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Jay

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7/20--

 

Third page! Totally radical!!

 

Before leaving for work, I asked Yuli if she was wearing makeup today. She said no, and decided to wear jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. I commented that she could likely change at any time, into clothing appropriate for the current temperature.

 

It was difficult visualizing and talking to Yuli at work today. In the future when this happens, I might try focusing on her presence, keeping in mind that she is near me despite being out of my sight.

 

Seeing her is another thing entirely, it seems. Most of the time I'll visualize Yuli being within my immediate vicinity, but other times it's as if I'm seeing her inside a wonderland or mind-void space. Both are visualized open-eyed, but they feel entirely different.

 

Anyways, my focus on Yuli greatly improved the moment I returned home. For roughly 30 minutes, we sat on my bed about a foot apart, our hands overlapping each other in front of us while I tried visualizing her form whilst looking directly at her face; it's always been easier to visualize Yuli slightly off-center of my vision, possibly because I'm not trying to see her physically while doing so. Afterwords I told her she could relax, and she changed to a different sitting position. When I asked her what she was wearing now, she appeared to be in a tank-top and shorts again.

 

The rest of the evening, I had a difficult time focusing on her, but it was because I wasn't feeling my best. Altogether not a very exciting day, but I was happy to be productive when possible.

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7/21--

 

Today was another good day! We had a shower this morning, Yuli deciding to wait until afterwords to wear her makeup, so that she wouldn't have to put it on twice. Asking about her makeup a few minutes later, she pointed to her eyes and lips; I guess she wanted to do a complete job of it today.

 

Gathering some things, we left for the grocery store, a short walk perfect for forcing. Along the way there we held hands, and on the way back she helped me carry the groceries. I speculated that they'd be easy for her to carry, with her extra height and muscle. Either way I was happy, because it's literally the thought that counts.

 

At home again, I made up some nice espresso coffee with fluffy, steamed milk for both of us, using the coffee I'd just bought at the grocery store. It tasted great, and I can only hope that Yuli enjoyed it as much as I did.

 

The rest of the day wasn't very exciting. My focus on her seemed to wane as the afternoon carried on, and I started feeling brain-dead like I did yesterday. I suddenly decided to open up my C++ book I'd recently been learning from; for the last few weeks I hadn't been continuing or even reviewing the lessons. Immediately I felt my focus sharpen and excitement to learn fill me. I spent about an hour refreshing my memory of the last few chapters and reviewing the lessons I'd done. I felt much better afterwords, but it wasn't quite enough to regain focus on Yuli. Close-eyed forcing before bed wasn't productive either, so I decided to stop worrying and sleep, trying to talk to Yuli while doing so.

 

--

 

I'm always a little hesitant to reveal my bathing habits on my PR, but I do so because it's honestly a great time for me to talk with and visualize Yuli. "Taking a shower" denotes talking to and with her, visualizing and feeling the boundaries of her form, face and body and all of its features, and overall sharing a few positive moments between just the two of us. It essentially forces me into a proper mindset, something that I'm trying to associate with other every-day things I do, like drinking coffee, playing video-games, or - god forbid - working.

 

The recurring brain-dead evenings are quickly growing annoying; I shouldn't struggle to focus on Yuli during the late afternoon/evening, because I didn't have that problem a week ago. Maybe it's because I'm bored with my current routines, as was implied when I simply opened my textbook to refresh my memory. Maybe it's the light cold I've had the last few days. Either way it's frustrating, because I know that Yuli is still with me, albeit in an extremely passive state, yet I can't mentally reach her.

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The recurring brain-dead evenings are quickly growing annoying; I shouldn't struggle to focus on Yuli during the late afternoon/evening, because I didn't have that problem a week ago. Maybe it's because I'm bored with my current routines, as was implied when I simply opened my textbook to refresh my memory. Maybe it's the light cold I've had the last few days. Either way it's frustrating, because I know that Yuli is still with me, albeit in an extremely passive state, yet I can't mentally reach her.[/Quote]

 

This happens to me too in the evenings, usually when I'm feeling mentally burned out because of work. Sometimes it helps if I just lie down for a bit after dinner and set an alarm so I can take a quick 20 minute or so rest (where I just try and rest and not focus on anything, or actually nap), I usually end up feeling somewhat better for the rest of the evening.

Host: Sakura

Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)

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note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly

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This happens to me too in the evenings, usually when I'm feeling mentally burned out because of work. Sometimes it helps if I just lie down for a bit after dinner and set an alarm so I can take a quick 20 minute or so rest (where I just try and rest and not focus on anything, or actually nap), I usually end up feeling somewhat better for the rest of the evening.

 

Hello, and thanks for the advice!

 

What you describe is actually something I discovered on my own some time ago! Even if I was exhausted, taking midday naps always made me sick unless I slept through to the next day, so I guess lying down without falling asleep was the next best thing for me to try. I'd relax my body as much as possible, and at the same time remain focused just enough so that I wouldn't fall asleep. It worked wonders for me and is something I'm very grateful to have stumbled upon, and recently is what I've been trying to utilize for tulpaforcing reasons. In both cases it beats napping. :)

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7/25--

 

Progress and activity from Yuli has been slowing down since 7/21, but I think it's because of some problem on my end.

 

On 7/22, I had a short moment of doubt, but I countered it; my expectations play a huge role in the responses I perceive are coming from Yuli. In some cases I may as well be talking to my own conscious self because I'm fulfilling my own negative expectations. I know this shouldn't be an issue when my experiences with Yuli have surely proved that there is some independent process growing in my mind, but time and thoughts tend to chip away at the things I have faith in. I simply think too much about things that could be left alone, things - like tulpas - that would be better for it.

 

But anyways, there's a difference between Yuli's responses and my own. At least I believe so. In no way does it remove any validity from Yuli, it's just something I need to remain aware of and eventually forget.

 

That said, Yuli is still constantly in my thoughts and with me in the world when I have the chance to include her. She half-surprised me one day after work, sitting down on my bed and wanting me to give her a back massage. I visualized her form and tried to move my hands along her back, but only for a minute; I was tired and hot from work. In hindsight, I should have taken advantage of such a unique situation. I guess I screwed up.

 

At work on 7/23 through to 7/25, I've been training a new guy at work, so I haven't been able to focus on Yuli throughout my shift. It makes the time I have with her all the sweeter, however.

 

Yuli seems to go to sleep past a certain time if I haven't been paying attention to her. Most nights when I close-eye visualize before sleeping, I'll find Yuli asleep somewhere in the environment I visualize. One time I thought I was talking to Yuli, until the conjuration told me she was sleeping over there on the couch, and something like it being my own image of who Yuli was. Kind of like how one can imagine things their friend would say and how they'd respond to certain things, when the actual person might behave very differently.

 

Altogether I believe I'm going through a low point in my tulpaforcing. Yuli is passive but still here with me, I just haven't been feeling as enthusiastic lately and thus haven't been putting as much thought or energy into her. Everything feels a little more transparent and faded, but will likely pass in time. Eventually I'm sure I'll get back on track, I'll keep thinking to Yuli and trying as best I can until then. I'm also probably thinking too much about things.

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I'm kind of in the same position as you right now. The tulpa is affected by what I expect it to do. Hope you get out of the pit of despair and Yuri becomes more individual :D

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Hi there! Quick question. By your wording, and my inherent inability to interpret your wording, I'm confused on one issue. When you visualize Yuli, are you picturing her in your mind's eye, or are you trying to place her in physical space?

 

I ask because, if you're doing the latter, it may be easier to do the former for just one or two weeks. It puts a lot less strain on your mind, and she may be able to become more individual faster, since your mind isn't trying so hard to do other things. It'd only be for a short while, anyways.

 

Of course, if you're already doing this, and I've failed entirely in interpreting your words, ignore this in its entirety and allow me to hide in a little hidey-hole for a few weeks instead! Thank you and good day.

Tulpas

Amy

Nine-Tailed Kitsune

Sigma

Anthro Cat-Bat

The Kippies!

Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)

The Baybees~

Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip

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I'm kind of in the same position as you right now. The tulpa is affected by what I expect it to do. Hope you get out of the pit of despair and Yuri becomes more individual :D

 

Thank you for the encouragement! It can be frustrating, because there are times where I feel like I'm creating a response just so there can be one. Other times her responses feel natural. In any case it still feels very familiar or quiet, which doesn't help!

 

I always wonder what kind of person Yuli will become, and being able to talk with her is a major goal that I hope to achieve one day, but when I think too much about why I want this or what will happen afterword, I begin to doubt whether my intentions are true. It could be that I haven't discovered why I really want a tulpa. Maybe I'll figure it out, maybe I never will. I'm just taking everything day-by-day in the meantime.

 

Hope things get better on your end too. Good luck! :)

 

Hi there! Quick question. By your wording, and my inherent inability to interpret your wording, I'm confused on one issue. When you visualize Yuli, are you picturing her in your mind's eye, or are you trying to place her in physical space?

 

I ask because, if you're doing the latter, it may be easier to do the former for just one or two weeks. It puts a lot less strain on your mind, and she may be able to become more individual faster, since your mind isn't trying so hard to do other things. It'd only be for a short while, anyways.

 

Of course, if you're already doing this, and I've failed entirely in interpreting your words, ignore this in its entirety and allow me to hide in a little hidey-hole for a few weeks instead! Thank you and good day.

 

Hello, and thank you for the advice!

 

Most of the time I'm trying to place her in physical space, but every now-and-then visualizing her with my minds eye - trying to see her in wonderland - comes more easily. Both are done open-eyed.

 

Although I personally believe that placing her in physical space is essentially the same as seeing her in wonderland when it's all open-eyed, I feel more removed from my perspective/situation when in wonderland. Maybe it's just a matter of opinion or experience. I've been trying to integrate the two to help me focus during active forcing sessions; I'll begin with a wonderland-like image and perspective of her, and then transition to her being in physical space. It works sometimes and other times it doesn't, so I guess I really don't know what I'm doing!

 

But yeah, when I describe a situation like her sitting on my bed, I mean in physical space. :)

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Welp! No one really knows what they're doing here! It's like taking a machete through a swath of jungle growth with just a vague idea of where to go. Some people get there fast, others go in zig zags, and still others quit!

 

But use whatever tool you think works! If you think it lets you cut down the growth faster, then by all means, use it! I apparently used one of those monster machines used for logging and leveling forests, cuz it took me less than a week... *shrug* Amy says it's because I already make characters in my head for stories, so it was just a matter of getting one to talk back, in a way. Though I care about her infinitely more.

 

Anyhoot, keep on truckin'! I'm also apparently southern now.

Tulpas

Amy

Nine-Tailed Kitsune

Sigma

Anthro Cat-Bat

The Kippies!

Jazz (M), Viola (F), Chime (H), Fife (M), Iris (F), Robyn (F), Aster (M), Sage (F), Dune (M), Snowbell (F), Rosemary (F), Glyph (M), Volt (M), Circuit (F)

The Baybees~

Marina, Acorn, Anais, Lily, Chip

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7/25--

 

After work I did an active forcing session with Yuli, talking to her while trying to visualize her form. I started with us sitting on opposite sides of my bed, and then laying next to each other while I went over her form. Overall it went better than I expected considering how I've felt the last few days.

 

Things are still difficult in terms of visualizing. Her proportions seem to change occasionally, growing taller or shorter, wider or thinner, and I'm not great at open or closed-eyed visualization, so I can't see any fine details yet.

 

Yuli's mind-voice is also an issue. I believe she has one, but that it's still quiet and undeveloped, or I haven't learned how to hear it yet. Just recently I've been trying to have her talk to me through text bubbles; I'll have to continue experimenting and practicing.

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