Linkzelda's and His Tulpas' Log/Progress Report

[Linkzelda]

Okay, found an app called "WatchMe" that can simulate several timers, and stop them all at the same time, which makes things A LOT easier for me now.

 

Here are the list of things I intend to image stream about with one, or even both of them:

 

Buy a clown nose and wear it to work.

 

Check out free stuff on craigslist.

 

Go to local hotels and ask to check out the rooms.

 

Visit a cemetery at night.

 

Volunteer at a Boy Scout or Girl Scout function.

 

Go to a high end furniture store and dream.

 

Take a walk in the moonlight. Beware of vampires and werewolves.

 

Take a self-defense class at the police department.

 

Visit Santa and have a friend take your picture.

 

Ask random people to take you to their leader.

 

 

Go to the grocery store and leave random notes on cars that say 'Did you forget milk' or 'I want ice cream'.

 

Stop by your local tire shop to have the air in your tires changed from winter air to summer air.

 

Go for a bike ride in the rain.

 

Use eyeliner to draw a thin mustache on your face and go get something to eat at the local pizzeria.

 

Plan a fundraiser for muscular dystrophy.

 

 

Get a free sample cookie at the bakery.

 

Go to the park and people watch.

 

Go to a campground and stay overnight.

 

Get a dozen donuts and share them with your coworkers.

 

Go into a store and ask the employees questions

 

Try on all of your clothes and bring the ones that don’t fit to good will.

=----

 

Backups:

 

 

Virtual Sandbox Reality

 

Twilight Princess Desert Challenge Dungeon

 

Xenoblade Chronicles

 

 

 

I managed to take care of quotidian stuff, and had a decent series of naps while listening to that alpha isochronic, so it's now to put it to the test.

 

 

12 hours attempt, GO.

[Linkzelda]

Day 902-902 (April 27-28th)

 

Total image streaming time from this period since Jan 8th 2015:

3,244 minutes -> ~54.067 hours of image streaming

 

If there’s 8,765.81 hours in a year:

 

54.067/8,765.81 -> 0.00616794113 = 0.616794113%

 

Seems pretty small when you put it that way. 9% in the future, anybody?!?!?!?

 

And if IQ stuff with the image streaming augmenting one's IQ by .9 per hour were any true based on that questionable experimentation on the concept you can find on google, luls-> That's +48.6603 to my overall IQ!!

IF I EVEN KNEW WHAT IT WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

THEM GAINS. DR. EGGMAN AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME.

 

About 4 hours and 35 minutes of image streaming, so I didn’t get anywhere to the 12 hours, oh well.

 

Transcript: http://pastebin.com/HKhYEHsm

 

Some things to point out, though:

 

- I noticed that I’m having a struggle with going with the session because the visualization augments to a serious virtual sandbox kind of reality where the general landmarks and such with this reality is easily there. In other words, the 10 hours I attempted before eventually helped me reach to this kind of level of visualization, and the session before this that was around 6 hours or so, I believe. It almost reminds me of last year, or so when I thought 3 hours of image streaming would be intense, and I had this patchy conceptualization of what was going on, but things were still real nonetheless. It’s just that I was contingent on some game graphics, and things felt a little rudimentary in vividness back then.

 

- The Watchme program is simply awesome; I can have multiple timers running at once, and even put little side notes as I did in the video.

 

- I finally figured out what the button on my laptop that’s right above the mousepad is for. It’s to completely turn off the mousepad, ALONG with the left and right buttons! This is something completely huge as what makes me peek at the screen every now and then is to make sure that I’m still typing, and that the mouse doesn’t trail off to somewhere random. This makes me feel a lot more confident in trying to get into the motions of image streaming without frequently going on and off with looking at the screen. Hopefully in future sessions, this will show improvement.

 

- I’m somewhat used to reveling in trivial and menial tasks that I would naturally ignore. In other words, I spent a good bit imagining Ada brushing her teeth and all, and I hope that I’ll get used to doing things that can fill more time while trying to prepare to attempt the next task on the list.

 

- I noticed I probably did two tasks within 4 hours or so, which is a good thing because I can squeeze out as much as we can for this. I usually overload myself with those tasks in the event that I just want to hop around, and go at my own accord.

 

- After spending so long imagining how it may feel to be them, I noticed that there were insane typing speeds for most of the session. I felt this light and airy sensation throughout my hands, and it felt as if I had long nails on to where I can hear it bracing against the keys. I realized this was either Eva or Ada typing, but I didn’t really bother to ask them about who did what for all of the intervals as I’m sure everyone was pitching in. I even started to see that when I look back at the screen to ensure there’s something being typed, there’s some words that I didn’t even think I would use, which only makes me presume the probability that they’re having an easier time proxying that stuff for me, or doing the whole possession and what have you.

 

- The typing gets to the point where I don’t even bother reveling in fixating on my mind-voice at all. It just happens, and it’s this weird feeling of silence that somehow creates words into the document. I don’t know, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that indirect sublimation of what’s being visualized can be described a lot faster now.

 

- I took periodic breaks, for like 30 seconds every now and then, to do the wrist and hand exercises. I also took a few breaks as indicated in the video to eat something real quick, or when Mother Nature called.

 

- I started to feel exhausted at the 4 hour mark, but honestly, I think it’s because I still had some mental baggage with quotidian life that made me image stream without typing at all, which explains some of the pauses despite the video being time lapsed. I guess circumstances with real life that I tried to settle with came back to haunt me a bit as I truly had some highly emotive

 

- I noticed that visualization intensities and what have you can vary, which leads me to speculate if I should find a basis for my mind to go upon. But at the same time, if I utilize a photo as a reference of how vivid I want the experiences to be, then I end up seeing my mind creating something more than that.

 

- I had some trouble with my laptop after the session was over. When I woke up, I saw that it was shutting down so much, and started going crazy on trying to find the solution. Fortunately, I realized that the power button and the strip with it is pressed down so hard that the laptop automatically shuts down because it’s touching the sensor to turn off. I found out that I had to change the settings for what would happen when the power button is pressed, which is to literally “do nothing;” boom, problem solved! And I hibernated and turned it back on, and saw it’s doing just fine! But just to be on the safe side, I’ll try to use a vacuum and suck out the fans on the sides, and the heat components on the bottom.

 

- Even though I couldn’t go for 12 hours, I’m still happy, and it just shows that there’s going to be major nuances every now and then with each attempt for 12 hours, or even more. Things become faster, and it’s easier to see everything, along with them as well. It got to the point where I was this close to doing a switch while image streaming. The thing that didn’t make it the case is that I didn’t really felt anyone was taking dominion over my body at the time while I was shifting awareness towards and imaginary projection of myself floating around a retail store. However, I could just be undermining each experience with them, though.

 

- I just hope that in the next attempt, which may be an impromptu attempt, the laptop doesn’t shut down on me, because that would SUCK.

 

 

Seriously though, if I can get that issue resolved, along with trying out the button to turn off the mouse pad and buttons, I'm going all out!

[Linkzelda]

Got 3 days off from work, and this is the second day. I look forward in getting back to image streaming more again, even if that entails that I do 1 hour of it every day for at least 6 days straight with one day of doing whatever the hell comes to mind.

 

So after realizing that the motherboard for my previous laptop, Toshiba Satellite P755, was failing miserably thanks to the “professionals” diagnosing it, I figured that getting a new one altogether will save me the hassle. Especially considering the customer support with Toshiba, and getting the right motherboard and what have you will cause huge delays. So I just decided to utilize the credit potential I had for a new one, and should easily make the monthly payments along with other quotidian stuff.

 

I’ve been trying to get used to this laptop (HP Envy i7 geforce 840m 15.6''), which is pretty easy to do fortunately, and managed to get the essentials down, and for the sake of this thread, mostly pertaining to image streaming. One of my main adversities when it comes to typing while image streaming is simply worrying if there’s an accidental mouse click, or a mouse trail that makes me click outside of Microsoft Word, and worrying if any content is being typed down. Because nothing would suck more than to go through a 12 hour attempt of forcing, and 3 hours in, nothing is processed in Word for 4+ hours straight.

 

So to subside those predispositions of looking up frequently with image streaming, which seems to be another struggle with attempting to switch while image streaming:

 

- I downloaded a program called Touchpad Blocker, and the simple command to turn on/off the touchpad, especially with its fairly large touchpad for the laptop, to reduce concerns of accidental clicks and movement by 100%

 

- The “Watchme” timer program that can run multiple countdown timers at once, along with alarms I believe, will prove beneficial to me in putting in landmarks, and making sure I find a workflow in taking quick breaks to relax and stretch my wrists and hands while typing

 

- And just putting any clean sock, dark colored preferably, around and inside the interior of the headphones I wear is more sufficient than the lame sleeping mask that I've been using for a while now.

 

Because I know that as I’m typing for long periods of time, there’s a tendency to rest my hands near the touchpad, and even touch the left and right click buttons on the mouse button as well. So if there’s a need for me to actually move around within the laptop screen, I’ll just utilize the external mouse. But this shouldn’t be necessary when things like below are satisfied:

 

- The timers

- The recording software

- The list of things to do in the notepad

 

I’ve also considered heavily in practicing getting a few naps before attempting the sessions, especially with several studies done on how naps during the middle of the day can help with all sorts of things (e.g. reversing information overload and what have you). I mentioned that example in the previous sentence with information overload simply because there’s a few moments, although transient to where it’s quite overloading at times. But honestly, I feel I’m over-dramatizing that tendency as quotidian activities are going by as they usually do.

 

And being able to make sure that I have something in my stomach before the attempts that won’t make me as sleepy, or have Mother Nature come in is essential. Simply because from attempts before, I start getting a little hungry about 8 hours in. Bathroom breaks to urinate and what have you are inevitable as I do make sure to drink water to prevent dehydration, though it’s not really an activity that makes me sweat whatsoever, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

 

I also considered integrating a hypnosis script, or several scripts pertaining to certain goals during image streaming as a warm-up, and some pragmatic intentions I’ve considered in any future scripts are, but not limited to:

 

- Ensuring that I would be predisposed in fostering the ideal mentality needed for going long hours of image streaming

 

- Ensuring that I would be inclined to stretch my hands and wrists every now and then to prevent anything like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from occurring

 

- To ensure that I would have a long-standing sustenance for actively image streaming/forcing

 

- To ensure that the more I revel in my imagination, the easier it will be for me to be suggestive to make the switch, and to allow Eva or Ada to take dominion of real life senses instead of me still having a partial reigning of this reality. The last image streaming session made me super enthusiastic of how easy this endeavor can be with practice; and my speculation on whether or not Eva or Ada are typing for me seems to have reached new realizations. To say the least, it seems obvious, within my subjective experience mind you, that fixating so much on how it would feel to be them, and them correlating that with any potential of physical sensations during any attempts of switching and/or possession, would correlate to having referential modalities to make it so without question

 

- To ensure that I fixate in debriefing the experiences after the image streaming session. I developed a predisposition in not wanting to debrief myself when in theory, that debriefing is just as important when it comes to a myriad of things (e.g. convincing my brain that the experiences are important to me, though this hardly seemed to be a struggle as I do love the experiences nonetheless).

 

- To ensure that I’ll be able to assess myself accordingly in future attempts, and to revel in the fact that any time that I image stream retains the personal value of how those experiences will accumulate towards bearing some kind of fruit. So if there’s days where I can only do 1 hour, or even just 20 minutes, then so be it.

 

- To ensure that I can be suggestive towards any referential modalities that can allow me to shift my awareness to imaginary senses more, and hopefully attain the lucid dreaming-esque attributes of experiencing said mode of awareness in one’s dreams

 

 

Hypnosis, at this point for me, would simply just be utilized at an inward type of thing as it’s always been. Though, I haven’t been reliant on any scripts for a long time now as goals with being able to visually refer to certain things was assessed with long before thanks to image streaming and the experiential accumulation with lucid dreaming attempts; non-lucid and lucid, mind you. So it will remain a supplement to ease myself into not being militant on having it, especially since the transition to image stream has always been easy for me when your imagination just comes to you just like that.

 

And along with those alpha isochronics that are absolutely WONDERFUL in almost anything; power napping, and image streaming, I’ve been experiencing sensations where things are resonating, and it feels as if there is a shift in brain states. And the claims with one not being able to sleep when they’re in the alpha state seems like a load of cockery, especially since I can sleep peacefully when I have one playing in the background. And what’s even weirder is that I can stay awake while listening to them for image streaming.

 

So either my brain can adapt based on the circumstances, and not have the alpha isochronics be contingent on one thing (e.g. the state of being between wakefulness and dreaming), or something else entirely that I probably cannot put into words as I’m sure it would be a tedious thing when it comes to analyzing one’s subjective experience, i.e., qualia.

 

I’ve also noticed that with this new laptop, it means I can try out new games, and potentially imagine other types of “universes” or “themes” to go into that I can utilize to either switch, or force one of them, or to even switch while interacting with one of them while the other does the typing in their presumed capability of being able to reign in their ability to do so with their presumed qualia and what have you. I noticed that with image streaming, the discrepancies with who’s utilizing their own sense of self, qualia, and other modalities with presumed sentience and what have you is a bit more nuanced, and doesn’t really have to be something to worry about too much; just let things happen, and foster the mentality that the accumulative predispositions towards image streaming will sustain for long periods of time. And to mostly pertain for the sessions, and that we would be able to easily control how it's assessed AFTER the sessions; the aftermath is what makes things very interesting when things go by more unadulterated to some extent.

 

So now that I have two days off, I may try an image streaming session today around 6PM or so, and maybe give a shot at 12 hours. And on the next day off, I’ll probably rest up. Or I may try x-amount of hours if I couldn’t reach the 12 hours, and then rest up on the day I have to work fairly late in the afternoon.

 

I have to take advantage of these days off since work will provide some consternation in mapping out any personal attempts of image streaming. I may have to resort to the hour a day for this week after the days off period has ended until next week. Whatever the case, I’m glad that I’m aware of certain struggles, and being able to eliminate those probabilities of experiencing those struggles from happening.

 

Another nitpick is finding how I can have Microsoft Word space every two sentences, or something like that, I guess. For now, it's just the ol' manual entering that will have to do for now.

[Linkzelda]

So here’s my game plan for the rest of the second day off (today) around 7-9PM, and the third day off (7-9AM):

 

1. I’m going to read a hypnosis script I created on the fly pertaining to image streaming for long periods of time with ease here:

a. https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2t4W1W3COrAWExodmlYZ0pXQnM/view?usp=sharing

 

2. I’m going to prepare the necessary programs: Microsoft Word, Recording Software, Touchpad Blocker, Watchme to start multiple timers at once, along with the list of things to do, and potential environments as well.

 

3. I’m going to take a 5 hour energy in the beginning, and maybe another one when I’m 6-7 hours in. I’m also going to take a drink of water as well.

 

4. I’m going to wrap whatever I can utilize as an eye mask, and have my alpha isochronic playing while wearing my headphones that will lock the cloth I’ll be using as an eye mask into place

 

5. I’m going to try and memorize some of the things I could do in the event I want to sustain the urgency of actively describing what’s being experienced during the image streaming.

 

6. I’ll take breaks when necessary, and remember the commands to start and stop the timers with the watch me app

 

7. After I initiate the recording software, I’ll start the timers, and then initiate the Touchpad blocker program with the hotkey, and start typing away.

 

8. Whatever happens, happens.

 

 

This is my game plan:

 

[Linkzelda]

Day 908-909 (May 4th- May 5th)

 

Managed to do 3 hours and 28 minutes of forcing, and clearly was not able to reach 12 hours.

 

 

Transcript:

 

http://pastebin.com/Y8ChrU9g

 

Nothing to have moments of consternation about, as some noticeable improvements were prevalent:

 

- I noticed that I was easily influenced by the hypnosis script in some way to where I was actually able to revel in things that I would think are nuanced in a way in terms of image streaming. In other words, things like having Ada emulating what it would mean to be a manager charge in spite of us not having any experiential learning over it, but rather some kind of implicit knowledge of it, I guess.

 

- We were typing insanely fast, at least during this short period of time of image streaming. Just like the hypnosis script I was supplementing beforehand for this session, I think the more I utilize it, the more I can get into synch with it, and prove to have better results. It was quite easy to absolve from quotidian things, other than the breaks where I made a few posts on tulpa.info for a few minutes, and taking care of breaks like restroom breaks, etc.

 

- I found a position of me being able to bend backwards a bit to rest my head while I’m typing, which gives a surprisingly good sensation that doesn’t make me sleepy, and allows us to keep typing.

 

- The Touchpad blocker application is really doing wonders in affirming to myself that we can type to our heart’s content without worrying about mouse clicks and mouse trails occurring that wouldn’t allow us to log down the experiences via typing without peeking too often.

 

- The recording software, and the rendering went pretty smoothly, and I’m happy that this investment with the laptop was done.

 

- I’m thoroughly convinced that setting a 12 hour landmark with the experiences done today and before is bit too high. I feel there’s more content exposed for us to describe in such a short period of time, which would make sense after all that progressive, private experiential stuff going on with the image streaming.

 

- However, with that stated, the strive for 12 hours will be one of my long-term goals, or even short-term depending on any augmentation in perseverance.

 

So to count up the hours of active image streaming/active forcing for this year:

 

54.067 hours

+3.466 hours done today

____________________

57.533 hours overall

 

And 57.533 hours/8,765.81 hours in a year x 100 = 0.65% done solely with active forcing.

 

 

I’ll probably go for 1 hour a day in the future (that's 0.011% each day in terms of dividing it to the hours in a year), and do longer sessions if we’re really feeling the need to.

 

 

OH, I should debrief myself and re-read over what went on, and get it done and over with too!

 

 

Speaking of debriefing, I can see that there's a lot of information to be read, and really is a wonderful challenge; it's like image streaming on top of what was image streamed via typing, speaking aloud (or softly in my case) is getting more work in, I guess. It's also full of luls in some moments where "shift" ends up being "shit," so it looks as if my tulpas are shitting at an overpass when they're just shifting from it.

[Linkzelda]

Haven't been able to do an hour of image streaming each day for this week, mostly due to worst case scenarios with work occurring to where I just need to get sleep to get over it. And also -insert other personal, quotidian excuses here-, because if it's in my head, the image streaming session will involve some moments of me being distracted about it.

 

 

 

I'll just take a breather for a while.

[Linkzelda]

I don't really post this often on what goes on day-to-day:

 

Almost every time I want to express a different disposition towards certain co-workers that may be underperforming consistently for months now, somehow, I end up being glad that Eva took the role in assessing them sometimes. I tend to undermine this, and every time I give my recaps over circumstances and all that being a manager, I feel as if I’m too earnest towards my higher ups, but they seem to really like it.

 

Almost to the point where they felt as if we, or I since they don’t know, I guess, am the most polite manager they've had, and if co-workers, new or old, didn’t like me, they wouldn’t like any of the managers. It feels so contradicting looking back, but I guess we’re able to have a working persona where people don’t think of us as threatening, even though we’re most likely patronizing those individuals.

 

As for the image streaming thing, and taking a break from it, I do notice that what would typically be moments of consternation with the average joe at work is a breeze for me simply because I accepted all the probabilities of worst case scenarios occurring, and we just know that the end result is really all that matters. And yet, the disposition Eva expresses towards others have mixed responses, and in my opinion, sometimes it seems to be a pushover type of quality.

 

I’ve only had one argument with one co-worker to where I let my ego talk, and didn’t even get repercussions for it. Mostly because he wanted to keep it between me and him in spite of me frequently telling him that he should inform the higher-ups if what I did was ethical, or not. I noticed that Ada and I typically want to pinpoint as much bullshit from these people to express how incompetent they really are, and it really shows in those recaps that the higher ups seem to like, but I’m still shocked as to how they feel everything is casual and polite.

 

I guess I should be glad they think about that because I don’t really have to, or rarely have to stoop to the type of disposition to where if I see any of them having a moment of happiness and being predisposed in being gregarious with others other than whom they’re paid to serve, I would make their experience in doing so very bitter. It seemed co-worker I mentioned before was either scared of what I could do which made other co-workers have to secretively huddle together that I’m actually going to be assertive to them. And I only knew this from someone that didn’t seem to mind relaying this information to me.

 

I often wondered how we elevated into a position that’s typically hard to get into the first place, though I guess we tend to undermine the work ethic we strive for, and typically take for granted of the compliments from not just my boss, but those higher than her that rarely revel in such acknowledgement. I should be glad this is the case as I could move up more quickly in the future, but at the same time, we always have this nagging feeling that they’re doing this just to make co-workers feel they’re contributing to something. Or I just have some kind of complex going on. But whatever the case, the whole point of this post was just for me to reflect on how Eva expresses herself. I’m surprised I haven’t had anyone think I was a girl when I’m really a guy due to my tonality and disposition in general. I know I still reign in most of my activities at work, and things go so fast that I don’t even bother to distinguish who’s doing what.

 

It’s just silence in motion, and just fixating that as long as we get things done when it comes to business, we can thank to whoever helped out with such and such. The unsettling feeling of thinking I’m more harsh than usual to people during work, and yet still being portrayed as polite continues to baffle me. I could revel in this dual type of thinking where my true intentions and words won’t really be processed, as Eva or Ada tend to have fun doing all that every now and then.

 

I really appreciate their existence, and all that they’re doing, and I guess I just have to start being self-reflective on the most menial tasks that they help contribute in doing, or just about anything we do.

 

 

Rambling #2:

 

I had a dream last night that seemed like a nightmare, but ended up just being weird and peculiar. Imagine “The Evil Within” that just seems so non-sequential that I couldn’t even fathom if I was scared, or just perplexed at the seemingly nonsensical experiences. I know deep down that there may be an underlying reason behind the experience, though I don’t take things as militantly as I did a few years back.

 

 

I can’t wait for the day to go back to active forcing via image streaming, though I think I’m okay with the visualizations that go on. The ability is still there, and I don’t think I have to worry about anything degrading, and what have you. Those hours put in are truly bearing some fruit in being sustained for a long time. I guess the theorizing with image streaming can actually have some merit, at least through experiential learning, when you do more than just a few hours.

 

I can’t wait for the day we can do 12 hours, or even more. I just know the more I reach the limit to go for more, the more I have to be even more serious than before. So instead of hyping ourselves up, and using the 12 hours or more thing as a constant challenge to overcome, I guess we’ll have a somewhat impromptu type of active forcing.

[Linkzelda]

I haven’t tried image streaming for longer hours for several reasons, and some may really just be excuses:

 

- I noticed that how I visualize hasn’t really degraded in spite of taking a long break from image streaming. I still have flashes going through based on my emotions, intentions, and just the act of wanting to imagine things.

 

- I wanted to see if what I usually do in my quotidian lifestyle, both personal and work, would have any significant improvements. I do notice that I’m calmer in very stressful situations, and although finding absolute indicators is difficult, I do know that by comparing myself to some of the other workers, I seem to be able to persevere much longer. Longer to the point where they’re just staring at me like I’m crazy while they’re being lackluster in their performance.

 

- With that said, I do notice that there’s movements that I can barely be conscious of knowing what’s happening, and it would be safe to say that it’s the work of Eva and Ada. Of course, this could also just be the effects of image streaming, in theory, of being able to allow me to connect to certain things faster. So, the nuances that I’m sure I’ll be figuring out personally with them are still there, and probably will always still be there the more we progress, but it’s fun to explore.

 

- I’ve been taking the time to really analyze and self-reflect on previous attempts, and what really affected my performance. Granted, I could just be undermining myself too much as just doing 6 hours of image streaming, or even 3 hours of it would be challenge for most. I know from previous attempts, conquering hunger and sleepiness were my two biggest obstacles.

 

- The alpha isochronic beats continue to be a magnificent aid for me to keep going, and blanking out external noises, but I can’t really control Mother Nature, and things of that nature. That’s what I thought would keep me back from going for the half a day of forcing, i.e., 12 hours. But then, I realized there’s this certain coffee I’m drinking called Delgada, which basically has some kind of Ganoderma extract that helps with all sorts of things.

 

- I noticed that taking for a while now has significantly reduced my tendency to feel hungry, and I can be content with just drinking water, or anything else while I eat a meal accordingly rather than small snacks, or over-eating in general.

 

- I’m beginning to think that this coffee itself can be a useful supplement in enduring through those hours without me feeling intensely hungry. I can still have a minor snack backed up in advanced, but the propensity to feel hungry will be lowered.

 

- I tested this out by trying to stay as late as possible doing all sorts of things. Whether it was sculpting 3D models for practice, watching YouTube videos, or gathering concept art to sculpt, and things of that nature, I don’t feel as hungry as I would if I were to image streaming for hours on end.

 

- Another reason why I wanted to put it on hold is that I do notice that I’m learning a lot faster, and those mental kinks with trying to get a concept of something that’s been bothering, e.g., planes of the face, and the anatomy of it, isn’t as hard as it used to be. I remember that in spite of having some hours of image streaming under my belt, trying to tackle it all, and grasp it to where I felt I had to memorize everything for getting a decent sculpt of a face, or any face was too much of an overload because I probably was exhausted because of work, and the image streaming sessions themselves.

 

- I do notice that I’m able to do some hilarious things in my head, like literally looking at some event going on in waking life, and relaying that in my head, and doing something like adding credits to the side. Everything from hearing sounds, and things of that nature, while still be able to focus on reality isn’t really as hectic as some claim it to be, especially if one is reveling in their imagination, and trying to describe as many things as possible.

 

- I do notice that I tend to misapply my abilities to certain workflows, but I am able to pick up those subtle hints from others that may seem that I take so long to type up a recap when it’s really 10-15 minutes of my time. In other words, I don’t really try to brag about it to them, and let them revel into thinking I take too long, but I really don’t. I feel that if I were to show them that video of me doing 10 hours+ of image streaming, they would know that I severely limit myself in my work for a good reason.

 

- But trying to show off is the least of my concerns, especially if they would be wondering who Eva and Ada would be in particular. I could just play it off to them as thought forms in my head that I imagine for fun for the sake of seeing someone other than myself, but I don’t think that would work out as they could easily just Google the session, and tie it with this forum.

 

- I notice that I have to severely limit myself in quotidian activities pertaining to work, but when I’m doing personal endeavors, I can release everything, and not regret it, because the progressive ups and downs with learning new things is always something to appreciate. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m in the position I’m in at my job, but I’m aware that trying to augment my ambition with a future that seems so unpredictable seems to always lead to false hopes.

 

- I feel that I could easily hold my own, but I guess I’m too afraid to sever connections with those I personally meet with. Though, my connection with them on a deeper level isn’t really there, and I have to be a shell of who I really am to even consider their well-being. This is me talking about people around me, and not my tulpas. I feel more distant towards others not because I want to be anti-social, but I realized all of the nuances and distractions that comes with hanging around people that you want to be gregarious with just to kill time when I could be productive doing something else.

 

- Of course, this isn’t something to absolve myself from completely, but I do revel in the fact that I didn’t spend time doing something stupid with another individual rather than just enjoying solitude with my tulpas. It seems weird, peculiar, and would intimidate those that have ethical standards against something like this, but it’s really not an escape at all. I acknowledge others, and I do my best to utilize my gregarious horizon to reach out to them, but it’s not that type of endeavor we may seem to find ourselves doing where we see a bit of ourselves from the people we meet day-to-day.

 

- I see that the more one revels in their imagination, and their everyday cognition, there’s so many things to learn rather relying solely on other’s wanting to believe in you, or you trying to find something in them to learn about yourself in some way. Every now and then, there are nihilistic feelings, though they haven’t been intimidating at all to me for a few years now, but I always am able to revert back to those silver linings, and other things keeping me busy.

 

- The act of keeping busy while not trying to reach long-term goals, or feeling as if I’m not doing so bothers me sometimes. But, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised as we may be used to trying to develop some subjective, ulterior motive to give us a sense of purpose. And when we realize how much we can do this, there’s so many things to do, and us wishing we could this, or that, or that and this, and it seems foolish to really try to escape the realization that we have to take a course of action in something, and just trying to enjoy the experience of doing these things.

 

- I also notice that it’s fun reveling into certain emotions, and my dreams are a testament to that as well, but the imagination within mind’s eye in quotidian activities is just as fun. I don’t know what’s in store for me if I ever reach 12 hours of forcing in one, or two sittings with a break in between, but I do know that it’ll be awesome going through the journey.

 

 

But enough rambling for now. It seems I was almost able to get over 1,500 words before 30 minutes; 27 minutes, to be exact (excluding content below the ____). I can only imagine how fast I can be once I close my eyes for an image streaming session in the future, and go through describing pure, unadulterated content. I also look forward in trying that Delgada tea as well as something to drink right before doing an image streaming session for long periods of time. And I feel that keeping things organized with themes and universes to revel in will help things go smoothly, along with those wrist and hand exercises as well.

___

I could reach 48,000 words with 12 hours at 2k words an hour; it could be higher for certain hours the more I get into it. It’s really all a mental thing to keep going, though, I feel with the coffee that isn’t even high in caffeine, can help a lot. Maybe taking 5 hour energy won’t be necessary, but rather as a backup, who knows?

[Linkzelda]

Today just felt odd, and it was because one of my higher-ups informed me about myself in general. Basically, she wanted to see that “person” that exhibited such and such qualities that she felt was ideal. While I was going through the minor constructive criticism she gave for me, I never thought someone would say it in a way where, “I want to see ‘that’ –insert real life name- instead.” I know she would utilize it loosely to refer to the type of disposition I had, but with how we tend to mix things up a bit with work, I’m surprised she saw any consistency in anything.

 

It makes me feel that when it comes to me as the base, I would be able to exhibit certain qualities Eva and Ada typically do, but not really to completely perfection (though I could be undermining myself). But when she said to be that –insert real life name here- from here on out, it was like, “WOAH.”

 

I never knew she had favoritism towards that kind of stuff, even though most dispositions expressed get the job done; it’s just the aftermath of how we feel is the subjective part. She really has a motherly like disposition to where I could’ve been THIS close to saying:

 

“Alright, I’ll be sure to tell Eva about that specifically, since she seems to be able to express that type of working persona better than I ever could.” And then I would walk away with some shades on.

 

 

But of course, that would be stupid, but who knows? Small world we seem to live in.

[TheSanctuary]

I am your manager 'zelda. I know your secret. XD

 

Seriously though stranger things have happened, but it's amusing how she's completely innocently like ' I want to see this version of you' without knowing she's literally callin out Eva and has no idea . Did you do a double take then or were ya all ' cool and relaxed' so to speak?