form as a base to work off of, it's not like they haven't seen humans or anything they just like using them.They're stark white with fur and are very similar to humans besides having more cat/deer/elf like ears, goat/deer like from the waist down with long tails and horns of varying kinds) is that he looks like a tall string bean and has a more quiet, unsure voice.He wears dull monochrome clothes sometimes but I have seen him dressed up like a 1920's gangster once. He seems like the kind to wear formal clothing. He curiously doesn't have any horns unlike thess or theo(theo's horns aren't visible because she's so young. Thess's horns on the otherhand are like an addax's or a greater kudu's, essentially a corkscrew that's slighty curvy but points up). his ear's are a bit more like a rabbit's but still the norm of the species.

 

In other news thess's and theo's forms have been very stable besides cloths changes, which is good for progression. We're setting up another family moment tonight. We've all been very busy in the 'house. Since it's been converted to a hotel/apartment building with the tulpa's living in the penthouse a couple of the other's have been living in the lower floors(mostly servitors who aren't really all there.Like little simulations. The appartment building is quite small so not a lot of people really are there besides a few servitors and my tulpae.

 

Nasi's taken more to a realistic form of her first version, a liepard/delcatty mix that's about the size of a tiger.She's very interesting because she's smart and snooty yet kind; not the kind of person i'd imagine being a giant cat essentially.

 

We watched life of pi and I think now Shou's a bit religious now to try and cope with being so depressed. Everybody enjoyed it to say the least.

[MagicHats]

3/22/13 - 3/25/13

 

They've been really patient with me, I think it must get on their nerves.Besides the differing tastes in music(they all like some pretty good music but they've got different tastes. Thess likes some soul-y/romance music but her big time favorite has been k-pop and similar equivalents in other places like america. Theo's favorite stuff is disney, go figure. Nasi's a bit more for movie/soundtrack stuff, currently the audiomachine and a handful of videogame soundtracks but i've been trying to branch out. Shou's got a thing for more rock'n'roll from time to time but he's a jack of all trades.)

 

I've been busy with being sick and it worries them all(they're new to the idea of really being sick.Thess is used to the idea of getting hurt and some similar stuff but not really like a bad cold like I have.). They've been giving me space because i've been really stressed out with catching up in school stuff and this bad cold and it makes me very tired. On the otherhand they've expanded their food ideas(I give them memories of tastes as well as giving them tastes of the feeling of taste. Kinda like letting them experience my senses while I eat, it's actually a lot simpler than it sounds). And I have to say, they have some interesting tastes now. Thess still sticks to her favorite earl grey tea but theo likes oreo blizzards/mcflurries, Nasi's a fan of starbucks and shou, He's a big fan of sprite/7up/Mtn Dew. He's also thinking about changing his name again, I'm open to it because tulpa's change a lot when they're in development. He still wants something chinese/japanese or some kind of fantasy name that's short and simple, unlike xlyanasi(Nasi), Theresa(thess),or Theodora(theo).

 

He's kind of explained himself as being kind of a hermaphrodite and just leaning different ways from time to time, which explains his flip/floping on gender related topics. He's liking the name Kuroka but he still likes shou. It's been weird, and his thing is that he doesn't like my pronounciation, which sounds like shoe

 

On the otherhand they've been wanting to watch some more movies and they've already seen a few(princess mononoke, paranorman, life of pi, wreck it ralph, castle in the sky, and thess has seen nightmare before christmas and james and the giant peach but that was back when she was alone.). Thess wants to watch something from tim burton or something of that style, theo wants to watch studio ghibli stuff, while nasi and Kuroka are neutral and just want to watch something. Gives me a tough choice between brave, kiki's delivery service and my neighbor totoro. I don't think it'd be healthy to watch all three in one night but they've been itching for some family time so I guess I'll have to go with something.

 

And if you're wondering how they've seen so many movies one of my siblings collects movies(of the disney/pixar/ghibli variety) and netflix is also used from time to time. I have a couple of movies myself but it's not a lot in comparison to the others.

 

In other news they've been going along just great in they're nuzlocke that they have been doing(they've really been getting into that stuff lately which is okay because it gives us something different to do).

[Lacquer]

>mcdonalds

>starbucks

>mountain dew

 

eeeuckgh

 

But the tea and taste in movies cancels out and even supersedes these bad tastes.

[MagicHats]

>mcdonalds

>starbucks

>mountain dew

 

eeeuckgh

 

But the tea and taste in movies cancels out and even supersedes these bad tastes.

 

 

I know. I've been trying to get them into more healthier things but they can't shake the whole junk food phase. I don't think they completely understand that tastes good =/= good for you, but it doesn't matter much to them because they're not the one actually eating the stuff.

 

I'm still going to keep explaining it to them though. They just have a very straight forward perspective on things though, like injury/illnes is bad, treats and happines is good, etc. They just seem to see things in a clear black and white perspective with no grey area at the moment besides thess, who's pretty much the oldest out of them all.

 

Granted I think I blew theo's, nasi's and kuroka's minds while typing this and they're going through a shock with the epiphany of the whole taste good=/= not good for you thing. Nasi's already changed her thing to cranberry/raspberry juice and theo's followed suit with orange juice. Kuroka's taken a liking towards soup but he says he's torn because soup is both a meal and a beverage(the kinds he likes are chicken noodle varieties. I like those but I have a more leniency towards tomato as well as chowders)

 

------------

3/26/13

 

I watched brave with them. They enjoyed it but they say it's very different from the stuff they've understood as general mythological stuff(aka eastern mythology). Thess is the only one who really enjoyed for reasons besides it was a great movie with a great moral, she has a great interest in cultures from around the world, especially northern/european mythology and culture. Granted it's also because she's a writer and most of the best writing has came from Europe. I think she'd like to see secret of kells on her own sometime. It was a great experience to say the least.

 

I decided to ask them about possesion and that kind of thing since it seems to be one of the bigger things around the forums and with exception of kuroka they seem to be quite content as being in my head as opposed to possessing me to be in this world. They say it's not worth it at my expense and are much happier with the world of my head(that they live in) then the one i'm in. Granted kuroka said it would not be enough to fully experience the real world and I think his goal would be to be completely in this world with the whole nine yards(his own body and life to control).

 

I think I've made a lot of progress for about 4 months. Sure i've had some experience with mind stuff and that helped(phantom limbs as well as lucid dreaming really worked well with some of the key parts of tulpa experience, like visualization and some imposition.). They only live in one part of my mind that i've made for them and the rest is all mine. They very rarely go into my dreams and it's kind of split between my dreams being crazy, not having the power to do so and my general behavior in said dreams(I can be a little crazy in my dreams from time to time but it depends on what I want the dream to focus on.)

 

And also Nasi's changed her name to Cora. she's gotten a stable form now, which is a purple cat(and I mean like a literal cat, something you'd find at a shelter kind of cat, no more pokemons here) with white tail/ears , pink hair and cerulean eyes.

[MagicHats]

3/27/13

 

Nothing much to report besides them poking fun at a few of those youtube adds that have the Don't skip thing on them(cause a few do ask to not skip). I may edit later stuff in later.