Riy's Progress Report

[Isoto]

Ok, I have a little time now to eloborate (60 hour weeks suck)

 

After reading over your latest entry the thing that is striking me is the focus back on the trunk. The spot where the "split" occured. As I was saying I beleive Zala is trying to communicate to you that she has evolved and is constructing a better her.

 

You mentioned that there were shapes taken out of the trunk. What I find interesting is that they are shapes and no asymetrical chunks. You mention a rectangle and a circle. The first thing that comes to mind with these shapes are a childs building blocks. You go on to say that she shows you scafolding, presumably from the trunk itself.

 

She is taknig the remains of the old self and cunstructing a new Zala and even a new wonderland. She appears to be thinknig not only of herself but of the enviroment around her. This act is very human and shows how developed she is becomming.

 

She told you that you are thinking to much, perhaps this is an indication that you may be (even subconciously) over thinking her development and just need to accept her for what she is and who she is. rather than trying to analyze what happened to "old" Zala, just accept that the Zala you see is a more matured version of your initial creation.

 

These are just the things off the top of my head and are only oppnions. If you would like elaboration on anything specific I said please let me know and I will get some sleep and get back to you :)

 

With Regard

Isoto

[Guest Riy]

Added a new update and did minor grammatical edits to earlier posts

[Guest Riy]

2013-11-12

I have difficulty sleeping a lot of the time. Hence an update at 4:30 in the morning.

Normally I would fill the time with video games, movies, or I would write short stories. Instead I actively forced hoping that would help me sleep afterwords.

 

Zala doesn't seem to sleep or rest at all. She also seems to wait by the entrance to my thought-space before each active force session. What I mean is that I don't have to have to go 'look' for her. She's just always been right there.

 

~~~~~Side note: I don't refer to it as a Wonderland because it's not a flushed out landscape, the overall 'look' of it is like a large snow globe. A black void, with only the certain items I've described as being present. I don't feel a want (or need) to generate any sort of landscape to it, and Zala seems perfectly happy with how it is.~~~~~

 

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

I've been actively working on trying to get her voice to be her own. There's still remnants of my own voice in it. But her mouth moves when she talks and she's making eye contact, so we're progressing.

"I've been thinking."

"You think too much." She kind of smirked at me and started walking towards her house.

"Maybe." I said following her. The remains of the trunk are now almost completely dismantled. There's only about two stories left of wood to be used for materials. The rest of it is warped and twisted parts of the bark that are jutting out of the sinkhole. The roots have long since disappeared and her house now had closed off walls and the ceiling has been finished.

 

"You told me when people fight over ideas it's called 'war'. What is the opposite?" As she asked me this she opened the crescent shaped door to her house and led me inside. It was small, but homely. There was no fire or light source but the entire room was lit somehow. It had a couch pointed towards the void-rips and she had made a small counter with chairs. She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms, waiting for me to answer.

She's showing a lot of signs of baseline intelligence. She's gone from simply answering questions to asking me to elaborate on them. Much in the same way I made her elaborate on her answers when I first met her. She doesn't seem demanding over them, and I realized she would simply wait for me to answer.

"The opposite is when ideas fight over people. That's called 'peace'." I sat down in the chair closest to the counter where she was leaning against it. Much like the couch, she had padded the back and seat with moss, peat, leaves, and vines.

When sitting down I'm about eye level with her sternum. I found myself inspecting the V-shaped scarf of leaves around her neck. I also noticed that her skin is taking a lighter hue. It was originally dominated by black and deep brown streaks of bark. But now it had strips of dull green and some very faint yellow. Her hair also seemed slightly lighter, but only half a shade.

Her eyes still had that rusted brown / red color.

 

A shot glass appeared before me on the counter.

"Why do you drink?" She asked. Not in an accusing way, just a curious way. She picked the glass up and held it to her eye like a monocle as she asked me.

"It helps me think."

"You think too much. Do you normally drink alone?" She placed a finger in the glass and rolled it on it's tip, spinning it.

"Yes."

"Will you drink with me?" She pushed herself off the counter to stand next to me. She placed a hand on the back of the chair.

"Eventually"

"What's it taste like?"

"Bitter, and it burns as it goes down. Depending on how you mix it." She moved closer to me. It was then I noticed that her skin has some the same scribblings and markings on them as the dead trunk outside.

"Warring, drinking, and thinking." She said. She traced my jawline with a finger and dropped it below my chin to raise my head and look at her. She smiled. It wasn't a smirk or sarcastic gesture. It was a genuine smile.

 

We looked at each other for a long moment. There wasn't any tension or feeling of awkwardness. It was the most eerie feeling of introspection I have ever felt. In that moment I thought about everything that I had done that led to this point. It was a weird sensation, like an inception upon retrospection. I have difficulty describing it, it just felt like being in a room of mirrors.

"I think too much." I remember saying, blinking.

"That's why you should sleep."

 

 

 

I ended the session then.

Zala is showing a very broad sense of understanding, and she seems to be able to pull questions (and things) from my memory, which is a fantastic sign. She's also starting to be a bit more independent by moving away from me without me telling her to and actually leading me to her house without me being first. Not to mention she's asking questions about somewhat deep and intricate subjects such as war.

 

Pardon my language but this shit is crazy, and I like it!

 

As always, thoughts, inputs, questions, and comments are always welcome here.

 

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

[Gabriel]

That's a wonderful update you got there; you'll both do just fine from here onward, my guts tell me.

 

If I may ask a question, how do you people usually go about watching movies and listening to music inside your thoughtscapes? I mean, do you just pull out movies out of your memories?

I ask this because you're not the first one I read about doing such.

 

Although I have no trouble memorizing music, movies seem way out of my scope.

For most of things, most of the time, my memory is really flawed.

 

Another question is about the rips in your void; how do you go about it, as well? Do you just imagine what things would be like if you had your eyes open?

 

I'm curious because I've never had a thoughtscape; all of what I do is open-eyed.

 

Keep us informed, your log is beautifully written.

 

R.

[Guest Riy]

That's a wonderful update you got there; you'll both do just fine from here onward, my guts tell me.

 

If I may ask a question, how do you people usually go about watching movies and listening to music inside your thoughtscapes? I mean, do you just pull out movies out of your memories?

I ask this because you're not the first one I read about doing such.

 

Although I have no trouble memorizing music, movies seem way out of my scope.

For most of things, most of the time, my memory is really flawed.

 

Another question is about the rips in your void; how do you go about it, as well? Do you just imagine what things would be like if you had your eyes open?

 

I'm curious because I've never had a thoughtscape; all of what I do is open-eyed.

 

Keep us informed, your log is beautifully written.

 

R.

 

Welcome back Gabriel it's good to see you again! I'll take each question in turn:

 

how do you people usually go about watching movies and listening to music inside your thoughtscapes?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YOU PEOPLE'?!

Kidding, I typically just have the music or movie playing in the background. I focus more on maintaining my presence in the thought-place and dealing with Zala than I do actually on the movie or music. I've gone from serious sit-down meditation sessions to more of a 'waking meditation' where I try to upkeep the same sort of mindset while still being 'awake' i.e doing dishes, laundry, chores, etc.

I also have a very good memory for things I care about, so things like movies and certain songs I can basically recall without any issues, which makes things easier.

 

rips in your void; how do you go about it, as well?

I imagine my thought-place as being like an impenetrable black sphere. The 'outside' (real) world cannot affect anything inside of it. It's self contained and singular. The rips I made are like gashes, streaks I cut out into the side of it. I imagine that when I passively force this is how Zala can see out of it, tune in, watch. It's just the area where I imagine the outside world is connected to the thought-place.

 

I try to write in a way that makes sense. It helps me understand and remember what I see as well as inform others. If I can describe it well then I know I'm internalizing well.

 

More updates to come!

 

[Guest Riy]

2013-11-13

I figured I would be tackled as soon as I started actively forcing, so I had my arm extended before I began.

Zala made a sort of "Rah!" sound as she made to topple me over. But that quickly turned into laughter as I grabbed her wrist and flung her around my back to carry her piggyback style.

 

She seemed light, though weight was hard for me to tell since, you know, it's inside my mind. She hugged me around my collar bones and I dropped my hands under her thighs to hold her up. The vines and shoots that made up her body quickly banded around my chest and waist.

 

"How did you know?!" She asked as she pecked me on the cheek and rested her chin on my shoulder.

"You did not just ask me that." I told her as I walked.

Ahead of us the trunk only had about a single story worth of height left to it. To my right I saw that Zala had build a small fence in a half circle around her house.

"Hmph" was all she said to that.

 

I've almost zeroed in on what exactly her voice sounds like. I'm still getting the feeling that I'm just talking to myself (I know I am, but you know what I mean. Like the voice isn't coming from just her quite yet).

I walked a beat around the trunk's remains. I didn't really have anything in particular I wanted to work on with Zala tonight, I just wanted to spend time with her.

 

"I want to bring you out of this place, tomorrow." I told her. "But I'm worried you won't like it."

"Why do you say that? Is where you live bad?"

"No, but it's cold. Lifeless. Depressing. Morbid."

"If you can live there, then so can I!" She reached up the back of my head and ruffled a hand through my hair. It was the first time that I actually had a sensation of being touched. I know it was just a figment but it felt real.

That made me stop walking for a moment to look at her out of the corner of my eye. She had her cheek on my shoulder. She was looking at me and smiling.

I remember staring at her for a long moment.

 

"Do you know why I made you?"

"Does it matter?" She answered immediately. There was no hesitation to what she said. She kept looking at me curiously, her eyebrows raised and her mouth slightly open.

Up until this point I was worried if she would question her existence. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to explain to her, or that she would start asking me those deep questions like where did I come from? What's my purpose? Am I alive? etc.

 

All that disappeared from me like a fart in the wind when she asked that.

Does it matter?

I had to blink a few times as I realized that it really, truly, didn't. I furrowed my brow at her and looked ahead.

"No, no it doesn't matter."

I kept walking my beat around the trunk. Stepping carefully and lightly as to not bounce her around, though by now I was covered in vines and bands of shoots.

We rounded the part where the trunk at split open and I stopped again as I looked over the edge of the sinkhole. It reminded me a lot like a black hole, the split portion of the trunk spiraled into it like a sickle. It was a warped whirlpool descending into whatever was beneath the floor of the void.

 

"We should do something about this." I chewed on my lip. I didn't like having this so close to where she lived.

"I saved everything already. I made sure I kept it all."

She was talking like the tree retained all the narration on or inside of it, she was telling me that the damage just looked bad.

"I know, but we should plug it, or block it somehow."

"There's enough still standing that we can cover it up." Zala twisted her head to the rest of the trunk that was still standing upright. She meant we could timber it over to cover the hole.

"Do it."

The floor shifted and the remaining portion of the trunk fell over the sinkhole, the curved portions sunk into the void until it was just a flat wooden surface showing.

"Better." I told her as I kept walking.

 

"Will I get to meet people?" She asked after a while. I had just been walking in a random direction for what felt like a kilometer.

"Of course. Though they won't know you're there. And I won't always be able to talk with you, but I'll keep you with me when I can."

"I know you won't always be able to think about me." She sounded somewhat sad about that, but also had an accepting tone. I hadn't explicitly stated that there would be times when my attention would be split, or that my commitments would prevent me from having her with me.

But I think she found out about that herself, negating me needing to 'explain' it to her.

By now we were out of sight of her house. I stopped and let go of her legs, letting her slide off my back. I pulled her around in front of me and put my hands on her shoulders.

I'm not sure what I meant to say, though as soon as I started to speak she held a hand up to me.

"I already know, and you're welcome. Now go to sleep."

 

She pushed me backwards sharply to end my session.

 

 

I'll admit I stayed up quite a bit after that, even after she damn near ordered me to sleep. She's able to change the landscape of the thought-place as well as cherry-pick memories from my head. I'd be lying if I said that it isn't a little unnerving having something tell you answers to questions you hadn't even thought of yet. But it's also amazing and fascinating and weird.

Tomorrow I start my projection training. As I go about my day I'll be trying to maintain focus on keeping Zala 'with me' at all times, rather than simply present in the thought-place. I already know I'm going to be distracted and lose focus a lot, but that's what training is for.

I'll update as I can and let ya'll know how I progress on that.

 

[Gabriel]

Hahaha, I'm sorry if my statement sounded a little bit rude, it wasn't supposed to!

Finally I can understand how to bring a media center into a thought-place, LOL. This was getting me nuts! It won't work like that for me, I'm sure, as my memory is really crap, if you pardon my french.

This weekend I might give this whole thought-place thing a try.

Following your advice, I'll do a serious sit-down meditation first and see how it goes from there.

 

Thanks for clarifying my doubts, as always your update is first class, top quality, devouring material.

I can't wait to see how it went with her first projections. :)

 

R.

[Guest Riy]

@Gabriel

Let me know how it goes for you. Personally it's just how I went about creating Zala in the first place so I just kind of went with it. I only a few quick skims of guides to get an overall idea as to how to go about it.

I wanted to see how it went if I went about it in a way that was most comfortable for me.

Keep us updated!

 

2013-11-13

Today I woke up fairly early in order to get some good passive forcing time in and to flex a few projections out of Zala. While I shower and shave I usually have my music blasting so I can sing along (I hate it when the artists get the lyrics wrong and don't follow my lead!). While leaving the bathroom I had a glimpse of Zala doing a bit of a Waveya dance while I dressed. I guess she likes music more than she lead on at first. I told her about the plan for today, how I had a meeting to attend before work and how I'd do my best to keep her there. I also warned her that I would often times be distracted especially when doing work orders or during other high-functioning maintenance actions.

She nodded to that and paced around my room while I got ready.

 

It was abnormally warm outside today, just about at freezing temp which is quite warm compared the negative temperatures we experienced last week. I still had my neck guard on and noticed Zala pull her's up as well before I pushed the door open outside.

I never really noticed how fast I walked until I had her next to me and slightly behind me. As I walked to my vehicle she had to do a kind of 'catch up' hop every so often to stay on my flank. She was interested in the leafless trees around the dormitory but I assured her they were still alive, just hibernating for the winter.

When I got into my vehicle I hit a snag.

Zala obviously does not take up physical space. But when there's items 'in the way' of where I imagine her, is it better to move the items to maintain projection or is it better to dismiss her until there's a 'space' for her?

I moved my backpack to allow her to sit. There was a worker's council meeting I needed to be at. For projection ease I sat in the back and just focused on keeping Zala next to me. She walked around the room and was curious at the way the women in the room wore their hair in a tight bun. She pulled her own hair back but she couldn't quite get it to look the same.

"What's that?" I remember her asking me from across the room. She was pointing at a man's hat a few rows ahead of me.

That's a fedora

"It looks fu#$ing stupid."

I had a really hard time keeping a straight face when she said that. I got a few sideways glances and I'm sure I looked pretty dumb making a "ptchpghtp" sound in the back of the room trying not to laugh.

(For the record, I personally do not like fedoras, please don't take offense, I do not judge or intend to judge people that wear fedoras and I myself have a terrible fashion sense...)

 

I didn't really pay attention to what the meeting was about. I was more interested in just watching Zala explore. She would inspect the fake plants near the entrance and then skip over to one of the tables to look at a lamp.

Afterwords I know I lost a lot of focus as I started my work shift. I could only 'maintain' her for a few minutes at a time (at best). I'm normally VERY one-track-minded and having to switch gears between having her next to me and focusing on my task was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

But, I did the best I could and she was always quite curious as to what was going on. She wasn't vocal at all for the rest of the day (I think I have to devote extra mental 'resources' towards making her vocal?)

I did have to work late and unfortunately I didn't have any energy to really get a good active forcing session in. I kept her with me as I unwound over my midnight dinner and passively forced with her as best I could.

 

My objective today was simply to keep her with me as much as I could. I didn't really care or focus on having a crystal clear image of her, or even trying to make her act or do things. I simply wanted to see the extent in which I could maintain her.

Overall I was fairly happy. I know that only time, patience, and practice will make it easier.

 

As always, feedbacks and comments are welcome. More updates to follow.

 

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

[Guest Riy]

Before this entry I'd like to note that I keep a journal on me since I started working with Zala last month. As things occur I jot them down so I can recall later. That's why the log sort of has a book feel to it rather than a documentary feel. In case anyone was wondering the process.

 

 

2013-11-14

 

I had a fitness test today. From the moment I woke up Zala was with me. She wasn't in bed with me or anything, but she was leaning against the frame and looking down at the floor.

She looked like she was deep in thought. She's pulling a lot of mannerisms and gestures from me. I have never puppeted or parroted her, everything so far with her development has been fairly hands off and lassies faire.

So to see her chewing on her lip and looking distant while flicking at a fingernail was very much like looking at me, for a moment.

I didn't say anything to her at first. I passed in front of her to go about my morning routine. As I shaved she walked behind me and put her arms around my chest. I didn't have a tactile sensation of touch, I just visualized that she was there hugging me, resting her head between my shoulder blades.

 

"You're nervous." Her voice has been wavering the past two days. I'm still hearing my mindvoice a lot.

"I'm fine." I wiped the cream off my jaw and turned to face her.

"Sure, but you're nervous." She traced a hand down to my floater ribs. She didn't meet my eye line so I was basically staring at her forehead.

"It'll give me energy. I'm fine."

"You're always fine. I know better." She still had her eyes down and she disappeared.

 

That made me stop for a while. One hand against the sink, the other held the razor which I found myself lowering the more I thought about it. The more I chewed on it the the more I found myself looking exactly like Zala had when I woken up.

Interesting.

 

She stayed in her house and I passively forced for the next few hours. Throughout the fitness test I caught a glimpse of her now and then during my run but nothing vocal. I'm still thinking that for her to be vocal she needs my TOTAL focus on her. At least for now. Makes me wonder if that will ever be easier.

I'm also losing focus and getting distracted a lot. I'm so used to being alone not only in my life but also in my mind. Sharing it is.....odd.

 

More updates to follow!

[Ghost]

Your progression with Zala has been absolutely fascinating. I sincerely thank you for sharing your experiences, Riy.