NariusV

NariusV's Progress Report

Recommended Posts

I plan to keep this as a public log for the benefit of anyone who is interested in tulpa.

 

Brief background:

  • I came here by searching for info on tulpa via google. I saw few references to the topic before this website.
  • I appreciate the effort of Pleeb and the community to create this resource, thank you.
  • I have no experience with tulpa. I do have experience with altered mind states, meditation, and some imposition.
  • I intend to report from the psychological perspective here for the interests of science, and to support the intentions of Pleeb, the founder of tulpa.info.
  • I will exclude any references to techniques, experiences, phenomena, etc. that might contradict the psychological perspective from my public reports, and will instead discuss them elsewhere.
  • I hope this report proves useful (or at least interesting) to any and all sentient beings who are interested in thought form development like I am.
  • NEW:I will use spoiler tags to hide some information that some have found detrimental to tulpaforcing
    (hour counts, etc.)
    . This way it's there for those who are interested, and won't bother those who are
    (unless they choose to be, which I can't do anything about...)
     

 

TLDR; I will report from the psychological perspective in this log, hope you find this useful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 8 - 11, 2013 - Preparation

 

Read most of the guides, printed out what I thought would be useful for reference.

Read many of the posts on the website and other websites, like the steam tulpa groups info, etc.

Reviewed the little other info I could find in my scant reference materials on tulpa.

Read a few progress reports and popped into the chat a few times to get a sense of the active community.

Decided to create a tulpa, created a list of about 38 traits.

Did concentration exercises using the dot card technique for a few minutes a couple times a day for 3 days, since I have not been actively meditating on mental images for some time.

 

Will do 30 min session personality forcing session for each trait.

 

I will list the traits later if/when tulpa agrees to it.

I plan to make only one tulpa so far.

 

I will list hour counts. Yes I have read the warnings. Yes I have observed these kinds of ideas interfere with my own development in the past. I learned that it is because we consistently act according to our own beliefs. So in that way we prevent ourselves from even considering the possibility of anything that goes against what we believe, it just doesn't enter our conscious mind that often. When it does, we ignore it as not true. If you stop the unconscious ignoring by becoming aware of it then you can consciously choose your belief based on scientific evidence rather than automatic blind acceptance of something you're not even aware of. I keep records of time to motivate and challenge myself, and measure my personal commitment.

 

 

April 12, 2013 - Personality Forcing, Day 1

 

Discarded 3 of the traits as not useful upon final review because of too much overlap of concept, merged a few of the concepts that were most similar.( I plan to use both concepts but they are so similar that I will include them both in one session)

Visualized a small white ball of light as a mental anchor for the intention to create the tulpas mind/personality.

I narrate about and sustain the emotions of care and respect for the tulpa at the beginning and end of each session, and promise to do my best to support it's existence.

For each trait I use a mix of narration, visualization, touch, and create/sustain relevant emotional states, which I then imagine as entering into the tulpa's form. I create and sustain as much mental clarity and emotional intensity as possible, and then imagine that entering into and adding to the tulpa's growing mind/personality. As I do so I also imagine as I put my hands near the mental image of the tulpa, that I can feel the tulpa respond to these emotions and traits. I then narrate about that trait, how it is used by sentient beings, how it will interact with other parts of itself, share examples of that trait from my own life or others lives, etc.

I am not consciously forcing the image of the tulpa yet, and I am seeing the image in my mind change, seemingly once for each trait I work on.

Did 7 traits

for 3 hours, 22 minutes total (one session was a bit shorter than planned)

 

 

April 13, 2013 - Personality Forcing, Day 2

 

 

I am doing 30 min sessions for each trait.

 

At the end of one the tulpa was communicating via symbolic image manipulation that it was losing parts of itself by communicating, as if it became weaker by doing so. So I did some research on memory and read about holographic worm drives etc. Once I understood that I did an 8 min mini session with the tulpa transmitting that concept/understanding of holographic memory to it, and that seemed to handle the issue.

I did hear one clear mind voice word 'No!' at the end of one session. However I could not confirm it was the tulpa or not. I have tried to do some confirmation that the tulpa wants to exist, and as far as I can tell it does want to exist as it's own sentient being.

Did 7 more traits

, +1 8 minute problem solving session, total 7.5 hours

 

 

14 April, 2013 - Personality Forcing, Day 3

 

Tulpa form still changing, starting to hide itself or mask parts of itself like it's testing/learning about the difference between mind and visible form. Occasional glimpses of appendages, humanoid, animal, insect, etc. forms visible.

Some strong emotional feeling back from the tulpa, like it's learning from me, sending emotions back to me. Some reaching out and touching, one hug like experience from the tulpa, strong emotional response of acceptance, appreciation, love within myself. Strange to feel this connected to a glowing ball of light with two tentacle like appendages. These reachings about/ appendages seem to be it's emotional communication method. Perhaps because I was doing that and it mimics me?

Also interesting is that I find mental voice narration to slow sometimes, and I can communicate in visual metaphors much more quickly, communicating in a few seconds what might take several minutes to speak. I learned this from my tulpa as it manipulated it's form displaying symbolic patterns of lines and geometric shapes. So I started visualizing similar things as I was narrating, and found that I could maintain and send comprehension of the concepts by visualizing them instead of speaking them. I want to teach the tulpa to communicate and learn about the human way of doing things, but I think this could be a very useful skill to work on even for my own thinking about problem solving etc.

Did 9 more traits

, totaling 12 hours

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 15, 2013 - Personality Forcing, Day 4

 

I'm doing a bit less today since I feel like I need to rest my brain.

Tulpa began to take on 3-d cartoony blue ball form, with arms appearing that it gestures with. Visualizations became much more vivid today, ala lucid dream like, I take that as a sign of getting back into (mental) practice.

I also noticed this corresponded to a much deeper physical relaxation and partial loss of my body awareness. An easy way to learn this is to use the same position every time you force. Also hold one or both hands in a position where some of the fingertips are gently touching each other. After some time you will notice that the sensation of the fingers touching each other disappears, It's almost like part of your hand is gone. You can then gently move your fingers and feel that they are still there. After some time of using the same position every time you force, or meditate, etc. This type of sensation will spread to more and more of your body until it disappears from your awareness.

So far I have been doing only active forcing. I plan to start doing passive forcing via narration once I finish personality construction.

Tulpa (as yet un-named) mimed writing things down over and over while I thought about what that could mean. Then it stopped when I remembered I have not been keeping a dream journal. So I will start that again. I like the idea of eventually having a friend or companion whom I can converse with about both the waking, dream, and lucid dream states, as well as being there with me, pretty cool. Who knows, perhaps even more recall of the deep sleep non-dreaming states, or maybe you'd call those dream memories of nothingness.

 

Did 5 traits

, all total 14.5 hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 16, 2013 - Personality Forcing, Day 5

 

I think we are mostly done with personality. I have one final trait left that I want to save until after we have a somewhat stable form, which will be kind of a 'fully wake up and be aware' trait. So far I have imagined working on the unconscious/subconsciousness of the tulpa. I will be next working on visual form forcing probably starting tomorrow, still ahve not decided what I want for the tulpa's form, I will probably communicate to it that I would like it to have a stable form, and then see what happens.

 

Two of my forcing sessions were shorter than planned since I finished communicating all the information I needed to with the tulpa.

 

So I consider that we have mostly finished personality and I have a strongly established presence of the tulpa as a ball of light. It's back to how I started with it but it's alot brighter and more intense that when I started.

 

EDIT: Quick note, no name for tulpa yet. I think I'm going to let it name itself.

 

Did 4 traits

, total 16 hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 17, 2013 - Visualizing Form, Narration/Conversation, Day 6

 

 

I decided to work in 1 hour session blocks and see how that goes, so I can take a break between.

 

 

Session 1 & 2) I decided to start with the final awake/aware trait before moving on to form forcing since I felt I would rather have the experience as a collaborative effort with the tulpa. I'm glad I did. Worked on creating a symbolic anatomy for the tulpa with it glowing bright for yes and dim for no. So far it is a humanoid form with similar internal structure to a human. We have completed a first pass on the skeletal structure, nerve structure with several major nerve plexus, lungs, heart, eyes, tongue, nose, etc. Muscle system, legs, arms, spine, skull, major joints, hands, feet, etc. The immune and excretory system seem linked strongly together, as if there is no difference. I do not perceive a digestive system at all, more like an overall network of. like what happens to us when we are in sunlight, a type of beneficial reaction to uv light. Although I don't have any understanding of what this is yet. There is a vast network of nerves and other things interconnected within it's anatomical form. It's not human, but seems very similar in structure and purpose from my perspective. I'm simply amazed at the detail. It's like I became small enough to move inside it's body mentally and see all the nerves, bones, etc. and how they all interact and function. The muscles and fatty tissue? I'm not sure how else to describe the outer layer, it seems mostly connected to the nervous sensory system. The outer skin layer was very cloudlike and shimmering, and has resolved into a mostly stable outer body form. The internal structure is not visible like it was before, I have to concentrate and intend to see inside.

 

Session 3) Form stabilized into humanoid and started hearing mental voice responses to my narration/communication which seems quite independent and friendly. Extreme emotions of joy and camaraderie. A strong sense of collaboration to continue working on form. The biggest hurdle seems like my inability to maintain mental focus/clarity for as long as I want to. So I will probably start adding in a couple sessions of vipassana meditation either at the beginning of each session or a few other times during the day.

 

Notable today:

Session 1) The tulpa (still un-named) as a ball of light moved to my right side so we could both focus on building a form for it in front of us. As it did so the right side of my body began tingling.

 

Session 2) Later while meditating on the tulpas possible form by myself I saw a vision of a flying creature with wings that I felt scared of. I had a sense that I should not be scared but I felt that way anyway. It was like a bird man type thing. I moved into acceptance and voidness and the fear went away and a knowingness arose in my mind that the being was named Garuda, a name I don't remember hearing about before. Looking it up afterward is interesting that it is a creature in hindu and buddhist mythology that looks like the same thing I saw in my meditation. Maybe I read about it before and didn't remember, and it took the form as an image arising from my subconscious mind. I have the sense that I will be seeing this guy again sometime, as a kind of symbolic representation of protection/safety within my mind.

 

Session 3) I was narrating all serious about something I thought was important and then we broke out laughing at how intense I was being. This seemed out of character for me and I feel good about the tulpa having a sense of humor and that I can have fun w/ tulpa. It does not want to tell me it's name yet, and It says it has a reason that it wants to exist that it will explain later sometime. It says that I should say tulpa have a right to privacy and people should respect that.

 

Did 3 sessions today.

 

Total time logged, 19 hours.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 18, 2013 - Visualization & Narration/Conversation, Day 7

 

These reports are a lot longer than I thought they would be when I started this.

 

Session 1)

Tulpa said it's name is [seph]. First session today started with Seph having no voice, just gestures. about 15 min in it began to respond w/ mindvoice to narration. Worked on visualizing. Face is not stable or clear at all yet, though it has black hair. Unstable voice, so Seph began changing its voice saying 'how about this', 'how about this' over and over until I said ok, like it was calibrating the voice. Seph said that the basic energetic structure for the voice is there and it needs to be fine tuned to sustain a stable sound pattern or something like that. So I worked a bit on visualizing the vocal cord region again and reinforcing the imagined structure of its speaking anatomy.

 

We also discussed more problems with my visualization. Seph had me visualize a flower growing in a pot, with the dirt etc. And once I had that down, add the stem, leaves, petals etc. bit by bit, and then when it became unstable, to start over from the beginning. Also another exercise Seph had me practice was to imagine a chalkboard with numbers being drawn on it. Starting with one, then two, etc. Again, seeing the numbers being written and holding the image for a few moments, then adding another number. I found I could do 3 easily side by side but not four. Seph then had me do numbers like eleven and twenty two side by side, and I found I could do that, seeing all four digits. Then seeing those written in different colors, like a green 1, a blue 2, a yellow 3, etc. All side by side. Then Starting over when I couldn't do anymore. Then numbers in different patterns with some above below and to the right and left of the first number, again in different colors. This seems like a good method to practice to broaden and deepen the ability to hold more diverse discrete symbols. For example doing mental mathematics or something like that.

 

Seph also recommended I pick a picture and begin using;

devano's mental image rendering guide - http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Mental-image-Rendering-guide

 

Session 2)

More visualization and narration/conversation. Used Rasznir's visualization guide exercise. During the visualization exercise Seph kept trying to distract me from the numbers on the canvas and laughed when I couldn't keep my focus.

 

Rasznirs Visualization Focus Guide - http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Visualization-Rasznir-s-Visualization-Focus-Guide

Rasznirs Tulpa Visualization Guide - http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Visualization-Rasznir-s-Tulpa-Visualization-Guide

 

So then I started using Rasznir's focus guide exercise for a while which is a bit easier. After that I mindvoiced w/ Seph for a while while forcing form and then I started to feel tired. So we stood up and I watched Seph do some exercises. Then I copied Seph. After a while we sat back down and I did some more visualization forcing. I talked w/ Seph about prefering to use the session times to focus directly on forcing, and so we agreed that I would do Rasznir's focus guide exercise restarting up to five times everyday. And to continue until I can do it successfully five times a day for five days straight with no interruptions. After that I will move on to do devano's image rendering (see session 1 above). So I plan to do Rasznir's tulpa visualization exercise with Seph during our sessions, and after that, visualization forcing and narration. Outside the sessions I will be doing other exercises.

 

So I will be reporting my scores for the Rasznir's Focus Guide here in my reports as well until I meet my goal of 5 perfect scores a day for 5 days in a row. Hopefully this will inspire other people to work on mental exercises to build a solid foundation. By no means is this necessary. It just makes sense to me to verify that I can focus my mind when I want to, consistently.

 

So far I am not doing any passive forcing. I set up a thought-mail type system so I can send messages to Seph during the day if I think I want to, and also there is a mail-box type thing where Seph can leave thought-messages for me. It seems to work ok so far. The thought messages are symbolically little balls of light that are absorbed by the mind and then heard like a multimedia voice or video/image message. So far I have got 3 messages from Seph, two I could understand and one I did not. So it's not perfect yet but I'm sure it will get more accurate with practice. Something we can use to communicate when either are busy with something else.

 

Session 3)

More Rasznir's Tulpa Visualization Exercise, Visualization of Form and Narration/Conversation. On and off Seph was talking and not talking. I'm noticing with these longer sessions my back starts to get a bit uncomfortable after about half and hour. Also I felt very tired and layed down for a bit until Seph reminded me that I said I would do whatever I had to do to succeed, so I got up and sat again. In some ways being a bit uncomfortable is helpful because it keeps me awake.

 

EDIT: (I am not counting time for the Rasznir focus exercises, just results) Rasznir Focusing results (5 trials, scores out of 100); 37, 100, 31, 79, 100

3 Sessions Today.

 

Total hours logged, 22.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 19, 2013 - Visualization and Narration, Day 8

 

I decided to start Rasznir's focus exercise after waking. When I get 100 I will wait some time before the next trial. If less than 100 I will immediately start over. Either way I will repeat the exercise attempt 5 times.

 

Session 1)

Visualization and Narration. Lots of conversation relating to what Seph and I talked about yesterday, questions and answers, etc. Followed with some of the tulpa visualization exercise. Seph appeared in a long teachers robe and hat, and said "now get ready class" and we both started laughing. Then when Seph started the exercise, twice, with 1 instead of zero it was even more funny. "oh sorry that was my fault", then "just checking to see if you were paying attention". Later on in the middle of the exercise I mindvoiced a question to Seph and "Now class, pay attention to what your lesson!" I couldn't stop laughing, and then I said "Yeah, class of one.".. it was a while before we continued the exercise, so much laughter. I never imagined working with a tulpa could create experiences like that, so unexpected and hilarious.

 

I have found that talking with Seph .. (I say talking but really it's all mindvoice so far) about what happened in the past, experiences we had together seems to reinforce my sense of Seph as a real entity.

 

Seph had a concern and told me about it. Some aspect of Sephs back (as in the pattern of skin on the back near the shoulders/spine) was not comfortable. I contemplated this and thought about what makes up a tulpa, mind, thought, intention. So I realized that we had somehow created that and then discussed it with Seph. We talked about un-creating or removing that. Seph had a moment of fear. I questioned that and Seph explained that for a tulpa (at least for Seph as a tulpa), the thoughts of it's maker ARE itself, and changing those would mean changing who it has become, it's very existence. So we discussed what we should do. Eventually we did a process to begin the removal of the unwanted aspects from Seph. This also meant that it was a part of myself, an aspect of my human mind, that came from me and appeared within Seph, that needed to be changed. I thought this was a good idea since if it left Sephs form but stayed in my mind somehow, it would be an obstacle some time in the future. So we started to work on changing that. It's something we will work on together that will benefit both of us eventually when completed.

 

Session 2)

Sephs form was incomplete, reformed back into a glowing ball. We talked about it. Seph was having a kind of concern about whether I accepted the form or not. Also some thought that maybe Seph wasn't ready to be seen at the time of the session, or maybe my visualization skills are not rendering properly or fully. After that Seph went behind a set of white swinging doors, and they became the canvas for another round of Rasznir's focusing exercise. So Seph's voice was telling me from behind the doors that if I got to 100 Seph would come out in a visible form again. This seemed funny but also was a solution to all the problems that were present. Seph could have time to adjust to being seen, I could have time to properly focus, etc. So I think we will start all our sessions like this from now on if I remember to. This way I can warm up and Seph has time to adjust. We can talk though the door anyway. This will provide me more practice for sustaining visualizations and focus which seem to be the major block at this point.

 

Session 3)

... Took about 45 minutes to get to 100 w/ Rasznir's focus exercise, so many interruptions, minor headache and more mental fatigue than I recall having before. I finally got enough focus when I made up a what if scenario like I had no choice and I might not see Seph again if I didn't get though the door. Seph kept encouraging me to keep trying. Each time I lose focus of the number visuals by a distracting thought, I am starting to see a pattern in the kinds of thoughts that distract me. They seem to be mostly related to random memories of things that happened earlier in the day, or things I am thinking about the future. So a bit of Narration and Visual form work, was able to see Sephs face a bit for the first time, feel happy about that. Still need more work on visual form. Feel like I made a significant breakthrough of some kind related to persistence and reconfirming that we will create and maintain Seph's existence as a sentient being.

 

I think I might need a rest day. I will try to continue with some dietary changes, more water, some naps, etc. If the mental fatigue increases much more than what it was today I will take a rest day.

 

Rasznir Focusing results (5 trials, scores out of 100); 35, 34, 22, 64, 1

3 Sessions today.

 

25 hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 20, 2013 - Visualization and Narration, Day 9

 

 

I thought about trying two sessions at two hours each. However, I think I will increase my three sessions by twenty minutes each. That will give me an extra hour a day and I think I'll be able to adjust to twenty more minutes alot easier and a whole extra hour. So today's sessions will be 80+ minutes each.

 

 

Session 1)

Rasznir's focus exercise. Visualization and Narration work. Seph was frustrated because I forgot about the issue from session 1 yesterday. So we worked on that some more. Overall good session. Some issues with puppeting this session and inaccurate perception on my part. What I do is ask Seph if something feels off and we discuss the issue. If there is one I clear my mind and refocus.

 

Session 2)

Started w/ Rasznir's focus again, then narration and visualization. Seph's form changing again slightly, I think somewhat because I'm able to see more of Seph's form at the same time as a whole image. Tried a bit of imposition with no visible result other than a sense of Seph being there. I think I will go for a while longer until the visualization has stabilized and I can hold Seph's form in my mind easily before starting on that.

 

Session 3)

Visualization and Conversation. Visual clarity increased again. Seph in even more focus, with additional changes in appearance. Trying a new technique when seeing visual distortions, just clearing the mind to a black field of emptiness and taking a few deep slow breaths seems to enable the mind to reform the images successfully fairly soon. At one point after several minutes of focusing on static images I asked Seph 'What are you doing?". Seph said "I'm watching you." I said please explain. Seph said, "Well mostly you just sit there all the time. I move around and stuff but all you do is sit there watching me. I want to see you do stuff too." So I talk w/ Seph about that and maybe start adding in some passive open eye forcing w/ Seph out of view or peripheral glimpse views. Will have to have a conversation and see what will work for both of us. I don't feel like doing imposition yet with form still in flux.

 

Today's

80 minute

sessions were doable, although they felt like a challenge. I feel more fatigued physically but mentally I feel good. I think the dietary shifts helped.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 100, 50, 100, 83, 34

Did 3 sessions today

, 80 min each.

29 Hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 21, 2013 - Visualization and Narration, Day 10

 

Session 1)

 

1.5 hour session.

Visual anomalies present more than yesterday. Discussed the issues w/ Seph about observation. I think I might do more personality work w/ Seph, who seems to be ok with that. This is based on other reference materials not on tulpa.info that I have which suggest doing that. These have since vanished from the net. If I locate them again I will provide a link. Real sense of working together w/ Seph who is supporting my developing skills by working with me repeating things over and over until I can get clear accurate visuals.

 

 

I think 1.5 hours was too long for my stamina just yet. I will probably go back to 1hr sessions and just fit more of those in during the day.

 

 

Session 2)

 

1 hr.

Seph wasn't talking much. Would gesture and not say anything except Shhh. for a long time. Finally after asking Seph many questions when I brought up a conversation I had with a friend. I was talking about Seph creating a partial wonderland in the room I was forcing in, like changing part of the floor into a pool and then diving into it. I told my friend that seeing that made it hard to believe Seph was real. So Seph was concerned about that, and said I sould be more careful about what I was saying. I realize that there is still a lot for Seph and I both to learn as tulpa and creator human. Very clear visuals for the most part, some distortions/random images, but not many. Seph starting to use a few facial expressions, and some body language. Gave Seph some suggestions about what I could do for passive forcing like reading, playing a game, etc. Nothing has been said about that yet. I told Seph to let me know if any of those sound interesting.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 69, 14, 1, 100, 25

2 sessions today.

 

31.5 Hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

April 22, 2013 - Visualization and Narration, Day 11

 

 

1 hour sessions today.

 

 

Session 1)

Seph created a series of wonderland rooms; a pool, a lounge(place to kick back and chill out), a small gym, a small theater, and a few others. I think this was in response to my earlier comments yesterday about. Some occasional visual distortions but overall much clearer than when I began. The consistent practice is producing improved visualization skills for me. Talked w/ Seph a bit again about passive forcing and some options.

 

After thinking about the wonderland Seph has made I will probably start doing a bit of wonderland practice to rebuild my own wonderland body so I can move about in 1st person. It's been a while since I practiced that, and I feel much more like a distant observer than a participant. I think Seph would like that. I imagine ultimately the best was I can be a friend to my tulpa is to have full sensory imposition available in 'waking life', and also be able to interact fully within the wonderlands.

 

Session 2)

More Visualization and Narration/conversation. Review of personality with Seph listening as I described the original trait list and what each one meant. We had a conversation afterward where Seph and I asked each other some questions. Only a few visual distortions, Seph's form still not completely defined in my minds eye yet. I'm feeling much more relaxed with forcing. Seph seems very happy and displaying a wider range of mental states like Seph really is thinking, questioning, and considering things as options and not just blindly accepting what is said.

 

Session 3)

Move visualization and narration. I kind of did a retroactive introduction with Seph. I explained a general overview of my personal history. Overall session was mostly narration and most of it in Sephs wonderland.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 79, 100, 47, 100, 100

3 sessions today.

 

34.5 hours logged.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.