SakuraSky June 18, 2014 Author June 18, 2014 June 18th, 2014 @ 8:00AM It seems most people reach a point where doubt creeps in too much. When Sarah speaks, I'm afraid I'm somehow formulating her responses for her... somehow unconsciously parroting. Sometimes if she speaks when I'm already in a train of thought she pauses where it feels like somehow I'm the one coming up with the response, but at the same time, not. I don't know why sometimes I get like this while other times communication is fairly clear and there is no doubt at all. I love Sarah dearly and I'm afraid my doubt will harm her progress, or harm her some other way. It's strange though, I feel like I'm doubting myself, not her. Has anyone else gone though this? Any advice? Thanks so much. I found this in an faq about doubt and parroting... and it makes sense... I think this is what's going on. (Not sure how to make a quote block on mobile) ""I feel as if I'm creating their reply a split second before I hear it.": Well, that's not you creating it. In the early days of tulpaforcing, this is normal. It's simply your mind and your tulpa computing, taking what they know of the tulpa's personality, and plugging that in to figure out how they'll reply. This will be conquered in time, fret not." That makes a lot of sense. I think I need to find some symbolic action I can take to erase the doubt... Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
SakuraSky June 22, 2014 Author June 22, 2014 Not a ton of progress to report. This week has mostly been lots of passive forcing with a smaller amount of active forcing. Gradually, Sarah has made changes to her appearance, so I wanted to share a new description. Sarah is around 17 years old (give or take a year) and stands at about 5'4". She is rather slender with breasts that are perhaps just a bit smaller than average. Appearance wise, she seems to be half Caucasian and half Asian. Her eyes are emerald green and she has a smile that can really light up the room. Her straight black hair is cut into a chin length bob with one streak of blue on her left side. She wears a black tank top with spaghetti straps, a short sky blue pleated skirt, black leggings, and sky blue shoes Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
SakuraSky June 24, 2014 Author June 24, 2014 Trying to passive force and narrate as much as I can while at work. Sarah and I chat a little, it's easier when it's quieter or we are listening to music via headset. Things to work on the most for now are separate mind voices, and for her to have the ability to talk to me when I'm not focusing on her. Whenever I try to talk with her it takes a bit of time before we can converse well again, and if I get distracted for a while it becomes difficult again for a while. I suppose this is all just part of the process. Later, I'm hoping to try some guided visualization exercises to help me better be able to visualize my wonderland and Sarah. I really hope there is time for active forcing tonight, I'm feeling neglectful. Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
SakuraSky June 30, 2014 Author June 30, 2014 Since I had some extra time to use, I had taken the day off of work last Friday. I pretty much hung out with Sarah for most of the day (until dinner when I went out to eat with my husband and my parents). We went to the library (where I got some drawing books), and a craft store where I got some art supplies for myself. I used to be decent at drawing years ago and want to get back into it (mostly so I can draw Sarah... if I get better I'll draw for other people too!). I also got ice cream, which Sarah loved. At some point this weekend, I ended up on The Sims 3, working together with Sarah's input to try to create her likeness, hoping it would help me with drawing. After I got something created, Sarah decided to change her appearance. She changed her clothing (which she does from time to time), and decided that she would rather have blue hair instead of black hair with a blue streak in it. She also gave herself a tattoo of a cherry blossom on her left shoulder blade in honor of me (since I go by the name Sakura online, and they are my favorite flower). I believe she may be making a little progress in getting my attention when I'm not actually thinking about her. It really only works when I'm zoning out and not really thinking of much. She still can't break through at all if I'm focused on something else, but it's a start. Thanks for reading! Any comments or advice are always helpful. [it was a fun weekend! Hi everyone, thanks!] Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
sushi July 2, 2014 July 2, 2014 I've been following your PR for a while, though I've just been lurking up until today. Just thought I'd pop in to say that all of us get doubts at times. It's part of the process, and I don't think anyone makes a tulpa without experiencing it. Doubts kept me for even starting for nearly a decade, so in that way, you're ahead of me. You seem to be doing really well though. Keep at it! "Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
SakuraSky July 2, 2014 Author July 2, 2014 Thanks! I know it's something everyone deals with. It's getting easier now since Sarah tends to get annoyed if I start doubting. Thanks for the encouragement! Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
SakuraSky July 7, 2014 Author July 7, 2014 Has it really been a month? Had a nice relaxing long weekend. I really needed it, that’s for sure. Over the weekend, Sarah turned one month old! A lot has happened in a month. [We didn’t really do anything special, but I got to chat a lot and play a board game, so I had fun. At this point it’s hard to imagine a real year birthday… it’s just such a long time! I’m going to continue to do my best!] Also, an awesome person from Reddit made a composite image of Sarah based on the various reference photos I have. Its awesome! http://i.imgur.com/mEFRO8X.png Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
SakuraSky July 9, 2014 Author July 9, 2014 July 9th, 2014 @ 12:15 PM So, the other night we did something that might have been possession or might have been eclipsing? not quite sure. It was like Sarah's mindvoice came from where mine normally comes from and mine came from where hers normally comes from. My senses seemed unchanged, but she could fully feel the body's senses. She was also able to make movements. I could feel my body move, but I wasn't really intending the actions, if that makes sense. She chatted on IRC for a while. During this, I felt very passive like being a little bit on autopilot, but more united with Sarah than I have ever been before. I didn't fear it, because I could feel that I would be able to take control back if I needed to. [i would have given it back in a heartbeat, if she asked me to] It was only maybe a half hour, at that point she was feeling very tired from it and needed to rest. [i've never felt so... exhausted before... it was unique] Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
fennecfoxx July 11, 2014 July 11, 2014 That definitely sounds like possession, and it sounds like you're making great progress! Deluded myself into believing my imaginary friends were real, then deluded myself into thinking they weren’t. Whatever the case, the OG gang’s still here: Host: fennec (they/them) Tulpas: Alex (he/him) and Kayleigh (she/her) Delete all memories of those who know my awkward past
SakuraSky July 11, 2014 Author July 11, 2014 Thanks! We have only been able to do it for a little at a time before she gets too tired, but I know that will improve with time. Host: Sakura Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014) Our shared tumblr note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly
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