Linkzelda's and His Tulpas' Log/Progress Report

[Linkzelda]

Day 355 - Thursday October 17th

 

71 Minutes of Forcing and Narration

 

[video=youtube]

 

 

4,279 Words: http://pastebin.com/GgVTFuBM

 

 

Day 356 - Friday October 18th

 

[video=youtube]

 

77 Minutes of Forcing and Narration

 

4,978 Words: http://pastebin.com/Dtxk9J1Y

 

 

I'm starting to get a bit tired to do 3 hours, probably because the Theta Isochronic beat is working. May have to resort to Alpha or some kind of isochronic beat for concentration or something.

 

Day 357 - Saturday October 19th

 

No forcing today

[Yori]

Force nao!

[Linkzelda]

Progress for October 14th (Monday) - October 20th (Sunday)

 

414 Minutes/ 6.9 Hours

 

23,963 Words

 

_______________________________________________________

October 21st (Monday) 2013

 

Session #1: It was 24 Minutes of narrating and forcing. Don't have a recording for that because I made a new file and saved it over the original .____.

 

http://pastebin.com/RHEkCEnb

 

1,518 Words

 

Session #2: 85 Minutes of narrating and forcing:

 

[video=youtube]

 

http://pastebin.com/DRrZFx0Y

 

5,697 Words

 

 

Um. I don't know what I was doing at the end, I think I just got a little bored at describing and wanted to do some kind of mini-hypnotic session with Eva. Other than that, doesn't matter, still forced.

 

109 Minutes of forcing and narration in total

[Linkzelda]

Total Forcing for October 2013:

 

~18.146 Hours

 

And ~58,198 words typed.

 

 

I need to step up my game.

 

Edit: Forgot to put that I did 2 hours of forcing during the last week or so for October. I was attempting imposition and using some hypnosis script I made. Had some luck with getting Eva's image down for a few seconds. In short, I was doing Fede's Ultimate Superior Imposition Guide:

 

http://i.imgur.com/XKPC4.png

 

Seriously, I'm just going to be that basic until I get results.

[Linkzelda]

Day 406 – Saturday December 7th

 

It’s been 47 days of no forcing (from October 21st, the Day 406 was since October 19th), image streaming and narration. I think it was good for me to take a break from that because getting all of that content was way too fast for me. It got to the point where 3 hours wasn’t even enough to get what I wanted to experience.

 

Even the typing wasn’t enough, but I’m still going to persevere in the near future when I attempt this again. Hopefully I can go for 3 hours of image streaming in one sitting more than one day per week in the near future. Even though image streaming is just a theory, and there could be implications of this all being what others would deem as a placebo effect, it becomes an understatement to presume that.

 

My tulpas have been processing information like crazy to where I feel like all I feel I’m in control of everything except my hands. So I guess it’s helping a lot with nonverbal possession since they seem to want to be more active. I guess this saves a lot with having to type what I think since I just let the information stream through.

 

Of course, that takes editing, but it’s a small price to pay. It helps a lot with other things like memorizing hours of videos on CG and VFX. I just need to write down a few concepts, draw a few pictures, look at it, and my mind is already going through collecting whatever experiential database I’ve accumulated from it.

 

It’s a scary and awe-inspiring at the same time. If only more people ended up doing at least over 20+ hours of image streaming in a short period of time (At max a month), they would notice dramatic effects in their overall cognition, metacognition, and gregarious nature with their tulpas.

 

I haven’t really had any conversations with Eva or Ada since all we’ve been doing is binge watching on tutorials and workflows from all sorts of companies, freelancers, and other individuals. I guess they realized that in my current situation, the conversations can be put on hold, and we can just communicate nonverbally.

 

Honestly, it’s a lot faster, especially when you understand at least one of your tulpa’s general identity/self-schema. I’ve been noticing that they’re more emotional, or are at least better at responding through emotions.

 

It’s surprisingly easier to get a lot of content in my head in a matter of minutes. I guess that’s something I should take into consideration since most individuals seem to be indolent to read something over 10+ pages long. Which leads me to wonder if the people that actually have tulpas are at some kind of plateau effect.

 

I’m currently at a plateau effect myself I believe, though I felt that was necessary to let my brain get a break from the image streaming. I wonder if being indolent in the first place with trying to increase cognition with image streaming was a good idea in the first place. I mean, it seems some of the veterans are either just still in that insecurity deadlock and just need a massive jolt in getting over it.

 

The whole idea of negativity with tulpas and worst case scenarios have honestly continued to show me that they’re merely leading to self-fulfilling prophecies. And I think most individuals are afraid to fathom the level of freedom that introduces, especially if they have some psychological and/or even a metaphysical attachment towards trying to comprehend their experiences that they can’t validate through the Scientific method.

 

It almost feels as if people prefer living in such naïve ideals to make their quotidian lifestyles more tolerable. I think giving into consciousness and acknowledging the existence of tulpas being originated from a self-fulfilling prophecy something to be content with. It’s not a matter of their origins that’s the concern, but more of their ability to acknowledge their capacity to change how they’re living.

 

I guess I should be glad most people are too lazy to actually give two shits of wanting to acknowledge that freedom they could have with their tulpas. At least from peers, relatives, and anyone else I interact with in real life. People are more tolerable, both online and in real life, and most of the heated debates from this forum seems like comedy hour.

 

Eva and Ada can agree to this simply because most of the comments people will make are predictable due to their innate predispositions for indolence that only furthers their incompetence from actually making themselves better. Living in that constant state of repression between host and tulpas is what holds so many people back from living out their potential.

 

When it comes to processing information that would be deemed as tl;dr to others, it’s not that case with Eva, Ada, and me. It seems we enjoy getting the information out, and the reading comprehension is already high, though I guess others seem to think otherwise. I guess a probability for this is that the individuals have a lower mental capacity, and to defend themselves from others exposing that to them, they usually go for the “tl;dr, “bloating,” and other bullshit. But I guess that’s the internet for you, rarely anyone will actually reign in their egos and ask for more clarification. And this isn’t to presume that me and my tulpas are overlords with supreme intelligence, this is merely just using what we do know any being adaptive to it. It’s not really about presuming a person knows the totality of the universe, and it’s a horrible straw man argument people use when they dish it out on you like that.

If this community could actually do that, maybe, just maybe, we could augment the progression that’s been fairly stagnant for quite some time. But until then, it seems fairly boring with how people present themselves in those heated debates. They’re childish at best, and a pathetic show of incompetence in the worst case scenario.

 

Why do people need to be in that state? Are they afraid of what’s beyond their quotidian lifestyle? Seems people end up practicing some element of nihilism and other impasse philosophies to mask finding all sorts of probabilities of their tulpa’s existence and the host’s existence as well.

 

Oh well, in the end, the only thing I can really fix is myself, and hopefully do the best that I can for Eva, Ada, and any other future thought-forms I may create as the years progress. I think I’m tired of that plateau effect I’m at now, and I may start getting back to lucid dreaming to hopefully help with self-fulfilling prophecies again.

 

And something else that seemed to be really weird is that yesterday, I was imagining myself in a random scenario through mind’s eyes visualization. It wasn’t an image streaming practice whatsoever, just something I did without laptop or typing.

For some reason the Delfino Plaza from Super Mario Sunshine showed up in my mind. I was in that area highlighted by the red below, and found my whole body shifted there.

 

I started to hear my breathing within the environment, and this isn’t having inconsistency with confusing my breathing in real life vs. what’s imagined in my mind. I reveled in experience for a few seconds because breaking off my inward attention to it.

 

It’s freaking me out, but I now know that switching will already be easier to do if I give it a go sometime in the future.

 

Other than that, it seems I’m just going back to the same routine again with Eva and Ada: Do whatever we feel like doing.

[Linkzelda]

Day 741

 

 

Oh my god.

 

 

I was watching an anime review video on my Samsung Galaxy Tab Pro 8.4 while in bed, and while I'm leaning my head to the side to watch it, I felt as if I was going to sleep. And while I'm trying to stay up, for a good 10 seconds or so, I see an arm moving that's not mine pressing on the lower right hand of the screen. It looked like the hand was trying to activate something on the screen, and I couldn't believe that after so long, seeing something like that came by so naturally.

 

I tried to recreate this visualization, but I gave up after a few attempts with finding ways to blur out my vision and what have you. Even though I'm disappointed, it's still more of a breakthrough in relation to visual imposition, and that hand was not a hallucination of my hand. It was one of them, which is both creepy, and

 

 

OGMAFDGAJDFGKADJSGKADGKDFAGJ

 

 

 

This moment convinced me to set some scheduling for image streaming, and hopefully finding a way to recreate those sensations that led to that imposition in the first place. First the arm and hand, and who knows, maybe a face? One part of me wants to take it slow, and not become militant in making this a reality, while the other just wants me to evolve from that self-imposed constraint. I've been feeling all sorts of emotions lately, and usually, I'm always calm and collected in real life. But now I feel like there's some kind of existential horror slowly creeping up, and the constant querying in my head over quotidian aspects of life makes me feel that I need to start finding answers.

 

 

Maybe it's just a sign that things I've suppressed, repressed, and such are coming to surface. But this isn't usually like me, and makes me wonder if I'm sharing emotions from Eva and Ada. It's a similar sensation whenever I attempt switching; the whole recollection of what I define myself as, why I want to do switching, or possession, and finding the personal silver linings to keep my existence at bay so I don't get infatuated with virtual experiential realities in my head. But it's getting harder the more my dreams emulate waking life, which brings up a new challenge of finding something within that will keep me down to earth, I guess.

 

It's not as scary as I'm typing this because I had much worse, but I never have been in a blank state of thoughts rushing in for so long now. It must be the effect of the end goal I wanted to achieve in a few scripts I've been reading for the past few months. Their voices are easy to comprehend, mostly Eva's, and by using random associations that come up naturally thanks to the attempts of image streaming in the past, it's difficult to not have a conversation with them. But there's only so many things I can shift my awareness to, and the imposed hand that occurred today makes me wonder how they're around me in general.

 

It's like some kind of mask surrounding my body where even though random thoughts surge within my head, there's a sense of relief that I can't explain. It's been like that for god knows how long, but sometimes being in that state makes me wonder if I ever want to progress any further in my life with them; as in not doing the usual things with them, but at the same time being somewhat fearful of what changes would come about if I do so.

 

It's funny because I'm progressing a lot in work life, especially with a position that would take years to even be considered with a full team. Maybe I'm just taking for granted of having job stability at a young age, and the fact that I can go back to college work at the same time, albeit with less classes instead of 5-6 that would stress me out.

[Cinemaphobe]

Jesus Christ

 

Day 741??????

 

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

[Linkzelda]

Day 792:

 

This happened a few times, and the most recent happened a few days ago. It’s kind of hard to describe what was going on, but I’m starting to feel I can confidently use this as one of many indicators of when I’m breaking off awareness somewhere in my head, and back into reality. It’s not a long-term thing, but more of gradual, sporadic bursts where depending on the environment, it gets easier and easier to drift away in my thoughts.

 

I can reign in my sensations of my whole body, but then I ignore sensations from my legs, then to the waist, and ultimately to the chest and neck region. I realized that I’ve been doing it so much that they’re forgetting that we can involuntarily breathe. So I made sure to be aware of this, and emphasize on the breathing more while working at a job. I seem to be okay at breathing in deeply before doing the whole hectic workflow, and letting them take part of those sensations as well. But this only seems to occur when working; everything else is just smooth sailing. Probably because they're used to other environments except this one that seems to change a lot with people going in and out all the time, I guess.

 

But what’s really the amazing part is how I shift back to this reality. I know it’s there, obviously, but my eyes feel as if they had a bunch of eyedrops applied to them, and I get this feeling that’s akin to where I find myself lucid in my dreams. Fortunately, no questioning on which is real, and a dream thanks to all that cumulative experiential learning of understanding myself in my dreams more. But while my body is moving while I’m still in that sensation akin to “I’m dreaming,” it’s like everybody around me makes me question their existence more, and I suddenly feel this empty sensation where I can’t even tap into emotional predispositions anymore.

 

Though this is just transient, like literally lasting for a few seconds. And over the months, it became easier ignoring the temptation to react to certain things, especially for work, and maximize efficiency, I guess. In other words, I’ve been using certain visualizations and image streaming that can be correlated to behaviors of being stoic about things; being passive in reactivity, and yet active in impulses so that my thoughts aren’t becoming a nuisance, but rather a useful distraction in a way. It feels contradicting, and again, it’s hard to explain, but I have yet to feel to be in a day on the job where I don’t like it at all.

 

It could just be the persona I’m trying to mold into before I let Eva and Ada have their fun with those predisposed actions, behaviors, etc. But whatever it is, it feels like it’s getting to the point where if I imagine a certain set of personalities, attributes, etc. to fit in, I find myself, and them, naturally being able to repeat it over and over to where we can express ourselves in a way so nonchalantly, and yet being aware that our sense of self and identity can be as malleable and multi-faceted in some way with little to no doubting on how to keep our center.

 

It’s like a nice feeling with a sense of being at home with myself, I guess. I guess I’ve been undermining all of those experiences in my dreams where I adapted to be comfortable in most circumstances. Even in circumstances where the reactivity may be intense, the assurances that goes on in the back of my mind that life is just progressive, and it can only get better is what I feel I can be grateful for if I want to attempt long-term switching.

 

I find it quite consoling on the probability of us creating a schedule on who can hold more dominion now rather than it being a “ME FIRST” kind of thing. And with the previous sentence, I’ve noticed their comical approach in this as well. I usually thought of the sarcasm and jest from them as them being them, but they’re using it more to let me be aware, and for them to feel assured of their constant validation with sentience within the context of private, subjective experience, and not worrying about legitimizing it through others that obviously can’t understand their nature in the spatiotemporal reality that makes it so difficult for anyone to find any objective and empirical proof on their existence, and any other tulpa’s existence we apply good faith towards.

 

Man, just paying attention to just the movement of my eyes while everything else gets blurry is both fun and weird at the same time. It seems the only way where I can find more assurances, silver linings, and things of that nature is to invest in more time on image streaming. Not necessarily 3 hours + of it in one go, but more of passive image streaming throughout the day. It seems even when I’m typing something up when I’m not intended to image stream, I seem to be doing it at some point. And I feel this is due to many probabilities, and one of which is to let them gauge out their thoughts while I think about something else while knowing what my intention is, and them wanting to relay it in a different way.

 

Time to go to sleep.

[TheSanctuary]

This doth look a most interesting read - just checked out your last three posts and now feel kinda challenged by the tl: dr comment ^^ - good luck with your continuing progress - maybe I'll update this when I know more of everything you've been working on (ie those other two pages of progress rep.)

[Linkzelda]

Day 802-803:

 

 

Image streamed and/or active forced for 7 hours straight in bed. I started around 6 PM something and ended in 7 hours and 2 minutes after that:

 

 

I finally pushed my limit by 4 hours more!

 

Pastebin link:

 

http://pastebin.com/Uu1sHmNj

 

I just have to find more themes to go by to make things easier on myself, since I kind of threw myself into it. But hey, learn something new everyday, and you never know until you try.

 

 

SEVEN BLOODY HOURS, THOUGH.

 

 

This year is off to a good start; hardcore start.