Jay July 28, 2014 Author July 28, 2014 7/26-- We started the day with a shower, which always seems to help me focus on Yuli. Afterwords I asked her how she applies her makeup, and she went through the process more slowly, working first on her lips and then eyes and eyelashes. Throughout the day I kept her in mind while occasionally trying to talk with her and have her respond with text bubbles. Although less than optimal, it seemed to work well, and her responses seemed to come instantly, but I'll need more time to conclude its effectiveness. I believe she'd prefer to talk with her mind-voice instead of muted text, so this method is more of a place-holder for communication until we can work out something better. Most attempts to have her respond in her mind-voice have been met with silence or responses that feel like myself responding out of habit/impulse; the few times I've "heard" Yuli have been when I'm not directly trying to get a response from her. Just before bed I attempted visiting Yuli in our wonderland. My entry point is almost always in the upstairs bedroom of a two-storey house, currently the only persistent wonderland that I have. I'll usually start by deciding what clothing I want to wear and imagine adjusting it and looking at myself in a tall mirror. Outfits that are more complex - that include pieces like ties, shoes and buttons - can help me ease into close-eyed visualization; others that can simply be slipped on are convenient when I want to jump in quickly. While I was dressing myself I was suddenly picked up from underneath my arms by Yuli. I asked her to set me down but began to have the sensation of being shaken - an accidental loop or something. Anyway, eventually I was able to stabilize myself and talk to her. This didn't last long, however, because she then teleported from where she was sitting to sleeping in bed. I was disappointed and frustrated that a productive wonderland session had to end so quickly and abruptly - no 'good nights' or 'see-you-tomorrows,' just myself and mental silence. Deciding that there were better things for me to do than let a little setback annoy me, I took advantage of the situation and created a gift for Yuli. I made a gothic-like outfit for her, with gloves, a dress, stockings and head-wear, all in shades of black and white so that it'd be easier for me to visualize; in addition I wrote a positive and inspiring note as best I could in-wonderland, and placed in on top of a nice box that held the outfit. 7/27-- Yuli wore the outfit I made for her! Whether she liked it or not, the fact that she used something that I made for her raised my spirits immensely. The clothing seemed to become the default outfit for the day, so whenever I visualized her, I saw her wearing it. The presence of new details and shapes made it more interesting to visualize her throughout the day. Halfway through my evening shift, Yuli decided to change back into the usual tank-top and jeans.
sushi July 28, 2014 July 28, 2014 That's pretty cool. I'll have to do that myself. Fench has been picking out clothes for herself, but they're always very simple things. We never designed anything more elaborate. "Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
Jay July 29, 2014 Author July 29, 2014 7/28-- We left early in the morning for a short walk down to the grocery store. Because we didn't work today, Yuli decided not to wear any makeup and just relax in a tank-top and jeans. I picked up some new coffee that I believe was locally roasted; the last one I bought had a unique flavor when made in our espresso machine, so I was hoping that a different roast/blend would be interesting to taste as well. Despite it being around 9AM, it was still very hot in the sun. I asked Yuli if she could feel the heat from it. I played a video game on the computer for an hour, but had difficulty focusing on Yuli. It's definitely something that I want to get better at, because I believe they have the potential to be a great source of interaction and narration for my tulpa, especially more story-oriented games and rpgs. A few hours later we picked some blackberries. I proposed to Yuli that she could try sun-bathing, that over time she could develop a tan which would add a shade or two of brown to her currently greenish skin. Apparently this was a good idea, because within a few seconds she was walking around the back yard naked. Throughout the afternoon, she switched between that and wearing her usual outfit while I was outside or inside, respectively. Pretty funny in hindsight. Many things that happen, like the example just mentioned, seem to be the result of my mind taking advantage of any idea or suggestion that's thrown at it. I don't doubt that another tulpa would react differently, it's just that things become very spontaneous and "random." Lastly we visited my grandparents for dinner. The couches were large and spacey, so I tried to visualize Yuli sitting next to me while we shared some wine. I drank too much too quickly which seemed to affect her, at least as much as it affected me. :) -- I forgot to mention yesterday that, while taking a break at work, I caught Yuli filing her nails. I asked her if she painted them too, and I believe she replied that they were pink. Today they may have been orange. That's pretty cool. I'll have to do that myself. Fench has been picking out clothes for herself, but they're always very simple things. We never designed anything more elaborate. Most of the time her clothes are pretty simple. Even with the gothic-like clothing, my visualization isn't good enough to imagine more than basic outlines and shapes, so all of the fine details like lace, straps and thin threads are lost. Still, fresh details seem to make visualization somewhat more vivid, at least temporarily, and I'm willing to take almost any opportunity if I believe it'll help in my tulpa's development. I guess it's something I should attempt more often. :)
Jay July 30, 2014 Author July 30, 2014 7/29-- Today was uneventful and relaxed. I spent roughly 30 minutes visualizing Yuli's form, as well as trying to visualize more detailed clothing that she could wear. I came across this 100-question list while browsing TulpaNetwork, and decided to give it a try with Yuli. Yuli seems to respond quickly to most yes/no questions that apply to her, as well as ones that can be answered in one or two words, but she still doesn't have a noticeable mind-voice, instead speaking primarily in visible text that I have to read. If asked questions that require a more detailed answer, her response quickly devolves into a jumbled mess. Finally, some questions, like "what is your greatest weakness?" are given no response, possibly because she doesn't know how to answer a question neither of us have considered ourselves. -- Drawing Yuli helps me visualize her hair and face, which I seem to have the most trouble with. Proportions in general I can't seem to nail down, but that's more an issue with my crappy drawing skills than anything else.
Jay August 1, 2014 Author August 1, 2014 7/30-- We drove a few minutes from home to help my sister pick some blackberries. When we arrived, Yuli decided to wear the same dress that she was. Later I asked if she liked the dress and why, and I believe she said "because it's red." I talked to her throughout the first half of the day, but lost focus on her for the rest of it. At night before going to sleep I visited our wonderland. I was able to talk with (who I'm nearly sure was) Yuli for a few minutes, though she seemed much more serious and her form had noticeable differences. 7/31-- This morning I spent some time with Yuli, who looked the same as she did the night before and had the same short, snarky attitude. For some reason I was confused whether I was really talking to her, because of how different she seemed. At the same time I could imagine a version of Yuli with a bright, bubbly personality. Neither matched my image of who Yuli should be, but both seemed to be different potential extremes or pieces of her personality. I made up my mind to accept both of them, because to deny either would be denying Yuli. I've no idea why I relapse in my belief, or why I'd be unsure of what to believe in terms of my perception of Yuli. The rest of the day went smoothly. Yuli wore a white sundress, and I tried seeing her and the dress in greater detail while I watered the garden. I showed her how to make banana bread, and she joined me when I left to have my hair cut. Learning and studying still require my full attention, but maybe I could try engaging Yuli with a simple activity while doing so. Lastly, I still have trouble focusing on her during the afternoon.
Jay August 2, 2014 Author August 2, 2014 8/1-- We had work this morning, but I was able to stay focused for the first half of the day. I realized that forcing might feel more difficult lately because I'm still trying to control so many details, like Yuli's clothing, makeup, etc. when I need to relax and let her decide a few more things. It's not like I made all of her choices for her, but I'd ask her questions expecting her to make a choice, instead of placing faith in her ability to make one. Anyway, it made the morning flow more smoothly; I was able to talk to Yuli without worrying about smaller aesthetic details. At one point I asked her to draw herself and a few seconds later a sketch of her popped into my mind. I once asked her to do the same with myself and experienced the same thing. At home we forced for 15 minutes, going over her form open-eyed as best I could, with me referencing her about several aspects of it. Occasionally throughout the rest of the afternoon, I'd see her sitting in a nearby chair, stiff at first glance, but then changing her position to something more natural after a second. For some reason she decided not to wear anything the rest of the day.
theimaginationborders August 2, 2014 August 2, 2014 I want to say something. Yuli is beatiful and cute as hell. I want to squeeze her cheeks and braid her hair. Also you two seem to be progressing well,keep up the good work. GO FORCE FEGGET
Jay August 3, 2014 Author August 3, 2014 I want to say something. Yuli is beatiful and cute as hell. I want to squeeze her cheeks and braid her hair. Also you two seem to be progressing well,keep up the good work. Thanks, from Yuli and myself! If there's one thing I hope to capture in drawing her, it's how I perceive her. Doing this can be difficult though, because she still seems to be in the midst of developing her personality; it's all been a very moment-to-moment process so far. :)
Guest Anonymous August 3, 2014 August 3, 2014 I came across this 100-question list while browsing TulpaNetwork, and decided to give it a try with Yuli. Just a note about that list, I wouldn't recommend doing stuff like "Who are/were your parents?" because that would create a background for your tulpa, which could leave them lonely and depressed. Also, is tulpanetwork the alternative to this site?
Jay August 3, 2014 Author August 3, 2014 Just a note about that list, I wouldn't recommend doing stuff like "Who are/were your parents?" because that would create a background for your tulpa, which could leave them lonely and depressed. Also, is tulpanetwork the alternative to this site? Pretty sure it is; two notable members from tulpa.info - Sands and waffles - are admins. I'm not sure on the specifics, however. The few times I asked Yuli those questions, I didn't get any response. Maybe because she doesn't know how to answer questions like that, or because she knows it doesn't apply to her. I've never supplied her with a background story, and I don't have any suspicions that she's done so herself or would ever do so. Who knows? I'll just have to keep an eye out on her. :)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.