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Maple

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Riley is starting to front more. She's getting a lot quicker and more efficient at taking front, and it's making things more confusing as she fronts. It's almost like I'm fronting still, but it's actually her. She seems to be able to bridge the gap between our thoughts pretty easily to proxy me, like right now, or I'm just able to think a bit easier than before. She still doesn't sit properly ((Riley\ Shut up, I'm not hurting anything.)) but she is very quick and efficient at everyday physical tasks. It's like she's been doing this for years ((Riley\ I kind of have been?)). Bit of practice with anything, and she's just really good at it. She's started using the visualization as a distraction tactic for me to sink back further. The visualization I get from her tulpish descriptions are pretty vivid and complex, and I just fall back very easily. Snapping back still happens, but I'm just not moving myself, it's her. I'd like to be able to dissociate to where I'm not connected to any of the senses at some point in the future, or at least just touch as a closer goal.

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Riley is starting to front more. She's getting a lot quicker and more efficient at taking front, and it's making things more confusing as she fronts. It's almost like I'm fronting still, but it's actually her. She seems to be able to bridge the gap between our thoughts pretty easily to proxy me, like right now, or I'm just able to think a bit easier than before. She still doesn't sit properly ((Riley\ Shut up, I'm not hurting anything.)) but she is very quick and efficient at everyday physical tasks. It's like she's been doing this for years ((Riley\ I kind of have been?)). Bit of practice with anything, and she's just really good at it. She's started using the visualization as a distraction tactic for me to sink back further. The visualization I get from her tulpish descriptions are pretty vivid and complex, and I just fall back very easily. Snapping back still happens, but I'm just not moving myself, it's her. I'd like to be able to dissociate to where I'm not connected to any of the senses at some point in the future, or at least just touch as a closer goal.

My memory when I'm not fronting is still REALLY bad. I don't remember having her write most of this aside from a singular sentence I believe? Even then, I find myself having to read back through things, or ask what happened after I take front back. My memory sucks as is, it just gets even worse when I'm not fronting. Some things I see will spark a memory of something I might've seen, but honestly, I can't tell if I just don't pay attention enough, or if I can't.

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I'm trying to think of activities for things that we could do together, but I'm not too sure what we can do. I've crammed my personal life with a lot of stuff to try to just improve myself, but I feel like I haven't been giving anyone else enough time at the end of the day. I want to balance things, it's just weird trying to when every day is so unpredictable. It's also not a guarantee for whether or not someone is going to feel totally comfy when we switch fronts. Things just get complicated. Been thinking about maybe board games or something. I have like... chess, shogi, and checkers I think? But keeping our thoughts separate would probably be difficult. I've seen others do it, but I'm not quite sure how we could. We used to do things we could do together, like a long time ago, I'd be playing Hearthstone, and it'd be more than just me weighing in on moves. Just little things like that I guess. Activities that we can do together are a little harder for me to think of now that I'm having an even harder time thinking as of late (don't know why?). Other than that, hanging around in general is becoming increasingly more difficult, as my thoughts and focus wander EXTREMELY easily. I forget what the hell I'm doing within a matter of seconds. It's getting quite bad. I could lay down and mention something to one of them, and they'll tell me something in return about a certain subject, and some random idea about that subject will pop into my mind and it just wanders for like two hours before I remember that we were talking. I feel really bad about it, and they're really quite understanding, though sometimes a bit annoyed depending on how my thought process carried around it. Not sure how to stop my thoughts from wandering so easily, either.

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JESUS, my memory is bad. I wrote an entire post about how Ruth changed form/name again, but I left the tab open and never actually sent it, then closed it without realizing. I saw everything get wiped as I closed the tabs. Whoops. Basically, for a couple days now, he's been experimenting again with form/name, decided to settle on Legosi because he just vibes well with it. Not sure if he's going to just add the form to his small list of forms he cycles through, or just stick with this one entirely yet since he seems to really like this one.

 

I did mention it elsewhere last night, and this response was quite funny:

 

HEY MAPLE'S SYSTEM

While being able to play character creator is fun, you gotta press start eventually.

 

At this point, start charging them fuckin rent for your disk space

 

So I said:

 

They should be charging me rent... or maybe that disk space is that rent.

 

Been a bit of a bumpy road lately, but we're weathering out the storm together otherwise. Brainstorming different ideas for board games and stuff still, got a few ideas on my phone.

 

EDIT: He's chosen to go back to Ruth again.

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I've been fronting for almost a month straight now which is kind of surprising, to say the least. I've been full of a ton of worries and too caught up in my own thing throughout the day. Last night, Ruth poked me a bit before bed and asked to speak with me for a while since he was feeling concerned. We talked a bit about fronting plans. It seems like as far as primary fronters go, it'd probably be a cycle between me, Ruth, Riley, and Cel for now. The interest with fronting kind of comes and goes. Cel's seems to be fading a bit as of late. I'm also still thinking a lot about how fronting goes, how it works and all now that we changed how we do it... it's hard to get used to, honestly. Harder for me to understand I guess.

 

I'm glad the concerns were raised, though. System meetings are pretty important, bringing up concerns with each other, letting someone voice their concerns with no interruption for an amount of time, having a "complaint box". Really need to bring it all together. Makes things go smoothly, helps alleviate issues.

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Cel changed name/form for the first time in probably... 5-6 years, to my memory? It was originally a joke, but he actually really liked it as it turns out. He's having me just call him Cel for a little while longer here, though. I'll update on the change later. A lot has happened in the past month, so most things we've been doing have been way more passive than usual. Cel did what Ruth did a couple times to slide into the body randomly while I'm laying down, and that is indeed quite interesting. We had been trying to see if anyone could actually go to sleep while fronting, and wake up in front, but had no success until earlier... sort of.

I was debating on taking a nap not long after waking up because I felt extremely ill for some reason, but then I felt progressively better. I had asked Cel if he wanted to front, and he said he would, but if he felt the slightest bit of physical exhaustion, he would take us straight to bed. So he talked to some people for about 45 minutes, then he started to feel sleepy due to attempting to fix a mistake he'd made and didn't want to leave for me to have to do (it took him a very, very long time to do, and was a very monotonous task) and we were debating on just swapping back. We decided against it, and figured that if he went to sleep in front, we'd just wake up switched back anyways.

One thing I did find funny was that I warned Cel against using a heater while sleeping since I personally have a hard time breathing under any circumstance with warm air (and also the fire hazard that this heater poses). I personally NEVER use that heater, but it has been -28 degrees Celsius throughout the nights for the past couple days here. Unreasonably cold. So he decided he didn't want the body to get sick unlike me since we don't have a sweatshirt for bed, and positioned the heater in a kind of odd but smart angle, and used it to sleep.

He woke up once after an undetermined amount of time (we test to see, it's a pretty simple one, just wiggle a certain hand depending on who is fronting, if you can), and felt EXTREMELY sleepy, and went back to sleep. After another 3-4 hours or so, we had a set of dreams that we apparently remember differently, but of course, those dreams faded pretty quickly. I didn't get to write them down. I woke up in front that time. So he woke up in front the first time, but not the second time. Interesting. We'll have to test more on this.

We are also coming up very close to 7 whole years of plurality pretty soon. Pretty crazy, honestly.

Edited by Maple

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Cel here. Thought I'd write this update seeing as it's my turn to front today, and my 7th birthday is coming up next month. Ruth and I have a couple forms each to pick from at this point. I'm not really called "Celedyr" anymore except for brevity and to avoid any unnecessary explanation. I haven't talked to anyone outside our system in quite some time. I believe some external conversation would be more exciting. I might try to front more. Maple has been fronting for almost a whole month now. We've grown fairly "complacent" with how things are now, I suppose. There are still things I'd like to see happen in terms of our switching progress, but medical issues are a whole different ballpark for me entirely, so that's been out of my realm of trying to fix (hence the month with no fronting changes).

 

I do believe I might try to go out and make conversation if I can find the means to. Online is obviously much easier for someone like me, but I think I would benefit more from personal interactions IRL compared to my host. I am curious as to if there are any plural meetups in our area, as there is quite a large amount of plural systems in our general vicinity. Maybe a convention or two for something I might be interested in? I really just need to find some hobbies, see what I am actually interested in 100%.

 

I am also actually looking forward to my birthday this year. I am not sure why. Normally, everybody in our system just does not care for birthdays. We will see what it brings.

 

Have a pleasant day, everyone.

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Posted (edited)

Something interesting just came up. Yesterday, I let Cel front and sleep in front. We were about to do the same again, and I brought up the dream from yesterday that was like from a third person perspective, where there might be like a camera taped to the ceiling? I remember every little detail of it. I saw myself in it. Don’t really think I’ve had a dream where I saw myself in this way, out of body and all. Cel does not remember the dream at all, apparently didn’t even after waking up. We’re theorizing that this was his dream, and I just happened to peek in on it and this is why I can remember all of it and he can’t remember any bit. With my dreams, I usually forget every last detail over the course of an hour MAX. He sometimes peeks in and will tell me what happened if he was paying attention, but this time it’s basically reversed since he was in front. Don’t know if we’re right or not, but either way, it is quite interesting since he slept in front. Wonder if the same will happen tonight.

 

From last night’s dream, I could see myself as a student of some magical school type deal and I had to find some creature that I can only guess was an owl of sorts in my dreams. I could see myself enter my dreams and find said owl, and then after a bit of an odd exchange about the inner workings of dreams in that dream, I woke up in front for real. What a meta dream that was... I really do wonder if it was Cel’s.

Edited by Maple

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