KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

10/26/15: I watched a Dane Cook/MLP crossover featuring Gilda, and RD said that she'd decided to give herself gryphon-style wings. She showed off by spinning around and making a tornado. We raced across campus, and I pointed out that she didn't have to worry about needing oxygen. I had a tearful conversation with my mom, and I thought about having Dash hypnotize me to be her pet so I could escape from that. She said I should work on the DIY project, and I told her that doing so at the time would connect it to sadness, when it should be associated with triumph. I took an online psychoanalysis test, but Dash questioned its accuracy. I experimented with the "human iPod" method of auditory imposition. Dash asked me about drawing her house.

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10/27/15: I forgot to log stuff. I noticed that I did a good job singing in a Rainbow Dash-like voice (vocal possession, sort of) without trying. I worked on our wonderland. I chatted with my tulpas about a lot of random stuff. I got worked up about what I saw as my friend's failure to do adequate research into a hot-button issue, and wondered if I should have Dash hypnotize me to calm me down. I thought that this would be cowardly, but she predicted that I'd just stay mad otherwise.

[KruegerMeister]

10/28/15: I imposed RD by pulling a ball of light out of my right temple and flinging it where I wanted her to be. I was eating lunch at the time, so I asked her if she ever ate for pleasure, and she said that the cafeteria food was bland. I thought of writing down her dialogue, but I didn't. She hypothesized why I didn't, and, since the answer could be offensive, whispered it in my ear. She blushed and tried to hide behind her wings when she realized that she'd been letting fear dictate her action just then. She was kinda down about that, but it was just for a few seconds :). She offered helpful critiques on my writing. I normally don't like grape-flavored stuff, but I liked some grape-flavored cotton candy I tried; I wondered if this was eclipsing, and it was one of my tulpas that liked it. We watched a bit of the movie Tough Guise, which is about the pervasive media-generated idea of what masculinity is, and how men put on a "Tough Guise". Keystroke, Shou, and I put our hands over our hearts and swore not to do that.

[KruegerMeister]

10/29/15: I thought about having a Poptart for breakfast, but I don't have a toaster, and RD said that untoasted poptarts were bland. She got excited about an upcoming Halloween party. While I was in English class, I heard her outside the room, randomly singing "Pure Inebriation". I asked her if she wanted to make the pledge I'd made yesterday, and she said that she wasn't masculine, she was cool. Fluttershy said that both of those are arbitrary. Shou and I worked on possession. After this, he joked that he wasn't Chinese when autocorrect changed his name to "Zhou". I watched an episode of MLP featuring Rainbow Dash, and asked RD how hearing her voice made her feel. She predicted that she'd sound like that once we mastered auditory imposition, and...

 

RD: And that the supposed "difference" in our voices was all in his head -.-

 

Me: she told me to write that down. Keystroke did a rimshot after she said "all in his head". I got mad about Dailymotions ads, and Dash said "it's Dailymotion". Keystroke congratulated her on boldly criticizing an Internet site, and she said "Not living in fear's my policy" in a braggy tone. She said that she liked the anime Parasyte. I was about to shower, when I doubted whether or not I'd locked my dorm room door. Dash thought it was unlikely that anyone would try to steal anything, and said that I had trust issues (blaming them on the bad event I mentioned a few pages back). I noticed that we hadn't done much visual imposition lately, so when I had RD hypnotize me, I had her lie on my chest. I couldn't really feel any weight or fur.

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10/30/15: I forgot to log stuff. I had trouble coming up with names for enchanted armor, so I delegated that to RD. She came up with a name for a ring. We went to a Halloween party, "I" started dancing when I walked through the door (RD had gotten psyched up for the party, so I guess she was eclipsing me). When I got tired, she said that I needed to build up more stamina.

[KruegerMeister]

10/31/15: I asked my tulpas if they wanted to work on visual imposition. Keystroke said that he wasn't sure about something related to that, but I forgot what he said. RD got excited that her birthday was coming up. We talked about societal stuff. I went on a hypnosis chatroom (same one as always), and noticed that Nina was pretty talkative. I asked her if this was because she had something like social anxiety, and it was just easier for her to talk online. She said it wasn't. I sent my friend an email in which I was about to say "I think you said X, but I could be remembering incorrectly", but RD said I shouldn't be apologetic. She said she wanted to go on a date in the forest Fluttershy'd made..

[KruegerMeister]

11/1/15: I'd read what I didn't know was a Fluttershy-centric gore-fic last night, thinking it was some other genre. Fluttershy was curled up in a ball. She puked at the thought of that fic, and RD comforted her. Fortunately, Fluttershy wasn't so troubled that she couldn't make a pun. When I thought about the forest, Fluttershy said we should come up with a name for it. I asked the 'Meras how they felt, and Nina said that she wouldn't be reading any fanfics for a while. Fluttershy made a double-meaning pun in relation to the fic, and Dash happily commented on this Freudian slip. Later, Keystroke said he wanted to possess me, so Dash kept me occupied in some grassy part of our wonderland; the possession itself was like my mindset was different, in addition to a pony me being off to one side. Nina said she wanted to help me work on the DIY project, so I let her possess me. She was sad that the project was even necessary. My mom's been saying that I've been letting a bad event in my past have power over me, and I wondered if my mom had been seeing Nina's emotions "manifesting in me" (Nina's words).

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11/2/15: I forgot to log stuff. I ate a burrito, but I didn't feel like I could finish it. I asked my tulpas if any of them wanted it, and Shou pointed out that we all share the same stomach. Dash complemented me on the progress we were making on our project. I thought about the idea of "if you base a tulpa on a fictional character, you should base them on one that isn't fleshed out". I figured that such a tulpa would be more prone to identity crises, and then I got the idea to watch the Nina episodes of both Fullmetal Alchemist and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I thought of Brotherhood's Nina as loyal, which tulpa-Nina said was an admirable trait. Re: the italicizing, Shou pointed out that this thread isn’t an APA-formatted essay. Nina's been having trouble with that TF scene from the Pinocchio movie.

 

Nina: The kid goes full donkey. His hands trembling into hooves was fine, but once he goes full donkey...those aren't brays coming outta his mouth. Those are human screams. #%^$ you, Disney.

 

Me: Keystroke reminded us about the pockets in his flank, and Fluttershy said that she hadn't used hers. I've heard RD identify as the RD seen in fanfics, a few times. I asked her about this, and she said she only did this with the ones she was similar to; "It's kinda like a half-joking thing." I thought about working on parallel processing with Fluttershy. Nina said that she wanted to possess me during this (it'd still be parallel processing, plus I might get a placebo effect due to possession). Stuff got in the way, so we weren't sure how much we had to work on.

Edited November 28, 2020 by KruegerMeister
Clarity

[KruegerMeister]

11/3/15: "I" woke up still slightly possessed. I read about mask-making therapy (making masks to explore what you show or don't show people). Nina showed me a paper mâché mask that was mostly human, but with a tiny bit of a muzzle, and a red diagonal scar across it. I forgot to log some stuff. I let Shou possess me, and this lasted for a few hours, mainly because he kept lying in bed and falling asleep. But, I'd say that the continuous possession in spite of falling asleep is a good sign of...dunno, maybe parallel processing. Shou jokingly blamed me for sleeping with comfy blankets and pillows.

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11/4/15: I forgot to log stuff. I watched a Q&A video on Youtube. Nina was like "wait, what?" when she heard that Nina Tucker was Brina Palencia's first voice acting role. She said something about giving herself a backstory. I kinda questioned this, and Fluttershy psychoanalyzed me as being opposed to that. I had Sarah possess me to see if I'd have her dreams. She/I had this dream: I'm in a carpeted basement area. I'm sitting on my scooter, checking my phone's email. The email is set up like a table in UESP. Mom yells something from upstairs, and Dad tells me to say a certain thing back. I don't. This happens again, and he gets mad. The second time, Dad almost catches me looking at a Tulpa.info page on a big Firefox window.

Wake up thinking of Unleash the Magic.

I thought about Nina's possible backstory, and looked at AU Fullmetal alchemist art. Nina saw a pic of "herself" with braids, and decided to somewhat copy that. Dash put Nina in a trance, and I asked Nina about her backstory.

[KruegerMeister]

11/5/15: I figured that giving Nina a backstory was just passing the buck--that still doesn't provide an origin. She went back and forth between human!Nina Tucker and Chimera/Nina-Alexander voices a lot. I observed that she did a lot of "body image" stuff (such as those intrusive thoughts she'd had, and her WIP tattoo), and she said "well, the DIY project's a long-term body image (something)". Dash wanted to taste some of my Halloween candy, so she possessed my tongue (and only my tongue. I didn't know tulpas could do that). We planned to go on a date somewhere. Nina asked if it was okay for her to crash it. We ended up not doing that.

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11/6/15: I forgot to log stuff. RD critiqued a bit of MLP. Nina and I talked about her childhood. Dash imposed herself lying on my bed in SFM form in response to Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu. She asked me if I wanted to do hypnosis tonight. Nina said that she and Shou were gonna explore the memory palace.

[KruegerMeister]

11/7/15: My tulpas and I had a confusing discussion about backstories. I asked RD how long she was in the void, and she gave several answers (hence the confusion), one of which was that there wasn't "time" in there. I watched some of TF2/MLP crossovers. One of the comments said that the RD fan-VA wasn't accurate, and Rainbow Dash said "I'll be the judge of that", in a voice that wasn't aurally imposed, but sounded like it was (if that makes any sense). I thought about the "passing the buck" thing, and realized that I was thinking about the idea of Nina having a backstory like a worldbuilding issue. I did some reading on Reddit, and realized how awe-inspiring it was that in what Dash reported as her first ever moment of existence, she was comprehending her body, my voice, etc.. I laid in bed and had RD hypnotize me, planning to work on feeling stuff in our wonderland, but I ended up falling asleep. After that, I watched "Hearthbreakers", and Fluttershy tested out her psychoanalysis skills by making predictions about the new characters. She bet RD on this, and RD described herself as "a betting mare". For now, those predictions are headcanon.

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11/8/15: I visualized Dash's form, with some scribbled "technical specs" for each body part, and asked her to impose herself somewhere in my room and move into my field of vision. She imposed herself on my bed and bonked my head with her hoof. I thought I had a floater in one of my eyes, which Dash said was a crappy birthday present. I was about to check if there was anything that would cause temporary, harmless floaters, but Dash said that she wasn't taking any chances. I found $0.78 in a jacket I hadn't worn in a long time, which Dash said was an awesome birthday present. Nina was sad that we hadn't done that much work on the DIY project today, and I reassuringly told her that we'd made a lot of progress relative to when we'd started.

[KruegerMeister]

11/9/15: I listened to part of Evanescence's cover of KoRn's song "Thoughtless", and it kinda triggered Nina. I randomly felt cold, and wondered if this was because one of my tulpas was cold. I asked if any of them were doing anything cold-related, and Nina showed me that there was snow outside her house, but I'm not sure if that was just playing off of my expectations. I tried listening to "Thoughtless" as a form of exposure therapy for Nina; she made it up until the bridge.

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11/10/15: I forgot to log stuff for most of the day. Mostly, my tulpas and I just made small talk.

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11/11/15: I thought about Nina's origins. I remember watching FMA as a kid, and maybe part of me identified with Nina's character. Dash lol'd when someone stealth-Rickrolled me. One time (before October), Fluttershy'd used the "notice me, senpai!" meme; according to Blank Check's review, show!Fluttershy did something otaku-like in "Scare Master" (the MLP Halloween episode); tulpa!Fluttershy called this spooky. I realized that I'd read a lot of Fullmetal Alchemist fanfics today, and wondered if it was because I'd originally planned to focus on Nina today, and I was just doing stuff she'd do. Nina didn't comment on this, but she did say that she didn't like that I had to wear glasses. Shou suggested going to bed when I noticed I'd stayed up till 1:30 reading fanfics. Dash wondered if I've actually been less anxious lately, or if it just seems that way. Nina and I chatted before bed.

[KruegerMeister]

11/12/15: I saw a big white "puff", like bubble foam. I asked my tulpas if they saw it too, and RD said that was a bad way to figure out if things were real or not, since we shared a brain. I forgot to log stuff. Keystroke got exhausted, but I wasn't exhausted. I wondered what this meant. When I saw that it was past 1:00AM, Dash told me I should go to bed.