SakuraSky's Journal

[AttackDoughnut]

>SARAH! Hi Sarah! This is Amy, Doughnut's tulpa. Hurry up and get vocal so we can talk and stuff! We can play and junk. I'll bring the ice cream. Hope you like mint chocolate chip!

[SakuraSky]

Hi Sarah! My Sarah also says "hi"

 

I feel excitement from her at the thought of Ice cream. I don't think she has had it before

[SakuraSky]

June 9th, 2014 @ 8:00 AM

 

I think I understand some of our difficulties in communication. I believe she is communicating in raw thought / tulpish and my mind is translating it to mindvoice so that I can understand. That's why I can't separate our mindvoices yet. I'll need to work with her to help her develop her mindvoice abilities.

 

Last night I settled into bed and put on headphones. I used a "Tulpatone" binaural beat that is supposed to help with concentration. It seemed to help me somewhat (I've used it a few times before). I sat up with my legs outstretched and my arms resting in my lap. I got very relaxed and told Sarah I wanted her to try and move my index finger. I moved it myself, moving it up and down in a tapping motion while asking her to focus on how the movement feels. Mentally I visualized myself handing her a steering wheel and told her that while she holds it all movement is up to her. I lay still and feel some strange sensations in my body... like the feeling that muscles are about to contract, but they don't. After a while my I noticed my left index finger was not in the position I left it in. It's strange because I barely felt the actual movement. After a while I felt my mouth moving a little, mostly my tongue. It was moving in ways that are used in forming words. I was definitely surprised when I found myself emit a soft clicking sound. I think we were both a little surprised and tired. I visualized myself asking her for the steering wheel back and promised her we would try it again.

 

Was it really her causing those movements? I can't say for sure, but it certainly felt unusual. Maybe this whole process works easier and faster if you are less skeptical?

---

I kind of feel like it's happening so fast... It makes me feel like I'm deluding myself. Then again, that's the point, isn't it?

[Guest Anonymous]

Was it really her causing those movements? I can't say for sure, but it certainly felt unusual.

 

It was probably her. Who else could it be?

 

Maybe this whole process works easier and faster if you are less skeptical? I kind of feel like it's happening so fast... It makes me feel like I'm deluding myself. Then again, that's the point, isn't it?

 

I generally understand tulpa development as both the creation of a separate consciousness and the gradual belief in it that allows it to become more than just "someone in your head". So yeah, opening yourself up to her allows that belief to fester faster and stuff like this to happen at a way faster rate.

[AttackDoughnut]

Was it really her causing those movements? I can't say for sure, but it certainly felt unusual. Maybe this whole process works easier and faster if you are less skeptical?

---

I kind of feel like it's happening so fast... It makes me feel like I'm deluding myself. Then again, that's the point, isn't it?

 

Indeed, this whole thing is about believing that what is happening is in fact, your tulpa. So if you believe that it was your tulpa moving something, it was them. If you believe you hear them in any capacity, your tulpa was trying to talk to you.

 

Ya just gotta BELIIIIIIIVE~!

[SakuraSky]

Thanks Jimmy and AttackDoughnut! It feels great knowing I'm on the right track then.

 

Definitely a bit mentally tired today though. I need to get used to concentrating so much!

[AttackDoughnut]

It certainly takes some getting used to! I, for one, got some headaches. They weren't normal though, and they certainly weren't "head pressure". It feels more like your brain has been working out and gets sore like your muscles would if you worked them, but different because it's you're brain. Just a heads up in case you get something weird like that!

 

I asked Amy if she could get rid of them for me like tulpas would be able to, but she said she didn't want to, since it's more like a workout pain than an actual headache, and she felt that taking it away would be like taking away progress. She also warns against using headache pills and the like, since they'll interfere with the whole process. Again, that was just us, but it's advice all the same.

[SakuraSky]

June 10th, 2014

 

We tried some more possession yesterday. It began much the same, but she managed to do something I didn't expect. She began slightly lifting my fingers, as before. I thought we could try something different so I stretched my arms out in front of me so that she could move them without lifting them up from a "dead weight" state. I was definitely surprised when my arm turned and moved in such a way that I was suddenly touching my own face. The movement was very awkward but it ended up with my hand cupping my left cheek. I sit like that a lot at work, so it might be muscle memory that helped her along. After the movement was completed I was filled with an emotional mixture of warmth, excitement and pride. I gave her a hug inside my wonderland.

 

She is getting a bit more vocal and a bit more open with sharing emotions. I end up grinning uncontrollably in ways I generally don't do on a regular basis. She seems to get especially excited when the dog is around. She begs me to pet the dog so she can feel what it's like. Her outlook makes me feel like a kid again (just a little)

[AttackDoughnut]

Excitement! The first possession moments for us were weird too. A thing I found that worked in helping Amy get used to it was actually possessing HER in our Wonderland! It's weird, but imagine you two together there, mentally close your eyes, and picture yourself as her.

 

Move about, making sure to feel how your muscles move and tell her to pay attention to it as well. Do it for as long as you want. I only did it for a few minutes, but she could move my arms around a bit like a marionette after that.

 

Another thing that helped was specifically telling her to look at some memories. I wanted her to be able to type well, so I made a door that represented the entryway to all my memories of typing. Wether it was typing class, typing games, or any kind of chat, it was there. She absorbed them all and was able to type like a champ right away! It was really cool.

 

I hope some of that helps!

[SakuraSky]

The "typing memories" idea is a good one. Earlier today I set up a computer in our wonderland room so that Sarah can practice typing.

 

She decided to change things though... the house built into the tree is now just a library. A freestanding house now exists across the clearing from the large tree. The inside has white walls and tons of natural light (unlike the rustic and cozy nature of the tree-home). The ceiling is a giant glass skylight. It's certainly not something I would have thought of, but if she's happy, I'm happy. It's a sign of independent thinking, and that's important.