Linkzelda's and His Tulpas' Log/Progress Report

[Linkzelda]

Day 803:

 

 

Pastebin link should be in there as well.

 

 

Managed to go for 3 hours more before the day ended. I felt kind of disappointed with this one because I could’ve went for 4 more hours because I would still have a lot of time to sleep due to the working schedule giving me more time. Part of why I stopped at 3 hours is that Eva seemed a bit impatient, or at least that’s what I thought based on her movements of wanting to do things her own way rather than through the game logic.

 

Which is a good sign, because at least she’s actually able to formulate an opinion, expression, etc. from all of this imagination I’m doing for a long period of time. I’m noticing things are even more stable than before, and it’s much easier to pan around the camera to any angle at any given moment; just takes some willpower. So the theme that I wanted to focus on is imagining Eva in some kind of Prince of Persia theme, specifically the Prince of Persia: Two Thrones video game I played on the Nintendo Gamecube.

 

I saw how easy it was for me to imagine the walkthrough I went through before years ago, and replacing the main character with Eva instead. Things were a little shaky in the beginning, as I was seeing black hair instead of blonde hair (probably implying Ada wanted to do this). I may very well do a session with her instead, and maybe do that back and forth motion along with both of them in a scenario(s). I’m starting to get myself into using words to start a sentence like:

 

“I feel/hear/taste/see/smell/sense” And literally just doing that while also extending the detail with other prefixes and what have you. I managed to type 1k+ more words in 3 hours, which is an improvement in itself compared to the 9k+ words from 3 hours before from the 7 hour session. The environments, the movements like Eva’s breathing, the anatomy of her face, and how she expresses herself is completely amazing to visualize. Even though I can’t pick up the pace for longer sessions like this, I think it furthers the epiphany that I don’t have to see myself as describing things quick as lighting when typing.

 

I also find myself pausing from typing, and doing an image streaming concept where you’re just understanding with your senses. It’s hard to explain, but it’s not really using your mind-voice, but more of understanding what everything means, and just going through it in your mind to see everything all at once, and knowing what’s going on. Some guy named it quantum image streaming, but I’m not going to use that terminology for obvious reasons; seems like a gimmicky word to me that you would see someone with a five hundred paged book on tapping into your inner consciousness, or something like that.

 

So everything was going smoothly with this reference to the experiences I had playing the Two thrones video game years ago. Eva did the whole quick kill sequence on the first enemy. The difference was that she was going for this one that showed up:

 

 

instead of this one:

 

 

But I didn’t really care as I didn’t expect my mind to go by the book with the in-game logic. As the session went on, I noticed Eva taking a form that was completely new to me. She balled up her hair a bit, and had variations in the jaded green dress style she seemed to have worn from before. I saw several nuances like the creases in her dress, the diamond like substance that’s sparkling all around her; to the mascara she was using along with the thick black eyelashes and plump red lips as well.

 

I had a feeling she was using this form to make a joke on a certain image I saw, but she toned it down a bit to where she looked pretty nice in that form. She seemed to have a cartoony yet semi-realistic vibe to her visage. Over time, it became more like a human, and I went with it. I’m glad it’s stuck in my head, because I can probably give a shot at drawing her face a bit when I do more studies in facial anatomy.

 

The environments were pretty nice to gaze at; it started out being run-down, like it was in the game, and then up to being beautiful with all sorts of ancient gardening stylization to it. I think it matched the outfit Eva was in, and she probably fixated a lot more on this than the other scenarios. She ended up killing the Vizier because she just wanted to after being bored of thinking about going through those puzzles in the game.

 

So she did, and we ended up doing random stuff like having an Okami related experience, and then runescape for some reason killing frost dragons. That was crazy in and of itself as well. But it was fun nonetheless. But I’ll have to plan more themes, or just find a way to do similar things with an added twist.

 

I feel that if I can’t go for 7 hours all the time, since I’ll need sleep, along with finding some nutrition for my brain, I can go for 3 hours minimum for each day. This means I’ll have to sacrifice some time watching YouTube videos, but that’s not an issue. Might try to do this for at least a month, and then go for 1-2 hours of image streaming in the future, along with those hardcore sessions of 7 hours plus. It’s just a matter of synching in with my work schedule, since I put 24/7 availability in it. It shouldn’t be too bad, because the motivation to do those long sessions is always going to be with me.

 

In other words, I guess existentialism is my silver lining for doing stuff like this. I would make a detailed exposition as to why that seems to be the case, but I don’t have enough time right now.

[Linkzelda]

Day 804 (Jan 9th-2015):

 

Only managed to do 51 minutes of forcing on January 9th.

 

 

I was a little tired from work, and I had to take someone to an appointment the follow day, so only getting like 4-5 hours of sleep, or less would kind of be bad. I could’ve pushed for another 7 hours, seeing how I’m used to getting that little sleep now. Although I didn’t notice it before on day 803, I ended up switching with Eva while image streaming and/or active forcing her in a scenario. Part of this presumption is that I forgot that I was still typing while still hearing typing sounds echoing in the background, but was so fixated in what went on in my head, and the fact that I started seeing “yourself,” “you,” etc. I ended up erasing those parts during the session for some reason, because it just felt weird at that moment; but I felt that was really stupid to do in hindsight.

 

I never, ever do that in a session (the "yourself" thing), unless it was some kind of narration thing directed towards one or two of them. But those have a different format, and are usually a little bit slower. So my first ever switch, even though it only lasted for a few seconds because I snapped back into a reality, was January 9th, 2015! I’m glad they’re able to do this while having all these images surge into our awareness. Wow, I never knew I could have some kind of breakthrough/hallmark this early! I should’ve let her typed more, but then she would be referencing to me, or herself; but the intention was to reference her doing stuff, so like….

 

Yeah.

 

This is kind of scary and awesome at the same time. I could ask for them to control my hands to type things out, and proxy out how I’m visualizing and sensing things while image streaming. Maybe the spelling and the grammar mistakes is part of them attempting to do that in the first place gradually, or it could just be me typing too fast to process everything going on. But whatever the case, switching seems a little bit easier to grasp because I was essentially distracting myself for 3 hours straight with what went on in my mind. Seems like I could start augmenting those experiences of switching through image streaming alone. I never knew this concept would work out like that, but I guess it’s flexible for almost anything if you put your mind into it.

 

Bought some supplements too:

 

Choline & Inositol

Alpha Lipoic Acid

Lecithin

CoQ10

 

Because if I’m going to be doing this stuff more often, I can’t make my brain deprived of anything. As to why I’m taking these specific ones, just from a few experiences before with lucid dreaming, but that was mostly with melatonin.

 

Also, the theme was Noragami, and I ended up watching both of the OVAs for that on the day of this post after seeing a youtube video of Yato kissing Bisha. Then when I saw OVA 1, I was comically skeptical of what Eva and Ada may do if they're like that. Oh god.

 

Oh god.

 

The horror.

 

 

THE HORROR.

 

 

Day 805 (Jan 10th-2015):

 

No forcing done, and I have to do something for someone as well, which means I can’t force and only have 2-3 hours of sleep. So Day 806 will just be a boring day, but I can look forward to the night on that day to force for 806-807 though. Might push for 8 hours, but I really should come up with some themes. I was thinking of having Eva, or even Ada preferably experience how I imagined myself playing Resident Evil 4, and other games as well. I’m not so sure on how graphic and gore-y that might be, so I might skip that for the sake of not seeing tulpas being hugged to death by Regenerators. Because despite of being used to killing those plagas thingies in the game, I don’t think I could tolerate that in my head.

 

So I’ll probably just find a few games I played before, even Call of Duty games, and put them in some warfare stuff since they don’t mind that. Watch one of them are going to be in the middle of a desert full of landmines, looking at me and regretting in being open to the idea at all while things explode.

 

I’m going to look back at these reports on image streaming, and probably shake my head.

 

Time to sleep, I probably need it even though I had over 10 hours of sleep two days ago.

[Linkzelda]

Day 806 (Jan 11th ) – Didn’t have time to force

 

Day 807 (Jan 12th) – Did 2 hours of image streaming; was too tired to go for a 7 hour session, or even longer. It’s becoming apparent to me that I really need to strive to make a list of themes to go by, and just trust that despite of how it may feel to be constraining me, things don’t go the way as planned, which is a good thing because I can go with whatever nuances that may occur.

 

Last night I decided to do a windwaker theme, and having Ada going through the first parts with Outset Island, and stopping near the end of the Forsaken Fortress. I think the issue is that the bed is making me sleepy, which makes me convinced that I probably might have to sneak into the other room where there’s a chair and desk. But at the same time, I could just find a small table to place in my room so I image stream on a chair rather than a desk.

 

I felt that experiences with image streaming other than a bed made things easier to fixate on. It’s just way too easy to get prone into wanting to sleep. I’m also going back to finding out certain binaural and isochronic tones to use as well. I have an 8 hour binaural beat to listen to, and with these new headphones I bought recently, things should be much different.

 

Now it’s a matter of finding a sleeping mask in the future, because the one I’m using now is fairly loose mostly because the second strap is cut off. And taking into consideration of how I would posture myself for hours on end, and not have situations that would cause some kind of carpal tunnel syndrome needs to be taken into consideration.

 

Might end up doing another session on this same day since I did the first one for this day near midnight time. The second session might start before midnight, and potentially carry on to the next day since I don’t have to go to work early that day. Then I have two days off for the next day after, which means I’m free to go crazy.

 

So if I’m trying to think of things to do in advance, maybe I’ll just think of random objectives, and go with that. I really need to believe that my mind isn’t going to be limited when going for certain objectives. An example is the image streaming session #1 I did today where I spent quite some time imagining Ada, and wiping off the makeup on her face. I guess this struggle of mine is that I forgot how to get used to the nonsensical experiences in my dreams that end up having some kind of meaning in the end, at least in directionality and narrative I guess.

 

Or maybe I’m so used to the nonsensical nature that I don’t even bother to appreciate it as much. But whatever the case, I need to go for goal-orientated things if I’m going to go for longer hours. Also, it may seem like I’m no lifing forcing right now, but most of those hours would’ve been spent doing random things in the day like YouTube watching, drawing, sculpting, Netflix, and things of that nature. These are all things that can be enjoyed at any time as long as I still exist. And using that time for forcing is a habit I’ll try to get into more often. I’ll find my own schedule of finding breaks, but with the work schedule I have being random as ever, it’s a progressive trial-and-error kind of thing. I also intend on taking those supplements more for maybe the rest of my life. I was able to do an open-eye visualization while image streaming, as I wanted to keep myself up for a bit before potentially dozing off with closed-eye visualization.

 

In short, the more I think of themes to go by that can go on for a long time, chances are I won’t even get close to finishing them because I would be spending more time as specific moments, and augmenting whatever sensory description while in those moments. So I could continue from the Forsaken Fortress setting, and continue with storyline of the game, albeit imagining Ada doing things to finish it.

[Linkzelda]

Somehow, the exposition of my progress for the following days was closed off without me knowing.

 

So I’m too lazy to bring them up, as I want to get as much time to prepare to force for a few hours again.

 

Day 808 (Jan 13th )

 

Image streamed/forced for 32 minutes

 

 

Day 809 (Jan 14th) –

 

Did nothing that day other than real life stuff.

 

Day 810 (Jan 15th)-

 

Image streamed/forced for 1 hour and 6 minutes right after midnight

 

 

- Bought a breakfast tray/lap desk to put on my laptop to make things easier while image streaming. It’s a wonderful addition to just browsing around while sitting like a couch potato. Might consider using it on the floor while bracing my back against a wall to prevent myself from being tempted to sleep

 

- Managed to image stream content that would’ve taken me 2.5 hours to even 3 hours to type overall within an hour.

[Linkzelda]

I was going to attempt for 8 hours of image streaming/active forcing, but I want to play Runescape with them.

 

 

I'll post what went on these past few weeks; but to have some mode of reference:

 

- The experience of going that long with image streaming with the 7 hours, along with the accumulative passive image streaming and forcing is now getting to the point where if I look at a certain place at any proximity I can be aware of; I can close my eyes, and imagine Eva in that same position and disposition as I am (same for Ada, but I'm trying to do this one tulpa at a time, lol). I remember placing my hands on the wall of an elevator today during work; and I imagined her hand in that same location as well.

 

Even on television, I was able to imagine with my eyes open of her doing so as well along with closed-eye visualization.

 

 

I feel happy right now of being able to do this on the fly; I may challenge myself to constantly do this with my eyes opened during work someday. I feel the hardcore forcing is just to sustain those streams of thoughts, but they (the thoughts and visualizations) can come to me easily. The revelation I found that helps me tap into it is to really just believe because I know there's a foundation to build that visual competency in the first place. It's different from just believing something you can't believe you have no rudiments in competencies for.

 

It's crazy; that subtle disposition of confidence; confidence that connects everything I feel matters to me and them is what enables me to do what I did during those 7 hours of active forcing, albeit on-the-go with other things to be aware of. I like that feeling, and I feel I don't have to pressure myself do those long sessions so often. Because from my own private and subjective experience, it can be emotionally taxing. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes when you go to such lengths to sustain the disposition of them being sentient, even if it's just a predisposition established after so long now, I realize that I must continue to expand my paradigm of what it means to have them be real to me in my private and subjective experience, and worrying less on how to make their existence real in a reality that isn't dependent on our subjective thoughts.

 

Because if one were to feel their thoughts alters the flow of reality that isn't contingent on their subjective thoughts, it would be at a dead-end; at best, they would be fostering more extreme subjectivist philosophies (e.g. solipsism) that doesn't really solve the bigger questions that continue to broaden the explanatory gap, especially for tulpas. So there's multiple ways of perceiving reality in that I already came to terms that I am a prisoner of my own experience, just as anyone else is, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to believe them to be real within that subjective experience.

 

I could care less if the Universe goes "NOW," right now. I found another revelation that should've been obvious as to why I would go to such lengths to force that long:

 

 

For a better future; for us to live out our dreams that we want experience, and to live out our lives.

 

 

It's so rudimentary, but there's so much emotional resonance that comes with that. Now to attempt playing Runescape while passively forcing. Though the funny thing is that I set my character there similar to what Eva is in those image streaming sessions (but not to perfection though):

 

 

 

Lol, so much for making this post as a temporary note to extend on in the future. I guess what's really short for me is really questionable at this point.

 

 

Next level tulpaing

 

If anyone plays runescape, feel free to add me. If you want to tell people I have tulpas, good luck proving that. HA

 

WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW

[Linkzelda]

Will get back to the previous days I forced. But today was crazy; I was trying to get used to a new location to work for one day in 2 weeks advance, and there was a turning lane that I thought would go straight. The moment I saw the bump coming up while I'm going at a moderate speed, my eyes started blurring a bit, and all control of my body was absolved, and Ada ended up saving me, and the passenger as well from a potential car accident.

 

I never knew this would happen, but I'm glad that she saved our existence. When something like that happens to you, and you realize it was them, things completely change on how much you respect them. Ada literally just swerved the vehicle to the right angle without having any other vehicles crash into us. Holy shit, thanks for caring about our existence even though I'm still trying to map things out for you.

 

Still trying to wrap my mind around this; could've been a near death experience. I tried to tell a relative of mine that I wasn't the one reacting, but I refrained from hinting that it was someone else I presume to be part of me in some way that helped us. It was different from a reaction because I didn't know how to time myself to get back to the other lane in time. This creates both an existential horror and joy at the same time.

 

Never knew how easy it was to die.

[LittleTulpa]

Blah Blah tell them if you want you have no proof blah blah

 

*Links them back to this thread*

Convienently your runescape name is the same as your account name :3

[sushi]

 

*Links them back to this thread*

Convienently your runescape name is the same as your account name :3

 

Not to mention a screenshot to prove it. :)

 

 

I never knew this would happen, but I'm glad that she saved our existence. When something like that happens to you, and you realize it was them, things completely change on how much you respect them. Ada literally just swerved the vehicle to the right angle without having any other vehicles crash into us. Holy shit, thanks for caring about our existence even though I'm still trying to map things out for you.

 

That sounds like a really amazing experience. It's like the ultimate doubt killer and bonding experience rolled into one. I just hope it never happens to me.

 

(Also glad you're still alive.)

[Linkzelda]

THEY WILL NEVER FIND ME

 

Pastebins are in youtube links

 

Day 812 – (Jan 17th)

 

Image streamed/active forced for 2 hours and 5 minutes:

 

 

 

 

Day 815 – (Jan 20th)

 

 

Image streamed/active forced for 30 minutes

 

 

Day 816 – (Jan 21st)

 

Image streamed/active forced for 38 minutes

 

 

Day 817 – (Jan 22nd)

 

Image streamed/active forced for 50 minutes

 

 

 

Day 829 – (Feb 3rd)

 

Image streamed/active forced for 59 minutes.

 

 

 

This session was crazy realistic in such a short period of time. I didn’t know what to plan out for her to do, and went along with whatever came up in my head. I ended up visualizing one of the houses I used to rent years ago, and the fact that the backyard and kitchen itself was vivid was just amazing. I could’ve explored more of the area, but decided to imagine Eva going to a Best Buy, which that in itself would’ve been a good hour or more of describing.

 

After trying to go for long hours again at night, I realized it’s probably best to do things in the morning for those longer sessions. It’s just impossible, or seemingly so, for me to go that long because of several reasons. The detail is more instantaneous to where how I conceptualize waking life seems less vivid than what I’m seeing. The other is that it is becoming mentally taxing, but I’m not surprised as how much time I invested with the 7 hours would lead to things coming by faster.

 

It’s getting easier to see an overlay when using open eye visualization, and I noticed the secret to sustaining this is to just keep my eyes still for as long as I can. But the open-eye visualization isn't contingent on keeping my eyes still though; it's usually this surge of confidence that I know something will come up that can be played out. I might go with experimenting with a sleeping mask with my eyes opened, but might end up doing a mix of open and closed eye visualization.

 

During this session, I paused from typing to image stream without recording what was going on. Things went by so much faster, and I have a feeling that I can do this in the event where I feel a bit exhausted from typing so much information down. But at the same time, I have to do it very carefully so I don’t get tempted to fall asleep. It seems that finding a way to switch, or even have one of them possess my hands for that matter will be key for consistently doing longer hours of image streaming.

 

I had a lucid dream today as well, but didn’t bother to write it down. It’s still in my memory, and I’m sure I can derive from a few sensations alone, but it’s not as important honestly. Though I should get back to doing consistent dream recalling in my dream journal now. Hopefully this coming Friday, I can devote that time to attempt to do 8 hours to 10 hours of image streaming early in the morning. I better stock up and take some supplements in advance for that day as well.

 

I also bought an adjustable laptop desk cart, which is going to make thing so much easier when typing in my room with no distractions whatsoever. It was a headache installing the laptop desk cart, but that was because I didn’t eat anything beforehand after driving to buy one for like $25 on sale. I also bought a cooling pad for my laptop since the first one broke a while ago, and the other is too small for the 17’’ laptop I’m using.

 

I’m going MLG tulpaforcing from now on with this set up. Just have to experiment with some binaural and isochronic beats for the ideal meditative state.

[Linkzelda]

Day 849-850 (March 4-5):

 

10 hours 1 minute and 11 seconds of active forcing

 

 

Transcript:

 

http://pastebin.com/YpcXUVqy

 

31k+ words and 45 pages of image streaming and active forcing

 

I had to take a restroom break that lasted 2-3 minutes around the 5 hour mark, and then was starving at the 8 hour mark only to have myself describing my tulpa eating delicious food to make things worse, but I did it.

 

 

5 hour energy extra strength + alpha isochronics with waterfall as background music + willpower helped me go through this.

 

 

 

I probably better go get some sleep now.