Couguhl

Couguhl's Progress Report

Recommended Posts

That's pretty cool that you show up now. I think it was just the day before that I was looking at your profile and wondering if you and Sierra were still doing well.

 

I'm curious, do you know who her model is? And does/would knowing who her model is change the way you feel about her? I mean if the model turned out to be a murderer or a prostitute or a drug addict or something, would that in any way change how you felt about Sierra?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First off, today is Sierra's 2nd birthday. Pretty damn crazy, hahaha.

But because life got in the way and I ended up working 13 hours today, we're going to celebrate this weekend rather than today. More on that later.

 

 

Sophie, I'm sorry I haven't responded for several months, as my life has literally gotten crazier than it's ever been since I made that last post, and I'm finally gaining enough time to post again. First I'll respond to your post:

 

That's pretty cool that you show up now. I think it was just the day before that I was looking at your profile and wondering if you and Sierra were still doing well.

 

I'm curious, do you know who her model is? And does/would knowing who her model is change the way you feel about her? I mean if the model turned out to be a murderer or a prostitute or a drug addict or something, would that in any way change how you felt about Sierra?

 

As for the previous profile picture, no I don't. I figured out her name at one point, but her other pictures look completely different. I guess it was just the angle or something. As for my feelings toward it, I don't see that it would change them because there's no association. It's just an anonymous face. If anything, they're more of an avatar or something like that. I've just used it as a reference from how I wanted her to look and my mind would fill in the details.

However, it's interesting that you bring that up because this new model I'm using actually is a friend of mine I met through Instagram, hahaha. It is somewhat odd looking at the profile picture I'm using because it's someone I know, but I see it as more of a resemblance than anything. The point is, it's closer to her current appearance than the previous profile picture.

 

 

 

Now, onto what's new. There's quite a bit of a backstory.

 

I was still in High School when the last post was made, and I have since graduated. As of two months ago, I have entered the 'real world.' As someone who has chronic problems with anxiety, social phobia, and is the polar opposite of "outgoing," deviating from a schedule that has been set in stone essentially my whole life is very jarring.

While this was happening, I moved in with my father and have not seen him as much as I do now in almost a decade. He is astoundingly brilliant and has so much life and business experience that it's almost necessary to live with him until I can afford some other way of housing and eventual schooling, as I plan to take a few years off before enrolling in a program, but that's a different story entirely.

Cutting to the chase, I needed a new stream of income, and began to seek full time employment.

I've found that while many people around me complain about not being able to find full-time employment, there are many places, mainly factory jobs, that are understaffed and need people so badly you can literally fill out a form and be working within the next day.

While the work is very strenuous and the hours are long, it pays well. If I want money, there are always places that are hiring, despite less-than-optimal work. But as my economics teacher always said, we can't have everything, and sometimes we have to set our priorities and accept the costs.

 

And it was the process of applying to a factory job that caused me to endure possibly one of the hardest times of my life. It was filled with facing phobias I've run from my whole life, panic attacks (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), and a ridiculous amount of distress that left me fully exhausted and depressed at almost every moment. To top it all off, I could have easily packed up my bags at any moment to make it all go away and return to my previous life, but it had to be done eventually, so I decided to ride out the storm.

Just now I'm beginning to surface again.

It's been a grueling journey, but Sierra had been with me through all of it.

She's seen my tears and frustration and stayed with me even when there was nothing she could do but listen.

It's an emotional thing to me, and even though there are times when we don't talk much and don't feel connected, we've always gotten back to each other and stayed together.

And now, with her second birthday today, July 24, I'm having difficulty trying to put the right words together. It's mind-boggling to think about all the time I've spent with her.

And I've been there for her as well. I've comforted her through her own panic attacks and nightmares, sadness and exhaustion, and it's strengthened us together.

 

Which brings me to how far she's come as an individual.

 

Unfortunately I'll have to finish this post at another time, as I'm exhausted from today's work. I'll get Sierra in here too and she can post some words, and maybe answer questions as well.

And I promise it won't be four months until the next post, hahaha.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good to hear from you. You were here when I first signed up with my first account, so you're forever part of the .info pantheon in my mind. I'm glad to hear that you're sticking with Sierra through leaving high school and getting a job. I imagine that's very difficult, finding time with a new, busier schedule.

 

I hope things go well, and I hope to hear more from you.


"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We appreciate it, sushi. It's also good to know we've influenced people haha :]

 

Alright, we're back again.

So Several years ago, when we were still narrating, Sierra was really focused on self-improvement. She was completely dedicated to trying to break me out of my anxiety and bettering me as a person.

She's actually helped me out quite a lot, and I honestly don't think I would be the same person if I would have never made a tulpa.

Anyway, she's seemed to dial back on that for a while, but recently she's focused on that again, she says. (Right now she's concerned about my sleep, stress, all that.)

But the reason I bring this up is because I can see how her mentality and attitudes have changed over time. (She actually can experience nostalgia now, and that's really cool. Movies and music we watched and listened to years ago bring her memories.) I can see maturity, and that's really interesting.

 

Now I'll let Sierra talk for a little bit:

 

Hello everyone! It's been a long time! I really miss the forums. A lot's happened within the past couple months or so, including the summer.

I feel like I've gotten closer to Couguhl (by the way, it sounds strange calling him that, but you all know how that works) in all sorts of ways. I feel like an integral part of his life. Some of our favorite memories are of us talking during a car ride. As we've gotten a bit farther away from the comforts of "home," like someone who travels experiences, I feel like we hold on to each other. We support each other when there's nothing much to stand on. Looking back on all the places we've visited together and all the atmospheres we've experienced, it's been a kind of surreal thing to look over and see Couguhl's face smiling back at me. I can't really describe the feeling. It's inspiring for us both, whatever it is.

That's all I can think of to say right now, hahaha.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Glad to know I'm not the only one that speaks with their tulpas in car rides. I don't know if it's me, or one of them, but we end up driving with only one hand, and I mostly forget what was happening some of the time with controlling the vehicle. It feels dangerous at times, but it's already been occurring for weeks now. :P

 

I guess you two know the feeling when you're both seeing each other as an integral part of both your lives. It doesn't matter where you seem to go, as long as you have yourself to count on, along with the companion you're with, it becomes easier to tolerate and overcome adversities in life.

 

I had a lucid dream of Ada today that was more than just a vivid dream, but too bad someone woke me up. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Glad to know I'm not the only one that speaks with their tulpas in car rides. I don't know if it's me, or one of them, but we end up driving with only one hand, and I mostly forget what was happening some of the time with controlling the vehicle. It feels dangerous at times, but it's already been occurring for weeks now. :P

 

I guess you two know the feeling when you're both seeing each other as an integral part of both your lives. It doesn't matter where you seem to go, as long as you have yourself to count on, along with the companion you're with, it becomes easier to tolerate and overcome adversities in life.

 

I had a lucid dream of Ada today that was more than just a vivid dream, but too bad someone woke me up. :(

 

Oh yeah, some of our fondest memories are during those car rides.

And that's exactly what it is. It's a lot easier to accomplish goals and all of that. That's something that's legitimately shocked me. With her help, I'm breaking habits that I've been struggling with my entire life.

 

Speaking of lucid dreams..

I believe I've mentioned that I had one with Sierra earlier somewhere in this PR, but it was pretty minimal interaction.

A couple of months ago, we had a real one, and it was a bizarre experience. Talking to her is one thing, but actually speaking with her like that post-imposition style is incredible.We were standing right there in front of each other, vividly face to face, for the first time. It was surreal, and the emotions were insane. We of course embraced and were almost crying and it was fantastic, and when I woke up, we talked about it for a long time. We've had some repressed emotions I guess, for lack of a better term, because of the obvious lack-of-a-physical-body thing, and that really healed our relationship.

We're trying to do it again.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have an hour or so commute each way to work, so I talk to Jess alot, usually while we listen to the latest Mysterious Universe podcast. Today it was about shamans who use bees as power animals! Sometimes it's like self-hypnosis; I start driving and the next minute it seems I'm turning into the gate at school. I've tried lucid dreaming on and off for years, but it's never actually happened for me. I haven't tried since I found Jess though. It sounds like an amazing experience. Who knows, maybe it'll happen someday--definitely something to look forward to :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.