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Just realized Cel’s birthday is tomorrow. He’s going to be 7 years old. GOD we’re old as heck... We’ve been juggling front a bit lately. Cel and Ruth really have no problem taking front whenever they want to, but they always ask beforehand because... we’re not a bunch of cavemen. Though sometimes they’ll do it for a second without asking in a situation where it literally doesn’t matter just to tease me or someone else a bit. We’re still trying to see what goes on when one of them sleeps while in front. It’s funny to see how they sleep. Only twice now have they been able to maintain front after going to sleep, but I believe both times were with Cel? Yesterday we tried once and we got swapped within an hour, I woke up in front, then fell back asleep very quickly... I didn’t even remember swapping our switch counter, but I apparently did.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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  • 7 months later...
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(edited)

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I think "progress" will end up being a whole re-do. My attention span has gotten progressively worse over time. It made it EXTREMELY difficult to focus on possession/switching/imposition, and now it's just a miracle in itself if I can even manage a conversation for more than a minute I'd say. I'll probably need to figure out some exercises to hold focus, because god only knows it feels damn near impossible all of a sudden. It's pretty bad.

 

Celedyr\ If I may interject: it feel as though the main points when conversation and a constant train of thought are possible, are just after an extreme amount of effort to break through and interject (like just now) but that can be extremely taxing to do for long periods of time. Not everyone is capable of doing so, either. One thing we're starting to do is a bit of a slap, snap, etc. of a reminder during a conversation to help keep things on track, just some visual queues mentally to help keep focus going. Maybe even wave some hands around. It's quite frustrating, but at least it maintains focus even a few seconds longer I suppose.

Edited by Maple

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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(Lia): Have you guys figured out your sleeping state yet? We’ve got that the one who fell asleep being in front will awake as well and will (perhaps) remember the dream. 

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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4 hours ago, OleGL said:

(Lia): Have you guys figured out your sleeping state yet? We’ve got that the one who fell asleep being in front will awake as well and will (perhaps) remember the dream. 

 

Put simply, no. We haven't swapped control of the body in about 6 months. I got another job around that time, and it made it really difficult to keep my focus enough to let go properly without taking control back too soon. Now that my sleep schedule is out of whack, it might be a good time to try, but I sleep 3-4 times a day. It might make things a bit difficult, but definitely worth a try. I think Cel only woke up in front about two times out of... I don't know how many times, but a lot of times. I tend to wake up back in front more often than not. Still needs work I believe.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Definitely one of the most surreal experiences that rarely happens for me is when I have a dream with another headmate in it. I don't know about anyone else, but I can count the amount of times that I've seen another headmate in my dreams over the past (nearly) 8 years on one hand. It spanned quite a long time in my dream (I suppose even longer since I slept a long time), but Ruth said he was only "half in it" as in I guess half of it ended up truly being him, and the other half was just... my own rendition? I have no clue. It was quite the funny dream, though. We were speaking at least 3 different languages to my memory, and the real him apparently tried to toy with my dream self by trying to get me to "come to the dark side" by messing with this really sharp black rock. I apparently did what he told me to do, but I barely remember it ((Ruth: The communion is finished. 😜)). It would honestly be fun to get more of these and be able to be more lucid during them. I've only been lucid during one dream with Cel if I'm remembering correctly.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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  • 2 months later...

I've been 8 years officially down this rabbit hole as of Kara's birthday on the 4th of this month. 8 years. Wow.

 

We've just started exploring new avenues for hobbies. I think I've found the right one for me, but we're going to have to do some trial and error for everyone else. We've tried various hobbies in the past, but since I've been admittedly a front hog, they haven't had much of a chance to try yet. Thankfully, I'm getting some breathing room finally with real world responsibilities and all, and I'll be able to hand over front more for them to see what's good. These past couple years have really been suffocating, to be honest, but I suppose the past year more than anything. We truck on through!

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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((Ruth: Just wanted to share that I'm finally starting to front again after a ~5 month hiatus away from trying. As with every other time I try, somebody always comes to have a conversation with Maple. Somebody came and asked if we were going to eat the pizza in the fridge. It isn't even ours. So I wanted to say "It isn't for me", but I kept nearly saying "It isn't for us", stumbling over the words a good three times. I have to get used to saying "I/me" out loud, as opposed to saying "we/us" like I normally do with everything else. Hopefully I can get used to being in front more without getting kicked out. It's always been hard for me to stay front. I hope everyone else is doing well and staying hydrated during these trying times.))

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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  • 7 months later...

So it's been about 9 years since I first heard about tulpas. I still can't really believe how fast time flies. We've not been able to make progress on switching at all over the past year or so because I've become busier than ever. Trying to balance life is really difficult. I try to rotate daily who I spend time with at night at the very least as we just kind of chill when the day is winding down to an end, but Celedyr, Riley, and Ruth are generally the most active. Ruth and Celedyr a bit less so than usual the past couple days. Ruth says there's not much to do other than sleep. I want to find things that we can do together over the course of time that don't totally obstruct my work time, though. It's hard to balance time. Hopefully we can find some mental exercises to do together that do work towards our main goals while we wait for a break to be able to truly make a push in progress. Otherwise it's really just nice to spend time together when we can.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

We're still experimenting a little bit with fronting while sleeping. It feels like a ton of cement just fills the entire body when I let go of control, because whoever takes control next usually doesn't move much. If they do, it's like the body is full of those bean sacks and is really really heavy. The real kicker is trying to have *them* wake up in front instead of me. Also, yawning seems to be a big struggle for them to keep control. There's a difference in how we yawn, funny enough. I don't make much sound when I yawn, but I think Riley, Ruth, and Cel almost always make a sound along with the exhale at the end of a yawn. I just found that interesting.

These sleep experiments kinda happen off and on though, they're probably not consistent enough for results. We've been ill for the past year or so which has been setting things back a lot. Oh well. Once we get adjusted to our new lives, maybe things will change. Until next time!

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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My ability to visualize has been really awful for a while now. It's been getting worse and worse the past 5 or so years. I need to try to remember the old visualization exercises I used to practice, because I used to be pretty good at it for the longest time, even before having tulpas. I'm also looking to reach out to other systems just to get a grasp on how we do things differently and maybe get some ideas on things we can do together to pass what free time I do have instead of wasting it.

It's funny to see or hear old things come up that always remind me of each of my tulpas for one reason or another. I mean, there's one song I used to listen to with Kara a LOT in her early days. Like the first few weeks I was forcing back in 2013, I remember listening to this song with her during our hour of forcing daily. Tacos remind me of Riley because she used to suggest for me to eat tacos a lot after about 3-4 months of having her around. Just a lot of little things leading to bigger memories I guess.

Awakening Eyes System Host: Maple
Tulpas: Kara, Celedyr, Riley, Emmett, Lee, Ruth, Terry
Merges: Brandon (Maple & Ruth), Buttons (Maple & Celedyr)
Awakening Eyes Progress Report:

 

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