KM & RD

[KruegerMeister]

5/18/16: I forgot to log stuff. Dash got mad at me for that. She said she wanted to spar with me. We ended up not doing this. Later, she said she didn't know which was worse, Everything Is Awesome or Friday.

[KruegerMeister]

5/19/16: I heard that memorable songs are repetitive. Dash jokingly summed this up as "pretend the audience is kids". I stayed up studying until 1:30 AM, and Dash said I should go to bed. When I wrote that, she called me "Twilight". I worked on a philosophy paper and psyched myself up by saying "I'm gonna do this." Dash said, "You're not gonna do this. We're gonna do this."

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5/20/16: I didn't do much with my tulpas. Dash did part of a zombie apocalypse RP, but we left cuz I needed to study.

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5/21/16: Dash imposed herself a bit in the movie The Forest, but I left the theater early because the volume was too loud. She said she didn't like movies that were based on true stories, because the writers "never do it right".

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5/22/16: I didn't do much with my tulpas.

[KruegerMeister]

5/23/16: Fluttershy possessed me. I saw a purple line running from the back-right of my head, down the underside of my right arm. I/she was really happy when people told her "good job" during a study session/game. I asked for Dash's opinion on the DIY project. She said "it's cool, Pet. Now hug me :P ". I read that traumas wouldn't "blend into the person's consciousness" (which I'm guessing is good) until "overpowered at the subconscious level", and thought about using hypnosis for this. Dash reminded me that she didn't have a license.

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5/24/16: I didn't do much with my tulpas today. Dash boo'd this. I went to look up something on my phone, and Dash told me not to shine it in her face.

[KruegerMeister]

5/25/16: Dash cheered me on when I creatively packed for summer. Fluttershy implied she was the type to write a review of bad research to rub it in the face of the researcher. Dash cheered when I put on a Bernie Sanders shirt. Nina said that octopus nigiri was good, but too chewy. Dash remarked that she was "back to the old 'food critic' thing, eh?"

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5/26/16: I read that oversleeping can lead to "increased risk of death" on WebMD. Dash wondered how that was possible, and was surprised they didn't say oversleeping led to cancer. We didn't interact much. Some ranting happened; I wasn't sure if this was me parroting Shou or what (cuz the rant was imagined to be him ranting at my dad), but I'm guessing I still have some unresolved anger. Shou's tried to initiate the father/son RP before; I asked if he'd known about my supposed unresolved anger, but he said I was giving him too much credit.

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5/27/16: I forgot to log stuff. Dash said she wanted to hypnotize me while we worked on the DIY project, so we did that. I imagined her talking to my dad, and she concluded that our D/s stuff was linked to the whole "Element of Loyalty" concept.

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5/28/16: Dash and I talked about my Skyrim playthrough. I think I parroted her a bit. She told me to work on the DIY project.

[KruegerMeister]

5/29/16: Dash posed on the hood of my mom's car. I went to a movie, came back, and she said she'd been there the whole time. I had a Coke in a classic glass bottle, which prompted Dash to do a fake Coke ad.

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5/30/16: I forgot to log stuff, although I don't think there was that much to log. Dash told me to work on the DIY project, so I did. Fluttershy commented on this.

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5/31/16: I read that it was a good idea for therapists to have support groups to avoid vicarious traumatization, and Fluttershy said she had Rainbow Dash.

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6/1/16: I thought that a war vet getting a prosthetic limb wouldn't be working towards the "acceptance" stage of the five stages of grief, but Dash reminded me that reality isn't intuitive. I heard the love song "The Thought of You", and Dash liked it because she's literally a thought, and used it as a way to say "I love you" to Keystroke and Fluttershy. Fluttershy said that "Keystroke and Fluttershy" sounded better than "Fluttershy and Keystroke".

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6/2/16: I didn't do much tulpa-related stuff today. Dash said that I hadn't worked on the DIY project either, but I'm pretty sure I did. I noticed that we hadn't worked on imposition in a while, and Dash said it should happen organically.

[KruegerMeister]

6/3/16: I read a Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic. Due to some of the subject matter, Shou and Nina opted to stay in the mindscape while I read, but later imposed themselves next to me. I wondered if my trouble standing up to people was due in part to D/s stuff with Dash.

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6/4/16: Dash wanted me to lie on my back. I'm not comfortable in that position, so she suggested lying on my side and just imagining I'm on my back. She described her position on imposition with an NSFW metaphor. We talked about Skyrim, and she assured me I'd be able to get through a hard area. Nina sent me a pic of herself that was similar to the 2003!Nina pic I'd seen, with her in a different pose. Later, Lust commented on something, and then said she sometimes forgets Nina isn't the Nina from Fullmetal Alchemist. Nina said she wanted to play Skyrim, to see what that was like.

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6/5/16: I asked Dash if she wanted to do the Walter Mitty Routine in a movie I was going to see today, and she said "fuck yeah." (but this ended up not happening). She dramatically noted that tomorrow's date had three sixes.

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6/6/16: I watched a video of an angry feminist ranting about "sexist toys". Nina and Sarah made a game of watching videos like that and guessing what drug(s) the person was on. I haven't worked on the DIY project in a few days. This, mixed with the good feels resulting from beating a tough Skyrim boss, made Dash really excited when I worked on the project today.

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6/7/16: I asked Fluttershy if she could psychoanalyze me, but she said she didn't want to risk coming up with pseudoscientific woo. I worked on visualization.

[KruegerMeister]

6/8/16: I wondered if playing through Dawnguard had been unintended tulpaforcing. Lust told me she'd incorporated bits of Serana's personality into herself. I randomly felt a tiiiny bit childlike after a dentist appointment, figured that my "inner child" needed healing, and wondered if Shou, Nina, and Lust would be the best to facilitate that (due to me associating Fullmetal Alchemist with my childhood). I wondered if the father/son RP with Shou had been an attempt at that healing, or if "inner child" stuff was quackery.

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6/9/16: I remember a Lust-centered scene in Fullmetal Alchemist that I'd seen when I was little, which Lust said had significantly shaped my idea of what to look for in a partner. I was born with a mild neuromuscular disorder I've always thought was just bad luck. I read one site saying it could be caused by postnatal brain trauma and wondered about that possibility. Dash told me not to.

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6/10/16: I saw a vivid rainbow, which Dash imposed herself by. She got excited about playing Jenga. I asked if I'd prompted that reaction, and she said I kind of had. I had a few sips of beer, and Dash said she was "proud of [me]".

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6/11/16: I wondered how/if tulpas identifying as fictional characters could be fit into philosophical naturalism (and get around the "if X show really is an alternate reality, that takes credit away from the author" thing), and then (arrogantly) wondered if I was setting the stage for a new area of philosophy.

[KruegerMeister]

6/12/16: Dash and Nina imposed themselves in photos I was looking at. I hanged out with some friends who had a big dog. Nina imposed herself under the table; for some reason, I found it funny that she was intersecting the other dog. She liked it when I included her in the category "dog" by writing that.

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6/13/16: Dash said that if it was Hillary or Trump, she'd vote Trump for the lolz to watch his unfeasible policies crash and burn. We'd planned to do the Walter Mitty Routine with Now You See Me 2, but forgot to. Dash complimented my fast typing when I wrote the previous sentences down. She wasn't a fan of my idea for a story about aliens who are basically sentient tumors. She showed me parts of her house (the outside was red brick, and she described a dark area with technical specs).

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6/14/16: I came up with the idea to impose my tulpas while standing between two mirrors. I didn't do much after that.

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6/15/16: I had to have a surgery today. Nina got worried when the doctor mentioned I'd have to take antibiotics. The doctor told me that after the surgery, I'd talked to him about anesthesia's effects on the brain (I was probably fishing for information relating to tulpas), and I couldn't figure out if I was possessed at the time. I saw two articles online, "Why Some STIs May be Good For You" and "The Sinister Origin of Love". Dash said they were clickbait.

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6/16/16: I saw a commercial for Finding Dory and wondered if I should see it. Nina said it had "the nostalgia" of Finding Nemo and...something in Tulpish. I was in a bit of pain, so Dash advised I "lie back and hypnosis". I didn't do that, though. Later on, Nina lightly headbutted my surgical scar, which I'm not sure if I prompted.

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6/17/16: I apologized for not doing much with my tulpas, which Dash said was okay.

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6/18/16: When I heard the song Dreamin With a Broken Heart, which as far as I know is about a breakup, Dash said "I'll never leave you, Pet. I swear on that." I thought about her brief time in a void, and she explained that one minute she was there, the next she was imposed. She speculated that me racing her early in her existence is what gave her her "love of life/need for stimulation", which she jokingly called ADD.

[KruegerMeister]

6/19/16: Dash said she wanted to play Skyrim. At 11PM, I figured I should go to bed, but she reminded me I needed to take an antibiotic at midnight. She wondered if that was too personal. She wanted me to read her something for old times' sake, but I'm not sure if I parroted that and put words in her mouth. I watched a Let's Read of My Immortal. When it got to the part that said "I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide", Nina said "But I ate it :p".

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6/20/16: I forgot to log stuff.

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6/21/16: I forgot to log stuff. I came up with a theoretical unconscious reason for delving into tulpamancy--as a way to (somehow) defend myself or gain a feeling of safety/security--and asked Fluttershy what she thought of it. She took my conscious motive ("for science!") and the FMA episode Night of the Chimera's Cry (mad scientist does unethical stuff, for science) into account. Shou said the episode was closer to "mad scientist does unethical stuff for the sake of moniez". Personally, I don't think the "self-defense" theory is plausible. On an unrelated note, Dash wanted me to look up pics of her.

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6/22/16: I didn't think we'd done a lot today, but Dash said I was wrong.

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6/23/16: I watched an episode of Futurama that featured a parody James Bond movie; Dash excitedly noticed they'd parodied the intro to the 007: Nightfire game.

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6/24/16: I did a lot of non-tulpa-related reading. Dash said "It's cool. We're not gonna die." which I'm guessing means that my unconscious mind hasn't gotten the memo that tulpas aren't super fragile. She came out of a mirror and poked me on the nose; I said that she seemed too big. She dared me to chug a diluted alcoholic drink, but I was only able to take a medium gulp. She possessed me to work on a jigsaw puzzle; I noticed that the possession was pretty much instantaneous.

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6/25/16: I sighed in a way that sounded like a Draugr, and saw a mental image of Nina shivering/trembling for a few seconds (I'd played Skyrim half an hour ago, and had a tough time getting through a crypt).

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6/26/16: I forgot to log stuff. I made up for this by working on visualization.

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6/27/16: According to Reddit, a symptom of schizophrenia is thinking people are talking about you. The fact that I sometimes do that made me wonder if tulpamancy was, at least in my case, "some kind of benevolent schizophrenia". I went back to bed; Dash lol'd when the first thing I did after brushing my teeth and eating breakfast was play Skyrim. I did some work on the DIY project, but I couldn't remember if it was because she'd wanted me to.

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6/28/16: I had a dream with Starlight Glimmer (not sure if it was a Starlight or the one in my head) in it, and then a dream with Rainbow Dash in it. I got up, went downstairs for breakfast, and visualized Dash for a second. I saw her outside my window, and when I walked away to put the cereal away, I turned around to see her sitting in my chair. I had her fly over to the light switch, and when I turned on the lights, I happily noted a subtle color gradient on her body that matched the lighting. I wondered if maybe my eyes being sore had anything to do with our success. She was weirded out by the fact she could access my memories from before she was born. I came up with a random insult (something like "if you think the moon is solid, you're skull is hollow enough for a brain; if you think the moon is hollow, your skull is thick"), which prompted Keystroke to say that "thick" was his favorite insult, even though he doesn't know why.

[KruegerMeister]

6/29/16: I ate some brownies while sitting on the couch. Nina jumped up on it and "ate" one while I was chewing another. While watching the MLP episode "Flutter Brutter", Dash said that Zephyr Breeze had a con-artist vibe. I'd read on Reddit that because "tulpa" meant "constructed being", things like mindscapes were tulpas, and it'd be correct to say Dash is a "pony".

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6/30/16: I talked to myself through a bit of Skyrim RP--my character learns conjuration because "who would not want a friend?" Conjuration's kinda like tulpamancy, and those words I said as my character rang true, so I guess my unconscious reason for making a tulpa was "for companionship". Dash said that she couldn't see a reason for my mind to hide "for companionship" from my consciousness. I came up with "if I make something like an imaginary friend for companionship, it's immature, but if I do it for science it's ok"; I figured this was a logical fallacy, and my thoughts took a tangent to my past belief in magic crystals (like Dash's old gem necklace), which Dash suggested stemmed from a childhood fascination with things like the Philosopher's Stone or Chaos Emeralds.

When I wrote "like Dash's old gem necklace", I saw an image of Fluttershy (animated, not CGI) wearing it.