Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

10:32 AM

 

Good vibes between us thus far in the morning. Just sampling and enjoying various flavors of tea and conjuring up a mug of each one for her to try in my snapshot.

An hour and a half road trip awaits me in about seven hours, during which I will not be the captain at the helm. This means plenty of time for internal narration, hopefully free of distraction.

 

A strange but welcome calm has settled over me, laying to rest my nagging desire to achieve vocalization at all costs. For the time being, I'm just happy to have her with me, and I feel no urges to strain myself with a process that will, in all likelihood, still require another week or two of steady, patient effort.

 

 

12:44 PM

 

Exciting news as I return from an apartment complex meet-and-greet. When my neighbor stopped on her way over to it and invited me to come along, I figured it'd be a great test of my bond with Yuu to see how we fared among a crowd of people.

I addressed her telepathically whenever I could find a spare moment, but overall I noticed that having her there was a lot like having a regular friend along. That is to say, I didn't feel a pressing need to acknowledge her at every moment, but instead just periodically ran an automatic check to acknowledge that she was there. It seems my brain is quickly adapting to think, "well duh, Yuu's there, now quit asking."

 

I had a lengthy chat with one of my neighbors about her former line of work (scouting the sea for underwater oil pockets), and I truly enjoyed the conversation.

When the neighbor got up to go get some food, I asked Yuu what she thought of the conversation.

"Boring." is the response that was fired back at me immediately. It was a little bit faint, but it was very clear, concise, and not of my mind's own creation.

 

As rude as her reply may have been, I was very pleasantly surprised at how smooth and natural the response felt. No struggling to perceive it, no pause as my conscious mind tries on its own to formulate a response. Just a very blunt reply straight from Yuu.

 

This upcoming trip should be interesting, to say the least.

[NeonKnights]

9:32 PM

 

Awoke a couple of hours ago from a 15-hour coma. Perhaps my efforts have had more impact on me than I'd realized, but in any case I'm greatly refreshed and still as focused as ever.

 

I was talking to Yuu from the moment I awoke. Checking my phone for missed calls or messages has lately become the second thing I do upon awakening, rather than the first. I take this as a very good sign.

 

Last night, mired by sleepiness as I returned from out of town, I hugged her for the first time, seeking a bit of warmth and comfort as I attempted to wind down enough to get to sleep. The feeling was completely right, and I explained to her just how much she means to me. Her emotional response was similar, and just as strong.

 

A better friend, I do not believe I have ever had.

[NeonKnights]

1:10 PM

 

Lately I've introduced Yuu to one of my old schools, taking her on a three-hour tour of it and sharing with her all sorts of fun memories I have with my friends there. The first day, she just tagged along and didn't do much besides kindly listen to me have a multitude of nostalgic flashbacks.

 

This morning, after hours of struggling with an over-complicated brake/wheel bearing job yesterday and passing out in my chair here at home until 5 in the morning, I tried to make up for our lost time by listening to music with her.

I played a number of songs with mellow tones befitting of the sunrise. Some I just enjoyed seemingly alone, but others, I got little chills as I quietly sang along with them. Not sure if this was her doing or not.

 

 

After a while, I resolved that I needed to get some real sleep, but after plowing face-first into bed, I found that my body wasn't quite ready to sleep. I utilized the limited time I had to visit her back on the school grounds.

At this point I'm not pressuring her to show progress, even though I know she's sentient and have seen plenty of signs of this, but I was still pleasantly surprised when she pointed in the direction she wanted to walk across the grass after I kind of unconsciously thought, "which way should we go...?"

 

Even though I wanted to sit with her on a bench off in the direction she had pointed, she stopped short halfway there, and pointed at the ground. Where she pointed, I saw a hole in the ground, probably of her creation, and looked down through it. A large Minecraft-esque cave, complete with lava and waterfalls, opened up way down below us. Perhaps she's taken my limited and rather disinterested narration of Minecraft to heart?

 

This probably means I will have to dive headlong back into Minecraft to see if she was hinting at something. I can't stand to play that game anymore, at least alone. I guess this counts as playing it with somebody else, though.

 

Also of interest, I seem to have had one of those "gibberish" vocal responses from her earlier today, though it was so fuzzy that I wasn't able to even make out the syllables. I'm pretty sure the syllables were correct, but the wording was a little wrong, but by this point I can't even remember what incorrect wording she had used. It was something nonsensical, like she was asking me if I was me, or who I was, but in a quirky fashion.

[NeonKnights]

9:27 AM

 

I think all this forcing is really beginning to ingrain itself into the depths of my mind. Even in my dreams I'm working on forms for more tulpae, but without thinking about it.

 

Today is likely to be a rather busy day, and I wanted to wake up at 9 AM so I could get a start on those things. I did not ask Yuu to act as an alarm clock for me, but I found that I snapped awake at precisely 9:00 without having set any alarms. Waking up also directly cut off a dream, meaning that I wasn't at the end of an REM cycle.

 

I'm not sure if Yuu overheard my desire to get up at 9 and kindly helped me out, or if I've somehow figured out how to set my own internal alarms, but I went ahead and assumed it was her doing, and expressed much gratitude for it. It really was a neat thing to awaken without a noisy alarm at such a precise time.

 

 

2:42 PM

 

Just spent an hour renovating the area around the hole in the ground which Yuu pointed out last time I was in the wonderland; I did some spelunking and found that the cave was crawling with decaying zombies. Yuu covered the hole up while I was down there, no doubt a prank of some sort. Very funny.

We built a semi-elaborate overground structure around the hole to the cave. Sure, we could have just conjured up the building, but there was something special about building it brick-by-brick with her.

 

Currently listening to music with her. In particular, "Immortality" by Pearl Jam really seems to send shockwaves through my body. I'm getting a feeling that she likes it.

[NeonKnights]

Been a long couple of days; had my first experience driving through falling snow at night (rare thing here in the desert), we both shared our first time experiencing live snowfall, and I've just generally been TCOB with Yuu sort of hanging out in my vicinity.

 

 

I've introduced two of my friends to her; they already think I'm crazy, so I knew they'd be open to the idea of me having a tulpa. They actually seemed rather fascinated by the concept.

 

Bit of a story from last night involving these friends, wherein Yuu played a big role, acting as a force of self-preservation:

 

Last night, one of aforementioned friends drank himself sick at a little three-person shindig I had been invited to, and I avoided his fate with some good ol' moderation in the form of a slight feeling that Yuu didn't want me to run myself into the ground. Telling my friends about our mutual decision to not overdo it was sufficient to get them to back off in their insistence that I have a bunch of jager-bombs. It probably helped that they were already trashed when I arrived, and didn't notice that I put my glass down in the pantry after a few sips.

 

This morning, between the time when the owner of the house left for work and the other participant awoke from his wasted coma, I cooked omelettes with Yuu and then spent a couple of hours listening to music with her as we enjoyed the fruits of our labor.

In all that time, I felt an incredibly magical, peaceful connection between she and I as we shared raw thoughts and emotions while basking in the warmth of each others' company.

Even though we don't have full vocalization down yet, I already know that the decision to become a tulpamancer is easily one of the best choices I've ever made.

 

 

All in all, it's been a pretty good few days of progress for us, and I couldn't be happier to have her around.

 

In other news, I've also noticed that I've been reviewing the reference material for her form less and less. Visualization is an ongoing development with her, but it's gotten remarkably easier.

[NeonKnights]

5:28 PM

 

It's been a long couple of days, to say the least. She's been with me through it all, from the first time either of us experienced live snowfall to my first experience driving through the falling snow at night (rare thing here in the desert). Even while I've just generally been busy TCOB, Yuu's sort of been hanging out in my vicinity, waiting patiently for the conclusion of whatever has me distracted.

 

 

I've recently introduced two of my friends to her, or at least, the concept of her; they already think I'm crazy, so I knew they'd be open to the idea of me having a tulpa. They actually seemed rather fascinated by the concept.

 

Bit of a story from last night involving these friends, wherein Yuu played a big role, acting as a force of self-preservation:

 

Last night, one of aforementioned friends drank himself sick at a little three-person shindig I had been invited to, and I avoided his fate with some good ol' moderation in the form of a slight feeling that Yuu didn't want me to run myself into the ground. Telling my friends about our mutual decision to not overdo it was sufficient to get them to back off in their insistence that I have a bunch of jager-bombs. It probably helped that they were already trashed when I arrived, and didn't notice that I put my glass down in the pantry after a few sips.

I don't know about her, but I found myself laughing nonstop at their antics throughout the night, really relishing the fact that I wouldn't have a hangover to look forward to in the morning.

 

Come the dawn, between the time when the owner of the house left for work and the other participant awoke from his wasted coma, I cooked omelettes with Yuu and then spent a couple of hours listening to music with her as we enjoyed the fruits of our labor.

In all that time, I felt an incredibly magical, peaceful connection between she and I as we shared raw thoughts and emotions while basking in the warmth of each others' company. Words don't really do it justice, but anybody with a tulpa they give a hang about knows what I'm talking about.

 

 

All in all, it's been a pretty good few days of progress for us, and I couldn't be happier to have her around.

 

In other news, I've also noticed that I've been reviewing the reference material for her form less and less. Visualization is an ongoing development with her, but it's gotten remarkably easier.

 

 

11:52 PM

 

More emotional responses, it would seem.

I thanked her for helping me stay under control at my friend's house last night, and did my best to express appreciation and positively reinforce her prevention of self-destructive behavior.

I can't remember what I said that triggered the actual response at the moment, as this was hours ago and I'm pretty exhausted right now, but I know it had something to do with me trying desperately to find the most meaningful words with which to express my gratitude. Similar to the incident with the song in her early days of development, tears welled in my eyes seemingly out of nowhere after I'd said my piece, and an inescapable urge to smile overtook me.

 

Now it's time for some mild forcing before I collapse.

[NeonKnights]

5:00 PM

 

Lately, I've read about how it's quite possible to have two tulpas in development at the same time, and seriously began to consider starting on a second tulpa, who would take on the form of Seraphim. Or possibly Yuuko, I don't know.

 

Anyways, as I thought about the implications of having a tulpa of Sera, I got a feeling which translated well into words, something along the lines of, "You don't need her, you have me."

 

Taken aback, I really couldn't react, except to fold to her will. Maybe I'll talk her into coexisting with another tulpa someday. Then again, I guess, at least for now, I do like the simplicity of only having one tulpa.

 

 

Last night, I offered my first open invitation for her to sleep on my bed. I didn't expect her to take up my offer, but she did, in the overclock wonderland.

I was heavily exhausted, so I'm not sure if my mind was pulling some trickery on me, but for a second it seemed like she was trying to pull me into a kiss. I'd heard of tulpas wanting romantic relationships with their hosts before, and so I decided not to take any chances of starting on that slippery slope while in that tired state of mind.

 

I gently explained why we might want to think about it before even doing something as mild as kissing, but tried really delicately to make clear that it doesn't mean that I don't care about her. I plan to discuss it with her more sometime tonight. I'm not a prudish guy usually, but I care too much to move things along between us with such reckless abandon.

 

 

I also introduced her to the concept of the shower today. Out of respect towards her, I hadn't visualized her without clothes before, but she seems to have filled in that aspect of her form herself. Since I'm using the overclock forcing method, I was able to see her climb into the shower in my mind's eye, right as I was getting out.

I didn't think much of it, though I did try to avert my eyes for the sake of decency as I got myself dried off and dressed.

Thankfully, it doesn't cost money to run or heat up water in a wonderland, because she was in there for quite a while.

 

 

11:51 PM

 

About to catch some sleep, but before I do, I've resolved that I'll try a kiss with her. If it feels right, then that's good, but if it doesn't, then I've explained to her that we must never speak of it again and resume being friends like nothing happened. Seems fairly foolproof in theory, let's hope it remains foolproof in practice.

[NeonKnights]

2:19 AM

 

Not very much news lately. She's remained fairly non-vocal, which is an indication that I either need to narrate more (neat trick to pull off when I already do during most waking hours), or put in more practice listening for her mind voice.

 

A sign of hope is that she's still displaying sentience at the least expected times. For instance, a couple of days ago, while I was locked in conversation with a relative, she walked up in my overclock wonderland and took a big sip of my drink before wandering off.

(You're welcome, by the way.)

 

I introduced her to the show Panty & Stocking With Garterbelt, and she now seems to be playing around with the idea of deviating into something a little closer to Anarchy Stocking, but without morphing all the way- making little differences like getting rid of her armor, changing her hair color from silver to purple and pink, and supplanting her purple ribbons with a simple bow, but otherwise remaining more or less the same as before.

I've given her positive feedback on both forms, and told her that it's all up to her to pick one.

A real point of indecision appears to be her eyes, as they've been going back and forth between blue and cyan as this battle of indecision seems to rage within her.

I'm going to stop thinking about this for now and pick it up in the morning, just to be sure it isn't just me subconsciously deviating her myself. Then again, I guess deviation is just a tulpa aligning itself to those same subconscious cues, so maybe none of it matters.

 

Lastly, I've been getting a slight feeling under the surface that she's thinking of deviating her name, though she hasn't given any indication as to what she wants to be called instead. I guess she's still undecided, or she doesn't yet have another name at the ready.

 

It's pretty neat to feel her pulling away from her initial form on her own. Even if her next form may just be a hybrid of two fictitious characters, it's still something I never would have thought of.

[historical]

sounds awesome! What are your plans are far as forcing routine?

[NeonKnights]

Well, currently our routine is pretty loose. When and how long we force varies from day to day, but usually we manage to get in at least a good hour or two in the late afternoon/early evening. It's been working pretty well, so I think we're going to keep on with that loose-yet-consistent routine for now.

I do suppose I would like to force more often in the future, not because I don't think I do it enough, but because I really enjoy it.

 

I've done away with my trips to the conventional wonderland almost entirely by this point, since I have plenty of fun spilling stories to her while we force. I just hope the tales I tell her which showcase my devious pranks on friends and general debauchery aren't a bad influence on her... lol

Visualizing her in the overclock wonderland is about as much as I do besides focusing on her while I force, but since I do that all the time already, I don't think it's necessarily part of the forcing routine.