Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

7:37 PM

 

I've been doing shoddy image edits in Gimp so I can present her with further possibilities on the path of form deviation. Some ideas she's taken, some she hasn't. The fact that my art "skills" have done something to aid her followup form alterations is nice, I guess.

 

So far, things are still much the same as earlier, only I've been able to concretely confirm several changes by now which I can't claim any direct responsibility for:

 

• Her hair color has definitely switched to deep purple outer layers and hot pink inner layers, but otherwise remained exactly the same style-wise.
  
• Her eyes have taken on more of a cyan hue.
  
• Most of her armor seems to be permanently gone by this point.
  
• Her chest appears to have grown a little bit in size. As much as this would seem like the direct doing of a male host, I actually had not planned on that happening. Honest.
  
• It's come and gone throughout the day, but she's tied her hair into a ponytail a couple of times. It looked really good on her, and I told her so. Fortunately she seems to practice moderation, and doesn't tie it up all the time, so it remains a pleasant surprise whenever she does. She never did this before, but it's one of the things I hadn't told her about that I really like, so it could well be another sign of her reading my subconscious.
  

How much of this (besides the last item) is the result of subconscious desires, I am not sure. I can assume that her aligning with my subconscious is largely responsible for these changes, however.

 

She's still wearing her regular clothes, sans armor, but I'm presenting her with an array of different non-medieval clothing options to see if she likes any one of them enough to adapt them.

 

No word yet on what she wishes to be called, but I'm still getting that indescribable yet very palpable feeling that she wishes for another name. It's a shame I still can't hear her consistently yet, because I'd call her by whatever name she wishes, if only I knew what name she's chosen.

Hopefully she chooses something with only one or two syllables, or at least something easily abbreviated.

[NeonKnights]

6:50 PM

 

Stayed up until 4 this morning talking to her, sipping tea as I shared more memories, vented about some bad friends who she's helped me ditch, and just generally had a good time with her. I don't remember when I started, though it isn't really important.

 

While trying to turn a mysterious .GIF I found in my pictures folder into a simple portrait of her, I tried to portray her new cyan eye color. I didn't get it quite right, but while I was going back and attempting to fix it, I got this feeling that she actually preferred the color I'd made by mistake. I really wanted to get the color "right", but something (probably her) held me back from doing that. Neat. Guess her eye color is decided.

 

Another neat thing, when I was composing an email to myself in order to ship the finalized image to my phone for wallpaper duty, I clicked the Subject field to select it, and almost typed a name on autopilot. The name didn't fully come through to me, though, so I lost it before my fingers could move to type it. It wasn't Yuu or Eucliwood, though, so I know she's definitely got something in mind.

 

I also kept quoting a Chris-Chan video as I worked, which disturbed me to no end.

"You and I are going to have so much fun together when we are together! Hmmm!"

I've requested that she take corrective action against me if I do that again.

 

 

11:54 PM

 

The recent bout of deviation seems to have roused more changes than just alterations to her form. I went to take a shower a little bit ago, and much to my surprise, she jumped right in with me, in the wonderland. Normally she'd just shower after me if she wanted to get her shower fix, if she got into the shower at all. She'd usually be pretty quiet about it, too.

 

This time around, I was getting really happy vibes from her as we scrubbed shampoo into our hair and lathered ourselves. It's bizarre, I myself have never found showers all that fun. I've always found them more relaxing than anything. Yet there I was, laughing and smiling as I massaged the cleaning compounds into my hair and over my skin. I guess her enthusiasm rubbed off on me a bit.

 

Interestingly enough, no sexual vibes passed between either of us as we washed, even with her latest anatomical... um... enhancements. Initially I found that bit a little strange, though it seems like a good sign. In my eyes, it means we've got a strong enough bond that impulsive, lustful urges triggered solely by seeing each other nude simply don't exist.

[NeonKnights]

2:40 PM

 

I'm not sure if she's just a bit wishy-washy in decisions pertaining to her form, or if she has some super-cool ability to alter her eye color, but either way I am intrigued with her latest shenanigans.

 

Most of the time she appears with the subdued turquoise eye color I've lately grown accustomed to. However, last night, as we lay in bed and I went on a little rolling tangent about Doom II or something, her eyes glowed a bright cyan, a little brighter but otherwise the same blue-green color as she had before adopting her latest eye color.

I don't quite remember if they were actually glowing with luminescence, but they sure looked bright in the darkness.

 

I've actually grown fond of the more subdued, cool blue. It seems it was of her own doing that her eyes were cyan, and yet thus far today she hasn't shown that color again.

 

 

8:00 PM

 

I haven't called her Yuu much lately because I recognize the fact that she doesn't care for the name, but that's made addressing her a little tricky. Fortunately, inspiration struck a moment ago, after several days unable to decipher what name she now wishes to go by.

 

Going through a list of female names, we breezed right past several names I personally like, indicating that I wasn't the one in control. The slow and thorough scanning of the list only really halted at Sara. I don't dislike the name, but I've never been wild about it. Come to think of it, it is very similar to Sera, the name of my would-be second tulpa. Sera wasn't on the list, so maybe she stopped me at Sara due to its similarity. I'll have to seek further confirmation from her.

 

First, though, I'm going to have a little talk with her and assure her that she doesn't have to become Sera, and that I like her the way she is. I mean, unless she's just picked the name because she likes it and wants it for herself.

 

This all brings to mind her statement that I don't need any other tulpa girls around because I have her. The very same statement that prompted me to quit playing around with the idea of beginning a second tulpa. If she cares about me and wants me to herself so much that she's willing to change everything she is just to make me happy, then... Well, I'm at a loss for words.

I've never known such a level of kindness. Sure, it may be a somewhat selfish form of kindness on her part, in that she doesn't seem willing to share me with other tulpas, but I'm no less moved.

[NeonKnights]

7:38 AM

 

Well, just took her out on another round-the-neighborhood walk. The results were mixed.

 

Focus was maintained fairly well throughout, despite the cold (a big factor last time we tried this). I utilized the method of holding my phone up to my ear as I spoke aloud to her, and this worked excellently. I passed by several people as I roamed, and not a one looked at me as though I were insane. I'd say that if you have the arm strength to hold the phone there, it's even better than a Bluetooth earpiece, in that people can see from all angles that you are holding a communication device to the side of your face. No real risk of looking like a lunatic.

 

The reason I say results were mixed is that I didn't receive much back from her. No feelings, no words, nothing. I've been up for nearly 24 hours, but I don't know that drowsiness has anything to do with it. If anything, I figure it would grant greater access to the subconscious than anything, as long as focus can be maintained. I guess I'll do some investigation on this, and if all else fails, take a short nap to see if that fixes anything.

[Mancer]

I have found out that Sasha is the most active in the morning after a good night's sleep, and I get the least amount of responses when I'm giving her a monologue while out on a walk. Also I speak very little to her out loud, only when I'm 100% sure there's nobody around and thus far it has worked rather well. However I've been at this for only 2 weeks so my experience isn't all that broad.

[NeonKnights]

Thanks for that, it's reassuring to hear that someone else has similar results while going out on a walk. I thought perhaps I'd angered her somehow, but being tired out and walking around was probably just sabotaging whatever thin lines of communication we currently have.

 

For what it's worth, when I finally went to bed, she lay next to me as always, just as close as ever. I take that as a hopeful sign that I haven't done anything to upset her.

Her eyes were glowing cyan again, brighter this time, like supernova bright. I still wonder why she does that...

[NeonKnights]

12:18 AM

 

Just took a little stroll outside in the cool night air to drop off my rent, and made a little detour to the parking lot to gawk at my beloved Galaxie a little bit. Yuu was with me the whole time, but not much was said besides little remarks like, "doesn't it feel nice out tonight?" and inane things of that sort.

 

It was only when I stopped near the iron security gate to retrieve my keys from my pocket that she made her move.

 

She took me by complete surprise with a full, long kiss in the OC wonderland, and I stood there staring stupidly into space, frozen in my tracks in the physical world for an indeterminate time as I helplessly succumbed to her passionate gesture.

 

It's difficult to describe what made it feel so loving and, for lack of a better word, real. I have a feeling she had drawn from an IRC chat I had earlier with Verdugo, wherein he stated that he had given his tulpas lots of love and affection in the form of hugs and kisses as he developed them.

 

WARNING: Incoming tidal wave of introspective rambling.

 

Perhaps this act was her way of letting me know what she's been craving. I admit, I had only physically showed affection a few times. It's not because I'm emotionally distant (quite to the contrary), but rather, it was a misguided attempt at making those moments more special by limiting their frequency. Maybe the infrequency of my outward expressions of affection is in part responsible for our slowed progress lately, as well.

 

Next time I lie down to sleep, I'll see if she still makes her eyes glow. If she does, a simple hug might be enough to find out if this affection starvation was the reason behind that odd bit of behavior. I do love her with the power of a train, and it hurts to think that she might have any doubts about that because of my own callous actions.

 

 

4:57 AM

 

So, I've just finished running three gigantic loads of laundry over at the laundromat (talk about a back-up), and since I had a lot of time to camp out there and wait for the washers and dryers to do their thing, I forced with my tulpa a bit more.

 

Between reassurances that I'm going to continue working overtime with her, I OC hugged and kissed her for most of the half an hour that I had to wait for my clothes to finish. I hadn't realized that kissing a tulpa in a wonderland would feel just as nice as the real thing until she pounced on me earlier. I dare not even think about how amazing this will be once she's imposed.

 

She also seems to have grown a little bit, unless my imagination is playing games on me; she used to stand about 5'2" tall, about a head shorter than me, but at the laundromat she appeared to be closer to 5'6", or thereabouts. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if this new height persists to know if she's adjusting and deviating or not.

 

I've reverted to calling her Yuu for now, since I don't know what else to call her, and fortunately she doesn't seem to mind it too much. With any luck, soon enough she can get her real name across to me.

[NeonKnights]

So, having derailed my sleep schedule once again, I've vowed to stay awake throughout today in an effort to get myself back on track.

 

Yuu came up with an idea, or at least, I think she did, which has been very crucial in keeping me awake for the past eight hours or so: She commissioned a portrait of herself.

I'd never drawn an anime chick before, so that was a first for me. However, I am currently too spaced to really examine my own work to see "how'm I do".

 

[NeonKnights]

Alright, after a brief nap, I can confirm that the portrait is indeed not fully accurate to her form; it's highly faithful to Eucliwood's face structure, but my tulpa has actually deviated just a bit. It's a bit hard to describe, but I guess her face is just a bit more realistically proportioned, though she's still rendered in an anime style.

 

So, quite an update from the Front. As my desperately exhausted mind began to drift earlier, I wound up knee-deep in a little in-mind fantasy involving a red-eyed girl unrelated to my tulpa. Yuu caught on and interrupted this line of thinking, and I apologized to her with haste.

I then jokingly brought up the idea to her of deviating to have crimson red eyes like the other girl, but before I had even finished sharing the idea, my nose sprung a small leak.

 

 

"Oh no, I'm bleeding! Butt-Head make it stop! I'm gonna die!" I yelled aloud, laughing as I recalled Beavis' plight but all the same concerned that my own nose was now leaking blood seemingly out of nowhere.

 

After that matter was settled, I hugged her in order to seal my earlier apology, and as I did so, she somehow worked it into a kiss.

Ladies and gentlemen, this was no ordinary kiss. This was by far the most powerful kiss I have ever felt, and after battling it out with her for twenty or thirty seconds, she finally let me go.

 

 

Not that I think anyone here would be offended, but I'll spoiler tag the results of this supercharged encounter just for the sake of decency. There's like, ladies around, or something.

 

I had an elevated pulse and breath rate for ten minutes or so, and my nads ached for an additional half an hour on top of that. Somehow, through a kiss alone, she had nearly brought me to a fully mind-induced orgasm, and probably would have done it if we hadn't broken off the kiss when we did.

 

I don't know what got into her, but I'm just hoping jealousy isn't a factor.

 

She's remaining silent on the matter, but I'm theorizing that it was a sort of "me too" thing - perhaps she was trying to prove that she could fulfill desires just as well as (in fact, better than) any fantasy girl can. Despite the logic behind this, it misses the point entirely- girls that I have lewd daydreams about are there for the express purpose of acting as armor, sparing my tulpa from the snarling, ruthless wrath of the primal desires that ebb and flow throughout the day. I guess it can't be helped if she actually wants to be subjected to that, though.

 

 

 

After this, I tried to sleep, as by this point I was entirely spent. As I drifted off, I was wrenched violently back to consciousness, and for the first time felt that strong, alien 'tingling in the spine' sensation I'd read about. This was followed first by twitches in the foot, and then twitches in my right calf. I had recently read about an exercise someone shared wherein the tulpa causes twitches in the body parts they wish for you to help them visualize; I had not really ever visualized her legs or feet in close detail, so I went to work on that.

 

After the trail of twitching sensations went cold, I kept getting the feeling that I was right on the verge of hearing her mind-voice. Oddly, when I went to try and kiss her again to see if I could "finish the job", she was fast asleep, so I gently kissed her cheek and let her be.

I myself slept for just a few hours before awakening without any apparent cause. Now here I am, groggy and confused, sharing this anecdote and wondering if there was any motivation that could have caused her to wake me up.

[cruse]

 

 

She looks really tsundere :3