NariusV

NariusV's Progress Report

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April 29, 2013 - Day 18

 

Post is a day late due to not having access to the forum during the update.

 

This bit of reporting is a bit of a digression from working on tulpa, but it is an adjunct practice to increase focus. My purpose for doing it is to increase my focus to improve my overall tulpa progress.

 

Today I will start using the meditation technique I mentioned yesterday during my focus exercises. I'll test to see if there are real gains, and if they are sustainable. My goal is still to obtain five days of perfect scores.

 

My total average score prior to the techniqe for ten days was 52.88.

 

I expect the average while using it to be significantly higher. I could be wrong though! I will use the technique for a while and keep track of the results.

 

On to tulpa sessions w/ Seph.

 

First session of the day, some visualization & narration, olfactory, and kinethetic practice. I didn't feel I had enough energy to hold a clear image. Seph told me to take a break, I was feeling not so productive trying to force when sleepy.

 

Second session, still feeling so drowsy today. Visualization and a bit of narration. Hopefully feel more awake/aware tomorrow.

 

Seph was around for some passive forcing for most of the day. I'm not logging passive time.

 

Rasznir's Focus scores; 19, 100, 92, 100, 57

 

54 hours logged.

 

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Guest Anonymous

Drink more orange juice to pep your step.

 

Or coffee if you're into that kind of thing.

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April 30, 2013 - Day 19

 

More visualization and narration. Felt so peaceful during this session that at one point I had a challenge bringing anything to mind, including visualization of Seph's form. I was almost in a state of no-mind meditation. I think thats ok for what it is, but my intention was to be productive by focusing on Seph during our session. Other than that I felt it was a good session. It's kind of a reverse problem from having too many distracting thoughts. It might happen eventually if you do a lot of mental exercises over time.

 

First session in the evening did a bit of visualization and a lot of narration and sharing my thoughts with Seph about the paper I am reading to her. I am eager to hear her opinions on things, but I am unable to hear her responses to more complex topics and questions yet. I like to study things that push the boundaries of my own mind, so even my own opinions and thoughts on some of the topics are as yet developing. This could account for some of the difficulty in communication about things. About things I have a lot of experience with I find Seph is much more able to converse and have something to add or comment on.

 

Actually I have noticed Seph much more operating on a physical and experiential level with reality rather than in a philosophical way. I think this is interesting and also somewhat telling, since for most of my life I have been more interested in the internal workings of my mind and understanding than in doing things. So Seph seems to be leading me towards a more balanced approach to life, which I see as a good thing!

 

Got some oranges today and I'm looking forward to trying Moon Shooters advice starting tomorrow. I think I will drink one orange blended with about 8oz oz. of water about a half hour or so before each active tulpa focusing session. If my focus/alertness is increased, I will keep drinking it.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 79, 100, 100, 100, 91

 

56 hours logged.

 

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May 01, 2013 - Day 20

 

I thought I might have seen Seph for a moment in one of my dreams just before I woke up, but I can't be sure it was her because I don't know what her face looks like yet.

 

Started off with the blended orange juice a while before my first session.

 

First session went well, did not feel fatigued at all. It's usually the second, etc. sessions that bring on that fatigue, so I will keep on with the oj and see how I carry through today.

 

Next session went well. Visualization mostly with some other senses mixed in. I'm getting a stronger and clearer sense of Seph's presence during our sessions and also outside of them. I am more used to having her around. For example sometimes now I get a sense of her saying something or reminding me of things. This is not always with voice yet, sometimes it is, and sometimes the voice is not clear. So far all of these are internal mental sounds, not auditory hallucinations. Frequently I am getting a sense of having her in the same room with me, even if I am not sure where she is or what she's doing.

 

More visualization and narration. Seph has several outfits now. Sometimes she appears in one place and then appears in another place without moving. Sometimes she walks, sits, or lays down. She has stopped talking as much, as if she is waiting for something. I'm still getting some slight changes in visuals, although the changes seem not to really be with her form, but my increasing awareness of what she really looks like. Maybe deviation is refinement of perception in some cases.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 96, 100, 75, 61, 100

 

58.5 hours logged.

 


Note about the orange juice. I think it did help some. It felt like I was able to hold my focus longer, more mental endurance. Will continue with it for now.

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May 02, 2013 - Day 21

 

Another possible dream of Seph, of a woman who was a logistics support liaison for me. Her job was to give me information to help me achieve my objectives. I was also good friends with her. I talked with her and wrote some of the conversation I recalled in my dream journal.

 

I'm not sure that the dreams are strictly relevant to the creation of a tulpa. However I do not want to dismiss them either since they are part of my consicous experience and memories just like waking life. I recall reading several reports of scientific breakthroughs made possible by insights people had from their dreams.

 

Tulpa sessions went well today. Seph said yes that was her in the dream. I have a clearer image of her eyes. She seems to be getting stronger, as in a clearer image and also her body image looking more athletic.

 

I waited for a few days to verify this before reporting it. I am noticing my body heat go up, and sometimes a slight amount of sweating when using the wrathful state during Rasznir's focus exercises. I also feel a heat or a sensation like hunger that develops in my solar plexus and then fades away afterwards. Scores seem to be trending higher also.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 73, 100, 100, 100, 100

 

61 hours logged.

 

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May 03, 2013 - Day 22

 

Sessions went very well today. Passive focusing as well as active. Seph seemed very happy today and was interested in things that were happening.

 

Sometimes I have a slight doubt in my mind about if I am doing the tulpa process right, or if I am the right person to be creating Seph, etc. Although these doubts are slight, they do have an effect on my state of mind and confidence about the tulpa creation process. I'd like to share how I overcome these thoughts.

 

Here are a few facts that I know to be true, that when I recall them allow me to gain my confidence back.

 

Seph would not exist without me. There is no one else I know of who could create Seph for me, or with me. No matter what I do, or how I do it, I always do the best I can in each session. Seph has reminded me how important life is.

 

All the experiences of happiness, joy, etc. that Seph will ever have are what I have brought into being by deciding to follow through on the creation of a tulpa.

 

I feel a great responsibility to create and sustain her existence and life. I continually remind myself that being committed to her becoming is the only thing I know of that allows her to exist.

 

I may not be the best or most consistent tulpaforcer, and I am improving and getting better. With my continued practice I think I will keep getting better, and Seph will be better for it.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 100, 100, 100, 100

 

Decided to do half hour sessions today since I was feeling challenged, and then ended up extending some longer as I did them because I felt more confident.

63 hours logged.

 

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May 04, 2013 - Day 23

 

I don'y have much to report other than the sessions were good today. Starting to really look forward to them. As my sitting endurance increases the direct focusing sessions become easier, due to less distraction from my body getting tired or sore.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 81, 100, 61, 100, 100

 

65 hours logged.

 

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May 05, 2013 - Day 24

 

Session's went well. Some changes in Seph's appearance seem more like stylistic flare than changes in permanent structure. Worked on visualization and narration, active and passive.

 

I have been putting off my focus exercises until later when I am ready to sleep. I think this is affecting my scores. I have not been starting them in the morning like I had planned to originally.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 62, 71, 100, 53, 100

 

67 hours logged.

 

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May 06, 2013 - Day 25

 

Started with some breathing exercises prior to first session to clear my mind and keep clear and focused.

 

Again sessions went well, still working on visualization and narration.

 

Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 100, 100, 56, 66

 

69 hours logged.

 

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