Not even sure what to title this

[Strider090]

So last night, I forced for the first time in about 4 months, and all was far from good. I'm in a situation that makes it extremely hard to get time to meditate, so that's why there's been such a huge gap. But yeah, I went into my wonderland/mindscape and not seconds afterwards, my tulpa, Drais was in front of me. Here's where it gets fucked up.

 

Drais looked like something out of a horror movie. His face was pretty much gone, the skin all over his body looked rotted and discolored and was missing in huge chunks, his hair was moldy and falling out, and even worse I could SMELL him. It was the absolute worst smell I've ever smelled. He screeched like a fucking banshee or something and (assuming being kicked out of your wonderland is just like having your concentration ripped out of you) he kicked me out. All this happened in just a few seconds.

 

I am genuinely disturbed by this. And I don't get disturbed easily. What the hell do I do?

[Evil]

Wow...This is pretty disturbing.Now, I am not a tulpa expert at all, but I think that after skipping four months of forcing, this is what happened.

I wouldn't know what to do, but thanks for making this thread, I guess that this is what happens when you do not force for 4 months....

Seriously, couldn't you have forced maybe 1 hour? I've read your blog.

As I have read, making a tulpa is like a life commitment, you should have taken this in consideration.

[Zer0.iNSaNiTY]

I feel like that was your mind's way of showing the decay of your tulpa when you didn't force for that long period of time, after all we do say tulpas 'decay' over time... but I'm not sure.

[TulpaCouple]

Another user described a similar situation when they stopped forcing for a long period of time. Even Nate saw Luke once as being rusted after he had been away from forcing regularly for a while. It is likely a way of your mind expressing the tulpa's shift into being less active/the decay/loss of progress, etc. to you through your subconscious. Maybe it is your tulpa expressing how he feels about the break. I would go to him, speak to him. Try to find out what's going on. Get back into the forcing practice, etc.

[Strider090]

couldn't you have forced maybe 1 hour?

If I could, I wouldn't have stopped for 4 months.

 

I feel like that was your mind's way of showing the decay of your tulpa when you didn't force for that long period of time

That is what I'd assumed was happening.

 

Another user described a similar situation when they stopped forcing for a long period of time. Even Nate saw Luke once as being rusted after he had been away from forcing regularly for a while. It is likely a way of your mind expressing the tulpa's shift into being less active/the decay/loss of progress, etc. to you through your subconscious. Maybe it is your tulpa expressing how he feels about the break. I would go to him, speak to him. Try to find out what's going on. Get back into the forcing practice, etc.

Good advice, thank you sir and/or madame.

[Nobillis]

So last night, I forced for the first time in about 4 months

You know, this sounds like as though you don't care at all about your tulpa. I would have thought if cared you could have at least said "good morning" every day?

 

If I'm wrong, please tell me. Otherwise, it may be that you lack some qualities that might be considered essential to making a tulpa. In a situation like you describe I would have been seriously naffed off and supremely disappointed.

 

I would suggest, seriously consider if this is right for you.

 

Sincerely, Nobillis

(a secretary and a tulpa)

[Deadlykid]

Drais looked like something out of a horror movie. His face was pretty much gone, the skin all over his body looked rotted and discolored and was missing in huge chunks, his hair was moldy and falling out, and even worse I could SMELL him. It was the absolute worst smell I've ever smelled. He screeched like a fucking banshee or something and (assuming being kicked out of your wonderland is just like having your concentration ripped out of you) he kicked me out. All this happened in just a few seconds.

 

Just reading that made me unsettled, sorry if I dont have any advice....

[Solitude]

Dang...

 

Just my two cents but I think it must go beyond "not having time" to force. I think your tulpa must feel very ignored and isolated, and it might have relied a lot on your visualization of it previously to keep its form up. So when you ignored it and stopped forcing it, it regressed.. seen in physical attributes and in behavior. 4 months is quite a while, so not really surprised.

 

IMO you're going to have to handle this very carefully. Visit and apologize sincerely, reaffirm your relationship and its importance. Offer an olive branch. I think if it kicks you out again, just concentrate on it and talk to it anyway, even if it's not in front of you in the wonderland. It'll hear you still. Then just leave it alone for a bit.