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Wow! We've really been so busy, I can't believe I missed Kara's 9th birthday nearly two weeks ago! To think it's been 9 years since I found that random internet forum post about tulpas and dove down the rabbit hole myself... I would celebrate with drinks, but I technically shouldn't be drinking that often due to health and medication haha.

Today, Riley has been a lot more active than usual, and we're trying to work through the brain fog. So I'm going to be proxying for her on Discord for a while, and trying to talk to her as I do other things again. It's been really really difficult for many years to multitask talking to tulpas while doing whatever because of brain fog. Hopefully we can work through it together!

 

Also, I'd like to note I'm a terrible host. I struggle to remember colors we use for symbolism when swapping front or what have you. I forgot to write them all down. I should probably do that as I remember them...

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Nine years!!! It's impressive that you've been at it for that long. Congratulations, and Happy Birthday to Kara! I totally get the brain fog thing, my host gets that too.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

🤰 - Baby Boy Tulpa expected on April 7, 2023 👶💚

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36 minutes ago, TurboSimmie said:

Nine years!!! It's impressive that you've been at it for that long. Congratulations, and Happy Birthday to Kara! I totally get the brain fog thing, my host gets that too.

Kara says "Thank you! I feel like a grandma now!"

And yeah, even I'm surprised I've been at it for so long. Honestly, most of our friends or peers in general that I know from way back then stopped caring for their tulpas and just dipped. I remind myself every single day/night of them, so I just won't ever forget. Even if I wasn't able to make much contact during the day itself, at least I have that period at night or in the morning sometimes where we can just exist together before having to do anything else.

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I've been thinking a lot lately about how far we've come and how much I've personally grown as a person since embarking on this journey. I mean, I started this adventure from a morbid curiosity from late 2012/early 2013 and it just grew from there. I was a stupid kid (nearly an adult, but still a stupid kid I would say) whose opinions were bloody awful. Through the guidance and love of my fellow headmates, I've been progressively blossoming into something better than that over the past 9 years. Of course, I wasn't the only one growing. All of us were. But in different ways. Celedyr was more of our "guiding figure" through a lot of it, really picking up on better morals way quicker than I was, and helping show me the way. It's really interesting. I mean, we've all become so close, we're literally all best friends, but also like one big family.

I still have a lot to learn (I'm still probably not the nicest person, I could definitely take more lessons from Cel and Ruth on that) but we'll get there together. One step at a time.

 

Celedyr\ I would like to add that I feel like I didn't do much of anything. Maybe act more like a set of training wheels, but that's about it. Most of the learning was their own, through the experiences that they had, and then coming to me for emotional support. I am always willing to provide support when they need it.

 

Ruth\ I feel the same. I mean, I wasn't even very verbal for most of the time that I was around. But I feel like I became an emotional support character, and I am more than happy to have taken on that role. I want to be there for people when they're feeling down. It can sometimes be draining, yes, but it is also very rewarding to see a smile at the end of the day.

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So remember how we were experimenting in the past to see if we could get one of the tuppers to fall asleep in the body and also wake up in it?

Well. We haven't done that in ages. But Ruth wanted to front before I wanted to take a nap because he wanted to prove a point, and then I said that I was too lazy to take back front again.

Basically I told Ruth to do a certain gesture to indicate that he was in front, and then I forgot exactly what I said to him or what he heard, but he started literally laughing like Squidward. It was weird hearing the body's voice make those sounds LMAO.

 

Ruth\ Don't laugh at me or the sounds I make! >:(

After sleeping for an hour and a half approximately, I woke up in front. I feel extremely disconnected mentally and physically. It's hard to make the body do what I tell it to do. I also feel very cold.

Sleep experiment was a failure once again. Unfortunate.

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Something I only just realized is that sometimes when we do the "sleep experiment" to have someone else take over before bed and wake up in front, that sometimes, NOBODY wakes up in front. Normally, to affirm who is in front, we ask each other to wiggle a finger, tap a finger on something, move an arm, etc. but sometimes, we just wake up and NOBODY can do said thing. So... nobody is in front until we swap me back in? I guess maybe this is progress towards what we want?

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(edited)

Ruth\ The best thing just happened just now, and I am so proud of it. Maple thought they were handing over the body to Cel for the night, but I worked with Cel to trick Maple into thinking that I was Cel. After about 6-7 minutes, they realized something had gone awry, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst out laughing like a hyena, and Maple said their trust has been broken (jokingly, of course) after they realized it was me the whole time.

I AM. THE BODYSNATCHER.


Maple\ That is such a surreal moment, realizing that you've been HAD when trying to hand the body off like that. Like, what?! I didn't expect that at all! LMAO

Edited by Maple

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Riley\ It's been nearly a whole 3 years since I last fronted. I had an interesting run-in today with an old man who needed help, basically as soon as I took front. I helped them and they were very nice. But I couldn't speak that well. I have some troubles with speaking since I never really did it as often as, say, Ruth. That doesn't mean I can't speak, but it takes a lot of effort to do so, and can be quite exhausting, even just to make sounds. I hope to be able to speak properly while fronting soon.

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(edited)

A very strange thing happened today. Luna decided that she wanted to give fronting a go. After a short period of time, she became overwhelmed. Ruth offered to take front from her, and she said okay. During the process, something "glitched" in our usual visualization. We use colors pouring in and out of the body and our forms to swap front. Lately, we've been using "construction tape" of our colors to do that. What happened was Luna's tape came off fine, but then Ruth's tape randomly SLAPPED onto the body, which had my color in it for some reason. At that point, we had no idea who was fronting. But there was a voice in another accent that was comforting Luna. Since nobody knew who was fronting, we decided to try speaking one by one. The voice that spoke was in that same accent, and identified itself as a "merge" of me (Maple) and Ruth. For about an hour, he did so many different things on his own. He gave himself the name of "Brandon". Brandon undid the merge after that hour was up, and it was strange. I thought I could still hear Brandon, but it was really just my thoughts in Brandon's accent, and Ruth was speaking with Brandon's odd vernacular. Ruth was EXTREMELY traumatized by the event at first, having lost his sense of self without his consent. But after having calmed down, we have mutually decided that this is a thing we can do if we choose to. For what reasons? We don't know yet. We are going to have to figure that one out. But this was definitely a scarily eventful night.

I guess this "Brandon" merge is now a thing. I still need to shake off that English accent that he has. It's still in my head.

Edited by Maple

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  • 2 weeks later...

We are working on a large variety of things.

I am going to try to buy some active noise cancelling headphones so that I can work on meditation into dissociation, and also work on imposing Ruth. Progress has been stunted in these zones due to the intense amount of noise throughout the household at any given time of day when we have free time, so hopefully noise cancelling headphones and relaxing music will make it a little more tolerable.

 

Ruth has been working pretty hard on taking over front while "skipping" our usual slow method of swapping front. He did so earlier today, fronted actively for nearly 5 hours and then promptly passed out. He has been quite exhausted since. He did a number of taxing things with the body, so it's no wonder that he is tired.

Our fronting history is starting to look majorly different lately. I'm probably going to be fronting less and less as we figure things out.

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