Riy's Progress Report

[Guest Riy]

@hbenton

I feel that there's so much symbolism and allegory going on here that it's making my head spin to think of it all.

Here's what I think happened, based on what I saw and experienced:

 

Zala continued to "watch" through the rifts and, true to its personality, it grew closer to it and sent offshoots of branches to encompass it. Like it did every time it saw me, grabbing and reaching for what it wanted.

I think it realized it was never going to be projected out. Or it picked up on my irritation at the problem and wanted to do something. But it couldn't, I tried teaching it that it could manifest and do whatever it wanted in the void but Zala never quite "got it".

 

Underlying frustration, irritation, hopelessness, etc ended up splitting it open. Half of it was disappearing or fading. The other held everything I had given it.

Wherever this dryadesque / ent came from, I don't know. But that same burnt plant that ended up burning after the game could be Zala "burning away" all the childish and bad portions. The plant had played recklessly and foolishly while the girl was calm, poised, cool, and calculating.

 

I have not had another session, but I personally think that this girl is Zala. Or what Zala has evolved into when it pooled its resources and tried to "burn away the bad".

 

More updates to follow. This is fascinating and intriguing and complicated!!

[Guest Riy]

 

 

I stayed up pretty much all night sketching this girl since I couldn't get that smirk out of my head. I also drew a quick sketch of my thought-space. All the while I mentally chewed on what I had seen.

 

An hour ago I had another session. Though it was more like an interview.

Entering my thought-space I noticed that the extensive root system had retracted. The half of the trunk still standing simply ended at a perpendicular angle into the ground.

As I rounded around the crescent I saw the woman where I had left her. She sat with her hands in her lap and her ankles crossed. I sat down on the other side of the chess board and examined her.

 

She has a strange skin color. It's a mixture of grey, brown, and black. Her hair is like moss and long leaves strewn together and it's the color of grey and green. She didn't wear any clothes but there was an intricate design of vines, bark, and leaves that cress-crossed her body in much the same way clothes would. Several leaves make up what appears to be a scarf or neck warmer, not unlike the same neck warmer I wear when I work.

 

Her irises are a dull rust-red. I never noticed her blink as I looked her over. I kept eye contact with her but she never met my eye line. She stared at the pieces neatly set up on the board in front of us.

 

For the sake of the reader I will type my questions in normal print with quotation marks around the sentence. She never spoke as I asked her questions but the way she looked at me when I did speak and the gut feelings I got after I asked a question felt like she was "answering" me. The answers I received I 'heard' in my own voice. Her mouth never moved and she never made a sound.

 

Understand that this was done during an extensive meditation session and lasted over the course of several hours, with breaks and pauses.

 

"Are you Zala?"

I am / am not Zala (This was a simultaneous answer, the tulpa equivalent of a 'maybe'.

"Why were you playing chess?"

To save you

"To save me from what?"

Hurting yourself

"Why would I hurt myself?"

You're angry, so I burned it. (She glanced at the remains of the trunk next to us.)

"I saved that plant from being burnt."

You didn't like it

"Why do you say that?"

Because it could / could not change

"I was teaching it to. Are you Zala?"

I want / do not want to be Zala

"Elaborate"

Zala couldn't understand.

"And you can understand better?"

Yes. (She made eye contact after that answer)

"What can you understand that Zala couldn't?"

(She flipped the board over, the pieces flew off in different directions. On the underside there were the same scribbles and markings that I had seen on Zala's bark.)

I can understand this

(She turned the board back over, the pieces disappeared off the floor and reappeared on the board.)

"Are you Zala?"

I used to be / was Zala (Getting closer now to a definitive answer).

"Did Zala make you?"

Zala could not understand, it broke trying to understand. (She glanced over at the sinkhole)

"Where did you come from?"

Here (No gestures or movement, just a feeling of 'here'.)

"Elaborate"

You were angry

"I was frustrated"

You didn't like it

"I was worried."

I had to burn it.

"There were other ways." (I leaned forward and put my elbows on the table, crossing my fingers like I always had when I was in deep thought.)

So what?

(She smirked and leaned forward as well and mimicked my gesture, we kept eye contact.)

"Where is Zala?"

With me

"Let me speak with it."

You already are.

(She picked up the queen chess piece and twirled it in her fingers. She broke eye contact as she played with the piece. I couldn't help but squint at her slightly.)

"Elaborate"

No (She placed the queen back down and met my eye line again.)

"Then you still don't understand." (I purposefully tried to get a more 'emotional' response by asking this.)

Then why did you ask? (She smirked again.)

 

I waited several minutes before asking the next question. I looked her over once more. I examined her eyes, her posture, I reviewed her answers and her gestures. I thought for what seemed like an eternity in meditation-time.

Finally I dismissed the board, stood up, and leaned far across the table.

I was only inches from her and that smirk.

 

"Are you Zala?"

I AM Zala

[Coshledak]

Holy incredible development, Batman!

 

I'm gone for two days and your tulpa explodes with activity. I'm sorry that I missed it as you updated!

 

This is all incredibly symbolic, I think. The funny thing is that I didn't really sense that much frustration from your writing when it came to the fact that Zala kept growing and that it was difficult to move her from one space to another. Either you were more frustrated than your calm writing let on, or Zala really latched onto what she felt were inadequacies. Adi does the same thing. I guess it results in serious alterations. I mean, when he was worried about my lack of focus for him, he messed up our Mindscape.

 

The development here is curious, though. Is it appropriate to call the druid/ent girl Zala? I realize by the end of the session she said that she was, but did you get the feeling from her? I'm wary of anyone that smirks and dances around their answers the way she seemed to be, but that could be her own uncertainty of the situation. Her personality also seems somewhat different from the almost...childish nature of the tree before her. Though that could be her own deviation.

 

Either way, I'm looking forward to more development here!

[Guest Riy]

Holy incredible development, Batman!

 

 

The development here is curious, though. Is it appropriate to call the druid/ent girl Zala? I realize by the end of the session she said that she was, but did you get the feeling from her? I'm wary of anyone that smirks and dances around their answers the way she seemed to be, but that could be her own uncertainty of the situation. Her personality also seems somewhat different from the almost...childish nature of the tree before her. Though that could be her own deviation.

 

Either way, I'm looking forward to more development here!

For the past day I haven't done any sort of forcing or devoted any time towards this development. I have only reviewed and thought over the session I had and the conversation that took place. (I must point out that the conversation took several hours and that I devoted literally 100% of my free time towards maintaining an active-forcing session).

 

Here's my conclusions:

1. She never spoke so I can't really say that the answers I received were from her. They were just feelings, a lot like the gut feelings you get about something. Intuition. Hunches. Therefore this could have been an inner monologue with MYSELF and not necessarily an interrogation with HER.

 

2. She alludes that I was angry, and that I would have hurt Zala because Zala 'could not change'. But, if she is Zala, or came from Zala then this could have been a sort of self-preservation tactic. A very draconian way of interpreting the phrase 'adapt or die' into a metaphysical action. I know Zala was one to act quickly and follow through with it's choices, the choice to change is not out of the realm of possibility.

 

3. 'I had to burn it.'

This answer is one that really stayed in my head afterwords. Not because of what she said but because of what she did. She mimicked my gesture and smiled playfully.

Zala was playful. Childlike, but playful. I think this girl has a far more complex and refined sense of humor. At the very least it knew how to play word games. Going so far as to say 'So what'. In the form of a STATEMENT after I explained there were other ways of solving the problem.

This could be Zala flexing her new found ability to communicate, or it could be her explaining that there was no other way because it's what she wanted.

 

4. The plant.

During the game the burnt plant played incredibly poorly, stupidly. And it only got worse the more pieces it lost. I've thought about this more than anything else.

I'm flirting with the idea that Zala was able to cherry-pick everything it 'knew' I didn't like, break itself apart (resulting in the sinkhole / split trunk) and ultimately 'delete' these bad parts. She shows me that she's able to manipulate the space around her, that she's 'studied' the carvings in the bark, that she understands what I wanted, that she's calm and cool and collected, etc.

This could simply be Zala 2.0 she's dismissed the childlike playfulness and replaced it with a deeper sense of humor and understanding.

 

5. Is this Zala?

Do I feel that this is Zala? No, I feel this is much more like Athena bursting from the head of Zues than anything else. HOWEVER, I do believe that this girl has been given everything that Zala experienced and so she self-identifies as being Zala. But at this point everything that Zala was or would be is now 'gone'.

I do not think this is a bad thing, she's simply a copy of Zala minus a lot of the quirks and bugs. A computer program that's been looked over by an error expert. I'm neither happy or sad about this development, but I am relieved that this girl still retains at least SOME of Zala.

 

I have plans to active force again tonight. I really must reiterate that she has not spoken yet, so this could all be a kind of inner monologue happening that manifests itself as what I experienced. Only time and more sessions will tell.

But, this does give me a way to project Zala and bring her into the world that she was so fascinated with. Its possible that she did all this so that she could be projected.

 

Let me know ya'lls thoughts on this.

Cheers!

 

[Isoto]

This has been very ineresting material to go over. There is symbolism slathered everywhere and honestly would take a few more reads for myself to get a full grasp on what is taknig place in your sub-concious.

 

Now something that did stick out to me, and this is just one man's oppnion; you state that this Tulpa is merely a copy of Zala and not the real Zala.

 

She seems to identify as Zala and while she maybe different, I beleive there may be some truth to that statement. From whar I have read it sounds like Zala has metamorphosed rather than been replaced. She burned away the things you didn't like, burning typically representing purification, and kept what she thought was desired.

 

Now what also sticks out to me is the use of the word "had". this wasn't a want but a need. She felt a unstoppable need to "purify" herself. And yet she still identifies as being Zala.

 

Uhg, if I wasn't working I would love to elaborate on this more. You and your Tulpa have a very intriguing relationship and to sum up I think you have Zala, just the next evolution in her development.

 

Can't wait to hear more, this is good stuff :)

[Guest Riy]

@Isoto

These are very interesting points you bring up, when you get a chance to maybe elaborate a little bit more (I know work can be annoying to deal with) I would like to hear more about your thoughts on this.

 

 

2013-11-10

I was tackled as soon as I entered my thought-space.

For a moment I was reminded of how Zala would tend to lurch forward and grab me the moment it saw me.

Zala, the woman, sat on my waist, hunched over me. Her hair of vines dangled on either side of my face and her hands were on my chest. Little shoots extended from her body wherever they made contact with me. I couldn't really feel her weight, just a sort of all around pressure.

 

"What took you?"

Now I definitely saw her mouth move. But the voice I heard was a strange mixture of my own mind-voice and something definitively feminine.

 

As I sort of marveled at that, the shoots from her body had twisted and tangled around my torso and shoulders. The growth off of her was a healthy light green whereas her skin was much darker.

Not 'aged' per-say, but certainly a more mature substance. It wasn't like she was squeezing me or crushing me. I could still 'breath' normally and it wasn't like I was under attack or anything crazy like that.

 

I told her that I needed to think about what's been happening. She made a sort of questioning sound at that, like she was confused.

"You think too much." She said in that same duo voice.

There's a tuft of leaves on her sternum that extends up her neck and around the back of her head. They hang loosely and they remind me a lot of the neck guard I wear while I work. It's designed to keep the cold, snow, and wind off my neck and mouth to prevent frostbite.

 

She pulled up on these leaves and covered her mouth, but I saw wrinkling around her eyes that told me she was smiling.

"Can't I just be mysterious?" The voice she spoke with was muffled but the way the leaves moved I knew she was talking.

 

I stood up then. By now the extra shoots and growth had wrapped around the small of my back. She didn't weigh anything, at least it seemed like she didn't since I didn't have to put any effort into holding myself up with her legs wrapped around me.

As soon as I straitened my back she let her legs fall to the floor and the shoots pulled back into herself.

I tugged the scarf of leaves back down below her chin. I started to tell her not to tackle me like that but I had to stop as I looked over at the remains of the trunk.

 

Chunks had been cut or bored out of the wood. Some holes were large and rectangular, others were small and circular. Off to the side there was the beginnings of scaffolding being constructed. It was a twisted and somewhat teardrop skeleton of wood, but there it was.

When I turned to ask what she had been doing, she stood on the balls of her feet and pecked my cheek and grabbed my hand.

 

This time I did feel her tug at my arm as she pulled me towards what she had been making. As we walked I watched her feet. They were bare, like the rest of her. But each step she took I noticed the same offshoots bury into the void. She seemed to be 'rooted' into the ground with at least a part of her keeping contact with the floor at all times.

 

She stayed mute as I looked over the building. Beginnings of windows, walls, and doors. I normally dealt with mechanical components, not structural, but even I could tell that this would have taken quite a lot of "mind-time" to do.

When I returned to her she had her hands clasped near her waist and she was twirling her hips side-to-side like a nervous child.

 

I made to ask her what exactly she was doing but the beeping of my watch stopped this session.

Now she didn't have a full-fledged voice. Like I mentioned it was a weird garble of the voice I hear in my own head and a weird slur of a lot of different all-around female voices. The fact that she tackled me was decidedly playful, so there's some remnants of that still present, but she seems like a young teenager or older child. Covering her face, twirling her hands, tugging at my arm.

 

Developments within developments within symbols. Tulpas are crazy wonderful.

[Guest Riy]

Did a few minor edits on earlier posts and added a new update to my last post.

[Maelstrom]

I should stop lurking. I've been following this PR since you made that thread with questions about a plant for a tulpa. This is very well written, I should say that. I'm excited to see your updates.

 

Tulpas are indeed crazy wonderful. It seems like people here forget to step back and enjoy the moment. I wonder how much Zala is cueing off of your analysis of your forcing sessions. Last time when you were questioning her, her mouth wasn't moving and it made you unsure if you were speaking to the creature in front of you. Today that was corrected, leaving you with no doubt (or less doubt) about who was speaking.

 

I would have thrown that watch away by now. It's timing is terrible.

[Guest Riy]

I should stop lurking. I've been following this PR since you made that thread with questions about a plant for a tulpa. This is very well written, I should say that. I'm excited to see your updates.

 

Tulpas are indeed crazy wonderful. It seems like people here forget to step back and enjoy the moment. I wonder how much Zala is cueing off of your analysis of your forcing sessions. Last time when you were questioning her, her mouth wasn't moving and it made you unsure if you were speaking to the creature in front of you. Today that was corrected, leaving you with no doubt (or less doubt) about who was speaking.

 

I would have thrown that watch away by now. It's timing is terrible.

 

 

It's good to have your input Maelstrom! I believe you are onto something here. Zala may be attempting to dismiss my doubts by being very clear and straightforward. Tackling me to see her mouth move, tugging on me to bring me somewhere. These are all very deliberate and 'to the point' actions.

 

As for the watch, I set it for 15 minute intervals and I set aside an hour or two a day for active forcing. I've found if I set the intervals for longer (say a half hour) I actually end up drifting to sleep, but if it's shorter then I barely enter my thought-space before it's beeping at me.

 

I think the timing seems so garbage because after 15 minutes is when I'm typically 'in the thick of it'. Like a good dream you may be having it seems to end at the worst possible times while nightmares can last for freaking ages.

 

After this last session I may active force without any physical means of breaking my concentration. I may be able to 'pavlov's dogs' my mind into just knowing when I've been forcing for long and to break it off.

 

I thank you for your input and I appreciate the lurking break!

Cheers!

[Guest Riy]

2013-11-11

I have the day off due to Veteran's Day, tomorrow off as well. Perfect time to get some strong forcing done. I didn't wear my watch so this report will be the culmination of several hours of active and passive forcing.

 

I helped Zala with the house she was building today. At first I thought I'd need to manifest construction materials such as hammers, nails, etc. But she showed me that she's able to just pull what she needs from the trunk of the tree she came from. She places one hand against the bark and the other hand traces the outline of the piece she needs.

The whole shape just slides out as if a laser had cut it. We got a few rooms set up, I saw no need for amenities like a kitchen or bathrooms. Zala seems to be able to 'sustain' herself simply by being in the void.

 

While we worked (though it was mostly me watching her effortlessly carry pieces of trunk 3 times her size) I played some music from my playlist, which is a lot of Volbeat and alternative rock. I asked her if she liked music and she just sort of shrugged at it. She didn't vocalize or give me a definitive answer so I figured she's not opinionated about it. I, for one, was rocking out because I can white-boy dance like no other.

 

We did set up a living space and I had the idea to salvage the rips I had torn earlier for her as a sort of television set. Something she can actively watch while I passively forced for her.

 

I'm still not too comfortable with projecting her yet, I still have a tough time visualizing her face as it actually is. I have a stronger idea as to what her body looks like though.

I'd be lying if I said she wasn't shaped like a developing woman, but she is. I don't see her in a sexual way (I really must stress that point), but she's about half a head shorter than me, and shapely. If I had to guess I'd approximate her age as looking to be maybe nineteen or twenty. Though in terms of 'mind-age' she seems to act like she's fourteen.

 

She seems open to new things and after I suggested we watched movies she immediately sprawled out on the wooden couch we had made and cushioned with remains of vines and soft bark. By sprawled out I mean I had to mover her legs off my half of the furniture. Whenever I imagine touching her it's like her skin 'knows' it's me and immediately shoots vines over me. She spun with the motion and rested on me while we watched Saving Private Ryan.

 

I didn't feel the need to narrate, instead I just active forced as best I could through the film, watching her as much as the screen. She didn't speak throughout the movie but she did pick at her fingers and chew on her 'nails' in much the same way I usually do when I'm learning new things.

 

After the movie was over she sat up (her head had been on my arm), and looked at me.

"What's war?" She asked tucking her legs to her side and holding herself up with her hands on the cushions. She still had that strange voice. Like I was asking but she was saying it.

"It's when people fight over ideas, Zala."

"Well that's stupid, why don't they just talk about it instead? We talk about stuff a lot and we don't 'war'."

I remember she looked down and started tracing designs on the couch, the leaves and vines looked like they were being cut as she doodled.

"It's because, Zala, people think that others are so wrong that they aren't worth talking to. They think they're beyond talking. Sometimes they are. Like in this movie."

"Have you ever been to 'war'?" She said 'war' like it was a place people go to. Like a destination, rather than a word for a concept.

"No, Zala. But I help keep people who do go to war safe. So they can come home after."

"But Jackson died, and so did Mellish. They don't get to go home."

"No, Zala. They don't."

After I said that she kind of got distant on me and looked around the partially constructed house. After a few moments she turned back to me and her eyes got real wide.

"Let's watch a different movie! One without war. I don't like it."

"Okay."

 

This time I experimented and found a stream of Labyrinth to watch. The Jim Hensen film with David Bowie and muppets. I forgot how freaking funny some parts of that film were. Zala seemed to enjoy it too, afterwords she said that Sir Didymus was her favorite character.

 

We worked a bit more on the house after that. We got a working door up, and some more of the walls fleshed out. The overall design is a bent teardrop shape and only has a few rooms to it.

It'll be perfect for her, I think.

 

For my next sessions I'll focus on trying to visualize her face better as well as start working on her voice. I'm not too keen on parroting, but I think I can flush out her voice with a little work and practice.

 

More updates to follow!

Cheers!