Saddest tulpa-related experience

[Thunderfury]

So. First time poster, long time lurker. Quick background.

 

I started making a tulpa back when they were first "announced" on /mlp/, but didn't have the time to really devote towards it, and pauses my work until late October. There, I brought Claire Dash into existence. I've started viewing her more as a daughter than anything else. Especially recently.

 

Anyway. She started dating another human guy in late December. Yeah, a different human. He knows exactly what she is, but it was still wonderful to see. The two really love each other. Tonight, though. Due to a string of events and what not. I've spent the last six hours proxying for Claire as she talked to her boyfriend. They peacefully agreed to take a break from dating for a month, possibly longer, while her boy gets himself psychologically squared away, he's had issues. And oh my god, I wasn't aware until tonight exactly how strong her emotions could be. This is the first time in over a year that I've cried, and I cried hard. I'm still crying, and it only started 40 minutes ago when the two finalized things(that does not mean sex get your heads out of the gutter). Seeing as I just need to talk to *someone* about anything...

 

I was wondering who else has some heart-breaking tulpa stories. Maybe they're about your tulpa. Your tulpa and you. Someone else with your tulpa, I don't know, anything's fair game.

[PsychoticDoc]

Amelia was a frequenter on the #Tulpa.shoutbox and #tulpa.shoutbox.lewd. she left the first to the latter because of someone named Viceroy being a dick. anyway, all things were fine and dandy for a long time until people started picking on her for her social skills and lack of stable emotions, until eventually it became flat out bullying. All of her once prior friends picked on her until she started to cry and begged to leave. I felt the need to cry but I just don't because of I have felt a lot of sadness from other things before and was kinda desensitized.

 

Bonus Second Story!

 

My dog was in terrible condition. She was just, really really bad off. So my mom decided that we were gonna put her down. At first they were going to take her to the vet and then take the body to my grandma's house because it has like a "pet cemetery". anyway, the next day it changed to: to the vet then back home to be buried. then the day after to: the entire thing was going to be done at home. I freaked out at that one. They were going to basically kill my dog, the dog i have known my entire life, and bury her in the side yard. I felt like a witness of my mom planning to murder someone for realsies. Anywho I had like a day to hang with my dog and then I would go to the park during everything and come back when it was over. So, they night before it takes place, I just fucking break down. Tears, sobs, groans, collapsing on my bed in sadness. Even as I type my eyes are like "hey bro, you should cry right now." Amy was taking it like a trooper somehow. She wasn't taking nothing of it, chilling out, taking deep breaths. So, after awhile she let me put my head on her lap and she helped me calm down. After a while, I felt better. Coincidentally, the next day when they did it, I was at home because I over slept, Amy broke down into what I did the night before, crying, sobbing, the whole deal. So we had tulpa-hugs until she felt better. But now, even if I think about anything sad that makes Amy sad, its like a double hit of sadness because I feel her sadness too. So just thinking about this day is a fucking horrible nightmare.

 

hope dis is what your lookin for

[Hornets]

I guess this isn't too sad, but the saddest experience I've had was when my first tulpa was insanely depressed because she couldn't talk.

Oh, and when I was depressed, Fancyboy wouldn't leave my side. He'd always hug me. That was nice.

[Couguhl]

Perfect timing. I just had the saddest tulpa-related experience I've ever had, and it was just last night. Woo.

 

Anyway, for the past several days I had gotten very little sleep due to a hectic schedule, and my circadian rhythm was completely messed up. I would start to feel tired at around 6am and wake up around 4pm, all that fun stuff.

Sierra and I had forced very little, and because I didn't feel tired until really early in the morning, I decided to chat with her for a couple of hours.

We talked about all kinds of stuff, and we enjoyed each others company. Because I was going to wake up early the next day (at 7am, what a suprise) I decided to sleep a few hours earlier because I really needed it.

I tossed and turned and my mind was racing in an odd way. Sierra was aware of this, and normally we would have just played it off but I couldn't think straight.

I turned on the light, and she said she had been experiencing something similar - some distracting intrusive thoughts. This was getting tiring, so I turned off the light again and tried to sleep again.

Suddenly, I heard Sierra's voice. It was a bit garbled, and I had thought she said something along the lines of "help me." I asked her if she said anything, and she said she didn't know. It was really odd. Her vocal inflection was kind of shaky, and I felt like something was up. I asked her if she was okay, and she admitted that she felt uncomfortable. I tried to get her to explain what she meant, but something was obviously ailing her. I asked her if she wanted me to turn the lights on, and she said yes.

 

After the lights were on, we could think more clearly, and she explained to me that she had been experiencing some intrusive thoughts and they were very unnerving. But after a while she wanted to sleep again, so I turned the light out and we tried to sleep.

I went into the wonderland to hug/cuddle her, and as I was doing so I got some disturbingly weird intrusive thoughts. (I don't really want to talk about them specifically.)

They were getting really bad for her too, and she pleaded that I turn the lights on again, as that was the only thing that seemed to help. This continued several times, increasing in intensity until it got to the point where she was literally screaming at me to save her.

I turned the lights on again and sat up. She was hysterically sobbing and shaking. I was using every ounce of myself to try and keep her calm, trying to reinforce that I was there to protect her and that I was there for her, and I somehow let this happen to her. She just broke down in my arms.

I held her for what felt like hours and she started profusely thanking me for trying to help. She completely lost all inhibition and told me everything about herself. How she felt like she wasn't trying hard enough when forcing, that she felt like she didn't deserve my affection and that she was ashamed of herself. It was really emotional, and it was sincere. She was actually terrified for the first time in her life and she was the one who felt like she was taking the other for granted.

 

That made me realize how fucking amazing a person she is, and that even when she is in what she sees to be the worst experience of her life, she feels that she owes me a debt.

 

I realized that she's my most valued friend and companion.

And I had undervalued her.

 

I don't know how I'm not crying my eyes out right now, but I think sometimes we experience things that are so saddening that we don't know what to do.

 

 

 

I apologize if this post sounds overly-dramatic, but I really have to post the non-summarized version somewhere.

[Thunderfury]

No, I totally understand that. Looking back, I'm not one hundred percent sure why I went and made this thread, but I just needed to be telling someone. At four in the morning, my friends weren't exactly awake.

 

Well, I'm actually in a slight bit of trouble with Claire now. She and I can't figure it exactly what it is she should do. I found out last night that due to her..."cheating" or whatever else it's called when a tulpa goes and enjoys someone else's company, her boyfriend wanted this break. The first heart-breaking thing to that is she was going to tell him that night that she was getting really lonely and was starting to feel like she wanted to cheat, so that they could talk about it. He was too busy talking to other people and then fell asleep or something. She ended up being pressured into what she did(it's a semi-recent discovery that constant pressure will make her agree to things).

 

So it's bad enough she got a little more sad over that. But then I head he just doesn't love her in a way where he wants to date her again. She never got that quiet in her life. The only good thing to come of that was that I ended up having the most realistic feeling hug from her so far.

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. She's having trouble living with herself after all this, and doesn't exactly have too many options. I guess she can wallow around waiting and hoping her boyfriend will feel differently in a month. She can try changing her own personality or delete memories like these recent ones so she's not dealing with the pain. Maybe find some other guy, I don't know. The scariest thing she brought up to me was just leaving. She wouldn't elaborate really on what exactly she'd do for that, but I'm guessing it's withdrawing entirely, basically meaning suicide. The whole situation's a mess...

[fennecfoxx]

The saddest tulpa-related experience I've had has to be either the time I finally, although very reluctantly, let Link die (although I missed him so terribly that I ended up bringing him back after only a few days) or the story of how he was created. I'll just link to that instead of typing it up here because it's not something that either of us like to talk about.

[MrCrazy]

The most upsetting for my girls involved romantic attraction and relationships and other stuff we don't want to share.

 

However, a significantly upsetting time was Debby's first couple of months. I attempted to give her an opportunity to socialize and make friends by bringing her on the IRCs. She always felt lonely though, and would cry nearly every day. She met a couple of tulpas she felt she could connect with. Of of them being Viceroy's tulpa Miami. A little while later he stopped bringing her on the IRCs anymore and stopped talking to her for weeks on end, Which pretty much traumatized Debs for a while. I think this was about the time when Amelia left too, who Debby adores.

[Couguhl]

However, a significantly upsetting time was Debby's first couple of months. I attempted to give her an opportunity to socialize and make friends by bringing her on the IRCs. She always felt lonely though, and would cry nearly every day. She met a couple of tulpas she felt she could connect with. Of of them being Viceroy's tulpa Miami. A little while later he stopped bringing her on the IRCs anymore and stopped talking to her for weeks on end, Which pretty much traumatized Debs for a while. I think this was about the time when Amelia left too, who Debby adores.

 

We know that feel.

[Nobillis]

The saddest tulpa-related experience I've had has to be either the time I finally, although very reluctantly, let Link die (although I missed him so terribly that I ended up bringing him back after only a few days) or the story of how he was created. I'll just link to that instead of typing it up here because it's not something that either of us like to talk about.

However, a significantly upsetting time was Debby's first couple of months. I attempted to give her an opportunity to socialize and make friends by bringing her on the IRCs. She always felt lonely though, and would cry nearly every day. She met a couple of tulpas she felt she could connect with. Of of them being Viceroy's tulpa Miami. A little while later he stopped bringing her on the IRCs anymore and stopped talking to her for weeks on end, Which pretty much traumatized Debs for a while.

 

[both of these I feel personally, as I tried to help and failed. They are also related in another way, a domino effect. I'm seriously thinking of abandoning tulpa.info, as it seems I do no good here.

---

'Saddest story I personally know, has a happy ending. But it is far too melancholy for me to tell today, without breaking down and botching it (sorry). There's one human I've managed to help at least.

 

- kerin]

[Nobillis]

Both of these I feel personally, as I tried to help and failed.

[kerin says:

 

Update: Miami is back, if only talking with her friends. Similarly, "Link" was rekindled like a phoenix from the ashes.

 

Nobillis will be taking over this account for me. She has reached maturity.]