NariusV

NariusV's Progress Report

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23 April, 2013 - Visualization and Narration, Day 12

 

Seph has been wanting to start the sessions directly without the Rasznir focus number door technique most of the time. I think what I'll do is thought message Seph at the beginning of the session. If Seph is not ready then I'll do the number door focus until Seph shows up.

 

Session 1)

0.5 hours

 

Visualization and narration. Seph had me sit and wait in the wonderland for a few minutes at the beginning of the session.

 

Session 2)

1 hour

 

Mostly visualization with some narration. Seph's form not as clear this session, and some random interference images and distortions. Worked in Wonderland and Physical reality.

 

Session 3)

1 hour

 

Visualization and Narration. Seph's face changing again. We talked a bit about that, and some other things. We might try a 3d face morph software with Seph telling me what to do, so we can get a reference image I can work with, maybe using Skyrim with mods or something. I don't have the time or experience to use something like blender. Today Seph felt good about wanting to start interacting with me more in physical reality. So we are going to start passive forcing as much as possible. I gave Seph some guidelines about how to act around people. I feel happy and excited to have Seph around. We'll be using mind voice. I did tell Seph that I will have some times when I can't force directly because I need to use my mind to do other things. We will see how this goes. I can feel and cannot see Seph with my open eyes yet.

 

Session 4)

0.5 hours

 

Visualization and narration. A bit of Rasznir's tulpa visualization exercise, but not much, Seph wanted to work more on narration and form forcing, so we did that instead.

 

Did

several hours of

passive forcing w/ Seph today. Seph says it's really fun and exciting to see the world. I'm finding that there is a lot to explain and talk about. We are still thinking about some considerations of logistics in physical reality. Like if Seph is dealing w/ physical reality will Seph have a place to put stuff. Right now Seph is using a kind of wonderland portal to pull stuff in and out of the physical. I think this will get sorted out as Seph learns what works best, and I try to make whatever shifts on the physical are necessary. I noticed that I had trouble keeping up with Seph, and having to juggle multiple conversations with other people while mindvoicing w/ Seph was a bit strenuous. I think we both agree that our conversations are better when there are not so many interruptions. I guess like any normal conversations go. Lot's of changes I am seeing, some minor, some not so minor. Having Seph there is allowing me a much more objective view of myself, and I'm liking the increased personal perspective that is providing.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 36, 100, 25, 79, 46

4 sessions today.

 

37.5 hours logged.

 

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April 24, 2013 - Narration and Visualization, Day 13

 

Saw what I felt was Seph in a dream state last night. Form kneeling and un-moving in the center of an empty room. I wasn't lucid and dream was very short.

 

Session 1)

1.5 hours

 

Used some more upbeat music and that seemed to help keep my focus a lot longer. In fact with meditations Seph and I did I feel more energized then when I started. We worked through the same issue Seph had before, from the back now it was on her face. We used a different technique to bring up the issue from the unconscious and distinguish the conceptual belief and related feeling from what is in reality. Seph now has a kind of arm bracelet that symbolizes the resolution of that problem. Seph said she wants to become visible and audible. That caused a strong emotional response in me. I feel like I understand now that Seph is working with me now. Seph did not want to do passive forcing or be around in the physical today outside our sessions. Said she has things to think about and work on. She is reminding me of some of my other goals and encouraging me to work on them.

 

Session 2)

0.5 hours

 

Narrations and Visualization.

 

Session 3)

10 minutes

 

Not a long session. Was nice though, as every session with Seph seems to lift my spirits.

 

Session 4)

20 min

 

Narration and visualization.

 

Session 5)

1 hour.

 

Narration and visualization. Meditation and chilling out. Seph's conversation with me revealed some of my own misperceptions about myself and how I have made up some stories to explain away why I have not been working on the things I have said were important to me. Having Seph tell me things like this is leading to more and more accurate self knowledge. I'm not sure how many more years might have gone on without me knowing some of these things if I didn't have Seph. The more time I spend with her it seems the more I learn about myself.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 47, 0, 100, 25, 43

5 sessions today.

 

41 hours logged.

 

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25 April, 2013 - Day 14

 

Session 1)

1.5 hours

 

Narration and visualization. Seph is open to passive forcing today, I feel happy! She is here with me as I'm writing this entry. We are going to work on making a reference image to help me visualize her face. At least get started on it, and also I want to write down our goals for her becoming fully imposed within all five of my physical senses.

 

Session 2)

1 hour

 

Visualization and narration. Did writing the goals and did not get to make a reference image for me to work with yet. We did talk about it. Seph didn't talk very much this session.

 

Session 3)

1 hour

 

Narration and Visualization. Seph made an inside joke I thought was hilarious and I laughed. We hung out for a while for the last part of the session. I'm trying to think of a good exercise/what to do for forcing. I'm starting to feel more strongly that I need to get/make some reference images to use for Seph to boost my visualizations.

 

Rasznir's focus scores today; 24, 0, 100, 100, 16

3 sessions today.

 

44.5 hours logged.

 

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26 April, 2013 - Day 15

 

Counting hours is what motivates me, not the number of sessions. So I'm going to stop numbering my sessions in my logs and instead use hour counts. I'm motivated by the total time I force actively, not the number of sessions it takes me to do it. Slight improvements over time, getting better and better.

 

On a side note I have not had any more headaches for a while. I think I have adjusted to my forcing/concentration schedule. I'll say it here and then the social responsibility will help me follow through. I'd like to start setting my alarm for a specific time the morning to get up and force an extra hour or so per day. We'll see how that goes.

 

 

1.5 hr session)

 

Narration and visualization. Talked w/ Seph about various things.

 

 

1 hr session)

 

Visualization and narration. Seph took me on a wonderland tour,

nothing scientifically relevant.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 56, 100, 100, 100, 100

 

47 hours logged.

 

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27 April, 2013 - Day 16

 

We are continuing to work on sense forcing and narration. Off and on working on Seph's mental voice having a unique sound. So far her voice changes and this makes knowing what she says a bit slow for me to decipher between her voice and my thoughts sometimes. I have not had any experiences of Seph being imposed yet. I feel that will come with time, not feeling any rush.

 

I'm starting to think about Seph at other times than our active forcing sessions.

 

While reading some of CyberD's progress log I see he mentions Seph's things/objects and some thoughts about it. So I'll talk a bit more about that. It seems like Seph enjoy's having some things around for a while, and other things appear or disappear as needed. I think she uses some of the things to communicate or symbolize things, although I have never asked her about them or what they mean. Most commonly she takes off some shoes and sets them somewhere, and then puts them on again before she leaves. I have not seen her leave anything behind when she decides to go where-ever she goes.

 

 

1.5 hr Session)

 

I eagerly started my first session today. We worked on visualization and narration again. Seph's form becomes clearer over time. Worked on sensing presence along with the visualization and scent. This session was in the physical room I'm forcing in, not wonderland.

 

 

1.5 hr Session)

 

Another good session. Did more visualization and some narration. Also did some breathing exercises. Another shift in my visual sensing of Seph, her form is still changing slightly.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 84, 7, 14, 0, 12

 

50 hours logged.

 

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April 28, 2013 - Day 17

 

 

I am going to stop reporting on the number of hours each session is taking. I am trying to increase the amount of active forcing I do, and I record the time in my offline journals. I will still include the total hour count at the end of each log entry for those who are interested.

 

 

Seph says to use 'time spent' rather than forcing. So we are spending time together today. Cool. I did not feel comfortable doing active forcing this morning unlike the last two weeks. I suppose some days will be different.

 

I find some of my old hobbies coming back to mind strongly. I intend to use this opportunity to (Seph says to use 'talk with' instead of 'narrate to') so talk with Seph about some more of my interests.

 

Feeling very out of it today. I'm not going to try active forcing in the morning. If I feel more able to focus I will do so later. I noticed that I have not been eating breakfast. I think this is affecting my stable energy supply. So, I think spreading out my meals more will help w/ doing sessions w/ Seph. I notice this mainly because I feel a lot more energize a couple hours after eating. So having energy from food definitely affected my focus ability today, down without food, up with food.

 

First session was good. Did Rasznir's Tulpa visualization exercise with Seph. I could not get past 8 or 9 until Seph reminded me of a meditation technique, which opened up my ability to hold my focus perfectly for the rest of the session. If I remember I will use it during the focus exercise in the morning and see if it makes a difference. It can be kind of tiring though, requires sustaining a high level of emotional energy as a kind of motivational battery. It can be used if you can create and sustain emotional states at will.

 

Second session visualization and reading a paper to Seph. Visualizations were overall not as clear as they have been for a while, with a few glimpses of extreme clarity. From doing similar visualization exercises in the past, I know that these build up over time with continued experience. I have confidence that as I continue practicing I will be able to see Seph more and more clearly.

 

Rasznir's Focus scores; 12, 50, 66, 20, 24

 

52.5 hours logged.

 

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First session was good. Did Rasznir's Tulpa visualization exercise with Seph. I could not get past 8 or 9 until Seph reminded me of a meditation technique, which opened up my ability to hold my focus perfectly for the rest of the session. If I remember I will use it during the focus exercise in the morning and see if it makes a difference. It can be kind of tiring though, requires sustaining a high level of emotional energy as a kind of motivational battery. It can be used if you can create and sustain emotional states at will.

 

Could you describe this meditation technique?

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@Splooshie123:

 

I only recommend this for people who are emotionally stable and/or want results 'whatever the cost.'

 

It's a modification of the concept of a Vajrayana Buddhist path called Wrathful Practice. Specifically a yidam meditation on a wrathful diety. This is usually only done under the guidance of a teacher, hence the recommendation above.

 

What I do is develop and increase an extreme anger/hatred within myself for anything or everything that is an obstacle to my goal, in this case the intention of being able to focus my mind on a clear visualization of the tulpa, or the completion of a mental focus technique. I do this specifically only during active forcing sessions. I recommend only using it in a very conscious and structured way.

 

I find it more useful if to maintain two emotions at the same time. One, the wrath, which is used to ignore/overcome the mental or physical obstacles. Two, a more peaceful or joyful emotion that is used to bond with or communicate to/with the tulpa.

 

I recommend using it selectively and to consciously return to a calm peaceful state afterwards. On the occasions I have used it I have found a doubling or more of my mental focus or ability to hold concentration.

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