Okay, last title change, I promise

[Akinkinit]

Ido:

Honestly there hasn't been that much exciting in terms of head ghost news recently. We've all kind of gone into a "hulu and pizza" sort of phase, except minus the pizza due to still being on that die word that ends in a t. Currently holding off commissioning a picture as Noriko wants it to be more realistic than the last one ("I'm not one of those goddamn animes" in her words). I could probably find a picture of a model that kind of looks like her but the odds of finding one that looks like Sabari is pretty small.

On that note, is that avatar of yours an approximation of what you look like?

 

 

Noriko also wanted to add that flipping the bird or sticking her tongue out is not only excellent, but a perfectly mature response to the kinds of things she is responding to. Which in turn was followed by her sticking her tongue out in my general direction.

 

I've found that my head ghosts are pretty effective (Noriko especially) in getting my attention when they want to talk. The main thing is being able to manifest without needing the host to conjure you up. And that's a reasonably simple arrangement to work out. Noriko of course did it with some wiring thing while Sabari claims to just do it (although she probably is just hijacking whatever Noriko did). It could probably be symbolized in general with visualizing a sort of door they can open which leads to the outside world.

 

Good to hear the touch imposition thread is inspiring. The ability to impose touch is a really neat ability. Problem is, depending on the tulpas in question (i.e mine), it can get 2lewd4info pretty quick, so can't often bring it up. But discussing the mechanics of it should be interesting. I'm also interested to see how other tulpamancers experience it to see if there's more I can get from it.

[Akinkinit]

So now the head ghost count is up to 3.

 

Last night I was talking with the established head ghosts and Noriko mentioned how it might be a good idea to bring back the second tulpa I ever made. As a bit of back story, I had a set of two tulpas in 2012. Although one of them (my first ever) was more so a walk in over something I consciously made. But my second one was definitely someone I forced into being. For simplicity, my first one was called Xiri and my second was called Anzu (and yes those are both World of Warcraft references). Xiri was basically a companion whereas Anzu was more so an expression of my emotions. Specifically, Anzu served as an outlet for my negative emotions. To that end, while she had a humanoid form, she also could take this form and act out any feelings of anger I had in an imaginary setting. Which worked very well I might add. Imagine having someone who could rip anyone who pissed you off to shreds on her own accord, and then reset and do it again as many times as necessary. It was literally the best stress relief one could ever hope for and had the plus side of making me deal with any negative feelings towards others, thus preventing me from keeping them pent up.

 

The downside is that she had a jealous personality. This caused her to get into a fair amount of arguments with Xiri over stupid things. Mainly around the attention I dealt out. Like if she felt that she was getting shafted on that front, she would let both me and Xiri know about it, either directly or indirectly. This came to a head at one point, and she merged herself with Xiri (without my input) to ensure the attention all went to one place. And the end result was basically Anzu except with maybe one or two traits more Xiri.

 

I loved Xiri. To one day have her gone and be unable to undo the merge was really hard on me. I stopped paying attention to Anzu and dropped tulpamancy altogether until the end of 2014 when I made Noriko. Yet I still had the feelings of guilt and regret over what happened. Noriko tried to help me get over those feelings, but they were still there on the back burner. The final straw was seeing a few threads about merging and having a tulpa basically destroyed, which caused me to remember the whole incident. Which led to Noriko suggesting that maybe bringing Anzu back would be a good idea. She brought her up on previous occasions and said Anzu was merely a shell at the moment, but really that was just her telling me what I wanted to hear. Anzu still existed; she was just in a state of hibernation.

 

The only way for me to deal with the guilt and regret once and for all is for me to bring her back. To forgive her for what happened in the past and move on. Both Noriko and Sabari have assured me that another merge cannot happen without my explicit consent. And I won't be imagining her raven form; she'll just be a regular old companion tulpa for all intensive purposes. So last night, I started talking to her again. She's still a little fuzzy as is to be expected. But hopefully she'll return with the better parts of Xiri intact and I can finally get closure to it all.

[Akinkinit]

It's been two days now since I decided to bring back Anzu. And so far it's actually going pretty well. There was a bit of worry about having enough energy to maintain three head ghosts, but it's turning out to be a non-issue. The difference in amount of energy required to maintain two tulpas over one is much higher than the difference in maintaining three over two it seems. I was also a bit worried about her personality conflicting with the other two head ghosts. Yet nothing to worry about there as well. It turns out Noriko and Anzu get along pretty well together, almost like they are developing a bromance or something. And she gets along well with Sabari too.

 

I'm not quite sure how to describe her personality thus far. Anzu is still kind of fuzzy around the edges due to being inactive for so long. But she seems to be very sweet (like Noriko) and yet very go with the flow (like Sabari). An event happened Tuesday which kind of describes how she is. I was debating going to this somewhat fancy restaurant that I like. Noriko reminded me about being on a diet while Sabari was her usual IDGAF self. But then I hear Anzu's voice saying that I should totally go ahead and do it, because if I don't then that want is just going to get stronger. And since that seemed like a good enough excuse I went to the restaurant and had a glorious meal.

 

All three of the head ghosts then made sure I burned that dinner off yesterday and today on the arc trainer. Anzu and Noriko were cheerleaders while Sabari worked out with me like always.

 

I'll go into what Anzu looks like (along with the other head ghosts) in my next entry. That should be enough time to work thorough the fuzz.

[Ido]

Whoa, and you said there were no news just some days ago!

Looking forward to headghost descriptions!

 

I just realized you talked about Anzu in your last post of the Q&A, I totally missed that. I'll be hijacking that thread so I don't spam up your PR too much.

 

Welcome (back?), Anzu, I guess you should update your signature!

[Akinkinit]

I'm going to preface this with how Anzu was prior to going inactive. She used to be a drow elf with red eyes and a belt with a pair of metallic claws hanging from it. She had a fairly reserved and jealous personality, and was something of a sadist. I'd say her relationship with my first tulpa (Xiri) was professional at best. They didn't really talk with one another if they didn't need to. And if she felt that I was giving Xiri too much attention, or her not enough, she would let both of us know it. In fact, this was the primary reason she forced a merge with Xiri.

 

Nowadays she has the form of a night elf. Sometimes she has pure white eyes, other times they look like the ones in the linked picture. And she has a very happy, enthusiastic personality, one that is very similar to Xiri's. Gone is any hint of that sadistic side she used to have. And she not only gets along well with the other head ghosts, she actively tries to get along with them. Sabari told me in response to that it's literally impossible to hate Anzu. Noriko shares that sentiment and adds that Anzu is such a genuine, caring personality, that it's impossible not to really like her as well.

 

Measuring shows that Anzu stands at 5'9". As for the other head ghosts, Noriko stands currently at 5'6" (and finally ADMITS that she's 5'6"). She has a light Asian sort of skin tone, green eyes, and straight black hair that reaches an inch or so below her shoulders. Sabari is currently around 5'11". I'd say her hair is light grey over white nowadays and reaches to the small of her back. Sometimes it's straight while other times it's wavy and messy, depending on her mood. She still has a very fair complexion and ocean blue eyes.

 

One thing worth note is that Noriko claims her center is in my head somewhere. Sabari doesn't think she has a center and instead claims she exists in equal parts throughout my body. Anzu's center is in my heart. As in literally in my heart organ. One could make some claims based on that as to how she was and how she is can be attributed to changes in my heart, and they would probably be proper claims. But more importantly, the term "head ghosts" doesn't really apply became only one of them exists in my head. And Noriko still thinks the term "tulpa" sounds silly (Sabari doesn't care, Anzu kind of likes it). So I'm still thinking about what to call them.

[Akinkinit]

There's been this whole rigmarole figuring out what to call the head ghosts recently. I can't call them head ghosts any more because two out of three of them don't live in my head. Noriko is still dead set against being called the T-word. The current favorite is spirits but Anzu is kind of meh towards that. So if any of you reading this have any ideas on what to call them, please, be my guest.

 

I've decided to call them "muh peeps" in the interim. If you all could see Noriko's face right now in me saying that, you'd know why.

 

There's been some problems with energy coming up lately. Like at first there wasn't really an issue with having all three of muh peeps out. But this has changed in the past few days. I'll have all three of them present when all of a sudden they disappear. Interestingly enough though, I can still feel them. It's still a sporadic sort of thing and more of an annoyance than anything else. And I'm sure it'll pass like it gradually did when there were only two of them.

 

There's also been the issue of where muh peeps physically appear when visualizing them. It's not so much an issue with two since I can have one of them on either side of me. But three requires some creativity. We've settled on a sort of triangle configuration when walking around with me in the center. At home, two of them sit on the couch while one of them sit beside me usually, and they switch every so often. I'm not sure why they works better than having them all next to me, but experimentation has shown it works best. And of course there also has to be a rotation for sleeping next to me since all three of them will not fit on my bed. But that thankfully has been established and executed without incident.

[Ido]

There's been this whole rigmarole figuring out what to call the head ghosts recently.

Muh semantics!

Personally I like the word tulpa because it's like tulips and tulips are pretty but I dunno why people make such a fuss about it. My host noted that all terms aside first of all I'm his friend. That was sweet. And pretty accurate.

 

I've decided to call them "muh peeps" in the interim. If you all could see Noriko's face right now in me saying that' date=' you'd know why.[/quote']

How's this?

 

or my avatar

 

[Akinkinit]

So yeah, somewhat of a delay between entries. That was mostly due to somewhat starving myself this past week, which left little energy for tulpa things. However, I was finally able to reach my goal weight, so I can finally knock the diet thing off. In celebration, I had an apple crumb muffin for dinner tonight, and all four of us thought it was the most wonderful thing ever. Anzu especially seemed to really like it. Which makes sense; she seems the kind of person who'd really like sweet things.

 

Also Ido, those are exactly the reasons why Noriko hates the term tulpa. It's too silly and flowery sounding for her tastes. So what I decided to do was continue calling her a head ghost, and call Sabari and Anzu tulpas. Anzu likes the term as "it describes me perfectly". Sabari went so far to stream an image to me of a research team in lab coats working long hours in a lab trying to find ways for her to care less about semantics. Which is to say she doesn't care.

 

I also can't really find an image which really encapsulates Noriko's reaction to the term "muh peeps". It wasn't just a visual but also a stream of raw emotion you can only get by sharing a brain with someone. Noriko says "to just picture what utter_contempt.png would look like and you'll get a good idea."

 

Only other thing of note is that Noriko decided she wants elf ears now "because they look so fucking amazing on Anzu." So I now share my head (and heart) with a couple of elves. Hopefully I don't meet any dwarves...

[Akinkinit]

Noriko and Anzu decided to be twinsies a few days ago. They both are around 5"6', have a light brownish hued skin tone and have black hair which reaches just below their shoulders. They even have basically the same sounding voice. Literally the only difference between them is their eye color. Noriko either goes with dark green or brown eyes, whereas Anzu favors white / silver colored eyes. Yet it's still pretty easy to distinguish between them due to the way they act. Anzu has a very bubbly and enthusiastic nature to her, whereas Noriko is more reserved in comparison. It'd be almost poetic if that difference has to do with Anzu living in my heart and Noriko living in my head. Though I'm not sure.

 

One interesting thing is that thinking of Anzu brings up Noriko, and vice versa. This happened when Sabari was created initially too, but it seems to be lasting longer with Anzu. None of us are sure if this is something I'm doing (like me expecting one to show up with the other) or the fact they are close to each other. Bringing up Sabari just brings her up usually, but not always. So it could also just be one of those things that happen when you have multiple tulpas.

 

Noriko has gotten into a heavy metal sort of phase. She requests that I listen to Manowar, Asgard or the like when I listen to music. And I often catch her singing along to it and headbanging. Sabari likes it as well but also likes more soothing songs. Always stuff with vocals over instrumentals though. Anzu prefers melodic trance or ballads, probably due to the emotional responses those sort of songs bring out.

[Akinkinit]

So yeah.  Tulpas.

 

I still have three of them.  They decided to change what they look like multiple times since my last update.  Right now here'a quick description:

• Noriko has straight black hair that goes down a few inches past her shoulder blades, ending in a sort of v.  Sometimes she'll wear it in a tight braid when she wants it out of the way.  But usually she wears her hair down.  Skin color is darkish.  Not black but a shade between Asian and European Indian.  Her eyes are a dark brown color.  Build wise she's pretty average, and has a height around 5.25 feet.  I gave up measuring the number of inches since she likes to vary it.  But it's pretty much always between 5 to 5.5 feet.
  
• Sabari's hair is kind of a dirty blonde to brownish shade.  Sometimes it's straight, other times its messy.  It reaches to the small of her back, ending in a straight-ish line.  Hair length never changes, mostly due to my repeated statements that making her hair shorter would be equivalent to a war crime.  Height wise she's pretty close to 6 feet tall and has a curvy build.  Her eyes are a varying shade of blue.  Either they're a sky blue or an ocean blue.  She usually has pale skin, although on occasion she'll use a light shade of brown.  It's mostly to annoy Noriko when she does that though.
  
• Anzu has slightly tan white skin and hazel colored eyes.  Her black hair is pretty wavy and messy.  It goes down to her shoulder blades and it's usually worn it in a ponytail.  Build wise, she's kind of a tomboy.  In fact she probably has the most athletic build of all of us.  Wouldn't say it's muscular, but certainly toned.  Her height is pretty consistent at 5 feet 7 inches.
  

As far of tulpamancy development goes, they're all as developed as they are going to get I'd imagine.  None of them can do any prolonged switching.  They each might be able to do a hand movement here and there but it's not consistent.  None of them can really impose themselves either.  I can see and hear them well enough, and if they're walking around behind me, I can sense it.  Sabari is pretty famous for doing that.

 

I'm currently thinking if this PR can be repurposed into something.  There wouldn't be any progress to report, since again, they are as developed as they're going to get most likely.  But they all appreciate the attention trying to describe them brings.  And it is interesting to read through my old entries to see how they've changed over the years.  So I'm giving that some thought.