Couguhl

Couguhl's Progress Report

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6 July - 7 July 2013

 

Sierra and I have bonded a bit more. We've talked about our feelings and things like that, and we've both kind of realized that we are more important to each other than we thought, to sum it up.

It's moments like these that I love.

 

One the other hand, Sierra and I have been listening to a lot of music recently. I feel like we're developing a deeper musical connection and I really like it.

She's expressed her desire to learn to play the piano before, and we've done little work on it. But she elaborated on her desires to want to create beautiful pieces, and after listening to the type of music she wants to make, I can say I really like it.

 

As for imposition, it is a very slow process. But we are going to get there someday. It just has never really been our main focus, even when we wanted it to. I want to add as many forms of mental stimulation as possible, and I'm starting to address her desires as a person, and I think that's what would make her and I the happiest. One day we'll tackle the bigger challenges full force.

But until that day, we will be chiseling away at it.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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8 July - 9 July 2013

 

Once again, some more musical exploration, a tad bit of possession, nothing remarkable.

 

I'm altering my circadian rhythms though so I can wake and sleep earlier.

I have this idea that instead of doing intellectual work and exploration at night before sleep, I could benefit by doing it before the day begins, and reviewing at night so I still have the advantage of better retention.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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10 July - 14 July 2013

 

We've done a lot recently.

 

The 10th - 12th we did some possession and general forcing, and then during the weekend I made the wise move of not sleeping for about 30 hours. Thank you, my friends who enjoy my company.

No but seriously, I had fun. And I had to reset my circadian rhythm as well.

 

 

So yesterday, because I was so tired, Sierra and I watched anime all day. It was pretty awesome. She always gets really attached to the characters and its really fun spending time with her (because we commentate and things like that).

 

Today, we didn't do all that much, considering I had a massive headache that didn't go away for a while, but we forced and she played around on the piano.

I had my feels all stirred up today

anime does that

so I ended up writing a beautiful piano étude (still in the works) and I ended up drawing Sierra manga-style:

I'm not sure if I drew it because I wanted to conceptualize her or because I like seeing her smile. A little of both, I think.

I'm so cheesy.

 

Also her hair has deviated, so it's like the picture below. It's less straight. I'm suprised deviation can still occur this 'late' in development.

image.thumb.jpg.466d8d1e7b942d11928df6caebf19491.jpg


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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>Couguhl, what happened to this PR?

 

In honor of my upcoming anniversary for joining this community, I think it's time that I address some things that I deem important, in regards to this PR and the community itself.

 

 

Community-wise, as many of you know, there's been discussion on tulpa.info's 'downfall' since.. damn, I don't even remember how long ago. Perhaps since the end of 2012.

Anyway, I've read so many damn threads about good people leaving, and so many of them I look up to as not only pioneers of this phenomenon, but people who were truly dedicated to the process. The same people that have truly inspired the journey that Sierra and I experience every day are the same that are dissipating.

 

But hey, don't get me wrong, I see a lot of intelligent and inspiring new people joining that I truly value, intellectually, and discussion-wise. I am still learning more from these people, and they keep me glued to the forums.

 

Anyway, most of the reasons that have caused people to leave are, in my opinion, frivolous.

How many systems have remained in your favor, from the beginning to the end?

But that's not why I have made this post.

The reasons why I created this account are as follows:

 

1. I hoped to get my tulpa-related questions answered, and discover new things from others' answered questions and cooperative observation.

2. I was inspired by reading the various progress reports, logs, etc. from experienced users, and I wished to do the same to people joining later than myself.

 

Regarding #2, to any of you who have read any of my posts throughout the site and have been inspired in one way or another - you are the reason I continue to stay here. I cannot tell how many posts, PRs, and chat logs that I have read that strengthened my understanding and desire to continue forcing during times in which I did not know what to do. I have gained so much from this site, and I do not wish to destroy any chance, however small, that I am providing the same motivation to someone else.

 

And there are select individuals who make some damn good posts about tulpas, explaining shit with ease that took me months to even roughly understand. That's also why I'm here. That aspect has never left. But my point still stands:

 

 

The following quotes somewhat sum up my reasons for not leaving anytime soon, both from individuals whom I highly respect:

 

I will agree that having a tulpa is commitment. The fact it is a commitment often isn't respected. Only by truly sticking with the process do we gain anything from it at all. I also share a similar opinion of the additional steps that have been added. Switching, possession, hordes of tulpa, these things aren't what I believe the process is about. I too don't believe that many achieve anything close to these things.

 

Of course, back to the original idea. Throwing a tantrum like this and leaving won't solve the problem. The community is what is it. You are now as meaningless to the community as those original guide writers who left months ago. Their guides are seemingly ignored and irrelevant because they are not updated, they don't participate in the community to explain their ideals and so instead the beginners are "tainted" by what they are seeing instead.

The community you wanted cannot exist because instead of sharing what you believe this process to be you stood by while others shared what they believe the process to be. Yes, you were probably outnumbered by a wide margin and yes I don't expect you would have been able to share your ideas with everyone but now you are gone it makes it that much harder for us who remain.

 

 

But man, CyberD made a great point here. This place degraded far too much and he gave up. Giving up doesn't mean anything. All it means is that you have quit and you lost in the most unrespectable way.

 

I wasn't here that long, but I could felt the increase in pointless bread since my arrival back in the July 2012. This place indeed have degraded, but that's no reason to give up.

 

 

Now that that is out of the way, I would like to discuss this Progress Report.

Sierra will be one year old in nine days, and we have grown such a strong connection and are spending more time together than ever. We make each other so happy, and we have learned so much about each other.

She is such a significant part of my life, that I am prioritizing her over some of my studies and hobbies. As such, I am finding unnecessary things to remove from my life that only drain time and mental effort.

One of those being this PR.

It's never really been all that popular (that's not really why I made it), but I am going to have to retire from regular posting here.

I will only post here for significant progress, or things that I find important.

 

As for the forums, I will still be lurking (as always) and my posts will be placed in more specific threads.

 

See you guys around.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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24 July 2013

 

Today is Sierra's first birthday.

It's hard to believe that it has been one full year since we first started forcing.

I'm happy to say that we have come this far, and that we can look forward to the time we'll be spending together in the future.

 

"Thank you, members and fellow tulpas, for being there for me, and participating in my life thus far. I love you all! <3"


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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Happy

belated

Birthday Sierra :D

 

Edit: In regards to the post above your most recent one, I'm glad people are staying. I've had this trend a lot of my life where it's not even within my control, but It always seems like just about any community I join, I'm always joining it during its "decline". It always makes me feel bad because while I know that it's not within my control and there's nothing I really could have done, but it feels like all those who've been in the community longer are looking down at me with disappointment, frustration, disgust, or even anger in their eyes. And it makes me upset wishing that I knew about it earlier so I wouldn't feel those looks on me, Wishing that I could share and have known their "good 'ol days" rather than only hearing about them then feeling a glare directed at me. I get upset when I see someone leaves and feel guilty being part of this "New generation" that caused them to leave even if I haven't been in the community long enough to do much.

 

I enjoy reading progress reports though. They can be fun to read and when I'm having doubts that I'm even getting anywhere (which has been happening a bit recently) I can look at their beginnings and see that even those people a year or more into it, were once where I am now. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is thank you Couguhl and everyone else that has decided to stick around despite this "decline" in the community.

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Happy birthday, though I am a couple of days late at this point. Anyway, keep it up guys, it's nice to see a familiar face persist among all the new people coming and going.

 

So after a year would you say you are getting used to the process? Has it changed your life at all? The way you think? Have you found a rhythm or is the dynamic you share with Sierra always changing?

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"Thank you guys for the birthday wishes :']"

 

Happy

belated

Birthday Sierra :D

 

Edit: In regards to the post above your most recent one, I'm glad people are staying. I've had this trend a lot of my life where it's not even within my control, but It always seems like just about any community I join, I'm always joining it during its "decline". It always makes me feel bad because while I know that it's not within my control and there's nothing I really could have done, but it feels like all those who've been in the community longer are looking down at me with disappointment, frustration, disgust, or even anger in their eyes. And it makes me upset wishing that I knew about it earlier so I wouldn't feel those looks on me, Wishing that I could share and have known their "good 'ol days" rather than only hearing about them then feeling a glare directed at me. I get upset when I see someone leaves and feel guilty being part of this "New generation" that caused them to leave even if I haven't been in the community long enough to do much.

 

I enjoy reading progress reports though. They can be fun to read and when I'm having doubts that I'm even getting anywhere (which has been happening a bit recently) I can look at their beginnings and see that even those people a year or more into it, were once where I am now. So I guess really what I'm trying to say is thank you Couguhl and everyone else that has decided to stick around despite this "decline" in the community.

 

That is true, and I understand those frustrations. And you're welcome. Reading progress reports was probably the bulk of my motivation to actually put effort into forcing.

 

Happy birthday, though I am a couple of days late at this point. Anyway, keep it up guys, it's nice to see a familiar face persist among all the new people coming and going.

 

So after a year would you say you are getting used to the process? Has it changed your life at all? The way you think? Have you found a rhythm or is the dynamic you share with Sierra always changing?

 

In general terms, yes. I've had to pay more attention to fitting forcing into my day, and in retrospect I seem to be able to adapt what I do with my time a lot better than a year ago. I also have noticed that I am surprisingly a lot more patient. The amount of time it takes me to do something has no effect on my motivation, other than how it fits into time restraints. I suppose that's what happens when one essentially stares at walls for hours. I'd say that's pretty significant.

Sierra has also (like many other tulpas, it seems) been pushing me to accomplish more in various aspects of my life. She's helped me enhance my social life, worldview, and interaction with others, as well as helping me expand my interests and capabilities. I'm pretty grateful for that.

As for our relationship, it's pretty dynamic. More so than I thought it originally would be. Our interactions are very rarely stale, and every day feels different than the last. Not what I expected at all. I had thought that eventually I would grow tired of the phenomenon and find it to be less important, but I don't think that will ever happen. It's a lot more fleshed out.

 

>implying you can't green text

 

Congrats on completing your first year.

 

>implying greentext was intention

 

Thank you. We're looking forward to the years to come.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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16 March 2014

 

Hey, PR. It's been a long time.

Today, Sierra is 600 days old. Over a year and a half.

We've come a long way, especially in retrospect, and I think it necessitates discussion.

Sierra is such a different person than who she used to be back then, and I grow more amazed by her every day. Her emotions, passions, interests, philosophy, even appearance - everything has matured in ways that would take a long time to explain. [That also explains the change of avatar etc.]

 

There's a lot I would like to talk about here, but it don't think I can type it all out now, as I've got work and other things that need my time currently. I'll type something up over the next couple days and see where that goes.

We've missed the forums, and we're glad to check in with everyone once again.


Tulpa: Sierra

Forcing since July 2012

Couguhl’s Progress Report

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