ReisOtherHalf March 24, 2015 March 24, 2015 All three of us here think you're a colossal badass for not yielding to your craving and not cutting. ashamed as well (...but you and Eve are bravely fighting off an addiction, taking better care of yourselves and becoming stronger with every step. There's no shame in having a craving. In fact, you should be proud of your hard work. Keep going!) I guess Eve is stronger than I thought. (It's been my experience that in order for us non-corporeal types to make a beneficial change, the host has to want to change first. I think Eve may not be the only strong one here... ◕ ◡ ◕) Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
TulpaFox March 25, 2015 Author March 25, 2015 I just wanna say that as someone who has tangoed one too many times with DXM, you're strong as fuck for not going there. Craving that disassociated state sucks. Knowing you're going down that road where there's a risk of it being a daily thing sucks. You still have your month, and Eve has your back. Props for not relapsing, making the active decision to commit to sobriety is one of the most challenging things a person can do. Ended up giving in. Like DMX said(yeah I feel the pun beneath the post), " damn that shit got him wide open, like a window, no more indo, lookin at the tv like, that coulda been yo, ass on the tv believe me"
ReisOtherHalf March 26, 2015 March 26, 2015 Ended up giving in. (It happens. Get up, dust off, try again. You got to a month once before, you can do it again. There are some people that wouldn't even try to quit, but you chose to. That's worth something. Remember that.) Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
TulpaFox March 27, 2015 Author March 27, 2015 I want to start by thanking everyone for the support. The messages, both private and public, I have received have done a lot to cheer me up. I have been able to get back on my feet fairly well. Trying to get back to things without a big hitch. I am holding off telling my Dad about it like I did the last lapse, until this semester is over so he knows there is no immediate danger. Trying to branch out socially at school and join clubs, in addition to my daily self-help stuff and therapy. Besides having 2 energy drinks and some ginseng tonight, as a reward for a few days of caffeine abstinence and an amazing score on a economics test today. Which isn't a big deal considering I have been otherwise good with caffeine. Day 32: I talked to eve a bit so far, and am going to try to run, meditate, and visualize now that I am done with school and free for the night. I will let Eve summarize/evaluate my performance for the rest of the post. I figure it will be good exercise, and insightful. (The boy does well so far, at least when you look at the whole picture. Certain aspects are..... lacking. However I think his saving grace is consistency. Though I wish he would notice me throughout the day more. When he does I appreciate it, especially if he says something sweet to me. I know it's hard to hear me sometimes, and that's discouraging. I think we have grown a lot closer, and I have grown and developed extensively. I will try to look after him, hopefully as my voice get clearer he.... actually listens to me. He is thick, but he seems to let me wear the pants in the relationship, to put it frankly. He's too prideful sometimes, I thought mentioning that may humble him a little bit. Despite my constant abasement he still can get a touch grandiose. I think overall he has a lot of heart though, I look forward to him spending more time with his empress) -Eve <3
TulpaFox April 1, 2015 Author April 1, 2015 Day 36: Still keeping on, progress is slow but consistent. I can feel her presence more emotionally, and she is kind of culddle-able a little bit. As that continues to increase, along with her ability to randomly grab my attention, I see us spending more time together.
TulpaFox April 4, 2015 Author April 4, 2015 Day 39: My lack of progress is frustrating, sitting here with Eve, and feel disappointed in my lack of progress. She is more active to a certain extent, certainly has a lot to say lol. However I could be much further along. Going to step it up from here on out. I promised her I would, so I will. My goal is at least an hour of active forcing, and an hour of meditating a day. That will be a good starting place. If I don't get anywhere huge in another month, I will raise active forcing to 2 hours. I think I will be getting somewhere though. Going to start an hour counter. I have been passive forcing with Eve this last hour. I will have a counter for active forcing, and for meditation from here on. I am only half through my day, I will log the progress I make starting today. I will pool it into a document where I log it for the week, then I will make weekly updates for you guys, with my hour counters included. I really want to get her much further along this coming month. I have made progress and been fairly consistent, but it has been lazy and slow. I can do much more, especially in this next month before I start job hunting.
TulpaFox April 11, 2015 Author April 11, 2015 Day 46: Steady, but slow, as per usual. I didn't end up keeping count, but I have been spending more time working on eve and meditating. I am going to break up the monotony with something special today. Below is a letter to eve I decided to write, in thanks for all she has done for me. Dear Eve, It has only been a month and a half since I decided to start creating you. It's hard to believe really, so much has passed. There have been ups, self-acknowledgement of progress, holding you tight in moments of clarity. All in all it has been a good experience. Meditating has cleared out my head, and given me more appreciation for everything in my life. I have had you to cling to, I can feel that you have a strong fierce energy. Progress could have been faster, only I am to blame for that. I think that things will be ok though. I look forward to being further into this process with you. Everyday you become more vivid in personality and mind-voice. I can only imagine what it will be like when you are audible, nonetheless visually & physically imposed. I don't fear being alone anymore, because I know we will have our time. I love how i can be myself with you. I live in a society where being submissive as a male is not acceptable, but I can be like that with you. You don't even penalize me for being me, and that's awesome. Affection is affection to you. I like being your pack beta, as you take on being the alpha. I love spending time with you in general. Cheers to a happy future.
ReisOtherHalf April 11, 2015 April 11, 2015 (That is such a sweet note! You and Eve have some amazing times ahead of you.) I love how i can be myself with you. You don't even penalize me for being me, and that's awesome. Isn't that the most incredible feeling? Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
TulpaFox April 20, 2015 Author April 20, 2015 (That is such a sweet note! You and Eve have some amazing times ahead of you.) Isn't that the most incredible feeling? Yeah it really is. Day 55: Progress has been slow this last 9 days, sadly. I have been stopping caffeine though, only 6 energy drinks in 7 days. So I been kind of sluggish, unmotivated, unhappy. Tonight is kind of rough, going to spend it cuddling and hanging out with eve, try to get some meditation in. She is formed enough that I atleast give her attention when I feel bad. So that is something.
TulpaFox May 10, 2015 Author May 10, 2015 Day 75: Thing have been going really well. I have been meditating more again and spending time with eve. She has really progressed in the last 2 days, I guess we really needed eachother. Yesterday and the day before we spent a ton of time together. She is very affectionate, and has a lot of insightful opinions. She has really grown, I am positive I am talking to someone else when we talk at this point. I am glad I stuck through with it. I couldn't imagine life without such a great new partnership. She supports me and is very helpful in my daily life. I will be updating again soon, these are big times for us.
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