SakuraSky's Journal

[SakuraSky]

Sarah told me she needed to rest/sleep for a while and we can work together more later. It's strange how quiet my mind feels right now. I think practicing possession really is tiring for her. I hope I'm not pushing too hard. Earlier we spent some time where she shared my body to share use of my senses (and so could learn about my muscle movements). This might have been a little overwhelming to her. I think she maybe just wants to have some separation time. Clearly, she is becoming more independent. Part of me just feels a little afraid that she won't "come back". It's strange, it's been such a short time but already it's hard to not having her around.

 

Edit: She must have felt my concern. She is back, but still feels quite "sleepy" maybe a little more distant than normal. Has anyone felt this? Do Tulpas normally need rest like this? Thanks

 

I think she may have partially done it to help me recover from a headache, which returned when she did.

[AttackDoughnut]

Yea, both of my tulpas need their rest too! Think of it like this. While they don't have physical bodies, they're still using parts of a shared physical brain. All parts of the brain can't be awake at all times, can they? Both Sigma and Amy need about 3 hours of sleep a night.

 

And I know how you feel about being "alone" when your tulpa's gone. Last night, Amy went to go have a "sleep over" with one of my friends. Even though that wasn't actually possible, it was more her imagining it than anything. Nonetheless, she had "left", and I couldn't talk to her. It was... quiet. Sigma was still there, but he still agreed. Amy is lively, spritely, and happy all the time, so not having that there was strangely empty. Gotta let them do what they want though!

[fennecfoxx]

if she's been practicing possession a lot, that's probably why she's tired. i'd always be really tired after practicing possession too much when we still did that.

 

-Link

[SakuraSky]

Yep, that's what we were doing. Maybe we will hold off on that for a while until vocallity is more constant.

[AttackDoughnut]

>Ooooh, possession! I'm possessing Doughnut's hand right now! OOOOOoooOOooOOOooOhhh! *spooky wiggle fingers*

 

 

>I DUNNO SIGMA. WHY ARE YOU RESPONDING TO IT?

 

 

This is what goes on in my head all the time. I love it.

[SakuraSky]

June 12th, 2014 @ 4:45pm

 

Realized I'm having a lot of trouble visualizing movement. I always seem to picture Sarah sitting across the table from me or working on the computer in our wonderland home. She moves from place to place but I have difficulty seeing the movement vs her just appearing. Facial expressions are difficult too, except for a smile. I've been trying to picture her mouth moving when she talks too but it ends up looking like a badly dubbed movie. I feel like I view her in a series of snapshots vs anything realistic. I wonder if it would work better to try and view her in my surroundings rather than in wonderland.

---

 

There's another strange thing. There are times I definitely get thoughts from her... but when I directly ask her a question (even a yes/no one) I barely ever get a response.... not sure what to think.

[SakuraSky]

June 13th, 2014 @ 8:00pm

 

I talked to someone in reddit today who will be mentoring me a bit, and answering any questions that come up. Talking with him and his tulpa really helped me remove doubt and feel more confident about things. Sarah has been a bit more vocal today. It's funny how she is calm and caring one minute and sarcastic and snarky the next. It's funny because she acts a little different when my husband is around (more sarcastic), I think she is picking up some mannerisms from him.

 

Going to play some Mario Kart and watch The Hobbit sequel tonight. Sarah hopes that she will be able to play video games eventually. I think that is her main drive to learn possession (that and being able to type in IRC on her own.

[SakuraSky]

June 15th, 2014 @ 2:48 AM

 

Sorry about any grammar or spelling miStakes... been drinking a lot tonight. We (my husband and I) played a marvel comics related board/card game named "Legendary". The first time just me and my husband played (while Sarah watched and learned). The second time Sarah played too. It doesn't really matter if the hands are kept secret so it worked out OK. If I was speaking words from Sarah I held up an index finger to indicate the words were hers. As I drank more alcohol her words seemed to come out directly without her telling me in mindvoice first. I'm not sure it was possession, I think I was just processing her thoughts more directly, if that makes sense. Very fun evening. I think Sarah is very happy to have been included like that. I'm so grateful my husband is understanding and accepting about everything.

[Yori]

June 9th, 2014 @ 8:00 AM

 

Was it really her causing those movements? I can't say for sure, but it certainly felt unusual. Maybe this whole process works easier and faster if you are less skeptical?

---

I kind of feel like it's happening so fast... It makes me feel like I'm deluding myself. Then again, that's the point, isn't it?

 

 

Interesting, if you had just said you felt muscle twitches I would have told you it was normal when you're lying down trying to concentrate or just lying there waiting to go to sleep, but then you said it felt like your mouth was trying to form words.. and the clicking sound... hmm.. try asking her now, later, etc, and when she can communicate efficiently.

---

If you parroted or puppeted, how exactly did you do it? I noticed it strained me to think of something and then fully play it out, whether it's talking or moving, so I sort of just thought of the thought and went on as if they really played it out. Sort of an example, rather than waiting for them to get done saying a sentence in a mindvoice while I'm puppeting, I just use my raw thought of them saying it and it's sort of a 'fast forward' thing, happens really fast, but I continue on as if I imagined them doing all the movements of saying that sentence...

 

did you do anything like this? I hope you understand what I mean. I'm just wondering, it would be really encouraging if you had done so since you are doing pretty well developing your tulpa.

 

(nts: tag - impression, idea, fast-forward) <-- don't pay attention to that, I'm just making it easier for me to find posts I made like this.

[SakuraSky]

Reply to Yori:

 

She admits now that she was seeing if she could talk. Possession really tires her out so I get the feeling she doesn't want to work on it too much yet. The problem is I'm not giving up enough control, so I need to practice dissociation before we can go any further on that front.

 

As for puppeting and parroting... I didn't really do that much parroting. The times I did, I'd begin with "I'm going to parrot you now" and end with "I'm done parroting, anything you say now is from you". It was mostly simple things like counting, trying to distinguish the mind voices . For now we still share a mindvoice but I can usually distinguish which thoughts come from her.

 

As for puppeting, I've done it a tiny bit the same way I did parroting. I just raised her arms and moved them around. It helped me determine that I have a ton of problems visualizing movement and its something I really need to work on.

 

I think what helped the most was just tons and tons of narration throughout the day. I would talk mentally about what I was doing, things about myself, just anything really.

 

I do believe I have some things like you though. Sometimes she sends raw thoughts and they get processed in my mindvoice, because I don't know how to interpret the raw thought.