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Ruth\ We have made a collective decision as a system to change primary fronters for a while. So, I will be attempting to be the primary fronter going forward until we decide otherwise. I am currently in the process of "training my stamina" since I used to get tired quite easily after a bit of fronting. I am going for a full 24 hours today, and will attempt a full week soon, but I will be handing the torch back and forth with Celedyr for certain things. We have decided that Maple needs time away after a recent event caused them great distress among other problems.

I have been asking other systems who have done this for tips and advice since I felt a little unconfident at first, but I feel a lot better about fronting for longer periods of time now. Here's hoping that things go well.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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(edited)

Ruth fronted for 60 hours straight before handing front back to me for about 6-8 hours for me to attend an event, and then he took control back before we went home. Ruth basically achieved getting the "primary thought stream" within the first day or two, and started getting more active/passive thoughts, as well as intrusive thoughts and dreams that were centered around him. Basically, instead of it being where I would be waiting for his thoughts to come through slowly and mine being instant and passive for the most part, it was the absolute other way around. 

Ruth was doing pretty well for a while, but then started getting SUPER stressed with the work that we were needing to get done. He started picking up random unhealthy habits like stress eating and it was bad, so he took a break and let Celedyr take over for a while. Ruth also has a fair few new things that contest the brain's autopilot related to some things we mindlessly do, and also how he expresses emotions like excitement and happiness. It's really interesting to see.

Today, when we felt like he reached his limit, I took control again. I will be giving back control again tonight after I finish working so he can just chill and relax. Hopefully he will be fully better after a good night's rest.

He was worried about me losing my ability to front as long as I want to and that ability going to him, but I mean... I just need to be able to front for a week at a time, or at least part of a week, and we're good. So I just have to take over for a few days in a week once every couple months or so at best once we have all this sorted properly. But also, he doesn't want to front for appointments, so I'll do those, too.

I also am getting exhausted way too quickly in front now, but I can't tell if that's sleep deprivation or what. I feel like we're getting enough sleep now, but I'm not really sure.

Edited by Maple

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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Ruth\ It's been about a week since we decided that I should become the primary fronter. A lot has happened, a lot of progress has been made. Outside of the primary thoughtstream and all that other stuff from the previous post, I have also become quite acclimated with the body. I feel so used to it, I wonder if this is what it feels like for singlets and originals.

Though I will say, I do need to be more careful and stop being so stubborn about fronting for extensive periods of time. I keep fronting until the point of a breakdown before I hand it off to someone else for a few hours or so. I need to stop doing that. It's just a lot of stress that is really unnecessary when I could be sharing the burden with, like, Cel. Or even Maple if they're feeling up to it again.

I'm not sure how long I'll be the primary fronter for, but I will need to be careful about my own mental health I guess.

Another thing I've noticed is that when I try to take a nap or sleep when I'm not tired enough, it feels like I'm falling or sinking through the body, through the bed, through the floor... and that the body goes unoccupied, so I panic and end up taking back control, jolting the body awake. This all happens usually in under 15 minutes after laying down. Not quite sure why this is.

I will continue to be the primary fronter for as long as I need (or want) to be, but I will try to be more careful moving forward.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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Really interesting today. Since Ruth has been the primary fronter for a little over a week, our thoughtstreams have started crossing over. I'm fronting for right now (only maybe an hour at max), but our thoughtstreams crossed over so well, that I could 100% hear his thoughts EARLIER than usual, and more clearly. His mindvoice also almost overlaps mine, instead of being in its usual spot. I can proxy him almost as naturally as I type for myself.

As I accidentally proxied him automatically once, "Two Time" by Jack Stauber came on, and the autopilot had me doing "Ruth things" like singing and dancing. I don't normally do that, but he does. And then, Ruth got SO EXCITED by the song, that he took over front, started clapping and singing and dancing and he laughed SO HARD that he took over while I was fully in control eating my lunch (he SHOUTED out loud "HAHA I took over control on accident! I'm so sorry, but WHAT?!".

Ruth now has more control than I do. This is incredible, but also it kind of scared me a bit because I wasn't expecting it (I politely asked him for control back because it shocked me way too much). I am really excited and happy for him, though.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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Ruth\ We've been discussing making a new tulpa for a few days now, and just as we finally reached the point of 7 system members having more than enough wiggle room about two weeks ago, I kind of accidentally created another tulpa today. His name is Terry, and he is a furred dragon plush who cannot decide on what colors he wants for himself. He talks with what sounds to me like a very slight southern American accent (or at least, southern American vernacular) to an extent and I already love him to death.

We have been a system of 7 for nearly a whole 9 years now (October would have been my creation date as the previous final tulpa as of 9 years) and now we are a system of 8.

Terry feels kind of bad that this happened and offered to be just like... a bedtime comfort, but I mean, we're more than capable of handling 8 of us now, so we should be fine. Here's to Terry!

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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