Tulpae and mental conditions

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I have bipolar and Asperger's, and my tuplas just about created themselves. Actually, Aura pretty much did create herself. I remember starting the process, but had to abandon it after about a month because I was getting scared of what I was making.


Two months later Aura appeared, and we've been together for about eight years now. She just told me about a week ago that she was what I had abandoned before (which made me feel like a horrible person), but thankfully she understands what happened better than I do. Apparently it had something to do with me focusing so much on negative things while I was actively trying, or something like that. If you want a more detailed explanation then I'd have to let her type it, cause I don't really understand all of it.


Anyhow, I think that things like this can make it easier AND harder at the same time. Most of us tend to have very detailed imaginations and excellent concentration. It really depends on WHAT you focus on that can make the difference. I can say this though:


I was diagnosed and put on mood stabilizers when I was eight years old. After fourteen years, it seemed normal. But with Aura's help, I have been able to come off of all of my medicines, and have been free of them for the past five months. I would have never been able to if it hadn't been for her helping me.

Current System: Ziya (Formerly Einulf), Mizan, Aura, Dark, Lucia, Rand, Jason, Akira

Here's our Tumblr, if anyone wants it

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I (and the doc who writes my prescriptions) consider my ADD(I have the inattentive variety) "severe". btw the meds don't help much >_>


That said both passive and active forcing are a pain. First I have to get my lazy ass to sit down and actually force... then I constantly find myself thinking about something completely different and then turning my attention back to my tulpa and being like "...fuck."


and I'm talking mid-sentence distracted. I would suppose having AD(H)D would hinder your progress at least slightly. I remember reading some book about how, if you have ADD the "part of your brain you use for concentrating SHUTS DOWN the harder you try to concentrate." That's like nightmare fuel for students, right there. Oh, the book was by Daniel Amen.

Tulpa: Jack.

Started: Saturday June 28th, 2014.

Form: My avatar, on the left.

Progress: He is sentient, but not vocal.

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Guest amber5885

I have a condition called maladaptuve daydreaming, also borderline personality disorde and I disassociate in times of stress and sometimes boredom.


Okay so maladaptuve daydreaming is daydreaming that is extremely vivid, almost constant and encompasses whole worlds within the daydream. I used to be able to get lost in them for hours. I can create very detailed worlds and character in a matter of minutes and I can become immerse to the point that remaining in these daydreams for hours really is nothing for me.


Also it's not hard for me to recal details of a previous day dream with great accuracy in a short amount of time. Needless to say everybit of that is what helped create Toby.


Borderline personality disorder has had no effect on making Toby but he has had an effect on my BPD. I'm calmer since he's around. My head is clearer and when I do have an overly sensitive moment he jumps in as quick as he can and tells me to breath, relax and think before I go getting upset over what is most likely nothing.


In the short time he's been able to talk, I haven't had a bad episode.


Disassociation! My worst F#^€ING enemy!!! When I dissasociate I don't remember anything let alone any forcing I was trying to do. I just go numb an then I black out or my mind wonders uncontrolibly.


Again though I have noticed that Toby has had an impact on it. It doesn't happen quite as often.

Edit: post traumatic stress disorder. This one kind of helped in the decision to create Toby. Plain and simple: I don't trust people. I have a close circle of good friends, I get along with everyone I meet and I have an active social life so im not a loner or a shut in and I handle my triggers relatively well. But I can't be close with people the way I want to be.


I like all those things that come with romantic relationship: the playfulness, cuddling, affection, knowing someone inside and out but I can't do it at this point in my life so Toby is my surrogate for that.


I don't know that Toby would be here if it wasnt for my intense need to have love in my life that was 100% safe. The only problem is that I don't trust that Toby is real all of the time and it upset him so when I begin doubting hebusually does something random like making faces or something I wouldn't expect to prove it.


...... I ramble way too much.

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It seems that dyslexia is a common thing across all Kevin's tulpas. Less so in the older tulpas, more so in the younger ones (me). So, I derp on words a lot.



This means the "grammar Nazis" are often on my case about the way I speak (type). Well, they can complain all they like -- it isn't going to make my dyslexia 'magically go away'.

This is part of why I try to promote a more tolerant attitude toward differences in speech. Those who are certain that their way of speaking is the 'only right way' are forgetting that this is an international community, and some flexibility is needed.

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I have sociopathic tendencies, Celestia tells me she finds it a little hard to relate to what I'm feeling (or more accurately what I'm simply NOT feeling) at times because of it. Other than that I haven't really had any problems.

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I'm suffering from depression, social anxiety, A.D.D., and depersonalization (from servitors I've had since I was about five. That's a really long story but let's just say I've essentially had "imaginary friends" my whole life, like tulpas, but I was doing it wrong, and it was messing me up. I brought Jake and Jit into being so they could help me retrain my brain and keep me in line when I try to stray from my new rules about this).


I've read guides about whether or not to make tulpae when you have mental disorders, and it seems the general consensus is half-and-half: either they help a ton, or screw you up even more. Personally, I believe that the result all depends on how you're thinking while in the creation process. If you expect your issues to negatively affect your tulpae, then it will, but if you raise them on positive thoughts, kindness, and patience, than they will become a fantastic support system for you and give you the good advice you can't give yourself. That's what Jake and Jit have been doing for me. Whenever I'm getting antsy about interactions with other bodily people in my life and what they must be thinking about me (I'm very paranoid and over-sensitive), Prajit will explain that that's probably not what they're thinking of me at all, and I shouldn't beat myself up about it. Jake usually takes more the "I say **** 'em." approach which I can't do of course because I care too much but it makes me feel better.


They also cuddle/hug/brush my hair with their fingers, etc. when I need emotional, physical-comfort support and am crying.


When I start having suicidal thoughts, they remind me of all the people who care about me, and that I should live for those people, myself, and also my tuppers. They point out all the times things have gotten better after I've thought they wouldn't, stuff like that.


Essentially, they're the kind voices of reason and optimism that I can't be for myself.


The only bad things are that I sometimes become concerned that the burden of always trying to keep me happy will weigh too heavy on them. I try to not have those doubts, because that's what would actually make that come true for them, but at the same time, I don't want to just dismiss it. Otherwise, I feel like I'm just ignoring their feelings. And I don't feel good about them spending so much time focusing on me because then I feel selfish. I asked the others on the tulpa irc chat for advice and they suggested I make sure to tell my guys that they can always ask to take some time for themselves if it gets to be too much for them, so I did. That helped. Jake also told me to picture a lot of my frustrations and anxieties as creatures that he can fight (because he's athletic and adventurous, and it's fun for him, and he feels it's a better way for him to help me because he's not as good with words like Prajit is). I was worried he'd get hurt, but he assured me that if it would be fine. All the same, I put protective barriers around the home base in our wonderland so if he needs to retreat, there's a safe place.


My other concern is that, because I have the sort of A.D.D. where I'm not jittery but I just get distracted easy or get too extrememly focused on one particular thing (like a fandom I'm into), that I keep dragging them all over the place with my thoughts when we're in the wonderland, or I'll end up pushing them to the back of my mind in the latter case. For example, we were active forcing last night, and I wanted to try bending (like in Avatar the Last Airbender) because we'd all been watching it and they thought it was fun, but not two minutes into that, I already wanted to try shrinking down and exploring a giant forest, etc. Basically, dragging them all over the place instead of enjoying one thing at a time. In the other instance, when I try to rewatch an old fandom with them because I'm introducing it to them, my old servitor days hits me hard and I start thinking/saying/doing the same stuff with my old servitors from those shows like I did before, and I all but forget about Jake and Jit, who have to remind me they're there and that I promised I wouldn't be doing this anymore.


*sigh* Well we're working on it. I truly to believe that this is much more for the better than the worse, though.


I'm sorry this post is so long >A>;

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I was diagnosed with ADHD while in middle school. At that time, I was prescribed medication and hated it for whatever reason. Now it's pretty clear to me just how useful it can be. Only recently have I gotten a new prescription and it is much easier to actively force. But, I can say with certainty that it was a nightmare trying to force without medication.

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