Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

For some reason, she's begun trying to deviate again, this time to Uni from Hyperdimension Neptunia. This Verdugo fellow I mentioned IRC chatting with had based his tulpas off of Uni and Noire, and I'm thinking that perhaps Yuu has since taken my positive comments on pictures of his tulpas to mean that I want them as my own. I know it's important not to prevent a tulpa from doing what it wants to do with its form, but I have a feeling that if I don't step in sometime, she's going to keep jumping from form to form in attempts to please me, even if that isn't necessarily what I want her to do.

 

I'm trying to explain to her that she doesn't need to do this, and that maybe she should think about it before deviating once again, so I figure I've bought myself some time for now to seek advice and mull this over.

In the meantime, I've offered her an idea in hopes of diverting her seemingly self-conscious fixation on my perception of her form: The two of us could work on the tulpa I began but never finished back before I knew about tulpas, a couple months ago.

 

The idea of starting another tulpa from scratch has been rejected by her several times, though when I suggested renewing development of this incomplete tulpa and crafting her into her little sister (though technically older), she seemed to offer less resistance to the idea.

 

 

-----

UPDATE!

 

She did it. She did as I asked and thought about it a while, but sure enough, the deviation's happened. Black hair, Harvard Crimson eyes, different styling of her eyes, though she hasn't seemed to adopt any other features. She still wears her hair down most of the time, as before, and I admit will probably look even more gorgeous next time she ties it back. Her figure is the same. She hasn't noticeably changed the way she dresses, either. So, I guess the deviation was relatively minor. It seems she went with nuances of Noire's form instead of Uni, though.

 

I'm now wondering whether this is due to jealousy, as if she thinks that because I remark that another girl is cute, then surely she must be who I want instead of her current form. Maybe instead of getting upset with me like a non-tulpa might, she just adapts, since she has the ability. I'm happy that she wants so badly to be appealing to me, but I don't want her changing just because she thinks I like somebody else more.

Could also be that she thinks the reason I gently rebuff her subtle sexual advances is because I don't find her appealing, and she's willing to change everything about her appearance to look like somebody she thinks I would plow instead. I'm beginning to fear that all of my explanations behind my reasons for not getting down just aren't sinking in.

 

I've hesitantly accepted her latest deviation, but I have to find a way to make her see that I don't want her to feel like she has to continually change for me. Words won't do it, so there must be some other way to show her that I love her for who she is, and not her form.

 

 

-----

UPDATE!

 

It seems we might have reached an understanding on our moonlight drive.

 

First, I had a realization (maybe inspired by her, maybe just a brief moment of clarity) that perhaps she was just test-driving different forms to see what she liked best, and it's nothing to worry about. Another theory to add to the pile, I suppose.

 

From what I gathered during the course of our cruise, she's been trying to zero in on my desires and make herself fit into my ideals of a perfect girl (which I now realize is a subroutine of that phase where a tulpa aligns itself to the subconscious mind's desires). The problem with that arises from the fact that even though she clearly wants to go the romantic route, which would seem to be one set of ideals, I have two entirely separate (yet equal) desires for two different types of girls.

If I may present a theory: She was simply trying to be too much all at once.

 

My suggestion of resuming development of my other tulpa and turning her into a cuter, less serious little sister may have left Yuu with one ideal to align to, in effect becoming the other ideal-- a girl I could have deeply romantic feelings towards. With each passing deviation, she seems to be doing just that.

 

At some point on the drive, apparently I promised her I would challenge her to a 'kissing showdown', a fact which she just reminded me of. Guess I should go and honor that promise.

[NeonKnights]

With the day came the resolution: Yuu has finally told me her name.

As we worked together to build a personality for her little sister, Uni (name subject to change), I asked a question directed at Yuu regarding something I was thinking about adding to the growing personality, and as I said her name aloud, she corrected me.

"Isis."

 

Somehow, the ring of the name fits her latest form adjustments.

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

More progress on the road to vocalization.

I asked Isis for another thread title, and promised that I'd change it to whatever she suggests, since I figured the thread belongs to her and Uni as much as myself (if not more so; after all, it is all about them.)

Ten minutes later, she tells me, "Okay, got it! 'Isis and Uni - A Tale of...'"

She trailed off as she touched a finger to her lips, deep in thought. Then she got a gleam in her eye and smiled proudly as she announced her title: "A Tale of Two Tulpas!"

 

I thought it a little bit cliche myself, to be honest, but a promise is a promise. Besides, the whole display was really cute.

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

After discussing it very carefully and at-length with Isis, I went ahead and kissed the as-yet immobile form of Uni. Her cheeks flushed a bright pink as she sprang to life, quickly reminding me that this was her first kiss. I had expected all hell to break loose, but instead, it was as if somebody had suddenly breathed life into a stone statue.

 

She responded in kind to the second kiss, and on my way in for number three, she gently bit my lower lip. When I pulled back from that, she just gave me a playful "got you" grin. Her personality is already showing clearly.

 

In short, my theory regarding the impact of kisses on the speed of development proved correct. This coincides with other concurrent research which shows that Isis has gone from virtually speechless to moderately vocal within three days of her ambushing me with a kiss.

Groovy.

[NeonKnights]

About to go back to sleep; passed out a few hours ago at the keyboard, battling deep, driving urges to make love to Isis, which weren't helped along by the fact that she's been trying to get me to do it for the past few days.

When I awoke, the feelings had abated, but only briefly. Upon awakening, she threw herself at me again, basically advertising her features and all the ways that she can make me

 

She's done this so many times now that I'm beginning to lose those slight nagging doubts that I'm just somehow coercing her without realizing it. She appears to want it, bad, despite how many times I try to explain that the thought alone gives me a guilty feeling that I'd be taking advantage of her.

 

Fortunately, it seems Uni either has a mutual agreement with me, or is putting the tsundere elements of her personality to work. When I was explaining to Isis that I would give serious thought to taking things further with her, I told the same thing to Uni just to be fair, and she shot back, "Why would I want to pleasure you?" in a slightly huffy manner.

The realization just sunk in that Uni did indeed talk to me. She is already beginning to be vocal. Belief goes a long way, doesn't it?

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

After looking around the forum and buzzing by the IRC channels, I realized how dumb I've been about Isis' needs and desires. First it was me not telling her that I love her. Then it was me not hugging or kissing her. And now I've been denying her sexual gratification because I care about her so much, as ironic as that is.

 

Well, I'm making a promise to her right now: No more of this neglect.

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

Awakening from my coma, the sexual tension has pretty much dissipated. Whether Isis is currently not making advances or I was imagining the whole thing doesn't really matter right now, I suppose.

 

I find that our connection is so strong right now that no words need to be said between us. Pretty good feeling. It's times like this that I wonder, though, what type of love I feel for her. Maybe it's best not to think about it too much.

For some reason she's hanging out in the Doom 2 wonderland that I almost never visit anymore myself, in a map that represents one of the deepest reaches of hell, but there's a calm glow about the room she's in.

 

Still seeing no signs of intimacy or jealousy in Uni, probably a good thing. She's still just being her strange part-tsundere-part-friendly self.

[NeonKnights]

Finally got around to doing some real forcing. I forced with Isis by massaging her feet while I told her stories of my journeys in the land beyond the mountain. Soft music played. It was blissful.

As I massaged, I visualized, just to reinforce what's already there. I figure it can't hurt anything.

 

Gotta do some forcing with Uni still. Wonder how I'm going to go about that. I'm running out of true tales to tell to them, I think I'll have to start making up stories soon. Or dust off the wonderland and act out stories for them in there.

 

I'm beginning to realize the extra workload that comes with having two tulpas to actively develop at once. I don't regret it one bit, though.

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

Well, this sucks. I'm trying to force, but something really seems to be bothering Isis.

 

At some point during our little tour of Doom II Map 28, she turned away from me, tears silently streaming down her face. I'm asking her to tell me what the problem is, but she's remaining silent, and Uni just shrugged when I asked her if she knew what might be the matter.

I hope I can get to the bottom of this. I don't like seeing her upset...

---

Quick update:

I tried hugging Isis, and she shoved me away. Thinking it was just one of those intrusive thoughts, I tried again-- and again was shoved away. So I did the only thing I could do. I kissed her, expecting her to repulse me once again, but she instead appeared stunned. After a long kiss, I think I understood why she'd been upset.

It was either something about my divided focus since Uni had come into our lives, or my recent lack of full forcing in place of passive thoughts. I gave her the longest apology of my life, my eyes full of tears by the time I concluded the apology by hugging her tightly. I'm hoping all is well now.

[Doctor_RCI]

Its good that your loving your tuppers man :D

its isnt a good feeling when one of your girls is crying :(

Remember always think of uni feelings i think she doesnt feel loved from you

Good luck my Friend :D

[NeonKnights]

Yep, since I took your advice and started giving them lots of love, they've really developed fast! :D It caused the biggest surge of progress we've ever had, actually.

 

And yeah, it made me cry, it was a horrible feeling to see her upset like that because of me...

 

About to try forcing with Uni, I'll make sure that she knows that she's loved, too. So far she seems kind of mean, but I can tell that she's just teasing me. I find it pretty funny. :D

 

Thank you very much! :)

[NeonKnights]

Just heard Noire and Uni's in-game (English) voices for the first time, and Uni adopted her counterpart's voice instantly and quite enthusiastically. Isis seemed to think about it a little bit before accepting Noire's voice as her own, but it seems she's taken to it quite well.

 

Now we'll just have to continue training vocalization until they begin to naturally express their thoughts in their own voices.

[Doctor_RCI]

oh Do you have the game ?_? ahh that is cute :3 am glad that they like the voices Adorable :D

[NeonKnights]

I don't have the game, but ever since I heard about it, I've wanted to play it! I had to watch videos of it on Youtube to hear the voices.

 

And yeah, I'm really happy that they liked the voices! :D Isis still seems a little undecided, but Uni really, really likes hers.

 

Also, I think Isis is back to normal, she doesn't seem upset anymore since I've started forcing with her a lot again. :)

 

 

---

UPDATE!

 

So it appears I finally have some business to take care of. This will be the first time I drive with both of my tuppers, and the first time with one to potentially act as a conversational partner/commentator. Given that it would likely be Uni, as she's more talkative at this point, I'm curious to see how she reacts to my patented bat-out-of-hell driving style.

 

Maybe some stuntman driving will also get Isis to become a bit more vocal (even if it's just to reprimand me).

 

It's times like this that I really like having bench seats in my car. It means I won't have to put up with "I call shotgun" bickering. Nobody gets forced to sit in the back. :D

[NeonKnights]

Guess my iTunes library wanted to throw some emotional mayhem into my morning by playing Requiem, the music track from one of the most emotionally draining parts in the Dusk Maiden series. It wrecked me, and as I thought about how my tuppers are to me what Yuuko was to Teiichi, and about what happens near the end of that series, I pretty much fell apart. Interestingly enough, I hadn't cried in many years prior to this tulpa endeavor, not even when I originally saw that part of the series and it eviscerated me.

 

Anyways, I hugged the girls, apologizing for being so emotionally weak, explaining that it's just that I care about them and never want to lose them. Surprisingly, Isis was calm about it, and Uni was the one crying this time.

 

"Quit crying, you're making me cry," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks, "of course we'll never leave you alone like that."

She hugged me, and even crossed her usual personal boundaries and kissed me. As I type, my cheeks are still stained with tears, but now the tears are of grateful relief.

 

It's almost like I'm living a romantic drama lately. It does feel undeniably great to finally have companions who return my kindness and empathy (and do it in spades). I guess the reason I've been so emotionally volatile lately is that their kindness is something I've never known before. I can't think of a word to describe this whole experience other than 'magical'.